Nana Holds-from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

July 22nd, 2013

Nana Holds-from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for joining me today as I rewind what I shared at our Revival for Relationships and how that was and is intertwined with this amazing little boy whom God is using to peel back and reveal the layers of behaviors that needed healing. Grab your coffee and let’s get back to the event.
As I stood before the crowd that day, my heart yearned to comfort those who were infected with this same relationship infection that had been coursing through my veins and ruining many of my relationships, unbeknownst to me for much of my life, but brought to the surface of my life in the days, weeks and months that followed all because of my marriage, and Bryden.
Like any other problem, the first step in solving it is admitting it. You can’t admit something you aren’t aware of so let me share the definitions for the word infection: “Invasion by and multiplication of pathogenic microorganisms in a bodily part or tissue, which may produce subsequent tissue injury and progress to overt disease through a variety of cellular or toxic mechanisms. Can also be moral contamination or corruption”!
Now, I don’t know about you, but that last statement is a hum-dinger! The reason I say that is because infections are not part of God’s design in us or for us! See, He is predictable, consistent, loving, unconditional, the parent I never had, my first husband, my provider, my most important relationship! But, it’s been a process to get to those proclamations. It wasn’t always this way!
The crazy thing about this infection: I didn’t even know I had it until four months before this workshop. Don’t get me wrong; I knew I had issues. My marriage continues to reveal that, but when Steve and I started doing our Blog Talk Radio show on co-dependency, that is when I found out how infected I was and I’m so excited to humbly admit that my infection’s harmful bacteria is decreasing more and more each day. Rewinding my life’s movie back to our event in February, I smile with humble thanksgiving at the evidence of His transforming power in my life and hence, in my relationships.
My relationship with Him is what keeps me in this infection-fighting process, His grace bathing me each day as I get closer and closer to relationships Jesus-style!
Join me tomorrow for more life lessons from Nana Holds!
Evinda

Nana Holds!

P.S. Join us today at 1:00 Pacific time for our Blog Talk Radio show on Co-dependency, its symptoms, and how to become symptom free! www.blogtalkradio.com/Chicklit-Power

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July 19th, 2013

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for joining me today for Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and more of this life-changing series which I pray will one day become a book that encourages parents who are parenting their children’s children. Grab your coffee and come on in.
So as I stated, if we have any sort of interruption in our childhood wherein acceptance, security and hope are broken, as we get older, to obtain what we deem acceptance, security and hope becomes infectious. The crazy thing is that because of that interruption, our perception is somewhat skewed in this area, we don’t know what those needs really look like if we didn’t get them as children, this can be one of the toughest infections to treat. Another incredibly sad side effect is it affects every single person we try relating to or with! If this infection goes undetected, as mine did for years and years and years, it has the power to destroy our relationships.
As I stood before the friends of CPM, I confessed that it was/is the worst infection I had ever had, running side by side with my sinus infection that put me on steroids for ten days, sending my menopause to a whole new level! Oh, there’s almost always something to laugh about in the midst of a storm!
Incidentally, why is it when we are physically sick we want a cure ASAP? Most of us will usually go to the doctor because we don’t have time to be sick! Maybe I’m singing in my own choir, but I know when I am sick, I want a cure yesterday! This was such a real example to me at this time because I’d been to my doctor once and after one round of antibiotics and thirteen days of little sleep, I’m in urgent care feeling worse than better; I can’t breathe, feel as though I’m going to crawl out of my skin and jump on my broom that had been parked for a while. I was having out-of-body experiences as I felt myself put a harness on my tongue so it wouldn’t lash out at Bryden and/or George. My anxiety’s running high and I admit, I think my hormones are raging along with my sinuses. The physician gave me a shot of anti-anxiety, more antibiotics and off to bed I went! I slept so well! I needed a physician! I wanted to feel better and I wanted it now!
Here’s the crazy revelation: Have you ever heard people suffer from shame when they say: “I have strep,” or “I have the flu”? No, in fact, usually people announce when they are physically sick, at least I do! So why can’t we be as eager for a cure when we are suffering from an emotional/spiritual infection that is harming our significant relationships?
Join me Monday for more about who, what, where and why God is using whom He’s using to teach me priceless lessons in and about relationships!
Joyfully,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Tags: antibiotics, anxiety, co-depen

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

July 18th, 2013

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks for stopping by Coffee Hour @ Chicklitpower. I’m so glad you’re here. Grab your coffee and let’s get back to Revival for Relationships and Bryden’s 3rd birthday!
Oh, how relevant are the things I’ve learned this past year and a half, about myself, Bryden, children in general and the value of relationships. Every one of us is born with a God-sized hole and each of us has the same basic needs: Need for acceptance, security & hope.
Our parents were the representatives for that God-sized hole and if they did not fulfill their role, then how do we allow Him to fulfill that or anyone else? When the needs of acceptance, security and hope are not met, life turns into a mission, a mission of control in search for preservation, protection and sustenance, and if trust has been broken, then we come to trust only that which we can control.
Control in and of itself is a delusion and the less I hang on to it, the more in control I am! I shared about my failed relationships and how I was finally realizing what had destroyed them: what I’ve come to call “the relationship infection.” Every new relationship was a quest, a search for acceptance, security and hope, and if I ever felt that slipping, which happened all the time, I tried to hang on to it even more by trying to control in whatever way I could.
Now I must confess that as I stood before the crowd, I was focused on what I had learned up to that point about myself and had not quite made the connection like I have at this point in the journey, today. But as I wrote that last paragraph, the little face I keep seeing is Bryden and suddenly it clicks: He and I have so much in common, and that’s not to bash his parents or mine. All parties involved were/are working with what they were given in their early years and so the cycle begins. But what I know that I know that I now know by and through experience, and with the help of an amazing book, How We Love by Milan and Kay Yerkovitch, that these things can be unlearned, a new imprint created. It’s never too late for God.
What a beautiful privilege to be granted: to be part of little Bryden’s framework, and the nurturing, fulfilling his need for acceptance, security and hope. What child doesn’t deserve that? Just because I didn’t get it doesn’t mean I am incapable of giving it. That is the brand new truth that I was just beginning to recognize on Bryden’t third birthday as I stood before the crowd present at our Revival for Relationships workshop!
Join me tomorrow for more,
In His transforming love,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Tags: acceptance, audience, chi

Wednesday's Word from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Wednesday’s Word-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for joining me for a coffee break and Wednesday’s Word. Grab your coffee and come on in.
So this week in the Nana Holds series, I am talking about the need of acceptance, security and hope. Oh, how I love how and what He is teaching me about these needs and how we tend to try and get them fulfilled. That is where this power thought comes from, and yet, it also relates to something that happens later on in this series.
True acceptance never comes from compromising our convictions.

Oh, friend, how great it is to know that He truly accepts us right where we are!
Have an amazing Wednesday,
Evinda

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

July 16th, 2013

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to join me for a little break and more of Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and let’s get back to the event. I’m bending down, looking right at Bryden at the entryway to the church and wondering how he will respond, if he will even come straight to me, or run right to his grandma. These are some of the thoughts and questions swimming in my head as I stood before a crowd of 180 people!
I didn’t have long to wait because as I bent down just a bit and called him, “Bryyyyyyy-den,” his little head turned toward the sound of my voice and he busted out running down the aisle with such childlike joy and enthusiasm, straight into my arms!
As you can imagine, the crowd fell in love with him! Now please don’t think I’m exploiting this little boy in any way, shape or form; you will understand why I brought him up and introduced him to all of our guests of CPM as you continue to read this series. But suffice it to say, God had been showing me that He was teaching me more about relationships than I’d ever know was possible to learn through one little three-year-old boy.
I remember the beaming smile on my face, feeling it from the inside out as I introduced him. This is what I said: “This is Bryden, our grandson, and I can’t help but marvel at this truth; that as a child I was wounded, and He’s using this child to bring me healing, healing in an area I had no idea needed healing.”
You could have heard a pin drop!
Then I turned my attention to my hubby while holding Bryden in my arms. “This is George, my husband, my best friend. I’ve been wounded by many men in my life, but how like God to use this man to bring me significant healing in many areas, especially in relationships”!
Again, a loud quietness permeated throughout the sanctuary.
“So today is Bryden’s third b-day and George and I would love for you to join us in singing happy birthday to him.”
Oh, I know someone captured via a camera and I hope to get the picture some day but it is forever engraved upon my heart, his pure unmistakable joy, and if you have never experienced joy splashed on you from a child, well, you are really missing something and I had no idea I had been until Bryden.
After the birthday song, George took him back to the nursery. I hesitated for a moment, and then I made a confession that left me quite vulnerable, but open for Him to speak through me. I shared that I was a mess of sorts, because usually I’m walking in victory in the subject I’m sharing about, “But not today.”
Another pregnant silence!
I bowed my head and prayed, asking Him to join us, speak through me right to their hearts. I think it’s imperative that I share with you what I shared at this workshop, because it was/is sort of a verbal painting of what was transpiring in me, transforming me from the inside out.
See, when He gave me the title to the event, I thought I knew what revival meant; that is until I looked it up, just to make sure, in my concordance. Well, “revival’ isn’t in the Bible! I thought for sure it would be in the N.T., somewhere in the book of Acts, but it wasn’t. Only the word “revived” is in the N.T. in the book of Romans, and only twice. Otherwise, revive, reviving and revived are all in the O.T. and the Hebrew definitions are: preservation, protection, sustenance! What relationship doesn’t need either one of those?
As I look at what I’ve just shared with you, the face I see staring back at me is that of sweet Bryden, a little boy who needs preservation, protection and sustenance. And just behind him, a bit above him another face appears…. Mine!
By any chance, do you see yours staring back at you?
Join me Thursday for more
Transparently,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Tags: child, coffee, coffee hour, encourage

Join us for a break!

July 15th, 2013

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for joining me for a little coffee break today and more of Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and come on in. It’s a great day; Bryden’s third birthday and our Revival for Relationships event.
So to say I was nervous before going up to share at our event is an understatement. I don’t even know how many times I had to go to the little girl’s room before finally getting up on stage, but let me say it was too many. I knew He had helped me to prepare, but like I shared earlier, usually when I get up to share about something, I’m walking in victory in it and through it. That wasn’t the case on February 23rd. Event mornings are always early mornings for us and usually we have my son and his family over as well so getting Bryden up is not a problem because Dillan and Ty-Ty are there. He’s so full of life and animated, no matter what time it is, when he’s around his little cousins.
But for this event, his grandma, whom I refer to as his favorite one, and his Tauntie Bre were actually staying with us, so

Learning to ride his bike

they were going to take care of getting him up and dressed. Add their coming to the list of things that were different for this event, and we have another reason to add to my already jittery tummy, but I was very excited that they were there and knew He had something for them and me.
And to avoid any possible misinterpretation, let me say that when I refer to his grandma as his favorite, I was/am in no way jealous of her or their relationship. No, not jealous, but at times, awestruck by their bond, wanting to experience that with someone! It’s like He used their bond to help awaken something inside of me and at this point in our journey, I was at a good place in my level of understanding because she has been the one that little Bryden bonded with, having had him quite a bit of his first and second years of life. I, in the meantime, am working on my bond and connection with him, and they are entirely separate and he has room in his heart for all the people that God has placed in his life to love and nurture him, adding to his solid frame.
There were many behind-the-scene things I was dealing with but one thing was certain; I was definitely leaning on Him and knew I could do nothing without Him, let alone get up and speak about a topic that I was/am so raw in, one that I have more experience doing it wrong than right!
As we gathered the team for prayer, I felt led to share with them what I felt He was calling us to do as far as our next event, which was scheduled for June of this year: Call it off! So I announced that because we were being led to get in the trenches with the wounded via small groups, and because of that, we would not be holding an event in June but would resume in November. I had no idea I was going to be making that announcement, and as soon as I did, I felt a huge relief, confirming I had done the right thing, but also a sense of panic, unsure of my Spirit-inspired certainty.
Within minutes after we finished praying, one of our team volunteers came up and confirmed a vision for CPM as well as me, validating that I had just done the right thing. But that validation in no way invalidated the necessity of my reliance upon Him. There was no way I would be able to get through this event without Him, not that I ever think I would; it’s just I was completely raw in this area of relationships, still processing revelations that were flying at me .
Oh, friend, any circumstance bathed in prayer comes with a guarantee of divine protection; and I will never, ever forget this event as long as I live, for a couple of reasons. I think who was there was incredibly significant to me and for me, but the other thing that made this event so incredibly special and seared love directly on and in my heart in a way I had never, ever experienced before is something I will cherish always and forever, one of those things that will carry me into eternity and it has everything to do with Bryden.
This is how the first part of my intro went, which I have to tell you I totally bathed in prayer: “Before I begin to share with you, I’d like to introduce you to two very special people with whom I am in very special relationships with.” Then ever so apprehensively — because I didn’t know if he would stop right where his grandma was and refuse to come up –I bent down and looked straight ahead to him, hoping that he would be happy to come up to Nana.
Join me tomorrow for more.
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Tags: bond, connection, encouragement, heart, journey, l

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for taking time to take a little break and join me for Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and this series which I hope to make into a book one day: Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and come on in.
To add to the perplexity of what He was going to speak through me at this event, I found out some other exes were coming: my son’s aunt and cousin, aka, my ex-sister-in-law and her daughter! All I can say is: WOW! I knew He had something planned for each one who would be there! But I did give in to the feeling of dread driven by my fears. I didn’t just coast up to the day of this event. I’d be lying to myself and you if I said that.
But I knew Who to go to. I didn’t let my fears drive me down the dead-end of Despair Road. I went to His promises to remind me that the plans He has for me were to lift me up and give me a hope and a future, one that I wouldn’t feel so disconnected with and He was using Bryden and George to accomplish this very thing. My journal entries are filled with cries to Abba to help me connect with both of them.
Oops, sorry about that but I stepped away for a minute. Bryden just walked into my writing room.
“Nana, wook at what I have for you.” He held up a flower as he walked toward me to give it to me.
“Aw, thank you. It’s so pretty.” I take the flower and put it on my computer and then bring him to me in a sweet huggie moment. “Nana’s almost done and then we’ll go play.”
“Otay,” he says as he starts to walk out the door. Suddenly he stops as if he remembered something. “Wait, I didn’t give you no hug.” He walked back to me.
I opened up my arms and squeezed him to me, his little arms embracing my neck while I kissed his little neck and told him I loved him.
“I wuv you, too.” He walked out of my writing room and downstairs to Papa.
Oh, friend, the tears are trickling down my face pretty rapidly right now. I’m so grateful for the little but ‘ginormous’ moments that I can finally enjoy. See, to be honest with you, six months ago, that may have felt like an interruption to me, not because I’m mean spirited or hard-hearted; no, I’m just someone who’s learning how to love differently than how I was loved as a child.
Join me Monday for more…
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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