Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for taking time out of your day to join me for Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power. Grab your coffee and let’s go party!
So it wasn’t just the timing of the event colliding with Bryden’s birthday that kept it simple, but our desire to not send a mixed/wrong message to this incredible three-year-old. So we planned a birthday dinner and I just know that the guests who came were his favorite people: Grandma and Tauntie Bre, Uncle Jeff and Aunt Lauren and of course his cousins Dillan & Ty-Ty and then Papa and Nana.
We shared a meal, laughter, conversation, all of our attention focused on Bryden, and each other. We were all there for the same reason, to celebrate the gift of Bryden, but deep down inside, I was celebrating so much more. I loved just watching it all, the happy and easy chatter of family loving on family, the innocence and joy shared among the three little ones in between yummy bites of Mexican food who were so excited to be together again.
The moments we shared at dinner squeezed my heart with a genuine thankfulness for all that we had come through. It’s because I do look back that I can appreciate my present even more. There is something about looking back on the pain and struggle that make the victory all the more sweet; don’t you think?
After dinner, we came home and had birthday cake, ice cream and a few presents. It was just the right balance of everything, not too much and not too little. In the years to come, I hope and pray that when Bryden looks back on this birthday, his heart will burst forth with a smile that only the experience of the greatest gift, love, can bring.
And though there are no pictures to memorialize this event because they were on my phone which was crushed on the freeway, the memories are etched into the deepest parts of my heart, coming to surface every now and then as I relive these precious moments of Nana Holds and helping to put so many other pieces of my life into perspective!
Join me tomorrow for the continuation of the journey in this season of Nana Holds.
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thank you for joining me today for Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power. Grab your coffee and let’s go talk about birthdays and the way we celebrate them.
In this season of Nana Holds, I have been given many do-overs, second chances to get some things right. See, looking back on my parenting of my son, there are some mistakes that glare back at me more than others, and their glare has proven powerfully helpful in parenting Bryden. For example, because of everything I didn’t have as a child, I was going to make sure that my son did have, and then some! Birthdays and holidays were excuses to spoil him with presents in an effort to fulfill all of his wants, not just his needs.
Big mistake, really big! But oh, how thankful am I for His redemption and I so love His sovereignty that works all things out for good and His glory. This is kind of a random off-the-subject thought, but do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if only you knew then what you know now? At least He uses it to weave beauty in the tapestry of our testimony!
So, getting back to this, we had decided even after realizing that the event was on his birthday, that we didn’t want to throw a jinormous party that feeds a sense of entitlement. Now hear me out and don’t go getting all upset on me. We actually had one of those for him on his 2nd birthday and while it was super fun getting together with friends and family – which is a major part of it all – a two-year-old tends to get a bit overwhelmed and over-stimulated as he/she is opening package after package after package. Are the presents a sign of love?
When we have these gigantic parties that include presents for our kids, it does tend to feed a sense of entitlement. I know that now. I finally figured that out, all these years later when my son has affirmed this. It was several Christmases ago when I began to chillax about crazy-gift-buying escapades and showering everyone with at least a dozen boxes. I kept it simple and thoughtful and afterwards, he came up and hugged me and said it was the best Christmas he had ever had!
While I realize that these types of parties are generational traditions, I do wonder what it would look like if we celebrated with words of affirmation, fellowship and just two or three gifts. Can’t we celebrate a child without feeding the expectation of a present?
That’s just some food for thought and I’d love to hear your thoughts, too. Join me tomorrow for the sweet and simple celebration we had for Bryden’s 3rd birthday.
In His grace,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Invitation Tuesdays from Coffee Hour @ Chickilt Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for joining me for this special series, Invitation Tuesdays, a series where I will give information about our next event, information that may include hints of some sort, tidbits of the actual subject and much, much more. Grab your coffee and come on in so I can share something special.
So last week we held our first event planning meeting for our November event. I was so excited to see everyone, which included many return volunteers and a couple of new ones to replace the ones who couldn’t help this time. The momentum of enthusiasm and ownership picked up speed as the meeting progressed and details began to unfold.
I had an exciting possibility to share with them which was that Brandi from KSGN was considering emceeing our event – she has since told me she can’t but with the mention of KSGN, my husband brought up the, what I thought was, impossibility of advertising with them and how much it was. I literally had a hot flash as he spoke, thinking to myself, why in the world is he . . . but I shut myself up and listened as he spoke, because when he speaks, we listen! He is a man of few words:) Anyway, someone on the team asked how many spots that covered.
I turned to our team member and replied, “50, I think.” She very matter of factly said: Well, then I’ll take care of that then.”
I gasped, as did many of the other team members and as I looked around, I could tell there were others who wondered if they had heard correctly by the looks on their faces!
So today’s invitation includes an invitation to be listening to KSGN, which really is a family friendly radio station and sometime in October, you will hear more details about what I just know in my soul down to my toes will be an amazing event of Living & Loving on Purpose through the Holidays!
Get your ticket today! www.chicklitpower.com/gift-store
Joyfully,
Evinda

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Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for joining me today for your coffee break. We are on the last symptom of this relationship infection and I’m super excited because that means we will be moving on in this series and soon, we will be caught up, almost to the end of this series, for all things do come to an end and this season of Nana Holds looks as though it will have an ending! Grab your coffee and come on in.
Do you struggle with indecisiveness and have a hard time making up your mind? And I’m not talking about deciding on where to eat or something as simple as that. No, this symptom goes deeper than that. This symptom has everything to do with having a voice in your relationships. Do you allow the other person to make all the decisions so you don’t have to?
I can hear you saying what in the world does indecisiveness have to do with this relationship infection, co-dependency? Well, let me see if I can simplify this with some things I’ve learned from our How We Love trench class combined with this simple definition of co-dependency: “Codependence is the pain in adulthood that comes from being wounded in childhood, which leads to a high probability of relationship problems and addictive disorders in later life.” (The Bridge) The indecisiveness could very well be as a result of our emotional reservoir that begins in and with our childhood and which when it fills up causes us to become people pleasers, or to avoid conflict and/or making decisions, or to vacillate in our emotions so we can’t connect let alone make a decision, or become victims in relationships having no voice that is heard but is witnessed in actions and inactions.
See, each of us has an emotional reservoir, and every relationship adds to our reservoirs which spills into our next relationship and the next, and the next. Oh, how I pray that makes sense to you. I don’t mean to get philosophically deep and drown you, or me, it’s just that these revelations are truly helping me to maneuver more freely, even in the toughest of my relationships.
For me, as of the time of our event in February, I didn’t consider myself indecisive at all anymore, but taking it one step further, I did realize that while I may be coming out of my relationship infection, some of those whom I am in relationship with are still deeply infected and I must not aid in their indecisiveness by dominating in any way but encourage them to find their voice.
God in His infinite sovereignty and wisdom brought Bryden to me rid me of the rest of my symptoms of this infection.

The gift of Bryden

Now, months later from that event, I can say I am truly practicing all that I can remember from all that I have learned in my relationship with this little guy and the joy and peace I have now when I am with him encourages me forward in this journey as I learn to be asymptomatic in and with my other relationships.
Join me Wednesday as we fast-forward to the moments after the event and the celebration of Bryden’s third birthday! Don’t forget to tune in with us on Blog Talk Radio for more in depth discussion on breaking free from this relationship infection and tools for healthy relationships. The show begins at 1:00 Pacific time but if you can’t join us then, no worries; just click on the link when you can and you can listen at your convenience. www.BlogTalk Radio.com/Chicklit-Power
Blessings from above,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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September 13th, 2013

Nana Holds-from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks for joining me today and taking time out of your busy life to just stop and shut out the cares of this world. Grab your coffee and let’s get back to more of Nana Holds.
Do you have a tendency to be gullible? And I’m not referring to a great joke, or even pranks people play. No, what I’m speaking of and this assessment is speaking of is denying hurts, habits and hang-ups of others.
Oh, my friend, I have to admit, I am still way too gullible. I do have a tendency to believe the best in others, and that’s not a bad thing. But when it comes to a level of denial, that’s where this symptom can add to the infection in an incredibly detrimental way and at a speed that will make your eyes water with speed-induced blurriness, in more ways than one.
At the time I stood before our friends of CPM on February 23rd, I could freely admit that in my past, beginning with my first husband, I was blindsided by my own issues that interfered with the reception of all the warning signs. In fact, I was

Nana Holds 2-23-13

as clueless as a bug entering a web spun by a spider. Never in a million years did I imagine that he was a drug addict. I’ll never forget how I found out that major truth, either, but not until almost seven years into the marriage! Wow, talk about someone swimming up the Denial River!
I continued swimming up that river while single-parenting my son, who at the age of twelve was learning how to romance drugs and later on, in high school, he, in his own ignorance and gullibility, was completely taken in by drugs and I was devastated. And each time he came out of rehab, I believed the best in him, starting over with a clean slate, as Christ tells us to do, but my denying enabled him in ways I didn’t know.
You might be saying, “What’s wrong with that?” Well, nothing, really, that is as long as you don’t ignore all the other warning signs. One key that I wish I would have learned easier is the truth that a child needs a parent first, not a friend! I was afraid to really “parent” my son for fear of him not liking me. That’s the condensed version and there’s much more that goes into that, but hopefully you can relate in some way with this scenario.
God tells us to show grace, but He also commands us to pray for wisdom and discernment, to train our kids up in the way of the Lord and when they are old they will not depart from Him. Now I always like to add, they may wander, but . . .
When we are actively pursuing Him, He will prepare us for the things we need to know to avoid swimming up and down the Denial River. I know this to be true because as my relationship with Christ developed, I remember suspecting certain things, especially having to do with my son’s drug use. Instead of acting on it right away, I would pray for Him to reveal it. And you know what? He did. I partnered with the best Father ever to help me in parenting my son in his later teen years. I believe with all my heart that is why he eventually did return!
But that is not to say that since being in this amazing relationship with Christ, I haven’t reacted before praying when I suspect something about someone, anyone for that matter, i.e., someone talking crap about me, someone keeping something from me, someone lying to me. I’m sure you get the gist; I mean, I’m not inhuman and though I have tougher skin now, three years into writing and ministry, I still have a tender heart and I do cry when offended!
Sometimes I need to remind myself that I can’t stop anyone from doing anything, that if they are on the tracks and the train is coming, headed straight for them with some sort of train-wreck of a battle, I cannot play SuperWoman and go rescue. People are going to do what they will and my responsibility is not to rescue them from their consequences, neither is it to pretend it’s not happening, but to pray for wisdom and discernment to know how to navigate through the stormy waters and to continue to show them the love of Christ. We need to get our head and heart out of the sand, look up and give it up!
So, take a minute to see if you have a propensity to be gullible, especially when it comes to excuses from others in the midst of suspicions. Before I leave you today, let me share an acrostic for the word “denial,” which comes from the Celebrate Recovery curriculum. Denial . ..

Disables our feelings

Energy lost

Negates growth

Isolates us from God

Alienates us from our relationships

Lengthens the pain

Praying that the eyes of our hearts will be opened …
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Tags: addict, addictions, co-dependen

September 12th, 2013

Nana Holds-from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for joining me again today for a little break and more of Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and come on in. I want to bring Bryden into this symptom and share how God used him to bring me to a better awareness of my feelings.
I’ve actually shared these truths previously back in the beginning of this series, but I want to share them again in light of this symptom in the hopes that our understanding of this relationship infection will increase and its power decrease!
In the beginning of this season of getting to be his Nana-Mama, it stirred all kinds of feelings up and moments of being incredibly uncomfortable in my skin. There were times when I would have anxiety attacks if I tried to look too far into the future. Much of the time investment in the beginning of this season went to trying to understand why I felt as though there was all this chaos going on inside and I couldn’t put my finger on any one feeling. I just knew I wasn’t comfortable. So I would spend my quiet times with Him, crying out for understanding, wanting to know why I had a hard time letting him be a child, a hard time determining truth from feeling wherein I would assume the worst about him, think he was trying to manipulate things and me and there were even times where I envied his childhood but wasn’t exactly aware of that either, let alone the reason why.
Through those quiet times, He did hear my cries and He did begin to reveal things to me as He felt I could handle them,

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and all of these revelations led to the How We Love trench class which opened up the door to the rest of the understanding that has illuminated in this journey of Nana Holds. I am so excited to now understand my feelings, but that’s not all. I now know why because I know their root. That understanding has given me such freedom to be me and to allow this amazing little boy to be the child that I never got to be, to relate to him in ways that no one else can because he and I have so much in common!
Oh, how often I hear certain scriptures taken out of context that talk about moving forward without looking back, forgetting the past, and on and on. For example in 2nd Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” The new life has begun! It’s the new life that takes over the old life. It’s the new creation in us, His Spirit that breaks us free from the old. It’s not a twinkle-your-nose and come-to-Christ magic spell; it’s a process . . .
Finally learning to embrace the process,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Tags: anxiety, anxiety attack, Bible, child, faith, feelings, G