Faith Filled Friday

Hello and welcome back to Faith Filled Fridays everyone! Grab your favorite beverage and come on in for a few moments.

Some different thoughts came my way earlier in the day. Ernest Hemingway once said: "There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down to a typewriter and bleed." 

Many a time, I have sat down and let my fingers bleed out what the heart can no longer keep inside. My mindset has been this since I was encouraged to write feelings out as a young teen in the foster system of California. At first it was incredibly difficult for I could not find the words to portray the emotion and feelings I seemed to almost be trapped in. Trying to explain fear, sadness, depression... how could a young man put words to these? 

I remember wanting to arrange my words in a way that people could not only understand but ultimately feel inside. At that time of my life (and, yes, even now sometimes) I felt no one listened to me about the things that had happened to me, and how they affected me. So I remember pondering that maybe this is the way to explain what I can't express and if I find just the right words and/or analogies that maybe someone would hear me.

All these years later...I have bled so much, but tonight when I remembered that quote from Mr. Hemingway a thought jumped in my head: What if I could type to heal instead of bleed? Surely there is as much oomph in a word on the opposite side of the spectrum. I admit this really made me feel good to think about the possibilities in writing.

We can climb to a summit, or we can fall to dive into refreshing water. Oh yes, we can surely write for a better tomorrow, my friends. So where is God in all this? Tonight I came to realize that God is the typewriter, the keyboard, the pen and even the brush. So what of us? We are the paper and the canvas. We can bleed and heal so much onto that paper that things can become hard to decipher.

Our prayers surely encourage the Holy Spirit to provide us with more canvases, more paper for a cycle that I not only repeat in writing this midnight blog, but more importantly start fresh. Writing is not always a way for others to hear us, but even more importantly, for us to hear ourselves.

Much love & God bless you through till next week... 

Your fellow trencher & friend,

~John Tam

Wednesday's Word

Where’s Your Mindset Set?

The Blue Shoe

Colossians 3:2: Set your mind on things above, not on things of this earth!

Welcome to Wednesday’s Word @ Coffee Hour with Chicklit Power and Trench Classes United. Grab your favorite beverage and your Strand of Faith and let’s go tie some knots because honestly, as a dear friend once told me, mind over matter matters! ^SJ

Last week was a hard week in my court-reporting world, but life is just like that; you have to take the good with the bad, ride the waves of excitement and hold steady when there’s a lull. Over the last several months, I’ve become accustomed to spending at least one if not two days of each week in L.A. and I absolutely enjoy it. However, it’s become a bit more challenging as I’ve gotten a lot older. ☺ Each time I go into L.A., I’m up at 4:00 (no easy feat nowadays) to have my Coffee Hour with my Abba, figure out what needs to get taken care of in the ministry, pack my equipment, and of course some pretty shoes that I can easily slip on in exchange for my tennis shoes before I enter the office where I’ll be reporting for the day. Well, last Monday was no exception. I packed everything, including my favorite pair of blue shoes – they took me two years to find – a pair of Aerosoles. Not only are they incredibly comfortable but they’re really cute too! I mean too much of my wardrobe is based on these blue shoes! 

This particular day turned out to be a shorter day than expected because my 2:00 had cancelled, so I made a hasty decision to try and get the next train back to San Bernardino. This was a challenge and would require some fast-paced walking, maybe even a few moments of jogging down the streets of L.A. to reach the Red Line about a mile away.  Now, there’s something funny about a woman lugging 50+ pounds of equipment down the boulevard, sort of, and yet, I fit in as just another “different,” perhaps a bit crazy lady in the streets of L.A.!  I should be in amazing shape with not an ounce of fat on my body, but Menopause has pushed that image on pause!

So I made it…with a few minutes to spare! I got comfortable and got right to work editing my job and then working on upcoming ministry stuff. An hour and a half passes by quickly and this day was no exception. As the train pulled into the station, I looked out the window and saw my husband waiting for me…and my heart smiled. I headed for the exit and suddenly my smile faded as I realized that the shoe I had hurriedly placed in the side pocket of my case was…GONE! The conductor’s voice came over the intercom, “doors closing, door’s closing,” 

I yelled out, “Hey, I need to check inside. I lost my shoe!” I didn’t wait for a response and left my court reporting equipment out (can you believe it; over 6k worth of stuff!) while I ran back in…only to discover my shoe wasn’t there. I was devastated. I know that may seem like a strong word for losing a stupid shoe….but I seriously looked for just the right pair of blue shoes for two years and had just found these three months ago. I loved them! 

As I walked toward my smiling husband, all I could do was exclaim about my lost blue shoe. “Tell me where to get them and I’ll go buy them for you.” That did make me smile for a minute. As soon as I got in the car, I didn’t waste a minute and started to Google Aerosole shoes, and could not find my shoe anywhere. This began to really consume me and I allowed it to pretty much ruin the rest of my day, especially when I went into my closet to plan what I was wearing for my next day, which was back in L.A.! Everything I wanted to wear required those darned blue shoes!

I had a dream that night of finding that blue shoe and I knew just right where I lost it. I saw myself in the middle of the street holding on tightly to my lost blue shoe while cars went zooming by me, blasting their horns. I mean this dream was real…that is until I went there the next morning and it was nowhere to be found. Disappointment washed over me worse than my longest hottest hot flash and suddenly this verse came out of the hallways of my heart and echoed in my brain: “Set your mind on things above, not on things of this earth”!

 I continued walking up Wilshire Boulevard but immediately my mindset was changed, no longer set on my lost blue shoe. I know that our Father cares about everything that concerns me so I have hung on to the one blue shoe with the hopes that one day, somehow my other one will make it back to me, and if not, it will serve as a reminder about my mindset, that it should be set on things above, not on things of this earth…or blue shoes!

Oh, to gain an eternal perspective so external circumstances lose their power!

Evinda

Monday's Mantra

Doing the Right thing the Wrong Way!

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and TCU (Trench Classes United)! I’m so glad you could join us for some neighboring mantras that will surely spread a message of hope to you and your neighbor(s), friends and strangers too! Grab your favorite beverage and your strand of faith and let’s go tie some more knots together based on Luke 10:25-37.

So we talked about the priest that passed by the other side of the injured man left for dead; let’s now push the pause button on the Levite, the other guy that passed by on the other side, just like the priest. Here’s a couple of facts to help us bring this story closer to home within our own neighborhoods:
Levites assisted  the priests in their duties and they were very well-versed in the law because of their role in the temple, which was quite a big role.  They lived life by the book or the law and to break the law was to invite disassociation and rejection upon them. The Levites were no different than us: they wanted approval and acceptance and oftentimes they would compromise in order to get those God-given desires. Haven’t you? I know I have!

Understanding the laws that these guys were bound to, and knowing that law often overrode morality as we know, understand and practice morality, or try to, it’s a bit easier to understand why the Levite passed by on the other side, just like the priest did.  So now that we can quit finger-pointing, let’s talk about the reality of following the leader and compromise. See, there comes a point when following the leader can lead to a form of compromising one’s values and beliefs; this is known as rigidity! Another way to put it is doing the right thing the wrong way? He was trying to do the right thing but it was the wrong way, and compromised the heart issue of any law!

See, it comes down to what’s in the heart. Paul talks about this very issue in 1^st Corinthians 9:19-23, wherein he was able to be all to all without compromising his beliefs and his relationship with Christ. He wasn’t a lawmaker or a lawbreaker; his heart was for their heart to know his God. 

Have you ever gone about doing something you knew to be right but you did it not so right? I can give you lots of examples in my own life but let me give you just a couple: How many times have I parented the wrong way but with the right motive? Or how many times have I interfered in a matter via opinion or unsolicited advice with the greater good in mind, of course, but only made it worse? These are examples of doing the right thing the wrong way.

So let’s get back to this Levite in the parable of The Good Samaritan: He was a lawmaker, not a lawbreaker; his heart was to please his boss, not His Savior. Haven’t we all dodged a bullet for the sake of self, to make ourselves look good, upright and righteous?

May I challenge you that when an opportunity comes to neighbor a stranger, don’t walk on the other side of the street for the sake of culture, rules or to avoid embarrassment or even to fit in and get acceptance; consider doing the right thing the right way; it’s a matter of the heart!

Love, 

Evinda

Faith Filled Friday

It Could Happen!

Hello everyone! Hope everyone has had a good week. I found myself thinking a lot this week about how healing takes shape from heartbreak. I was caught up in thinking about just how it all comes together. It brought on a ton of thoughts and even a little bit of pain but writing this blog for me is ultimately a part of my own healing. So grab your favorite beverage and join me.

I have come up short so many times in love. It's hard to not give up on the possibility that someone is out there for me; though I must admit I have grown quite weary and tired from heartbreak. It's hard to recover when it strips my emotions to the bone. Not even an enemy can hurt us as bad as those we love!  Mere hateful words from a loved one can last longer than an insult from a stranger. 

Long ago I realized I can only be "All In" and nothing else in a relationship. It doesn't mean I get to have everything my way. It means I am willing to work extremely hard at something worthwhile. The ability to compromise is one of love's greatest tools. Compromise starts by sometimes closing the mouth and listening. Ears are another set of brilliant tools God gave us to love with. 

To love partially; is that really love, then? Love is meant for so much more than just only in the good times. I believe that love has its adversities and challenges naturally, but how else can we grow?  Down deep in our subconscious we benefit in knowing despite arguing with the ones we love, that they won't leave us behind. God knows I long for that in a partner, a life-long partner.

We don't always get back what we put into love... nor should we expect to. We surely cannot keep scores or stats on this tie that binds us. Nor can you judge them by it. I have loved people who want to love entirely, to trust it unconsciously but simply can't because the fear of being vulnerable is too much to handle or take on. Oh, the feeling of loving someone enough to look past the fear, to be all in...I wish we could all love and be loved that way

Vulnerability feeds the emotional freedom you feel while “IN” love. I want to be a better man day by day... to learn to trust again, to be brave enough to take the risk and I realize that because I’ve been beaten down with heartbreak... again and again and yet over again, prayer will be my companion. It is in and through prayer that hope will rise and with it comes not only the possibility to love and be loved... but also healing. God surely made us to love and respect one another. I’m learning that part of the healing is surrendering it to God... that in HIS time IT COULD HAPPEN! :)

May we all be blessed by the love & respect we give and share with others. :)

~John Tam

Wednesday's Word

A Promise to Hold on to!

“Fear not, for I am with you: Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

Welcome to Wednesday’s Word and our Coffee Hour! He never ceases to give me something to write about, some way in which He showed up in my life in a way that I must share with others. Oh, how I hope this one helps you tie a knot in your Strand of Faith. Come with me to the largest-attended deposition of my almost 27-year career as a court reporter!

I walked into the conference room almost an hour early expecting to see no one but perhaps the videographer. WRONG! There were several people already there, much to my surprise, as I was thinking there were only going to be one or two attorneys, and that my biggest challenge was going to be getting the six checked in telephonically, something I had never done before. 

But as the room began filling up, I realized I had assumed incorrectly…isn’t that usually the case! ☺ Let’s pause here for a second so I can give you a couple other details.

Now I had gotten prayed up for this deposition, especially after printing the caption the night before and seeing the 30+ case numbers attached to the “lead case” number. As panic knocked on the door of my heart, I shooed it away with the assurance that my God wouldn’t allow me to go to something He wouldn’t bring me through. In my almost 27 years of court reporting, I think the biggest attorney party I’ve ever had to report was seven or eight, nothing larger than that; however, one time in court I reported a high-profile case and the room was filled with attorneys but the judge always made them say who they were and who they represented before saying anything! That is the key: we have to paint a verbatim picture with words and the words have to belong to someone! In other words, every person who speaks must be identified. Now, with that in mind, let’s return to this room that is quickly filling up as I’m checking people in on the telephone!

I stopped dead in my tracks as I counted how many were already in the room; five plus the video guy. Okay, I thought to myself, everyone is just wanting to be early and get a good seat for the show! Well, within five minutes, that theory was blown straight out of the conference room and up into the air. The last attorney to arrive as we started the proceedings numbered 23!

The case material was challenging, but not nearly as challenging as figuring out who was saying what they were saying when they were saying it, so by the time I’d figure it out, the answer was already spilling out of the witness’s mouth and the next question was almost on the table! Talk about playing catch-up or throw up! At one point in the proceedings, the teleconference got lost due to dead batteries in the phone and I remained calm as I went in search of a techy guy and he replaced the batteries and we got up and running again. From that point on I kept my cell phone on my lap, texting one lead attorney every now and then to make sure they were all still hearing the proceedings…in between objections, answers and questions.

See, here’s the cool thing: I truly remained calm in all the chaos. His instruction to me to not be dismayed, to know He was right there with me holding me up so I wouldn’t give up, throw up and/or walk out is the only explanation I can give because when I went back and began preparing the transcript in rough draft form to send to our client, I had written cleaner than I had in years…had hardly dropped a word!

Our God’s promises are true, my friend. He just says, you first, then Him. What do you need to trust Him for or in today?

Joyfully,

Evinda

Monday's Mantra

Things are Never as they Seem!

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and TCU (Trench Classes United)! I’m so glad you could join us for some neighboring mantras that will surely spread a message of hope to you and your neighbor(s), friends and strangers too! Grab your favorite beverage and your strand of faith and let’s go tie some more knots together.

Come with me to Luke 10:25-37. 

The story begins with this question: “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” to which Jesus answered with a question! I don’t know about you, but when I ask a question, I want an answer, not another question! But…this is a big one…Jesus had His reasons, as He always does, for responding with a question. And what’s really telling is Jesus truly wanted the lawyer’s opinion of his reading of the law.  We could spend quite a bit of time on this one principle of engaging with our ears to really have meaningful conversation, but we won’t. Let’s stay on track with the principles of neighboring and why we neighbor!

In the course of the dialogue between Jesus and the lawyer, with many onlookers I might add, the lawyer asks Jesus another question: “And who is my neighbor?” So Jesus responds with the parable of the Samaritan, known in our era as “The Good Samaritan.”

We discovered who the characters in the parable were last week, but today, I want to talk about the first one that comes into the picture after the poor man who has been robbed and beaten is left to die…on a very dangerous road: The Priest. ³¹ “Now, by chance (emphasis added) a certain priest came down the road and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.” 

Let’s pause there for a few minutes. I don’t know about you, but the many times I have read this parable, I was sort of puffed up with an attitude of self-righteousness filled with quips like, “how dare he,” “how could he,” and of course, “why didn’t he…” until writing this study for our church and really studying the history behind it. See that is why studying history is so very important because unless we study it, we’ll repeat it! And we all know that many parts of our own history aren’t worth repeating!

Things are NEVER as they seem, and I found that to be true as I studied up a bit on the Priest, his role in society, a little about their culture, all of which have an important piece into this puzzle of this parable. In fact, I’d dare say these pieces are the framework for this parable. Here’s what I learned:
Exodus 28 reveals the Priest’s social status, which of course includes his clothing he must wear daily; Exodus 29 talks about sacrifices, all the do’s and don’ts and all the things a priest could not be around in order to be qualified to sacrifice. 

Leviticus 21-22 reveals all the rules for the priests, included in those rules were do’s and don’ts for their conduct and contact: they were not allowed to be anywhere near a “defiled” person, a bleeding person, a handicapped person of any kind or they could not offer up a sacrifice! 

To make a long history short…this guy, the Priest who walked on the other side did what he did because he was in bondage to the law. Why else did Jesus bring him into the story? How many of us are all bound up by do’s and don’ts, rigidity preached from the pulpit, that if we are struggling with weaknesses and worries, habits and hang-ups, we must not have enough faith, or be praying enough. I could go on, but let’s wrap this up. 

How many times have we acted based only on our assumptions and not all the facts? I don’t know about you, but I’m raising my hands and feet in the air right now: GUILTY!  I was so guilty of being indignant about this Priest as I read this story yet again, and now, after studying it, I am humbled beyond belief. Who am I to judge the priest who is like one of us…held in bondage by something he/we believe to be greater than Jesus! The priest may have been bound by the law, but I was bound up by a judgmental attitude, a critical spirit of sorts. What has you bound up, preventing you from recognizing who your neighbor is, let alone how to neighbor? 

I’m so thankful for my God-given hunger for truth that I would continue to learn that things are never as they seem and Jesus uses all things to teach us what we need to learn when we need to learn it.

Are you listening to learn or learning to listen?

Love,

Evinda

Faith Filled Friday

Hello and welcome back to another Faith Filled Friday!

This week I thought I was set to write about one thing but at the last second decided to change it up. So here goes. Please bear with me as I know it might be a little long but it is worth the read. :)

For many years of my young adulthood I did not even know about credit and what it did as I was in the military and I just used cash and never applied for any loans or needed the use of a credit score. After getting out of the military I quickly learned what credit was for and started working hard to create a good credit history. I learned what each scoring bracket range was and wanted to work hard to get over 800. This was in part because I wanted to one day purchase my own home which I have always dreamed about since being very young. 

I was along this journey for better credit when I was in an accident on my motorcycle. I had gone over the side of a cliff on my motorcycle and had to be airlifted to immediate help and later hospitalized. I was told that the VA refused to pay for it because they did not receive notice of the hospitalization within 14 days. 

Now a little background: My shoulder was previously injured in the military and it went out while riding that day. In going over a cliff I thought my life was over but thank God I had just purchased new riding gear. In fact it was the first time paying for all the gear I had. It was truly the body armor that saved my life that day. However, it didn't save me from the terrible debt I had now gone into. 

After paying down some of that debt I started feeling better even though my credit took somewhat of a hit. So I got back to damage repair on the credit and in 2007 was in another accident where I was broadsided. In this accident I suffered a back injury that I have lived with for so many years and to this day still suffer from. Once again the VA would not be paying for my hospitalization or any of my medical bills. This time I would be sued and so I quickly decided to take the credit I had and get into a home so that I could flip it after 2 years of sweat equity and pay off the medical debt as this would keep me from bankruptcy. 

While I found a home and signed a contract and had it in escrow I learned that I was levied, which means that they took everything I had in the bank and they left me with no way for my checks to clear for any of the bills I had just paid. The home I had in escrow fell out and I almost was sued for that. 

Since then I have struggled so bad. My back had gotten worse. I gained weight... It was the perfect storm and my credit fell to the 500's. 

I also fell into depression and just gave up for years. One day I decided to start trying again. For years I read articles online and did things to bring up my credit score bit by bit. It's a frustrating process because at times I felt like it was one step forward two steps back. But still I stuck with it.

For the last two years I have actually had a good credit score rising to the 700's. I've still always wanted to get into the 800's but I had reached a point where I accepted 770 would probably be as good as it would ever get. It just seemed to be the best I could get... 

So then yesterday came along. I checked my score and I was so shocked that I signed out and signed back in... I was so excited and felt like I needed to call someone; instead, I opted to write about it. You see that score represents a lot of hard brutal work. I felt that God saw me through to this... because although I had not given up on a good credit score I admit I had given up ever seeing the 800's. Despite home prices being too high for me to afford, even with a good 805 score, it still feels great. I prayed for that so long ago... and I made it. 

I am not going to be sad that I can't purchase my home for now... This makes me realize that the possibilities are still there, even when we might not realize it because we have a loving God that hears prayers and gets around to them, in His time and our partnering with Him. 

I am trying to heal and work on many things in my life... all of which I prayed for. I have worked hard toward these things like anger and abandonment... and here we have a class starting very soon to put me back in the driving seat toward a better life and a more consistent level of happiness. Will my score of problems and pain be gone at the end of this Trench class? Surely not, but the tools I learn will put me above the 700s in the score of healing! I have no doubt about it. I am aiming for that 805 score of living, healing, loving... That is just something I have to keep giving to God. I have to keep giving myself the oxygen to see it through. One day I will own my very own home, a place where I can have my own dogs without worrying about landlords, or seeing homelessness like I have in the past. I just can't thank the Lord enough... 

Much love & God bless everyone... Till next time,

~John