Wednesday's Word from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Wednesday’s Word-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for joining me for a coffee break and Wednesday’s Word. Grab your coffee and come on in.
So this week in the Nana Holds series, I am talking about the need of acceptance, security and hope. Oh, how I love how and what He is teaching me about these needs and how we tend to try and get them fulfilled. That is where this power thought comes from, and yet, it also relates to something that happens later on in this series.
True acceptance never comes from compromising our convictions.

Oh, friend, how great it is to know that He truly accepts us right where we are!
Have an amazing Wednesday,
Evinda

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

July 16th, 2013

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to join me for a little break and more of Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and let’s get back to the event. I’m bending down, looking right at Bryden at the entryway to the church and wondering how he will respond, if he will even come straight to me, or run right to his grandma. These are some of the thoughts and questions swimming in my head as I stood before a crowd of 180 people!
I didn’t have long to wait because as I bent down just a bit and called him, “Bryyyyyyy-den,” his little head turned toward the sound of my voice and he busted out running down the aisle with such childlike joy and enthusiasm, straight into my arms!
As you can imagine, the crowd fell in love with him! Now please don’t think I’m exploiting this little boy in any way, shape or form; you will understand why I brought him up and introduced him to all of our guests of CPM as you continue to read this series. But suffice it to say, God had been showing me that He was teaching me more about relationships than I’d ever know was possible to learn through one little three-year-old boy.
I remember the beaming smile on my face, feeling it from the inside out as I introduced him. This is what I said: “This is Bryden, our grandson, and I can’t help but marvel at this truth; that as a child I was wounded, and He’s using this child to bring me healing, healing in an area I had no idea needed healing.”
You could have heard a pin drop!
Then I turned my attention to my hubby while holding Bryden in my arms. “This is George, my husband, my best friend. I’ve been wounded by many men in my life, but how like God to use this man to bring me significant healing in many areas, especially in relationships”!
Again, a loud quietness permeated throughout the sanctuary.
“So today is Bryden’s third b-day and George and I would love for you to join us in singing happy birthday to him.”
Oh, I know someone captured via a camera and I hope to get the picture some day but it is forever engraved upon my heart, his pure unmistakable joy, and if you have never experienced joy splashed on you from a child, well, you are really missing something and I had no idea I had been until Bryden.
After the birthday song, George took him back to the nursery. I hesitated for a moment, and then I made a confession that left me quite vulnerable, but open for Him to speak through me. I shared that I was a mess of sorts, because usually I’m walking in victory in the subject I’m sharing about, “But not today.”
Another pregnant silence!
I bowed my head and prayed, asking Him to join us, speak through me right to their hearts. I think it’s imperative that I share with you what I shared at this workshop, because it was/is sort of a verbal painting of what was transpiring in me, transforming me from the inside out.
See, when He gave me the title to the event, I thought I knew what revival meant; that is until I looked it up, just to make sure, in my concordance. Well, “revival’ isn’t in the Bible! I thought for sure it would be in the N.T., somewhere in the book of Acts, but it wasn’t. Only the word “revived” is in the N.T. in the book of Romans, and only twice. Otherwise, revive, reviving and revived are all in the O.T. and the Hebrew definitions are: preservation, protection, sustenance! What relationship doesn’t need either one of those?
As I look at what I’ve just shared with you, the face I see staring back at me is that of sweet Bryden, a little boy who needs preservation, protection and sustenance. And just behind him, a bit above him another face appears…. Mine!
By any chance, do you see yours staring back at you?
Join me Thursday for more
Transparently,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Tags: child, coffee, coffee hour, encourage

Join us for a break!

July 15th, 2013

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for joining me for a little coffee break today and more of Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and come on in. It’s a great day; Bryden’s third birthday and our Revival for Relationships event.
So to say I was nervous before going up to share at our event is an understatement. I don’t even know how many times I had to go to the little girl’s room before finally getting up on stage, but let me say it was too many. I knew He had helped me to prepare, but like I shared earlier, usually when I get up to share about something, I’m walking in victory in it and through it. That wasn’t the case on February 23rd. Event mornings are always early mornings for us and usually we have my son and his family over as well so getting Bryden up is not a problem because Dillan and Ty-Ty are there. He’s so full of life and animated, no matter what time it is, when he’s around his little cousins.
But for this event, his grandma, whom I refer to as his favorite one, and his Tauntie Bre were actually staying with us, so

Learning to ride his bike

they were going to take care of getting him up and dressed. Add their coming to the list of things that were different for this event, and we have another reason to add to my already jittery tummy, but I was very excited that they were there and knew He had something for them and me.
And to avoid any possible misinterpretation, let me say that when I refer to his grandma as his favorite, I was/am in no way jealous of her or their relationship. No, not jealous, but at times, awestruck by their bond, wanting to experience that with someone! It’s like He used their bond to help awaken something inside of me and at this point in our journey, I was at a good place in my level of understanding because she has been the one that little Bryden bonded with, having had him quite a bit of his first and second years of life. I, in the meantime, am working on my bond and connection with him, and they are entirely separate and he has room in his heart for all the people that God has placed in his life to love and nurture him, adding to his solid frame.
There were many behind-the-scene things I was dealing with but one thing was certain; I was definitely leaning on Him and knew I could do nothing without Him, let alone get up and speak about a topic that I was/am so raw in, one that I have more experience doing it wrong than right!
As we gathered the team for prayer, I felt led to share with them what I felt He was calling us to do as far as our next event, which was scheduled for June of this year: Call it off! So I announced that because we were being led to get in the trenches with the wounded via small groups, and because of that, we would not be holding an event in June but would resume in November. I had no idea I was going to be making that announcement, and as soon as I did, I felt a huge relief, confirming I had done the right thing, but also a sense of panic, unsure of my Spirit-inspired certainty.
Within minutes after we finished praying, one of our team volunteers came up and confirmed a vision for CPM as well as me, validating that I had just done the right thing. But that validation in no way invalidated the necessity of my reliance upon Him. There was no way I would be able to get through this event without Him, not that I ever think I would; it’s just I was completely raw in this area of relationships, still processing revelations that were flying at me .
Oh, friend, any circumstance bathed in prayer comes with a guarantee of divine protection; and I will never, ever forget this event as long as I live, for a couple of reasons. I think who was there was incredibly significant to me and for me, but the other thing that made this event so incredibly special and seared love directly on and in my heart in a way I had never, ever experienced before is something I will cherish always and forever, one of those things that will carry me into eternity and it has everything to do with Bryden.
This is how the first part of my intro went, which I have to tell you I totally bathed in prayer: “Before I begin to share with you, I’d like to introduce you to two very special people with whom I am in very special relationships with.” Then ever so apprehensively — because I didn’t know if he would stop right where his grandma was and refuse to come up –I bent down and looked straight ahead to him, hoping that he would be happy to come up to Nana.
Join me tomorrow for more.
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Tags: bond, connection, encouragement, heart, journey, l

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for taking time to take a little break and join me for Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and this series which I hope to make into a book one day: Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and come on in.
To add to the perplexity of what He was going to speak through me at this event, I found out some other exes were coming: my son’s aunt and cousin, aka, my ex-sister-in-law and her daughter! All I can say is: WOW! I knew He had something planned for each one who would be there! But I did give in to the feeling of dread driven by my fears. I didn’t just coast up to the day of this event. I’d be lying to myself and you if I said that.
But I knew Who to go to. I didn’t let my fears drive me down the dead-end of Despair Road. I went to His promises to remind me that the plans He has for me were to lift me up and give me a hope and a future, one that I wouldn’t feel so disconnected with and He was using Bryden and George to accomplish this very thing. My journal entries are filled with cries to Abba to help me connect with both of them.
Oops, sorry about that but I stepped away for a minute. Bryden just walked into my writing room.
“Nana, wook at what I have for you.” He held up a flower as he walked toward me to give it to me.
“Aw, thank you. It’s so pretty.” I take the flower and put it on my computer and then bring him to me in a sweet huggie moment. “Nana’s almost done and then we’ll go play.”
“Otay,” he says as he starts to walk out the door. Suddenly he stops as if he remembered something. “Wait, I didn’t give you no hug.” He walked back to me.
I opened up my arms and squeezed him to me, his little arms embracing my neck while I kissed his little neck and told him I loved him.
“I wuv you, too.” He walked out of my writing room and downstairs to Papa.
Oh, friend, the tears are trickling down my face pretty rapidly right now. I’m so grateful for the little but ‘ginormous’ moments that I can finally enjoy. See, to be honest with you, six months ago, that may have felt like an interruption to me, not because I’m mean spirited or hard-hearted; no, I’m just someone who’s learning how to love differently than how I was loved as a child.
Join me Monday for more…
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Nana Holds-from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks for joining me today for a coffee break and more of Nana Holds. If you are a parent having to parent your child’s child, oh, how I pray that you will find encouragement for your soul, joy for your dry bones and strength for the task that He has brought you to and promises to bring you through!
Now we are just days away from our big workshop and I don’t want to say I was in a state of panic but I was definitely in a different place emotionally compared to other events. See, in past events, whatever we are going to be talking about, I had already learned and was walking in victory. My physical condition wasn’t too great either as I was recovering from a seven-week sinus infection with the help of steroids, which sent my menopause to a whole new level! Whew, talk about a sense of humor!
But let’s talk about some moments that prevented me from losing it! Bryden’s third birthday was the same day as our upcoming event, and while we weren’t going to be having fifty people over to celebrate, we were planning a celebration that would create memories to squeeze his little heart and ours for years to come. See, his “favorite” grandma, his Papa John and Tauntie Bree were coming down to help us celebrate and we were just going to be, go with the flow, not plan a huge party, just go and have fun. I’m chuckling as I write this for you, because I am such a planner, or so I thought. But that innate desire to plan was my habit to control and I’m so excited to say that by this time, I was so good with what we were going to do, or not going to do.

Bryden, sit still!!!!

Something else I was super excited about: Michelle, Bryce’s mom and Bryden’s grandma, Bre, my step-daughter — his “Tauntie” — and Cousin Haley were coming down from up north to visit for Bryden’s birthday weekend. But they weren’t just coming for his birthday; they were coming to the event! I was beside myself with perplexity and excitement because I knew that He had ordained this time for all of us. As crazy as it sounds, I was at peace in my uncertainty. I still was not completely ready in my soul because I wasn’t in a place of “peace” in my own relationship/marriage.
For those of you with your eyebrows raised, let me clarify your unasked question and possible confusion: You mean you like your husband’s ex? Yes, I love my husband’s ex-wife. She has an identity that goes beyond their former problems. She’s a beautiful lady and I am so excited to be a part of her journey, watching her relationship with Christ strengthen in depth and understanding.
All this clarity brought about through one almost three-year old precious little boy . . .
Until tomorrow,
Evinda

Nana Holds-from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for joining me today for Coffee Hour and more of Nana Holds. If you’ve never read this blog before, go ahead and check out the archives because this is a true life-changing story/blog that began last year and the process of transformation is its theme. Oh, how beautiful is the reality of the necessity of the love and grace of Christ! Grab your coffee and come on in.
Before I share the thought-provoking statement that Steve put before me, let me share where I was at emotionally. I’m a week or so away from our next event; just coming off of steroids and still in MENOPAUSE! Need I say anymore? All right; so I’ll explain some inside stuff.
Have you ever had those times where you just needed to get some answers from someone you know that you know will be honest? This was one of those times. There were many circumstances that He was orchestrating in order to bring painful revelations right smack in front of my face, things that I had to confront, questions I had to ask and seek answers for. Steve was my go-to person, a man after God’s heart and Christ-like in so many ways.
It was before we went on the air for our Blog Talk Radio show that he and I do every Monday. Since November, we have been talking about co-dependency, which is the relationship-killing disease, sharing how it starts, its symptoms, and eventually we knew we would get to and through the breaking-free process. By this time, I was sharing real-life examples of opportunities to practice what I was learning so I would share them on the air. In no way was this to bash anyone else, but to share my transformation process so others would be encouraged in their process.
Well, as I said it was before we went on the air and I was sharing with him that I was confident about little and confused about much. I was in desperate need of an assistant for CPM, court-reporting less, and sensing changes around the corner. I was completely overwhelmed with life, feeling like I was in over my head. Could it be that that is when we have a hard time seeing the answer right in front of us? Oh, how much easier to see it when we are out of it, past it.
And then Steve said something that I so didn’t understand then but I do now: “I don’t think you have completely accepted the Bryden piece. You’re still trying to fit him in!” Well, his words rendered me speechless. He went on to admit that he didn’t think he could do what George and I had agreed to do, take full responsibility at our age and set aside our own agendas. Even though he empathized with the difficulty of it all, I was still stuck on his profound statement, the one that brought with it too many unasked questions because of its ambiguity.

Jesus loves him to pieces!

The one truth I did pick up almost instantaneously was that I was missing something, like reaching out my arm in the dark, knowing I was supposed to catch something, grab a hold of something, but as soon as I would touch what I thought it might be, it would slip out of my reach. Its mystery continued to haunt me.
After the show, the questions came back through the corridor of my mind, knocking on the door of my heart. I wondered if these questions and their answers were to free me or confuse me. The only way I would know is to keep going forward, seeking Him for clarity found in integrity, an undivided heart. That is evidenced in this journal entry, just days before our event and Bryden’s third birthday:

“Oh, Father, that I would allow You to help me make the changes that are coming. Help me hear You. Fill my bones with Your Joy; revive them. Show me what I need to set aside so I can come face to face with more of my symptoms of co-dependency, especially the truth that I’ve been squishing and pushing my needs down for so many years that I’ve come to survive instead of thrive. Thank you for bringing this little boy into my life to teach me how to love and be loved.”

Whew, that was a big piece, but there are still many to pick up and look at! Join me Thursday for more of Nana Holds.
Breaking free from me,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

Nana Holds-from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thank you so much for joining me for a little break today and the return to Nana Holds, a life-changing story of parenting our son’s son and all that God is accomplishing through this little boy. Grab your coffee and come on in.
It’s a couple weeks before our next event for Chicklit Power Ministries and ironically enough, the workshop is all about relationships. Talk about feeling inept and Dry Bone Syndrome! My emotions were swirling like a tide pool, threatening to pull me in and under. On one hand, the new me was beginning to realize that this little boy not only depended upon me, but he loved me.
As I write this, I’m trying to capture the feeling. It wasn’t like some sudden revelation, like someone picking up a hose and pointing it on me on a hotter than hot summer’s day and letting her rip. No, his love was tentative, hesitant, like mine. It’s almost like he was waiting for me to really open up my heart before he showed his. The realization that his intuition is already developing goes off in my heart like a finale at a fireworks show. Is it any wonder that a sense of awestruck abandon fills me when I think about all I am learning right now in this moment of time compared to where we are in this series, mid February?
It all felt sort of painfully chaotic on my emotions but there was a peace deep down in my soul. While more of the one He

Silly Bryden…

created was showing up, He was peeling the layers from the wrong childhood imprints away ever so gently. The miracle of it all was that I was showing up for the peeling and not trying to escape. I was learning too much to go back. All I could do is hold on, and go at my own pace, the emotional pain keeping me at a slow but steady pace. And when the next step seemed unbearable, unapproachable, Bryden would be there, unbeknownst to him, or me, urging me forward away from tendencies to disconnect and/or the urge to run from it all to a deserted island with just me and my Bible.
It was at this moment in my life that Steve spoke into my heart in a way that made it stop, and me too.
Join me tomorrow for the thought-provoking statement that he made so subtly but profoundly dead-on.
Evinda

Nana Holds!