Wednesday's Word

Wednesday’s Word from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks for joining me for a little break and Wednesday’s Word at Coffee Hour with Chicklit Power. Grab your coffee and come on in.
Time and time again I am convinced that looking back is vital to moving forward. I know what Paul said in Romans about pressing forward not looking back is taken out of context more often than it is used in its right context. I know because my life’s experiences tell me so and His word repeats it over and over in your life and mine.
If I am not looking back with the hindsight I’ve gained from it as I continue forward, how will I ever stop doing the same wrong thing over and over? Where will my wisdom come from? Knowledge without wisdom is dangerous.
This season I am currently in, but which is coming to an end (Hint, hint) is again proof of this powerful truth and where our Wednesday’s Word comes from:
Knowledge unlocks the door to the many mysteries of our mistakes; wisdom guides us away from repeating those mistakes.
May you seek Him for both knowledge and wisdom!
Evinda

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June 18th, 2013

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me today for a little break at Coffee Hour with Chicklit Power. If you are a return visitor, thanks for coming back. And if you are new to this series Nana Holds . . . Well, I guess all I can say is come on in but you may want to visit the archives to get the full transformation going on within this circumstance that has forever changed our lives and continues to do so. Grab your coffee and come on in. We were right smack in a painful truth, and how He used it for His glory: a troubled marriage.
As much as I was able, I tried to be empathetic, comfort him with the comfort I have been given time after time after time, but in actuality, I think I could have done a better job. I mean, I had walked through this knife-cutting, heart-wrenching pain brought about by my son’s bad choices and I remember wanting to die. Is it any wonder his steps were heavy and he wasn’t singing in the shower? I had already walked through it so why didn’t he understand from my experience that God was working all of this out for His glory and our good?
No, I wasn’t really looking to try and understand his pain; I was trying to learn how to live in the moments instead of merely survive. My emotions were tuned into all that I was learning, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. My peeling process was quite intense and his unhappiness was like an obstruction to my process, or so I thought. Oh, silly girl, He even used that! A familiar feeling was looming over me: Terror at the thought/fear of yet another failed marriage! I was feeling so alone despite being married.

Papa smiles

But I had come too far, learned too much to go back. My journal entry to Him for January 20th reminded me of this: “It’s uncomfortable to think of You as lonely when you wandered this earth, going from place to place, teaching and healing. But of course You were! Every time You looked around and the evidence of Your Father’s absence assaulted You through the lives of godless men and women everywhere. Of course You felt alone, and sad, frustrated. Oh how could I ever doubt You? You understand so much more than I give you credit for.”
And just below this entry, another entry telling me what we did that very day: visited our old church for their first service in their long-awaited new building. Suddenly another light comes on as it relates to my husband and the contributing factors to his depression and unhappiness: He missed his home church, a church he gave a piece of his heart to.
Oh, the truth that things are never as they seem hits me over the head ever so gently and keeps me hanging on in this heart-transforming process as He cuts away what needs to go in me, reminding me to let Him be God in others’ lives, including my husbands'. That day, God poured more compassion and understanding into my heart for my husband and we began to make our way back to common ground.
My heart is fluttering as I relive yet another moment captured in a journal entry: “Thank you Father for the moment of connection with George last night. We had just put Bryden down and we were sitting next to each other on the couch. He had his arm around me and I was leaning into him. I felt his eyes on me so I looked up and what I saw took my breath away: his eyes were smiling and filled with love for me!
Join me Thursday for more of the beauty made even more beautiful because of the pain.
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Tags: church, depression, encouragement, love, marriage, motivational

June 17th, 2013

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and to the longest blog series ever written! So glad you could join me for a little break. Grab your coffee and come on in.
The only way I can describe the first three months of this year is a crazy cycle! On one side of the see-saw, I am feeling good about all that I am becoming, all that I am leaving behind in this journey with Bryden. I marvel at the God-given love and patience with which I am able to handle most things coming my way. My heart is becoming lighter; however, there’s the other side. On the other side of the see-saw are the marital struggles appearing on a regular but unannounced schedule!
You may be wondering why I’m even talking about them. It’s a real simple answer: the struggles, even our marital struggles, are part of the story and a story is not complete if you leave out chapters. This is a painful but real chapter, one that I will have to break up because of the depth of pain. Some may call it midlife crisis – I often wondered if that didn’t have something to do with it — but there was/is so much more to it.
Oh, how I wish I could have had a clearer picture of the problems contributing to all our conflict while I was painfully struggling in it. Suffice it to say, all I knew and understood as I was enduring through the consistent conflict are these

Papa Smiles

things: My amazing husband was weary and burnt out with his job, in dire need of a change. He was definitely suffering with depression in his work life, and I knew he wasn’t happy with his home life and he considered me to be a big contributor.
I was powerless to change his mind… and willing to remain powerless, part of my freedom from that relationship infection, co-dependency. How could freedom hurt so much?
Just when I’d feel like going under, about ready to beg Abba to take me home, He would work through Bryden to remind me He was still the Surgeon and I was still His patient. There were moments of reprieve, though, and those too often involved this little gift of a boy. Like driving to school, almost lost in my thoughts which usually were swirling around the things I thought I needed to accomplish that day, and all of a sudden, his little voice would pull me out of my deep thinking.
His singing “KSGNnnnnn” pulled me up and out. And then just as I was starting to go back to my thoughts, his little sweet voice pulled me out. I shook my head completely shocked with what I was hearing: “Bwess da Ward oh my soul . . .” I joined him in his song, thanking God for the reminder of our first ministry right there in our car on the way to school. Yes, God had ordained our marriage for such times as these . . .
Join me tomorrow for more.
Evinda

Nana Holds!

P.S. Join Steve and me today at 1:00 Pacific time for our Blog Talk Radio Show on Co-Dependency, learning to recognize the symptoms, and stop the infection before it ruins your relationship(s)! www.blogtalkradio.com/Chicklit-Power

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Tags: change, depressed, depres

June 14th, 2013

Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me today for a little break at Coffee Hour with Chicklit Power, and more of this series that I hope and pray will someday be a book to encourage other parents having to parent their children’s children. Grab your coffee and come on in.
I was enjoying the routine of getting Bryden off to school and picking him up. It was truly getting easier and easier to put his needs ahead of mine; to get better at trying to enter into his world instead of making him fit into mine.
Wow, I just looked in my journal again, almost mid January. I had read one of my devotionals that asked the question: “What part did Jesus play in your childhood?”
I am stunned by what I wrote, the vivid memories of the one thing I was confident in during those years of being in a foster home after being taken away from my mom and my step-dad: Christ in me!
Wow, the more I look back as I move forward, the better I see His hand holding me and the brush that has painted the canvas of my life. I even wrote that the only part I’d like to return to is the childlike faith that acknowledged Him as my constant companion! How ironic that I couldn’t see then what I see now: How much little Bryden and I have in common. But even more importantly than that, I am awestruck at the reality of George and I getting to instill the reality and necessity of the love of Jesus into little Bryden, of walking with him, loving him in all our ways.
By mid January, we were talking about his third birthday which happened to fall on the ministry’s next event, February 23rd. We both agreed we didn’t want a huge party, but a more intimate family celebration with us, his papa and grandma, his “tauntie,” (Auntie), his uncle Jeff, Aunt Lauren and of course his cousins Diwan (Dillan) and Ty-Ty, too.

Bryden and Leap Frog!

We didn’t need to wonder what he wanted for his birthday because he just picked up from where Christmas left off and every time he saw a toy advertised on T.V., his innocent request, “Can I have that for my birthday,” would have us both smiling from the inside out.
Bedtime was truly becoming a special time that I know will engrave something positive on and in his little heart that someday when he is older he will flash back on. I played airplane with him by picking him up and heaving him while he counted as high as he could correctly without saying a number out of order. Talk about a workout! And then he’d say, “Blastoff!” and I’d throw him onto his bed.
George would usually hold his breath until he landed safely and then he’d join in our giggling.
And then Bryden would say, “Again,” so we would do it one more time. And then he’d plop down on the bed and one by one, we would take all of his favorite blankets – at least three, but usually four or five – and cover him all up. But then he’d remember another one of his friends that he had to have “sweep” with him so he’d burst up and announce that he needed his dinosaur, or his bear, or whoever and whatever.
That could go on ad infinitum if we let it, but we would lovingly draw the line, and then begin our prayers. Then I’d lean down and kiss him good-night and George would do the same. And as I walked away, I would turn around and blow him a kiss. “I got it,” he would say, and I’d catch the one he blew me before I made it out his bedroom door.
Join me Monday for more Nana Holds moments.
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Tags: bedtime, child, childlike faith,

June 13th, 2013

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks for joining me for more of Nana Holds, especially considering how busy this time of year is with graduations, parties and Father’s Day. Grab your coffee and let’s get back to January of this year when there was still a battle going on in my heart and unbeknownst to me until this time, a fight occurring before my very eyes for my husband’s joy.
Talk about a struggle within a struggle! But as is often the case, it’s easier to recognize someone else’s flaws than it is to concentrate on your own, so as flesh would have it, I began to focus on my husband. The morning when I literally heard the heaviness of his steps, it dawned on me that while I was recognizing all that Christ was doing through this, and I was showing up and trying to shut up, George was being pulled in, ever so slowly and stealthily, like quicksand, to a pool of depression. I was helpless to help him and fighting with all my might not to jump in with him.
Oh how beautifully He colored our canvas with all the colors that represent Bryden. God used this little guy in so many ways to keep my honey from completely sinking, a bridge that kept us talking, if only about Bryden himself. I loved sharing moments and memories from his first few days at school, especially his first day.
I am so thankful that I have journaled this journey. I looked in my journal to see what I was thankful for the day after his first day of school and this is what I found: “Thank you, Father, for a smooth Monday, for the sweet memories that just squeezed my heart yesterday: Bryden walking up the stairs declaring, ‘This is my big-boy school’ so emphatically and confidently and happily. Oh, the way he just jumped right in and began playing with the other children brings tears to my eyes. I am so humbled by Your creating him to be so resilient, so quick to adapt to new things.
I can still see him marching proudly up the stairs, his backpack on his back and his lunch pail in his hand, ready for his

ready 4 big-boy school!

new world, eager to learn. His openly-displayed enthusiasm still wraps around my heart, warming it and bringing smiles that I can draw from for years to come. He loved school, loved learning, playing and engaging and oftentimes I could hear him on the playground when I returned to pick him up. God has definitely created him as an extrovert, something that is still able to rise to the surface of his little personality, despite all he’s been through. Love has been and continues to be poured into him that he may become all that he was created to be.
Whenever I replayed moments like this to George, we were able to rejoice together, no longer blinded by our own emotional pain, if only momentarily.
Join me tomorrow for more of Nana Holds.
Writing from my heart to yours,
Evinda

Wednesday’s Word From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me today for a little coffee break at Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power, and for our Wednesday’s Word. Grab your coffee and come on in.
One of the toughest things about breaking free from the relationship infection, aka, co-dependency, is the need for acceptance. This need can keep us trapped unknowingly in dysfunctional ways of communicating. Trust me; I know because my unleashing process is still happening.
Now because of all I am learning coupled with His grace, I am learning to avoid the danger of unrealistic expectations by not expecting others to know my needs without me speaking them.

A need unspoken creates an unrealistic expectation.

And unrealistic expectations create a crazy cycle of tension. Oh the freedom that comes when we express what we need and do so without an attitude! It’s challenging, but vital and possible!
What are some needs that continue to go unspoken in your most significant relationship?
Thoughtfully,
Evinda

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