Power Friday!

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thanks so much for joining me for Power Friday at Chicklit Power. Can you believe that this is already the last Friday of the first month of this year? Whew! Oh, how thankful I am that I am learning to live in the moments and January has been a month full of moments! Grab your coffee and come on in for a little break. :)

This Friday’s power thought, or mini download as I like to call them, fits right in with where we are in Nana Holds: a major life change. I don’t know about you, but sometimes, if I am warned about a change, I am better equipped, or so it seems, to just transition without questioning and/or worrying. But there are those times when change sneaks up on me and I am not so good at the lane-change. Such was a time that I am currently writing about in Nana Holds.

When I received the news that would once again change our lives forever, I began to worry, and worry, and worry, until I got myself so worked up that He had to pop my delusional balloon that puffs up every time I even think I’m in some sort of control!

That’s where this power thought comes in and I hope and pray it reminds you of His command to us not to worry, for which of us can gain a single day of life by worrying? In fact, the opposite is true; we lose life!

Worry is like a squatter: it sneaks in and stays without paying rent! Serve it eviction papers!

Have a worry-free weekend!

Evinda


P.S. You won't want to miss Monday's blog . . . from a new member of the CPM team. God is truly expanding our territory and reaching out to men as well. Hmm, maybe we should have a subsidiary of Chicklit Power Ministries: Chick-a-Dude Power Ministries? :) :)

Nana Holds Continues

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thanks so much for stopping by today. I promise it will get a little happier here soon so stick with me as we get closer to wrapping up Nana Holds; and stand by for more of life’s valuable lessons in months to come as He prepares me to share Nana Prays! Grab your coffee and let’s get back to coffee with my girlfriend.

I stared at her, my heart overflowing with gratitude that despite me, she was learning something incredibly valuable about God! And how funny it was that God had allowed me to be used in her life in some of her darkest moments, and now He was using her in mine! Yes, one of God’s most precious gifts He gives us is relationship. I was sort of dumbfounded by the irony of it all.

Her words echoed in the hallways of my mind, spilling comfort over into the depths of my heart: “Well, He’s not going to leave you now. He’s brought you this far. It’s just another change.”

“I definitely know that, friend and” – the ringing of my phone collided into the end of thought. I looked at her. "It's him."

She motioned for me to answer it.

“Hello.”

“We’re on our way!” His enthusiasm tugged at my heart and I couldn’t help but smile, but only a little bit. It had been a long time since I had seen or heard such happiness, such life in his voice and I certainly didn’t want to rain on it with any level of bitterness.

I looked at my watch. It was already almost 12! “So where did you want to eat?” I asked him.

“Where are you right now?”

“I’m with Joanne at Starbucks by the freeway.”

“Let’s meet at Red Robin.”

Silence.

“I’m starving like Marvin,” he laughed at himself.

I couldn’t even think of eating at the moment, but I didn’t tell him that.

“Invite Joanne to come. I haven’t seen her in a while. It will be fun.”

His childlike enthusiasm pulled at the strings of my heart again and I smiled because I had missed that part of him for so long.

Joanne had heard him, too, and she was shaking her head vehemently.

“I don’t want to interrupt in your family time,” she whispered for my ears only.

“So what time do you want me there?” I asked.

“Well, we just left Santa Ana, so let’s say 12:45.”

I agreed and then asked to talk with John for a second. He came on the phone and I congratulated him for his release and confirmed God’s hand in it. He sounded relieved but otherwise pretty non-emotional, which I had learned by this time didn't mean anything negative from him; it is just part of his makeup. After we said good-bye and I hung up, I felt as though I was the one with dual personalities: how could I be so torn but still be so kind to this person who was in so many ways still more boy than man? Would the things I learned while he was home for those thirty days stick? And what about all that I'd learned the entire almost two years? Would we continue to build the foundation we started with the little bit of conversing we had finally engaged in? Would the respect continue to grow? And then there was George and our relationship. Would he ever value me just as important as his kids? Would he learn to confirm his convictions with them and for them?

I sat back in my chair, willing myself to just stay in each moment, to not mind-screw the future to death and rip myself off of any lesson I needed to learn. Joanne and I shared a comfortable silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

Finally, I looked up at her and re-invited her to lunch.

She repeated her desire to not intrude on our “family” time and I assured her she would be doing me a favor, sort of helping me ease into this new lane of change. With that, she agreed and I told her I’d pick her up at her house in a half hour.

My confession of needing her help must have triggered something because she changed her mind and even offered to pick me up from my house in a half hour. She wanted to go home and change, and so did I. There was no need to stay in my workout clothes. I needed to make an effort at looking happy, even though my heart was not quite there.

We’ll resume with more of the ending of Nana Holds after our WOW next week. Join me tomorrow for Power Friday.

Reminiscing with thankfulness,
Evinda

Nana holds . . . in her heart

Nana Holds: Coffee Confession Part 2

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Happy Wednesday to you and thanks so much for taking time out of your day to have coffee with me and share more of this series which is slowly coming to an end. Oh, how I wish I could drag it out and savor the beauty of it all. Grab your coffee and come join me and my girlfriend. I’ve just put a confession out there on the table!

With my fears exposed and out there for me to look at, I breathed a sigh of bittersweet relief.

“How ironic, huh?” I said to my girlfriend, almost with a chuckle.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, a year and a half ago, I wanted nothing to do with any of it, especially participating in raising a little one.” I stayed stuck on that truth for a few seconds, allowing it to soften my heart and allay my fears. “And now I want things to stay right where they are.”

A heavy sigh escaped again.

“I remember that,” my friend confirmed.

“Yeah, if anyone says God doesn’t have a sense of humor, they don’t really know Him.”

We sat there for some time, reminiscing about the difficult transitions we each had passed through, bringing with the passage an understanding of the difficulty of marriage, revealing us both desperately seeking to stay in our own lanes and not crash into our husband’s. She had been one person I had shared with during that difficult thirty-day trial because God had joined us in friendship with the common denominator: we were both in the throes of a difficult marriage, riding the roller-coaster of emotions that come with the reality and necessity for self-growth while trying desperately to hang on in our own car and not try and fix and/or change our spouse.
                                                                                                                                     He loves his
                                                                                                                                    cooooookies!

God knew my heart then, and He certainly knows the desire of it now; that my life would do the speaking so my words don’t hinder His will or work in my life and the lives of those He puts in my path. I yearn to allow my transparency and my desire for truth to be used for His glory and not mine, that it would encourage and equip others toward a deeper walk with Him.

What my friend said next rendered me faith-filled and fueled once again because you see, she had been coming to our events, had admitted to not liking church growing up and not raising her daughter in church, but little by little, her heart was changing and so were many of her choices, and therefore her life was transforming before my very eyes. She had not yet accepted Christ as her Savior but her life and her heart were headed that way. God used her that day to remind me of one of my very favorite life verses that, like all the others, has been proven to be true in each and every one of my circumstances, confirming that He does work ALL things together for my good and His glory.

Very matter-of-factly she said: “Well, He’s not going to leave you now. He’s brought you this far. It’s just another change.”

Oh, Coffee Hour friend, we have just a few coffee hours left with this series and let me say now that I wish I could share with you all the changes that are still taking place, but that will have to wait until He opens the door for Nana Prays, and I know He will because it’s another season of growth that I’m currently walking through and until I get through it, I can’t share it because I don’t have all the lessons from it learned quite yet.

In the meantime, join me tomorrow for more of what I am able to share in Nana Holds, 

Evinda

Nana holds . . . in her heart

Nana Holds: Nearing the End

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thanks for joining me today for coffee and more of Nana Holds. It’s hard to believe this series is coming to an end, and yet, around the corner in the not so distant future is Nana Prays! Grab your coffee and come on in.

I received the phone call on the way to our office. It was George.

I clicked the button to answer from my steering wheel. “Hi, honey.”

He didn’t hear me.
“Hello . . .”

“He’s done! It’s over. He’s coming home.”

Silence.

“Did you hear me? Are you there?”

“Yeah, I’m here.” The relief I thought I would feel when this day came was nowhere to be found and its absence rendered me confused and speechless.

But George didn’t pick up on it. “We have to go back and get his things and then we’ll be on our way home. Do you want to meet for lunch?”

I looked at the clock; it was only 9:45 and time seemed to stand still right then. I couldn’t think two hours ahead, let alone about eating; I was stuck on what the future would now hold with John coming home.
 
George repeated his question.

I mumbled a question back at him. “What time?”

“We’ll give you a call when we’ve gotten all his stuff and we are on our way home,” emphasis on home.

We said our good-byes and hung up.

I decided that going to the office wasn’t a strong enough distraction, and that staying in auto-pilot mode, or survival mode, wouldn’t accomplish anything. I completed a couple of errands and then went for a quick workout at the gym after calling a friend and asking her to meet me later for coffee and conversation.

My workout was intense and I was done in thirty minutes. I didn’t even bother to go home and change; besides the fact there wasn’t enough time. I knew I didn’t have to and I could be myself with her.

I pulled up to the Starbucks and parked right beside her and walked in to get a small coffee. She took one look at me and knew something was wrong. I despise myself for that! Why can’t I just keep my emotions to myself? Ugh! (Heavy sigh.)

“What’s going on?”

“Let’s get our coffee and go outside.”

We sat down at our table outside and she asked me if I was okay. When I changed the subject, she 
 didn’t push and for the first half hour, we talked about her stuff, but then she came back to mine.

I relayed the turn of events with tears streaming down my face as I informed her that John was coming home . . . today!

“Well, isn’t that a good thing?”

At first, I was dumbfounded by this question because all I could see was my own reasons for why it didn’t “feel” like a good thing and my silence prompted her to ask the question again.

“I guess it can be,” I admitted, but not quite convinced.

She broke my silence. “But now that he’s home, won’t it make things easier for you?”

This time I looked at her like she was a foreigner speaking to me in a language she thought I had learned, like French or something crazy hard like that. “Easier in what way?”

“With little Johnny.”

I about fell out of my chair, doubled over with more anguish, as I imagined little Johnny and the upcoming change. “I hadn’t even thought of that, but --” I sipped my coffee nervously while she patiently waited for me to finish my response.

“But what?” she encouraged.

Memories of the distant past filled all my senses, flooding out into the open sky and forming clouds that hung over me ominously. “I am so afraid for my marriage, afraid that George won’t protect me if John falls. I’m scared that history will once again repeat itself because we haven’t had a chance to prepare for this. I mean we had that thirty-day trial run, but there were no rules to live by put in place for a permanent situation and George and I were in our own corners most of those thirty days.”

The memory of the marital pain thickened my fears, trying to choke back my tears, but emotion won and I let the tears come.

My friend just listened so I continued.

“I’m just getting the hang of this with little Johnny and “-- I choked down another sob. “—and I don’t want anyone to interfere with this incredible new bond we have.”

The confession was like a hot air balloon that popped. Once out on the table, I was able to look at everything, and faith intervened and filled my senses. I knew that this new turn of events hadn’t knocked Him off of His throne, and though I wasn’t happy about the change, and more scared than anything, I reminded myself of a truth that has been proven over and over and over again in my life: that the plans He has for me are not to harm me, but to lift me up, to give me a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Join me tomorrow for more.

Faith-ing through the changes,
Evinda

Nana holds . . . in her heart

Nana Holds: A Tiime of Change

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Happy Monday to you! Speaking of Mondays, I am so excited about future Mondays and our Coffee Hour. This has nothing to do with Nana Holds but I am about to burst with excitement and I have to tell someone, so who else can I tell other than those of you who join me for Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power? Within the next couple of weeks, we will have a guest blogger every Monday. He – yes, I said “he”! – is one of the most compassionate, kind and genuine guys I’ve ever met in my life. He totally supports the ministry and believes in its mission and I just discovered he loves to write! So, Garrett Castro, Fitness 19’s manager, will be joining us soon. Be watching your email for more details but one thing I can tell you is I’ve named it something that rhymes with “nana.” Do you give up? The Monday blog will be Monday’s Manna, emphasis on “man”!  I can’t wait for you to receive all that he gives from his heart right to yours.

Okay, let’s get back to where we left off in this series, Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and come with me to court where John is standing before the judge giving a progress report and his dad and Jenna are in the audience, practically holding their breath.

I wasn’t there, but I can just picture George sitting nervously, picking at his cuticles, first from his thumb and then each and every finger. Why was he so nervous? This was the day that the Court would announce its decision as to whether John would start completely over to satisfy the debt owed or whether he would resume from where he left off, thus bringing him home in the next few months.

Meanwhile, I was home with little Johnny and our routine, enjoying it, and him, enamored by his freedom of expression, his childlike joy that now I wish I had bottled. Oh, as I write that, I have tears running down my face . . . that sweet joy that I was at this point finally able to recognize, a childlike joy that told us everything in his world was better; that he was happy and carefree, just as a three-year-old should be, and most importantly, he was without stress put upon him by the adults in his world.

Oh, if I only I had bottled it so I could open it every time I ache from missing him – oops, sorry. I’m getting off track. You know what? I think I’ll stay on this track for a few minutes and compare the track of eighteen months prior up to this point. Looking back helps me go forward, especially when I can see all the good that He brought about in the ride!

In the beginning of this ride, both little Johnny and I expressed more negative emotion than positive, and while now he was still free to do that, even more so because I had learned to be okay with that, he had more joy than sorrow, more happiness than sadness, more laughter than anger that became part of his little emotional frame and freed me to do the nurturing I was called and now equipped to do.
Oh, what a privilege to be used in this way, but he is not the only one changed for I know I will never be the same; and that’s a good thing. Everything and everyone that God has used to free me of me up to this point has made this season one of the very best of my life. They say if you are not moving forward, you are not growing. As I rewind the last almost two years, I can honestly say I have not stayed in the same place emotionally; no, God loves me too much to have left me the way I was. That’s why He brought us little Johnny, a little boy in need of healing who brought healing to his nana.

So why couldn’t life just stay like that? At least for a little longer, like years longer?

Because at that moment, God saw fit to bestow even more favor on John and as John stood before him and one of the supervisors read his progress to the Court, the Court decided that John had paid his debt and the gavel came down, issuing him a clean slate and the gift of freedom! John was released to come home!

Why, Father, did the change of direction have to come when it did?

Join me tomorrow for more . . .

Rejoicing in the reminiscing,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

P.S.: Hey, are you having any sort of relationship struggles? Join Steve and me on Blog Talk Radio today at 1:00 Pacific time as we share truths that transform even the most difficult of relationships in our How to Love Who You Love series. It’s like 30 minutes of free counseling! If you can’t join us at 1:00, that’s okay. Just click on this link when you can and you will wind up in our show! Then follow the prompts to download and listen at your convenience. www.blogtalkradio.com/Chicklit-Power

Power Fridays

Power Friday-from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

It’s the second to the last Friday in the first month of the year! Bam, January’s about gone! Whew, let’s grab our coffee and come in for a little power thought to cling to as life goes whizzing by!
I don’t think I can ever hear this mini-download He gave me more than eight months ago too often. It’s a great reminder to help us harness our thoughts so they don’t come spilling out of our mouth.
I don’t know about you, but I love the gift of girlfriends with whom I can share my heart, especially in times of trouble and struggle. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the bucket of ice thrown upon me that nearly froze my words in my throat and awakened my heart to this truth I’m about to share.
I was with a girlfriend and her mom and step-dad and we were having dinner. I had never met these people before but I felt as though I knew them because my girlfriend spoke fondly of them both, a lot. They were asking me questions about me, the ministry and I relaxed and began sharing as if I’d known them for thirty years, not thirty minutes.
Here’s the problem: What I was sharing I had absolutely no business sharing! When I finally stopped to take a bite of food, her step-dad reminded me of that very truth and put me in my place in such a powerfully subtle way that I couldn’t squirm anywhere but in my conviction, powerful tangible conviction brought to me from the mouth of this stranger! It was one of life’s most humbling moments for me and that is where this power thought comes from.

The more we talk about our troubles and our fears,

the more life we breathe into them.

Oh, friend, let’s not pay tribute to our troubles by verbally perpetuating them; instead let’s remember to cast our cares on Him for He cares for us. In this way, we will have more physical, emotional and spiritual energy to invest in things that build up, not tear down!
Have a great weekend.
Evinda

Share and Enjoy:

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Tags: coffee, coffee hour, energy, faith, spiri

Nana Holds!

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thanks for joining me for more of Nana Holds. I hope the truths I am sharing with you about life, love and relationships are encouraging you to love those in your life and to be aware of all that the classroom of relationships has to teach us. Grab your coffee and join me.

The return day dawned sunny and bright with a cloud of sadness for all of us. I stayed in the background as they got him ready for school, listening to them both reminding him reassuringly that daddy was going back to work but we all would get to visit him again soon, and then before he knew it, daddy would be home for good and he wouldn’t leave any more!

George, Jenna and I had talked about the importance of her being present at least once during the middle of the week to help with this latest transition, this latest good-bye. Many times she would tell him, “You know what?”

“What?”

“I’m gonna come over and have dinner with you sometimes and stay the night.”

His eyes would light up and I just know he was grasping that promise, allowing it to reassure him in ways I’ll always remember because it was the mama-type of nurturing he needed. There is no such thing as too much nurturing, especially at his age and considering all the circumstances surrounding his little life. Daddies build the frame and mommies color it in.
Despite the rough start in the beginning of his life, this little guy has had some positive frame-builders and many hearts that have colored in his little frame with honest-to-goodness love and nurturing.                                                                                                                                                              Johnny in sugar
                                                                                                                                     heaven!
                                       
While that seemed to satisfy him and get him through the good-bye, it wasn’t so easy for Jenna. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for her to say good-bye especially since neither one of them knew when they would get to talk again until his final return. It only made sense to go where she could feel closest to him: his son. And we were more than willing to be part of the comforting process.
Ah, but our emotions are a tricky thing, huh?

The answer to that question came sooner than we thought it would!

Join me tomorrow for more of the beginning of the end of this series, Nana Holds.
Encouraged and inspired,     

Evinda, aka, Nana

Nana Holds!

Nana Holds: Resuming our new normal

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thanks for joining me today for a little break and Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and come join me for a sweet surprise that took place less than one month after John had returned to his job away from home.

I had gotten back into the swing of things with little Johnny, enjoying my responsibilities more than I ever had, reveling in the love I had for him that overflowed at times, love that was so pure, like nothing I had ever experienced before, even with my firstborn. Don’t misunderstand me; I loved him with my life but there were many clogs in the pipe to the heart and those interfered with the unconditionality of it all.

But what is love if you can’t give it? I was not only able to give this love to him but because many things had been released, unlearned if you will, I was able to receive love from him as well, oh, such a sweet and pure love of a child. I had learned so much by this time in the journey that my own childhood, or lack thereof, was no longer the only teacher. I had no idea how long we would be his guardians, and it no longer mattered for I was truly trusting God to work all things out for the good of this little boy and his welfare was now more important to me than any of my plans.

And trust me when I say I wasn’t over-compensating with Johnny to make up what was lacking in my marriage; quite the contrary. I was actually able to keep the two very separate, almost like a surreal out-of-body experience wherein I was able to discern the internal struggle my husband was having while trying not to add to it. This discernment helped me to put into practice the fruits of the spirit, at least a couple of them: love, peace, patience, without trying to be his Holy Spirit.

God’s so good about that, granting not just knowledge, which is the facts, but wisdom, which is what to do with the facts learned. I was resting, for the most part, in the truth that God didn’t bring the two of us together to live in discord instead of harmony. He didn’t join us in marriage only to have our emotional junk tear us apart. No, He was using marriage as His primary tool in each of our refining processes, as a way to peel back, all the way down to the layer that was covering the deepest wounds, and once exposed, the Great Physician would allow marriage to join in the washing away and thereafter the healing process that only love can accomplish.

God was proving to be very active in John's life at the same time for He had also shown him amazing favor and rather than starting completely over in the new job, he was granted many privileges within two weeks. Yes, life was resuming with our new normal, each one of us changed by what we inappropriately deemed as an interruption.

But He wasn’t done with His artwork in the tapestry of our lives. Before we knew it, the first month was gone and it was time for John to go back to the Court for a sort of progress report.

Join me Monday for the results!
Evinda

Nana Holds!

P.S. I'd like to add this very important note: If any of you see Dawn Lavoie today, and even if you don't, maybe F.B. her and say happy birthday. And, Dawn, if you are having coffee with me today, know that I am a better person because of you and my world is a better place! Have an amazing day today and make memories that squeeze your heart for years to come. I love you!

The beginning of the end of Nana Holds!

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Happy Tuesday and thanks for joining me for the beginning of the end of this life-changing series, Nana Holds. I promised Johnny’s daddy I’d wrap it up soon, especially since he is trying to move on with his new life, so grab your coffee and let’s get back to that thirty-day break he had from the program.

While my marriage was definitely struggling along there were some more encouraging things happening in other areas of my life with the main characters of this series. I was putting into practice how to have a relationship with John, and not go through his dad to address my needs and/or concerns. He wasn’t as comfortable with that, but it was definitely an area that I needed growth in. To this day, it’s a bit of a struggle to practice that newly-learned principle, but I find when I do it is well with my soul.

As a result of that, our relationship grew in depth, with him getting a better understanding of my heart and even validating me in the midst of conflict with his dad about some things I didn’t even know he was aware of. That validation proved yet again that things are never as they seem and we don’t have the video camera into one’s heart, which is why we must work to know each other and not assume the worst!

Another really cool thing to watch was how Johnny was thriving under his daddy’s and – oops, I have to rename another main character – Jenna’s first attempts to parent and co-parent him. George and I stood on the sidelines, encouraging them and offering unsolicited advice at what we deemed appropriate times. Johnny was definitely getting attached to having them both around and this truth just illuminated the big truth: that God uses all things for our good and His glory; only He can right a wrong.

Watching the three of them breathed hope into our circumstance again and
released some of our marital pressures while at the same time illuminated some things that could and would continue to cause conflict if not dealt with. The people He used to reveal what needed to be pruned and refined had nothing to do with the conflict and everything to do with the process.
For the rest of the thirty days, we all worked as a team to prepare Johnny’s   little heart to let go, once again, to who and what brought him happiness, but this time we were able to say it was just for a few more months.
Join me tomorrow for more of the beginning of the end of Nana Holds!                                                                                                                                    His 3-yr checkup!  
Evinda, aka Nana  

Nana Holds!

Nana Holds!

Nana Holds-from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Oh, it’s so good to be having coffee with you as we return to Nana Holds, a true-life, transforming series that really does have an ending – well, sort of. I think it will be followed by Nana Prays, but anyway, I’m delighted you could join me today as we resume this series and hopefully wrap it up in the weeks ahead! Grab your coffee and let’s go refresh our memories of where we left off.
Our last coffee hour together in this series left you with a question: Have you ever felt awash with the emotions that tend to flood our hearts and minds and take over our whole being when you are disrespected by your husband, not listened to or validated by your husband? Well, that’s where we left off so now, having moved way beyond that, I must prayerfully consider how to resume this part of the series.
Obviously I was in the midst of what felt like the biggest and most difficult emotional tug-of-war, and with more than one rope. In fact, I think there was like a three-rope tug-of-war going on, three separate principles fighting to pull me from the fruits of His Spirit in me, pulling hard and zapping me of strength, pulling the plug on my joy and peace and as I literally watched it drain from me, my feet became unstable for my ground was shaking.
First there was the tug-of-war between flesh and Spirit. The old me kept popping up like that toy, Pop Goes the Weazel, tauntingly chiding me and the progress I’d made thus far, reminding me I could leave any time. Just walk away and be done with it. Christ in me kept my hands on the rope and my heart and mind stayed on the truths I’d learned and the revelations I’d received up to this point, reminding me of the covenant I had entered into with my husband all those years prior.
If truth is an unveiled reality, then that was the second rope in this vicious game of tug-of-war: on one side my unveiled reality wanted to be heard, loud and clear. I wanted my newly-learned truths to become his truths and I was resisting the urge to scream them at him and not cram them down his throat. He, on the other hand, viewed my desire to be heard and understood as a rope trying to control him, and like a horse with a bit in his mouth, he bucked and refused to have anything to do with my leading. As he should have! Maybe not in the way he did, but hindsight is 20/20 and the way I was trying to communicate my unveiled realities to him would have sent a man scurrying from any desire to face an unveiled reality.
The third rope twisted in this incredibly long and gut-wrenching tug-of-war was the need to be loved and accepted by my husband, my step-son and to maintain that very gift I had recently obtained from this precious little boy, B.
That reminds me of something that I need to share with you so let’s come back to the present for just a moment: For reasons I’m not at liberty to explain, I need to actually put some fiction in here but only as it relates to the names of a few of the main characters, so the one Nana Holds will now be named Johnny , and my step-son is now John. Looking back, I probably should have done that from the beginning!
As I look back on this tug-of-war, and I try to pick out what is now some of the most important things to share that truly transformed my life and hopefully will speak to yours, I’m thankful for the break we took, because time, combined with life lived based on truths learned does change things. Marriage is NOT all about happily ever after and we do our kids a great disservice by trying to portray that. God uses marriage to teach us about ourselves, and in the process, we get glimpses of happy, and revel in them, allowing them to cheer us on in the process.
Staying in my own lane and in my own car has saved me from many near-death emotional crashes as well as preserving my most important covenant of marriage. I’ve said this before: just because we feel a certain thing, or a certain way, especially as those feelings relate to or about others, doesn’t make it absolutely right.
My role as a lover of Christ is to use words that build up, not tear down. So in the weeks ahead as we wrap up this incredible journey and George and I begin a new one involving the same people, my prayer is that I do just that: lift those involved up, writing from my heart to yours.
Join me tomorrow for the continuation of Nana Holds,
Evinda
P.S. Are you currently experiencing any relationship struggle or conflict? Then you will want to tune in with Steve Atkinson, M.A. and me today at 1:00 Pacific time for our online radio show, How to Love Who You Love. If you can’t join us at 1, no worries; just click on this link and you’ll land in our space so you can download and listen at your convenience! www.blogtalkradio.com/Chicklit-Power

Share and Enjoy:

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

The First Power Friday of 2014!

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Welcome to our first Power Friday for 2014. This is a fun, and hopefully thought-provoking series that I started last year. Our Power Fridays will consist of one “power” thought or what I call a mini-download that He gives me and maybe a paragraph or two of where it came from and/or the circumstances surrounding it with the intention of bringing it alive for you, from my heart to yours. So grab your coffee and come on in for just a few minutes.

This week’s power thought re-entered the hallway of my heart, echoing loudly with truth after spending six of the first eight days of January in the hospital. No matter what you are going through, this truth will splash perspective and help get you through . . . if you practice it.

The bridge between panic and peace is prayer!

I don’t know about you, but I tend to pray for others more than I do myself! Wading through medical uncertainty has reminded me of the necessity of needing to pray for myself, for prayer is the instrument used in the boat of life to get us from panic to peace.

Cross the bridge, friend and know that He cares about all that concerns you!

Love,
Evinda

January's WOW

I Can’t But He Can!

                                      “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:13

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thanks for joining me for what is turning out to be a real journey that I’m inclined to now cut short because I thought the worst was behind me. Grab your coffee and come on in.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. I slept on and off. The crazy thing is it was easier to sleep during the day in some respects. At least I’d grab bigger chunks of it than I was able to during the night. And then again, maybe it was the whole experience of the MRCP procedure that brought with it the ability and confidence to rest. I just knew that they would find the problem and fix it and I’d be out and up in no time.

When my dinner came and was a repeat of my lunch, the alarm in my mind was turned to attention. Why wasn’t anyone coming in and telling me they found the problem? Or that they had the solution? Now I know why: it’s because they didn’t!

Oh, how I wish I would have journaled the journey while in the hospital. Journaling is a way for me to get stuff out, talk with God, gain understanding. My mind was stuck, not necessarily in a bad place, but it certainly wasn’t in a great place; it was just stuck! How quick we can forget or push aside the God-given victories, the moments where we know that we know that He showed up. When the answers didn’t come as soon as I thought they would, I guess you could say that I was still viewing this circumstance as an interruption in my life! I thought it would all be over a lot sooner.

Here’s what I do know and what He’s been kind enough to remind me of and re-instill: even though I didn’t turn to the things of God, He never left me. His Word was/is very much alive in me; at times it's as though it is sleeping, but nevertheless it is within me. His Spirit in me, I now know, is what kept me going and though I wasn’t “running” the race, I was persevering. It’s just perseverance looks different at different times in our lives.

Looking back, I can see how He expressed His love and compassion for me in ways that we can tend to take for granted if we are not paying attention. He showed He was in complete control through CPM’s amazing assistant, Christina, who came almost every day to take care of what concerned me, to encourage and assure me.

He showed me He was on the throne through competent doctors who were doing their best to be thorough.

He showed His amazing and constant love through a constant flow of visitors, voicemails and texts from personal friends, and friends of CPM. He and I know who each of you are . . . and exactly what I needed. Thank you for being His love for me, especially during this time of uncertainty.

He showed me His artwork through the flowers that came my way from three very special friends. God is the author of some beautiful things, but flowers/roses capture so many of my/our senses, don't they? There were mini yellow roses, some beautiful blood-red roses and then there were the ones from Christina’s mom’s garden: jinormous! I had never seen or smelled anything like them. They were the most fragrant flowers I have ever smelled, even more so than the star-gazer lily!
He reminded me that nothing is an interruption in my life, for that would indicate He is not in complete control, and interruptions contradict the truth of Romans 8:28.

Believe it or not, this series isn’t all about me! God showed me the gift of compassion, how to receive it and give it, through my roommate who was headed for surgery to have her gallbladder removed and though I didn’t get a chance to pray with her, I let her know we’d be praying for her, that God’s healing would flow through His hand onto the surgeon’s. By this time, all four of us had shared similar life circumstances as it relates to our children, circumstances that we realize have helped form who we each have become. They are both incredible people with an incredible love for life and they both live life at a very fast pace and the seeds of kindness I know God allowed me to show I pray will not come back void. Would you join me in praying that whatever she reads in A Cup of Hope for the Day would nudge her closer to God’s will for her life? And while you're at it, pray for a complete healing! She wound up back in the hospital the day before I did, and we wound up nextdoor to each other. Yeah, nothing is an accident. :)

So the ending to this medical melodrama is I left the hospital after a four-day stay with very few answers and against the advice of the GI doctor who wanted to do a specific procedure only to be re-admitted a day and a half later. My bilirubin had shot up to over 7; normal is 1. They had determined that something had caused a blockage in the bile duct causing the bile to pool up in the liver so they did a sphinctorectomy of the bile duct. With that done, time would tell, and the numbers obtained via blood tests would verify the answers. In the world’s eyes, I am not out of the woods, but I continue to cling to Him to claim a healthy victory, consistently reminded of what not to take for granted, to slow down and enjoy the ride and not to push the speed back up to “blur.”

When I came home the second time, I was awash with gratitude and humility and these words gushed out of me: “What kind of friend would I be if I clung to you only in the good times, thanking you only for the good things?” This circumstance didn’t knock Him off His throne and just as important, it didn’t change all His promises for me. He still has plans to build me up, to prosper me, not to harm me. He still continues to work all things together for my good and His glory! I am claiming all His promises. Friend, whatever you have gone through, whatever you are going through, I pray that you would know in your inner being that any and all circumstances are like fire, a glorious light that shines on what is good, and what needs to be burned away. Nothing is an accident or interruption!

So this year has begun with an incredible challenge for me that has exercised my spiritual muscles in more ways than one, reminding me that I can and will continue to do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Friend, take this verse and make it yours.

Abiding in Him,
Evinda
P.S. Tomorrow we will return with Power Fridays, and then on Monday . . . stay tuned.

...WOW

I Can’t But He Can!

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:13

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Welcome back to our WOW for January. Oh, friend, there is power in His promises, but we can’t know that until we apply them, draw from them, grow in them. Grab your coffee and come with me. We’ve just finished the MRI!

“You’re all done.”

Tears of relief leaked out and trickled down my face as the bed I was strapped to crawled out toward the open air at a pace that felt slower than a turtle. The light knocked on the lids of my eyes, letting me know it was safe to open them. I did.

The ever-so-patient tech began to un-strap the heavy contraption that was used to protect me and breathing became easier. He took my hand and held me up. By this time I was beyond weak and shaken, and yet, I felt somewhat exhilarated by the experience of the victory of having survived this treacherous test, knowing it was Him that got me through it. I sat down in the wheelchair after rearranging my beautiful hospital gown that had to have been designed by a guy! Oh, those things are just not very functional or fashionable! 

What’s that pounding I’m hearing? Oh, that’s my head reminding me I’m starving and in need of caffeine. I brought my hands to my head to ward off the pounding only to be reminded of the IV needle in my left hand. But I didn’t let any of that steal my joy on the ride back to my room. We stopped to pick up George who had been dropped off in the waiting room. I couldn’t wait to share the experience with him. Praise and wonder gushed from my mouth as I re-lived the experience for him, sharing how God had brought others to my mind to pray for, how He had taken me back to many snapshots of our wedding day, like being out at sea and saying our vows, or the moments immediately after we said “I do.” I shared with him how several of the breaths were extraordinarily long, like at least forty-five seconds worth, and how just when I thought I was going to pop with anxiety, He filled my lungs.

And when I made it back to our room, Wynona and Craig greeted me. “How did it go?”

The crazy thing is I was super excited at the victory of it all because I knew that I knew that I knew that He had been with me in that tomb-like tube, had given me the strength to hold my breath for what seemed like an endless amount of time over and over again. And I loved the first tactic He used on me, to pray for others. In other words, get my focus off of me! Oh, how Philippians 4:13 came alive for me that day . . . and unbeknownst to me, would continue to be my mantra as my medical melodrama continued!

Once I was back in my bed, my IV companion attached again, someone from the cafeteria walked into our room. He said my name and I looked up, famished beyond words. He set the tray down on my little hospital table and I couldn’t wait to open the main dish. What had they brought me? I took the lid off and there in the middle of this big plate stood a child-sized bowl with a plastic lid. I peered down into the bowl without taking the lid off and saw dark broth. Broth, really? I peeled the lid away, and the aroma filled my nostrils. I was so hungry I pushed the spoon aside and pulled a Bryden: I picked the bowl up to my face and placed it at my watering mouth and began to drink, ever so slowly, savoring the taste of something different than ice chips. It tasted so, so, so good.

Suddenly I realized there was a cup of something staring at me and it too had a lid on it. I set the bowl down and began to tear at the lid on the cup with anticipated excited. Could this be what I thought it might? Yes! Coffee! Oh, God is good, and what kind of a friend would I be if I didn’t thank Him for the little things and only thanked Him for the big?

Join me tomorrow for the conclusion as I share more of this truth that continues to transform my heart, mind and life with the hope of speaking right to your heart!

Evinda