Tam’s Trench Truth

Welcome to Tam’s Trench Truth with Trench Classes United! Come on in.

This week I have been trying to understand why is it that the older I get, the more anxious I am about clutter. I can literally feel it almost like a weight on my chest sometimes. Running my own business requires me to keep a lot of paperwork and that in itself adds to it in a big way but I feel like I am on a constant tactical mission to downsize by selling or donating things to the Salvation Army. 

After my last move almost three years ago, this anxiety really hit me hard. I guess when you have to move what you own, you are really going to feel every pound and every truckload of it. It sounds like a lot of the emotional things I carry as well. We have to carry our emotions and feelings everywhere we go. But the struggle is also that we don't want to let things go. For example, there are some material things which we are attached to by way of memory; it reminds us of the good times we had with others.

I learned to start taking pictures of material things, but then I noticed the pictures start building up and need organizing. Isn’t that true with our emotions, too? We find ways to shuffle or even compact things into tighter and tighter spaces, tucking them away, not really dealing with them. But at some point we simply have to let things go.

I'd give any material thing I own away if it could erase the memories of my childhood abuse. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. Prayers and education into understanding all these things are the only way. Giving it to God is a must but we must give it in full but I’m not quite there. I haven’t stopped trying and that has to be good enough to keep driving me forward. In addition to the childhood abuse, I am a Veteran that deals with PTSD. And to think I’ve been called pathetic before!

I find myself praying for the one who said that to me. Maybe this is how, bit by bit, inch by inch, I am letting it go. It's not just about letting go but forgiving. It's funny how I came across this thought by writing out my blog just now. True healing in motion happens before ur eyes. Healing is surely done "inch by inch and row by row" (to copy some of the lyrics from John Denver there.)

Much love, and let us pray for one another, that forgiveness would come in the revealing and healing process, bit by bit.

John

~John Tam