Don’t Chase a Feeling, cont.

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Welcome to Coffee Hour and thanks so much for stopping by! We’ve been in this series for a while but when you consider how emotional most of us women are, is it any wonder? Grab your coffee, and your Strand of Faith and let’s go talk some more about chasing a characteristic instead of all our feelings!

So we’ve talked about chasing self-control versus the feeling of being in control, the characteristic of being content versus chasing feeling happy and then that feeling of being in love. Oh, to learn the powerful truth about love being so much more than a feeling; it’s a verb, not a noun; it’s a choice!

So what are some other feelings that we women tend to chase? Well, off the top of my head, without digging too deep in my old trunk of junk, I can come up with a couple more feelings that continue to tap me on the shoulder as if to remind me that they are always around. How about the feeling of acceptance, feeling like you fit in and belong somewhere with someone? Too much chasing of this feeling can lead to loneliness which can spiral down into the pit of depression. Instead of chasing that feeling, which is really a need because we weren’t created to do life alone, pursue the characteristic of being accepting by looking out instead of always in. In other words, get out and smell the flowers; do what you like to do with you! Become the type of person you’d like to hang out with and then reach out to invite someone else out for coffee, to go shopping, to have lunch, to exercise, to scrapbook…you get the idea! Whatever activity you enjoy, just do it!

How about the feeling of being understood? Now that one not only keeps lurking over my shoulder but is constantly screaming in my ear. I have to consciously choose to chase being understanding and flick that need/feeling to be understood away. I’ve actually learned – and I am still learning -- that pursuing the characteristic of understanding others keeps me clear of the battlefield of trying to be understood, for I am focused on the other instead of myself. The funny thing about that is the more I understand others, the less I need to be understood!

If we look back over these “feelings,” we can see that they all have a couple of things in common. First, they are needs within us, which isn’t a bad thing; we just may not know the recipe and be trying to put too much of the wrong feelings in. Another thing they all have in common is that if these needs/feelings are not replaced with their opposite characteristic, they become insecurities within us. When they become insecurities within us, then they are given the reigns for many of the choices that we make in life. In other words, these feelings/needs are given too much power in our lives!  It is much better to dance with a characteristic than it is to chase a feeling!

I’m so glad that the chase has ended and has been replaced with chasing the characteristic of self-control, which means “meekness within, with restraint, to hold one’s self back”! Love it! I’m no longer chasing my tail; no, I’m chasing new beginnings.

There are many other “feelings” out there but let me ask you, what “feelings” do you catch yourself chasing? Please feel free to share them by leaving me a comment and/or emailing me at Evinda@chicklitpower.com 

Love,

Evinda

Tuesday’s Trench Lesson

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

A warm welcome to you! Thanks for stopping by for Coffee Hour and our “Tuesday’s Trench Lesson.” In case you are wondering what in the world a trench lesson is, it’s just a time to dig in a bit deeper, take the masks off that we tend to wear in our day-to-day lives and talk about things a bit more transparently. So, grab your coffee, your Strand of Faith and I pray that you will be able to relate with this trench lesson and tie some knots in your faith.

I am part of a connection group that meets in our home every Tuesday and currently we are talking about Life on Mission via a book and DVD by Tim Harlow. So last week, during our connection group time, we were talking about serving…what it is and what it isn’t. Matthew 25:40 describes serving pretty accurately: “The King replied, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’”

I won’t get specific about what my husband and I have recently done to reach out to help one of the least of these, but I will share that it is ongoing and it is definitely taking me out of my comfort box, further from myself, refining me and humbling me.

As our group sat and watched the DVD, and thereafter discussed the questions and our answers, I was rendered humbled by all I’ve yet to learn about serving others, especially in light of the fact that I’m in ministry and thought I had reached my capacity to serve others! Apparently, I haven’t!

When Dr. Tim Harlow even went as far as to say that maybe we should drop some of our “church” activities to allow for more time to truly serve others, my heart cried out yes! That’s what He’s teaching me; slow down and catch what I’m throwing at you!

He made the distinction by talking about socializing and truly connecting by saying that he honestly believes that the greatest hindrance to the mission of Christ is the busyness of His agents. Serving is going from being a friend to family, from socializing on the outside and bringing them in!

That really struck me rather profoundly. He’s right; we can be so caught up in doing, doing, doing, that we forget how to serve by being! Serving doesn’t give us the license to run amuck and be so busy we forget how to be with others, or we don’t recognize a divine appointment, even when it’s right in front of our face. True serving takes connecting and they’re two things that get in the way of true connection: convenience and comfort!

Oh, Father, serving you is definitely not convenient but definitely rewarding, incredibly uncomfortable but crazily peaceful!

Look around you friend; whom will you serve today?

Love,

Evinda

Jenn’s Journey

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Good morning fabulous friends. It's Monday, it's fall, and it's time for a coffee break. Thanks for stopping in!

 I am reading a book by Stasi Eldredge called "Becoming Myself; Embracing God's Dream For You." It's a fantastic book and I recommend it. I read something in it this morning that has me thinking: "In cases of suffering, you can have understanding, or you can have Jesus. If you insist on understanding, you usually lose both."

I've shared for a few weeks now about my journey of marriage to, and divorce from, a personality disordered person with many narcissistic traits. I've spent many years struggling to understand, first of all, what in the world happened? How did I get fooled into that relationship? How did he become this way? What could I have done differently? Did I cause it? What is wrong with me? Oh the list of whys could go on forever. I do believe that questioning why is a good thing. Questioning, for a season, can lead to answers and a deeper understanding. In cases such as a failed relationship, questions keep me from making a similar mistake.

Ideally, questions and understanding facilitate healing.  It's easy to become bogged down in the whys, to stay entrenched in the pain, bitterness, anger or depression that come from painful situations. I fight this constantly because now I share custody with this person and what makes that incredibly difficult is I feel he uses my child as a pawn. Mama bear doesn't do so well with understanding why her child's story has to have this dark side to it!

 I have to understand that I might never understand. I don't like this. I want to rail against this fact. Somehow I think that if I can just figure it out, I'll have 'the' answer. This is where choice comes in. I have to choose Jesus. I've had to choose to give the dark, ugly side of our story to Him.

I saw a comment that went something like "Instead of asking why, ask what next?"

This comment resonated with me because I am beginning to really want whatever IS next. The cool thing is I get to choose! I get to build the kind of life I want for my daughter and me. It is up to me. Do I struggle still? Absolutely. Is the pain and suffering gone? Not completely, and it may never be. I do know this: I do not want to be stuck in the pit of anger, depression and why me forever; I want to thrive in life, not just survive.

I am full of quotes today, so I end with another of my favorites: "I don't know what my future holds but I know WHO holds my future."

Until next week, be blessed,

Jenn

Croley’s Corner @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

“Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.” Hebrews 13:15

Hi Coffee Hour friends. Hope today finds you already full of Pumpkin Latte’s! J Grab your journal and let’s get started on another journey of our walk of faith.

In the natural we sometimes know that we have to move towards a situation for healing, meet it head on for repair or to be restored, but also in the same breath we have to be removed in order for healing to take place. It’s like removing the pebble that you can often find inside your shoe.  Unless you remove that pebble that has found its way into your shoe, it’s gonna feel like a boulder before too long!

Sometimes when we’ve become wounded or have felt the sting of betrayal we can relate it to a pebble being in our shoe. We adjust the position of our foot and the sense of it seems to be gone but soon it reappears and thus stops us from moving forward.

My feet feel pretty secure, outfitted with a pair of socks and shoes that fit properly before I head out the door and before I know it, somehow in my security, a piece of something has worked its way into the bottom of my foot. My first thought is to keep going, walk through it; yet in that, the further I attempt to walk the more it becomes irritating. I soon find out that not only has it affected my foot but it has affected my entire core, and it begins crying out!

I ask the all-time question, “Why didn’t I stop and take a few moments and remove it?  Did I think I was more powerful and determined to overcome this boulder that ended up in my shoe?” I reposition my foot, wiggle my toes; rock my foot back and forth only to find it has repositioned somewhere else in my shoe, still unable to move forward!  Oh, the frustration of something so small that causes me to stop instead of proceeding!! Are you getting the picture here? 

We start out secure, covered by His Word, continually praising Him for all the wonderful things in our life, as we should do. Along the way we may encounter a pebble. We must be determined to push through it in order not to be overcome only to find we’ve become frustrated, distracted, mad, wailing our hands and maybe even our mouths all because of one small itty bitty pebble that felt like a boulder in your walk of faith.

Sometime in life that’s just how we feel! The enemy can often throw stones our way and if we’re not careful where we walk, they could easily end up in our secured soul, irritating causing unnecessary pain, just like the pebble in our shoes.

The “pebble in my shoe” acts as a constant reminder that we as the walkers are on a spiritual journey. Not that the journey (faith walk) has to be painful, but that sometimes it’s not easy to keep walking the path. For God wants His people to know that by praising Him it leads us through hardships and difficulties and trying situations; yes, it’s that pebble in my shoe.

So the next time you find a pebble in your shoe, start by praising Him; then remove the pebble and continue on your way!

Have a super weekend and that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, and remember, keep Him close to your heart!

Love Deb

Paws for Coffee Hour

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Oh, I just love Thursdays because it’s PAWS for Coffee Hour. If you have a four-legged friend, I just know you will gain something from these blogs. So many of us can relate to loving our dogs in ways we just don’t seem able to love others…oh, the lessons we can learn from them! Grab your coffee, journal and even your Strand of Faith because I’m sure you’re going to find something knot-worthy that Jenn shares today!

This weekend I received some sad news.  My mother’s dog, Abigail, had passed away.  Abby was the sweetest dog I have ever known, so gentle and loving.  While my heart broke for my mother, the sadness keeps hitting me in waves as I scratch the head of her brother, my golden retriever Corey. I am trying not to think about how much time we have left with him.

Abby’s death was sudden.  She had gone to the groomers on Friday, was short of breath on Saturday, and gone on Sunday.  The cause was hemangiosarcoma, a malignant cancer that arises from the blood vessels with tumors often forming on every organ.    The vet told my mom that there was no way she could have known as Golden Retrievers often hide the symptoms of cancer from their owners until it’s too late.  He speculated that this is because Golden’s are so loyal and do not want to disappoint their owners.

As I prayed for peace for my mom, the Lord started to show me how many of us are like Abby.  Not that we have literal cancer running through us but cancer in our very soul.  Cancer is defined as a disease caused by an uncontrolled division of abnormal cells in a part of the body.  That first abnormal cell is introduced or activated then divides and spreads. 

Abuse, past hurts, rejection and other toxic things in our lives are introduced then grow and multiple within us if left untreated.  Many of us, including myself, get really good at hiding the pain, desperation, etc.  We don’t want to worry, bother, be a victim or acknowledge what is growing inside of us.  We think that the pain is who we are so it is easy to accept and cover up.

For me I had to realize that the things that happened to me weren’t my fault but I was allowing the “cancer” to keep growing.  I allowed the hurt to affect my heart.  Proverbs 4:23 tells us to “guard your heart for out of it flow the issues of life.”  The shift in my thinking came from the revelation of “What if you’re not who you think you are?” My DNA (made in the Father’s image) and my birthright (called to be a son or daughter of the King) determines who I am.  NOT: Trauma, family, forces against me, wounds, opinions, relationships or my limitations and failures. 

I started to change… not because of what I did but because I gave Jesus the power and authority over it.  Meaning I was no longer hiding it or holding it back.  The Apostle Paul was in prison but he was still free.  His past could have weighed him down but he allowed God to remove it so he could be what God called him to be. 

Coffee Hour friend, know that you are free. Know that God handcrafted you for a purpose not as a victim.  What is true about you in God’s heart?  Can you see it?  Can you agree with it?

If you’re uncertain, feel free to comment here at the blog, or email us and we’ll be more than happy to talk it over with you. Also, if you have a favorite dog moment, why not share it and become part of our PAWS for Coffee Hour blog!

Blessings,

Jennifer, Abbey and Corey

Don’t Chase a Feeling, cont.

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thanks for joining me today for Coffee Hour and more of this series. Have you ever caught yourself chasing after a feeling? It’s kind of funny if you try and visualize it; don’t you think…or not! Hey, grab your coffee, a journal and your strand of faith and let’s go tie some knots while learning how to stop chasing that “in love” feeling!

So how do we stop chasing that “in love” feeling? There’s not really a short answer for such a complex question. I think it’s a process that is sped up when we run right into ourselves while chasing all these feelings, at least that’s what happened for me. Seriously, try and picture yourself running and all of a sudden, bam! You’re stopped in your tracks and you come face to face with yourself.

As I blog these words, I can’t help but think of my single friends and my heart goes out to you as I pray that these words will resonate on/in your heart and make your S.O.S., season of singleness, an amazing time to be filled with that love you think you are looking for so that you can be ready for the one He has for you. I was just telling a friend of mine while we were walking that very thing as she shared that her daughter was finally learning to be content in singleness. I told her, it’s her S.O.S. and there’s no such thing as a perfect person, but there is a person perfect for her but God is perfecting that person!

See, until we’re whole, satisfied in/with Him, anything we bring to another relationship or try and get from another relationship will always miss the mark; it won’t be quite enough to make it work. His love is the only one that will NOT let us down, will never leave us or abandon us (I love this!).

When we go back to the first definition of love, which is translated from the Hebrew language, we really don’t need to go any further: “Unfailing love, loyal love, devotion, kindness…” and because it is based on The Covenant relationship, it is from Him with Christ to us for others! Do you see it? This is the kind of love to chase because once we catch it, the chase is done and we can become loving!

His love is the only love that can/will end your chase and land you into the characteristic of loving others! I would love to go to the top of the mountain with those of you who haven’t experienced this, and hold your hand and jump with you, but since that is not possible, I will be praying for your flight…..

Love,

Evinda

Tuesday’s Trench Lesson

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Welcome to Tuesday’s Trench Lesson with Lea…have you ever wondered what He was trying to say through the storm? Come on in; you just may find an answer!

What Would You Like Me To Learn, Lord?

  I have been learning about patience and overcoming struggles lately. The thing I have come to realize about this is there is something I am not getting! While I am continually looking on the positive side, seeing all of my blessings, and being grateful for what I have -- and I admit that it is not always easy; sometimes it feels nearly impossible, but I eventually get there – I have this sense that I’m missing a very important lesson. Here’s what I have gotten:

 I have learned all these great things about giving joy to others to receive my own joy. I have seen that I am provided for, and can feel my Heavenly Father's love for me. I know that I receive answers to my prayers, even if it is not the answer I want to hear, or in the time that I want to hear it. I have learned about perspective, and how He sees it all, and I only see a very small portion of the big picture. I know I am becoming a better me, and trying to touch others lives with a positive outcome.

These are all great and awesome things! What I am beginning to understand, is that I have many more things to learn in regard to my trials. I am not going to complain about my situation, just explain. As I’ve shared in the recent past, my family has been struggling with car issues. We got my car back from the shop (after over a month) to have my husband's car die that day! Now my husband's car is being fixed, as we share my car. This morning, I went to the auto part store to pick up a part. When I got back into my car to drive home, my check engine light came on. I don't know what it means, and how much work will need to be done, but it was at that moment when God's 2x4 hit me over the head. I am not learning something that He wants me to in these situations.

When I got home, I went to my husband and told him what was going on. Then I told him what I am telling you. There’s something we are not getting in this lesson of life. I then devised a plan of action that I would like to share. It is so simple, but not easy for us.

 I am going to be transparent with you, and put our dirty laundry out there a bit. My husband and I do not pray together. We do not read the scriptures together. We do not spend much time together, because there is always “something that needs to be done.” I pray with the kids, and on my own, but I think a big thing missing in our lives is that prayer done together. I know it will bring us closer as husband and wife, and I think it will help us learn what we should. I also think it will help us make better decisions for the family. These are all pluses. There is not a downside to prayer, not a one!

So why haven't we been doing this already? Especially when we know we are supposed to. The only answer I can come up with is that the enemy has dug his claws into us, and prevented us from the desire to do. When we are deep in a weakness, that dang sneaky snake can feel so powerful, but he honestly is so weak. We have already shown how much stronger we are than him, because we are still here fighting the fight, and he is stuck and miserable. This knowledge helps me remember that I am stronger that any evil. I can do good and be good, even when I feel so weak.

For this next week, my husband and I are going to try to say at least one prayer in the morning together, and read some scripture each day. I want to invite you to do the same if you aren't already. If you don't have a husband or wife, then pick someone that you love dearly whom you can pray with each day for the next week. I would love to hear from you what you learned from the experience.

I can tell you that in each of my prayers, one question in the forefront I have for my kind and loving Father in Heaven is this, “What would you like me to learn today, Lord?” James 1:5 says: If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that give to all men liberally, and without reproach; and it shall be given him.

Until next week,

I love you.