Wednesday’s Word

When the Answer Doesn’t Feel Like an Answer

Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep him” (her} “in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he” (she} “trusts in you.”

Welcome to Wednesday’s Word and Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and Trench Classes United. I’m delighted you could join us today for a little break and hopefully some fresh perspective on a Biblical principle and promise! Grab your coffee, and your Strand of Faith and let’s go tie some knots together in our faith, so when life gets tough, and it usually does, we won’t come unraveled!

I hung up the phone and literally sobbed. “I just don’t get it, Lord” I cried. “Am I just not good enough?” I challenged Him, yet feeling maybe that really is the answer,  especially after listening to the literary agent of a Christian publishing firm that charges thousands of dollars to publish a book, even if it’s been published by a company who is now going out of business.

Our conversation played over and over in my head: The publishing world is changing; everyone is going over to self-publishing. You’ve got to keep building your platform. You can’t stop now. Gone are the days of getting a check before you even write your next book.  These statements spun around and around in my head like a load of laundry on a heavy spin cycle.

And in the midst of the cycle, I dared to ask her if agents ever signed any of their authors, to which she replied no, and then added, even if there is a chance of getting picked up by an agent and/or a traditional publishing house, of which there are now only three in the world, you would have to keep your platform going before that could even happen.

That statement collided with a statement my editor from New York told me just a month prior: “Your social media platform has become every bit as important as what you write, and in some cases, even more important.”  He didn’t have to say it, but his not returning my calls in the days that followed told me my social media numbers weren’t good enough.

And then there’s the attorney I work for sometimes who represent agents and writers who when he sees me says, “Yeah, I know, we need to talk; we will, we will.” And I am still waiting.

Just that morning I had finally found my files for the three books that have been published, which was actually a great relief because without those, I can’t get them republished. I had managed a not-so-thorough look several weeks ago and couldn’t find them. And because I didn’t want to deal with the possibility of not having them, I buried the chore in the sand of my zillions of thoughts, wanting to forget about it, hoping for something miraculous to happen to change my circumstances while trying not to focus on my circumstances.

What do we do in those seasons of wait? Where is our focus? I have learned, and re-learned and un-learned so much about this that you would think I wouldn’t have any problems waiting…but I am human and honestly, I began to struggle again, and we will struggle, Coffee Hour Friend, if we don’t learn to take Him at His Word!

When I dared to sit still the day after the conversation with the Christian publishing company, Isaiah 26:3 came to me. And then I thought I heard a little whisper: When something does happen, you won’t be able to deny who it is that made it happen.

When I focus on my troubles, I am not at peace; my thoughts are like a raging sea vying for my attention. Where our focus is, there we will find our heart! Oh, my goodness, conviction just washed over me. I’m so sorry, Abba, because I don’t want my heart to be anywhere but hidden in You.

Maybe you’re going through something that looks and feels hopeless. Where is your focus? Is it on the hopelessness of it all, the situation itself? As crazy as this sounds maybe it’s supposed to look hopeless so when an answer does come, you won’t be able to deny “Who” brought it. Where is your mind and/or heart stayed, Friend?

Love,

Evinda