Thanks so much for joining me for a little coffee break @ Chicklit
Power. I know it’s not always easy to turn the distractions off and
settle in for a cup of hope, so thanks for doing just that. Grab your
coffee and come on in.
As I said, we are a few months into this
life change and yet reading some of my journal entries from that time
period, it feels in some cases like yesterday, and in others, like
years. The depth of emotion I experienced and wrote about was enough to
drown a bull, and my frustrations reminded me of the bull in a china
cabinet picture that I see in myself at my worst moments! Oh, how I wish
there hadn’t been so much internal conflict turned external, but that’s
part of the beauty of this whole series, this entire season: In my
weakness, His strength is made perfect.
The crazy thing is I
didn’t really think I had any major emotional layers left to be peeled
back, layers that would reveal something else that required healing,
that is until about April, four months after this life change of Bryden
coming to live with us. I mean there were obvious reasons for my
frustration, and yet, I couldn't put my finger on just why I was having
such a difficult time, at least not then. There are entries in my
journal that scream with frustration over my inability to break free
from enabling, aka, to politely say ouch when I feel as though someone
is stomping on my emotional feet.
Suffice
it to say that because of my history, I tend to lean toward some
co-dependent behaviors. Oh, yes, there are no accidents in God's
sovereignty! His timing is HIS timing, perfect to accomplish so much
more than we could imagine!
As if overnight, though it crept in
slyly and slowly like a snake, our house went from a peaceful and fun
dwelling place to a place of conflict and confusion, and it wasn’t
Bryden’s fault by any means; it was ours. Without waving our dirty
laundry in the air, let me just say that we still had not worked out
many of the kinks that a situation like this can cause so not only did I
feel as though my emotional feet were being stomped on and no one
cared, but my air hose to my soul was in knots caused by the kinks that
had not been dealt with beforehand.
Looking back on it now, I can
honestly smile, albeit with much humility, as I see that one of the
persons who needed to change was, and continues to be, me and my journal
reveals the truth in my heart: that I am desperate to get this right;
to love as He is calling me to love while He works through the
circumstances and in the people involved.
Join me tomorrow for more of Nana Holds
Evinda
Welcome to Power Friday @ Chicklit Power. I’m so glad you could join
me today for a little break. Grab your coffee and come on in.
