Trench Lesson, Cont.

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thanks so much for stopping by for Coffee Hour! Grab your coffee and your Strand of Faith and let’s go talk about a subject that needs some clarification, and will certainly give us a better direction to take when it comes to our relationships.

As I continue to work with others in the trenches, meaning we get to the root of their issues, I am learning…all the time. God’s funny that way, using others to teach us about us. Anyway, there have been several relational situations that have come up that are speaking to me, and quite profoundly. Why? Because they are all entwined with the same theme: finger pointing! One person does or says something, and the first reaction is to heap and hurl accusations without even stopping to properly process what it is they are feeling and needing.

When we can separate what we are feeling/needing from the other person, we are more likely to achieve relationship success and avoid the horrific side effects of shame. It’s so tragic to watch what shame does to a relationship. Being a shame-maker is a relationship-breaker! It is because of this common theme which keeps rising to the surface of our trenches that I thought I’d do this mini-series on the 7 Differences between Guilt and Shame.

The first one is: Guilt addresses what I did wrong; shame screams, “I am wrong!” Do you see the difference? See, guilt separates the sin from the sinner and shame works in the opposite direction, pointing the finger at the committer. If guilt addresses an act, then shame is an attitude which then becomes part of our belief system!

2. Guilt can lead to positive change; shame steers us away from change! Remember, guilt is a result of doing something we know to be wrong and therefore, can work like a warning light on the dashboard of our minds/conscience, a steering wheel in the journey of life helping us to veer away from that same wrong, harmful and/or offensive act. Guilt leads to grace and grace brings change!

Let me leave you with one more:

3. Guilt can lead to accountability and connection, while shame leads to disconnection! How can guilt lead to accountability? Well, confessing our guilt from a mistake to others requires vulnerability; vulnerability increases connection and communication, all of which aid in changed behavior. Shame, on the other hand, encourages silence and hinders ability to confess or share our mistakes. Shame then becomes a condition…an inability to be transparent!

We’ll pick up with more of the seven next week.

From my heart to yours…

Evi

Tuesday’s Trench Lessons 4 Life

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Oh, coffee hour friend, are you in for a sweet, transparent Trench Tuesday! Grab your favorite beverage and a journal and join us for Lea’s Trench lesson!

I am in the trenches, digging at all my roots that cause my wounds, weaknesses, and worries. It is quite a journey! I began about two years ago, but I was not ready. I did not soften my heart. I did not turn over my weaknesses to the Lord for Him to turn into strengths. In 2^nd Corinthians 12:9, it says: “And He said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for thee, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Most gladly therefore will I glory rather in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

His grace is sufficient to make me strong. I just had to let go of my control, or illusion of control, and let Him lead me. I have to tell you, that it is so freeing! Of course I am not free every minute, or even every day. I do forget that I am not in control, and try to just take over. But He knows how to humble me, and gently remind me that I can relax.

During this process of uprooting, I have really looked at the good, the bad, and the ugly of my life. I feel like there are parts that I am not ready to see. Then there are parts that I don't want to see, but Heavenly Father knows it is time, and I can take it. He knows when I am a “big girl.” He also has helped me to see ways in which the adversary has tricked me. In the scriptures, we are told many times about how crafty the devil is, and how he will try to turn things around and lie to us. I came across 2^nd Corinthians 11:14, which says “No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.”

I was touched by this scripture this week. I had been contemplating my past, and happened across some old pictures of someone who had hurt me almost 20 years ago. For two decades, I have been struggling with a horrible painful memory. I even saw this man about a year ago in a store, and had a panic attack! When I saw those pictures, and then read that scripture, the Lord sent me a message that hit me like a TRUCK. This man did not hurt me. I chose to participate in a situation that I was not proud of. Somehow, in my brain, Satan had turned this memory into a falsehood, where I was now the victim instead of the perpetrator. That “truth” took hold of me so much, that I truly believed it. Instead of facing my shame and asking for forgiveness for this act, I had been hiding behind it.

What do I do with this information now? I immediately prayed to know what really happened. Then, I truly did ask for forgiveness, not only for the act, but for living so long with it still in my soul. Then, I called the few people that I had told this story to, and corrected myself. I let them know that I had deceived myself, and let them know of my wrongdoing. I had already given it to God, so I had no fear of them judging me. If they have judgment in their heart, it is something they will have to live with. I truly am sorry for this, but I know the Lord has forgiven me, and I am free. He will remember it no more.

I think that I will choose to remember this, but not shamefully. I will remember, so that I can share my experience with others. We are here to help each other, and to be a stepping stone to God and Jesus. I ask you now, if you are struggling with a wound, weakness, or worry, do not hold onto it. Let it go. Give it to the Lord, and then share it with someone. You never know how or when your experiences will touch another.

Until next week, God bless you!

~Lea