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Step 8: Make a 2-part list: one side of those we have hurt/offended and the other side will be those who we believe have hurt/offended us. Whew, I hear a “STOP” sign!
Consider this statement before you make your list or as you make your list: If truth is an unveiled reality, then maybe what I feel is an offense has not been uncovered to him or her. What if they aren’t aware that they’ve offended you? Is that possible? After all, things are rarely as they seem. The other truth about this is that respect, Jesus style, is letting someone be who they are, exactly where they are! So in other words, in all interactions, separating the behavior from the one behaving! Oh, isn’t that difficult. I could spend hours with you on stories of offensive behavior from others to me but let me just say this: when we feel offended, we behave offensively! So, make that list because the only one that you have the power to change is U!
Be willing to make amends with each of them. This means asking Him to help prepare your heart so you can purpose to make those amends. Making amends is paving the road to serenity. Romans 12:18 tells us “As much as is possible with you, live peaceably with others.” This makes me think of family relationships, especially around the holidays.
Again, remember, when you get there before Him, He’s not going to talk to you about what they did to you, but how you treated them, regardless! When you really think of it with an eternal perspective, it becomes a lot easier to just let it go!
Here are some principles to take with you as you do this step:
• You have to own it before you can disown it!
• Don’t contemplate if they will accept your amends or not because what they do with your amends is up to them, not you. Make them and move ahead.
• This step also requires that you let go of bitterness, resentment . . .
• He will help right your wrong. This step requires you to truly partner with God because it requires a heart change.
This next step has always boggled my mind a bit, but I think I understand why it’s in there more than I did a few years ago when I began reading and working through the steps. Step 9 says to make those amends directly with those persons except when to do so will cause injury or harm to them.
Unfortunately, some of the people we have wounded are sort of frozen on “bitter” and to go to them directly may create more harm as it stirs up the bitterness which increases the woundedness. Pray about sending a letter of amends. There’s always a way!
One of the bases for this step is found in Matthew 5:23-24 – go ahead; look it up. :)
Amends is more than an apology because it is a clear and purposeful act designed to resolve conflict, as much as is possible with us.
Try and envision this spiritual principle of forgiveness, not only of others, but of self, which is incredibly freeing: The offense of another produces hurt to the offended. So imagine you as the offended. That hurt or offense is like a handcuff that is put on to the offender by you, the offended. Now you, the offended, are bound to the offender by the grudge you hold. the Book with
ALL the answers!
With this picture in mind, who has the greater power to remove that handcuff, you or the offender? When you forgive, you release yourself. The offender’s guilt can only be removed by the offended!
Forgiveness paves the path to serenity.
Join me Thursday for Step 10! We will finish with this “purpose” series before going to our first WOW of 2014!
Forgiven by Him,
Evinda
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