Nana Holds-from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks for joining me today for a coffee break and more of Nana Holds. If you are a parent having to parent your child’s child, oh, how I pray that you will find encouragement for your soul, joy for your dry bones and strength for the task that He has brought you to and promises to bring you through!
Now we are just days away from our big workshop and I don’t want to say I was in a state of panic but I was definitely in a different place emotionally compared to other events. See, in past events, whatever we are going to be talking about, I had already learned and was walking in victory. My physical condition wasn’t too great either as I was recovering from a seven-week sinus infection with the help of steroids, which sent my menopause to a whole new level! Whew, talk about a sense of humor!
But let’s talk about some moments that prevented me from losing it! Bryden’s third birthday was the same day as our upcoming event, and while we weren’t going to be having fifty people over to celebrate, we were planning a celebration that would create memories to squeeze his little heart and ours for years to come. See, his “favorite” grandma, his Papa John and Tauntie Bree were coming down to help us celebrate and we were just going to be, go with the flow, not plan a huge party, just go and have fun. I’m chuckling as I write this for you, because I am such a planner, or so I thought. But that innate desire to plan was my habit to control and I’m so excited to say that by this time, I was so good with what we were going to do, or not going to do.

Bryden, sit still!!!!

Something else I was super excited about: Michelle, Bryce’s mom and Bryden’s grandma, Bre, my step-daughter — his “Tauntie” — and Cousin Haley were coming down from up north to visit for Bryden’s birthday weekend. But they weren’t just coming for his birthday; they were coming to the event! I was beside myself with perplexity and excitement because I knew that He had ordained this time for all of us. As crazy as it sounds, I was at peace in my uncertainty. I still was not completely ready in my soul because I wasn’t in a place of “peace” in my own relationship/marriage.
For those of you with your eyebrows raised, let me clarify your unasked question and possible confusion: You mean you like your husband’s ex? Yes, I love my husband’s ex-wife. She has an identity that goes beyond their former problems. She’s a beautiful lady and I am so excited to be a part of her journey, watching her relationship with Christ strengthen in depth and understanding.
All this clarity brought about through one almost three-year old precious little boy . . .
Until tomorrow,
Evinda

Nana Holds-from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for joining me today for Coffee Hour and more of Nana Holds. If you’ve never read this blog before, go ahead and check out the archives because this is a true life-changing story/blog that began last year and the process of transformation is its theme. Oh, how beautiful is the reality of the necessity of the love and grace of Christ! Grab your coffee and come on in.
Before I share the thought-provoking statement that Steve put before me, let me share where I was at emotionally. I’m a week or so away from our next event; just coming off of steroids and still in MENOPAUSE! Need I say anymore? All right; so I’ll explain some inside stuff.
Have you ever had those times where you just needed to get some answers from someone you know that you know will be honest? This was one of those times. There were many circumstances that He was orchestrating in order to bring painful revelations right smack in front of my face, things that I had to confront, questions I had to ask and seek answers for. Steve was my go-to person, a man after God’s heart and Christ-like in so many ways.
It was before we went on the air for our Blog Talk Radio show that he and I do every Monday. Since November, we have been talking about co-dependency, which is the relationship-killing disease, sharing how it starts, its symptoms, and eventually we knew we would get to and through the breaking-free process. By this time, I was sharing real-life examples of opportunities to practice what I was learning so I would share them on the air. In no way was this to bash anyone else, but to share my transformation process so others would be encouraged in their process.
Well, as I said it was before we went on the air and I was sharing with him that I was confident about little and confused about much. I was in desperate need of an assistant for CPM, court-reporting less, and sensing changes around the corner. I was completely overwhelmed with life, feeling like I was in over my head. Could it be that that is when we have a hard time seeing the answer right in front of us? Oh, how much easier to see it when we are out of it, past it.
And then Steve said something that I so didn’t understand then but I do now: “I don’t think you have completely accepted the Bryden piece. You’re still trying to fit him in!” Well, his words rendered me speechless. He went on to admit that he didn’t think he could do what George and I had agreed to do, take full responsibility at our age and set aside our own agendas. Even though he empathized with the difficulty of it all, I was still stuck on his profound statement, the one that brought with it too many unasked questions because of its ambiguity.

Jesus loves him to pieces!

The one truth I did pick up almost instantaneously was that I was missing something, like reaching out my arm in the dark, knowing I was supposed to catch something, grab a hold of something, but as soon as I would touch what I thought it might be, it would slip out of my reach. Its mystery continued to haunt me.
After the show, the questions came back through the corridor of my mind, knocking on the door of my heart. I wondered if these questions and their answers were to free me or confuse me. The only way I would know is to keep going forward, seeking Him for clarity found in integrity, an undivided heart. That is evidenced in this journal entry, just days before our event and Bryden’s third birthday:

“Oh, Father, that I would allow You to help me make the changes that are coming. Help me hear You. Fill my bones with Your Joy; revive them. Show me what I need to set aside so I can come face to face with more of my symptoms of co-dependency, especially the truth that I’ve been squishing and pushing my needs down for so many years that I’ve come to survive instead of thrive. Thank you for bringing this little boy into my life to teach me how to love and be loved.”

Whew, that was a big piece, but there are still many to pick up and look at! Join me Thursday for more of Nana Holds.
Breaking free from me,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

Nana Holds-from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thank you so much for joining me for a little break today and the return to Nana Holds, a life-changing story of parenting our son’s son and all that God is accomplishing through this little boy. Grab your coffee and come on in.
It’s a couple weeks before our next event for Chicklit Power Ministries and ironically enough, the workshop is all about relationships. Talk about feeling inept and Dry Bone Syndrome! My emotions were swirling like a tide pool, threatening to pull me in and under. On one hand, the new me was beginning to realize that this little boy not only depended upon me, but he loved me.
As I write this, I’m trying to capture the feeling. It wasn’t like some sudden revelation, like someone picking up a hose and pointing it on me on a hotter than hot summer’s day and letting her rip. No, his love was tentative, hesitant, like mine. It’s almost like he was waiting for me to really open up my heart before he showed his. The realization that his intuition is already developing goes off in my heart like a finale at a fireworks show. Is it any wonder that a sense of awestruck abandon fills me when I think about all I am learning right now in this moment of time compared to where we are in this series, mid February?
It all felt sort of painfully chaotic on my emotions but there was a peace deep down in my soul. While more of the one He

Silly Bryden…

created was showing up, He was peeling the layers from the wrong childhood imprints away ever so gently. The miracle of it all was that I was showing up for the peeling and not trying to escape. I was learning too much to go back. All I could do is hold on, and go at my own pace, the emotional pain keeping me at a slow but steady pace. And when the next step seemed unbearable, unapproachable, Bryden would be there, unbeknownst to him, or me, urging me forward away from tendencies to disconnect and/or the urge to run from it all to a deserted island with just me and my Bible.
It was at this moment in my life that Steve spoke into my heart in a way that made it stop, and me too.
Join me tomorrow for the thought-provoking statement that he made so subtly but profoundly dead-on.
Evinda

Nana Holds!

Help Wanted-The Conclusion from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Help Wanted -The Conclusion from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for stopping by for our Coffee Hour and the conclusion to our “Help Wanted” series. Grab your coffee and come on in. We’re still at the NAWBO-IE meeting.
When the meeting was over I remember talking with a couple women before I left, including the president who is a lawyer and specializes in business law and non-profits. Now that was no accident! In fact, I shared the piece of advice she gave us with our amazing financial advisor, and after 18 months we finally received non-profit status! Talk about another sign that I’m at the right job!
Yes, I left that meeting with a new membership, and a new attitude! Since then, I have repented for my attitude and embraced the humbling honor of getting in the trenches with others as they wrestle with their pieces, and sharing my unpacking process with them. This is the job He’s given me that my process would be a mirror that beckons others into their unpacking process. He is showing me that this is a form of discipleship! See, He reminded me of the process that had brought me to that moment, sitting there in that meeting, finally accepting the role He had designed just for me and He did so through this vision:
There is a large, tall mirror. It goes pretty far above me as I kneel down in front of it. There is a silhouette of a trunk but it is difficult to see the front of it, almost as if its front with the buckles and latches is part of me for all I see is a sort of three-dimensional dark trunk-shaped box. But that’s not all. The trunk is overflowing with emotional issues that once had the power to destroy me in the bondage they tied me to.
I bow my head in humble thanksgiving and see imprints of rope that once had my spiritual hands tied, but they are now free. With an appreciation beyond words for the deliverance from many of those silent joy killers, I worship Him and thank Him for His patience and grace extended to me.
As I continue to thank Him, I marvel at the process, and how despite me, He’s used me. Slowly, I lift my head again. This time, He gives me the picture of the pieces disappearing and I can feel the weight around me lessening, the dark shadow of the emotional junk fading.
I strain to look for some of the biggest pieces, the ones that kept me in silent bondage for so long. I don’t see them. I look all around me, almost as if looking for a companion. They are gone! But I won’t even grieve, for it feels so good!
I stare into the mirror and recognize something unfamiliar: my countenance! Could it be that the gift of peace has replaced those missing pieces of emotional junk that were my companions for so long, a sort of sick comfort?
It’s like watching a 3d motion picture of a real-life transformation of a woman once so bound up she couldn’t look at herself in the mirror. And though there are still more pieces to unpack, the pieces that fade into the past for good make room for the light. The light surrounds me and the darkness is gone. But wait a minute. What’s that I see? It looks like – I think it’s — I see silhouettes, and too many to count, of others who have, through His sovereignty, joined me in the unpacking process, unbeknownst to me. Again I bow my head in humble adoration.

CPM Board of Directors

Yes, now I have a new attitude and am showing up on the job ready, able and willing to listen to instructions from my Boss, wanting more than anything to do His will and in all my job responsibilities acknowledge Him for the harvest is plentiful. Many people honestly yearn for understanding and healing for their emotional wounds!
And when I get tired and weary in this job, my Boss will provide for rest, and because I will wait on Him, He will renew my strength and lift me up with wings as eagles. The reality of His unbroken promises rise up to meet me and I stand to embrace this role.
So, let me ask you: Are you showing up with Him daily to get your job assignment? Is your will entwined with His for your life? Do you know that you know that He wants you to want to be used by Him for Him?
Thanks for hanging out with me today!
Love,
Evinda

Help Wanted Part IV from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for joining me today, especially since it’s a holiday. May we all take moments to reflect on our freedom! I’ll try not to keep you too long today. Grab your coffee and come on in. Let’s get back to that moment that changed my mind completely on His calling on/in my life and I pray that somewhere in the midst of this true story, diamonds will sparkle so brightly for you in your journey.
See, almost three months ago, He gently corrected me while at a National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO) meeting. I thought I was there just to meet people, get a feel about what their organization was/is all about because they had asked me to emcee their national event. From the moment I met the president, and the president elect, I experienced a sense of awe. Everyone I met greeted me with genuine warmth and a contagious enthusiasm. The professions represented ran the gamut, from investment bankers, lawyers, trade school owners and executives, accountants, gym owners, a business writer, radio station executives, and at least two women running non-profits.
As I listened to the president explain NAWBO’s mission, I wondered what in the world was I doing there. “I’m not a business woman,” I whispered to Him. I’m just in ministry! We don’t have a business; we have – “
It was almost like He interrupted me and reminded me of this truth: CPM needs money in order to function; that’s all that’s necessary to meet that “business” qualification. Since dollars are necessary in any type of ministry, there is and always will be a business component to it.
I sat back in my chair as I listened to other women get up and talk about what type of businesses they had and how NAWBO had helped them get off the ground, or hit the ground running, whichever the case may be. Flashbacks of all the things I had done professionally flashed on the screen of my heart and a light dawned inside of me as if to say: “Everything I have brought you through has led you to this”!
A-ha, is anybody home?
I felt His call then, right smack in the middle of that meeting and I know it wasn’t the first time He’s tried to show me this truth: that His plan is to use me to accomplish things for others that I will understand because of the comfort I’ve been given, for the harvest is plentiful and the laborers are few.
Join me tomorrow for the conclusion!
Evinda

Help Wanted Part III from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

July 3rd, 2013

Help Wanted Part III from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for joining me again today for a little break and part III of our WOW for July. Grab your coffee and come on in.
Before we get back to Jesus and the multitude, I feel compelled to share with you that I in no way am trying to make this about me but the hope dancing in my heart is that you would recognize God all over this journey I’m sharing and be able to look at your journey and see His hand prints throughout it!
So, again, to rewind just a tiny bit, Jesus is among a multitude of weary, lost people, what I call walking wounded and He makes a profound proclamation to His disciples, one that has spurred people on to a job in Kingdom building and away from their own agendas: “The harvest truly is plentiful but the laborers are few.”
So as I began to share yesterday, I was consistently reminding Him that I just wanted to write a book, as if He needs me to remind Him of what I want to do! In the layers of my attitude, I was resisting, though unconsciously, His will every time I made that statement. It was like an unseen tug-of-war.
I truly had no idea the road to publication would full of so many twists and turns, highs and lows. When I finished my first book, I was told to get a web site, then start a blog – I didn’t even know what a blog was – then blog as often as I could, get a Facebook, tweet on twitter, link on Linkdin, and at least three other forms of social media since the beginning. Oh and if you have a blog, then you need to start building a platform so why not start a Blog Talk Radio Show! My response to each of these: REALLY?
So I showed up, but not fully cognizant of the job but with a heart desperate to be in His will, to do His will. See, He has allowed me to unpack a lot of emotional junk through writing that I would help comfort those with the comfort I’ve been given in and through Him. People have thanked me for my willingness to share my stuff and the honesty with which I share it. But really, I never imagined that He would use it to begin a ministry.
As I said, my resistance actually became a bit of a humorous joke amongst CPM event and board members, but little did I know that the joke would be on me! I don’t have enough toes and fingers to count how many times I’ve asked Him, “Are you sure I’m supposed to be doing this? After all, I just wanted to write a book!”
But then one day, not too long ago, something happened that caused me to understand and embrace the job that He has ordained for me. Join me tomorrow for that a-ha moment, the moment that caused the light to finally go on!
Joyfully,
Evinda

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Help Wanted Part II From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

July 2nd, 2013

Help Wanted Part II From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Matthew 9:37

Then Jesus spoke and said, “The harvest is truly plentiful and the laborers are few.”

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Oh, I’m so glad there’s you to share Coffee Hour with and this little month’s WOW and though it’s only a few words, its significance is life changing. Grab your coffee and come on in.
I want to share something that will cast a lot more light on our WOW, and it’s in the verse immediately preceding it, verse 36. I can’t help but get goose bumps because what Jesus feels right there in that verse is exactly what is now overflowing out of the depths of my heart. I am truly motivated and excited about my new job now, but to be utterly and completely honest, it wasn’t always that way. Before I explain, let’s check out that background on our Words of Wisdom and Weapons of Warfare found in Matthew 9:36.
See, Jesus was among the multitudes – literally thousands of people – and He felt compassion for them because they were weary, distressed and downcast, like sheep without a shepherd. In other words, there were people with issues everywhere, lots and lots of problems, people looking for help for answers! See, we New Testament followers aren’t the only ones with issues, physical ailments and emotional wounds!
Then He says to His disciples: “The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few.”
The reality of the truth of that collides with my heart’s desire, to speak right to the hearts of the walking wounded women of the world, the multitudes, to let them know that it’s okay that they’re not okay, to comfort others with the comfort I’ve been given and to continue being a mirror as I allow Him to do His thing in my transparent unpacking process. But again, I thought that meant via books only but His plan was quite different than my plan! I thought my job was just to write.
Don’t get me wrong; I knew I was where He wanted me; it’s just not what I had envisioned and because it wasn’t what I thought it was supposed to look like, my job that is, I was subconsciously resisting it.
See, to be honest, when I started writing, and completed my first book, I thought the immediate next step was publication and then it would sell and sell and I’d keep writing books! Oh, how incorrect I was. I was definitely showing up, but not always for the same job He had assigned for me!
Has that ever happened to you, where you thought you were going to do one thing, and when you showed up, He had something different for you?
Join me tomorrow for more transparent sharing through our WOW for July.
Evinda

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Tags: books, coffee, coffee hour, comfort, encouragement, God, Help Wanted, Jesus, job, junk, stressed, unpacking, weapons of warfare, WOW, writing
Posted in Coffee Hour, Encouragement/motivati