When fear comes knocking, let your faith answer! EL

 Faith Filled Friday

I got the phone call while I was at a filming conference with my co-author/friend. I looked down to see who it was, at the same time frustrated I hadn’t remembered to put it on vibrate. Dr. Mheta’s name filled my screen. What in the world…

Thanks for joining me for Coffee Hour with Chicklit Power and Faith-filled Friday with Trench Classes United. Come on in as I share for the first time on social media one of the biggest scares of my adult life.

“My doctor never calls me so let me see who this is, Steve.”
“Sure, sure,” he smiled.

“Kim, this is Heather from Dr. Mheta’s”

Silence

“How are you?” she asked

“I’m good; how are you?”

She got right to the point, sounding as positive as one can when they have not-so-good news to share with a patient. “We received your mammogram back and they want you to go in for further testing.” She hurriedly reassured me it was probably nothing and told me she’d be sending the order in and the imaging facility should call me sometime that day.

I hung up in a bit of a dazed shock, but I do remember seeing faces of others whom I’ve known went thru breast cancer fights and/or just scares, and I felt this sort of compassion for them that I had never known before.

I shared the news with Steve. Both of us shook our heads in disbelief and reminded each other of Who is in control. I had just been recounting the story of almost getting hit by a train the day before, and knowing that God had completely intervened in that scenario served as a fresh reminder that He’d get me through whatever this was going to be.

We talked for a few minutes and then I left, purposely switching my thoughts to my next task, though fear knocked on the door of my mind and heart, at times sounding like it was going to bang the door down.

Apparently there was a bit of confusion combined with miscommunication between the original imaging center, my follow-up imaging center and the doctor’s office but finally a week later, I went in for the follow-up test. Oh, Mylanta, I had no idea that an itty-bitty thing could be tugged on, twisted, turned and tortured so much. The pain combined with the fear was just too much and I let the tears fall, all the what-ifs flooding my soul.

I did combat the continued threats of fear knocking me down and filling me up with scripture, prayer and sharing with a few my news. My husband comforted me with his adamant opinion that it was nothing; there was nothing to worry about.

Imagine his surprise when I called to tell him that there was something and the next step was a biopsy. He actually was angry, his first response, “Why, Lord, why are you doing this?”

I realized in that moment he was going to have his own experience thru this, whatever happens. I gently reminded him that if I’m going to walk thru this, whatever “this” is, like I believe, then I need to trust His promises of working all things together for His glory, my good (Romans 8:28), knowing that His plan is not to harm me, tear me down, but to lift me up (Jer.29:11)

Please join me Monday for more of this life-changing story that I am trusting will increase the territory He’s already given me to comfort others with the comfort I’ve been given.

Faith-ing thru

Kim-Evinda

Wednesday’s Word

Learning from our Mistakes

Philippians 3:13

³ Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead…

Welcome to Wednesday’s Word @ Coffee Hour with Chicklit Power and Trench Classes United. Have you ever missed what you later figured out to be a divine opportunity and then wanted to kick yourself? Grab your coffee and come in for a true story.

I boarded the train for Los Angeles, got settled in and went right to work on our upcoming class, and then my blogs. I was focused, focused, focused. I had boarded about ten minutes early, so I had a good head start. I was already at it when I couldn’t help but hear this very upbeat chatty lady talking with a guy who was obviously her husband. Half of my mind and one ear was on what I was typing and the other ear, well, let’s just say it was hovering over to her conversation and I didn’t have to go far, because she was talking loud enough for the whole car to hear. It was like she was oblivious to how loud she was.

From her directions to her husband, it was easy to surmise that she was headed into chemo, wherever that was. I assumed it was in L.A. – I later learned I assumed incorrectly. Isn’t that usually the case? But what really struck me as odd is how happy she was. She was very upbeat, joyful, almost.

As the conductor announced last boarding call, her husband got off the train and I returned my focus to what I was doing and got completely immersed within seconds, again laser focused.

“I like your hair” echoed throughout the car, and I wondered: Is she talking to me? I turned and yep, she was looking right at me. She must have thought I didn’t hear her because she repeated herself, adding, “It’s so cute!”

I looked up and over from my laptop, trying desperately to tear myself away from my work and thanked her for her sweet compliment. That was all it took to get her to take off and within five minutes I got the condensed version of the last year of her life focused around her diagnosis of two different types of cancer. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. How can this woman be telling me about all these treatments, and how her husband was handling it, the side effects including how the treatments were giving her neuropathy in her fingers and toes…and be smiling and have such joy? I mean, I had no words except every now and then an “uh-huh,” or a nod of the head to show I was really listening.

At one point I asked her if she had a faith, because I wanted an answer for all that optimism that was oozing out of her. Her response both shocked and saddened me: “It’s not really in something or someone – I mean, I know there has to be something but…”

Wow, how does one get through this kind of thing without knowing what they believe and why they believe it?

She continued to talk, but I have to admit, I was only half-focused on what she was saying and had returned my attention to my laptop…but she kept on talking, and still I didn’t get it, that I should have picked up my stuff and just sat with her and been a shoulder, a listening ear, a captivated audience for her. Yeah, I gave her my card, told her I wanted to bless her with some encouragement and give her one of my books – which started another rabbit trail in the conversation – but I didn’t stay for this divine appointment. I bailed on it and didn’t realize I had until she got up when her stop was announced. I was shocked because I assumed she was going all the way to L.A. for some reason.

What she did next really hit me, like a bullseye, right  in my heart: She came over in front of me and took my hand and thanked me for listening to her, explaining that even though she’s been doing this for a year, she still gets scared and anxious and so it was good to talk and get her mind off of it for a little bit.

Talk about an overwhelming rush of conviction…bittersweet conviction as I watched her walk off the train with all of her stuff to go to her next all-day chemo treatment. That conviction haunted me all day and as I write this I am crying tears of regret…and yet, I’m so humbled at this scripture He gave me as I decided to write this and tell on myself.  It’s like He whispered, “What I’m saying is I knew you would miss the mark; stand up, move forward. You are forgiven, and you are ready for your next divine appointment because you have learned from your mistake.”

So if there’s something you’re beating yourself up for, dip your soul in His grace for His mercies are new every morning and His love never changes or fails, even when we do.

Love,

Evinda