Learning from our
Mistakes
3 Brethren, I do not
count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind
and reaching forward to those things which are ahead…
Welcome to
Wednesday’s Word @ Coffee Hour with Chicklit Power and Trench Classes United.
Have you ever missed what you later figured out to be a divine opportunity and
then wanted to kick yourself? Grab your coffee and come in for a true story.
I boarded
the train for Los Angeles, got settled in and went right to work on our
upcoming class, and then my blogs. I was focused, focused, focused. I had
boarded about ten minutes early, so I had a good head start. I was already at
it when I couldn’t help but hear this very upbeat chatty lady talking with a
guy who was obviously her husband. Half of my mind and one ear was on what I
was typing and the other ear, well, let’s just say it was hovering over to her
conversation and I didn’t have to go far, because she was talking loud enough
for the whole car to hear. It was like she was oblivious to how loud she was.
From her
directions to her husband, it was easy to surmise that she was headed into
chemo, wherever that was. I assumed it was in L.A. – I later learned I assumed
incorrectly. Isn’t that usually the case? But what really struck me as odd is how
happy she was. She was very upbeat, joyful, almost.
As the
conductor announced last boarding call, her husband got off the train and I
returned my focus to what I was doing and got completely immersed within
seconds, again laser focused.
“I like your
hair” echoed throughout the car, and I wondered: Is she talking to me? I turned and yep, she was looking right at
me. She must have thought I didn’t hear her because she repeated herself,
adding, “It’s so cute!”
I looked up
and over from my laptop, trying desperately to tear myself away from my work
and thanked her for her sweet compliment. That was all it took to get her to
take off and within five minutes I got the condensed version of the last year
of her life focused around her diagnosis of two different types of cancer. I
felt like I was in the twilight zone. How can this woman be telling me about
all these treatments, and how her husband was handling it, the side effects
including how the treatments were giving her neuropathy in her fingers and toes…and
be smiling and have such joy? I mean, I had no words except every now and then
an “uh-huh,” or a nod of the head to show I was really listening.
At one point
I asked her if she had a faith, because I wanted an answer for all that
optimism that was oozing out of her. Her response both shocked and saddened me:
“It’s not really in something or someone – I mean, I know there has to be
something but…”
Wow, how does one get through this
kind of thing without knowing what they believe and why they believe it?
She
continued to talk, but I have to admit, I was only half-focused on what she was
saying and had returned my attention to my laptop…but she kept on talking, and
still I didn’t get it, that I should have picked up my stuff and just sat with
her and been a shoulder, a listening ear, a captivated audience for her. Yeah,
I gave her my card, told her I wanted to bless her with some encouragement and
give her one of my books – which started another rabbit trail in the
conversation – but I didn’t stay for this divine appointment. I bailed on it
and didn’t realize I had until she got up when her stop was announced. I was
shocked because I assumed she was going all the way to L.A. for some reason.
What she did
next really hit me, like a bullseye, right
in my heart: She came over in front of me and took my hand and thanked
me for listening to her, explaining that even though she’s been doing this for
a year, she still gets scared and anxious and so it was good to talk and get
her mind off of it for a little bit.
Talk about
an overwhelming rush of conviction…bittersweet conviction as I watched her walk
off the train with all of her stuff to go to her next all-day chemo treatment.
That conviction haunted me all day and as I write this I am crying tears of
regret…and yet, I’m so humbled at this scripture He gave me as I decided to
write this and tell on myself. It’s like
He whispered, “What I’m saying is I knew you
would miss the mark; stand up, move forward. You are forgiven, and
you are ready for your next divine appointment because you have learned from
your mistake.”
So if
there’s something you’re beating yourself up for, dip your soul in His grace
for His mercies are new every morning and His love never changes or fails, even
when we do.
Love,
Evinda
