- Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...
I received the phone call on the way to our office. It was George.
I clicked the button to answer from my steering wheel. “Hi, honey.”
He didn’t hear me.
“Hello . . .”
“He’s done! It’s over. He’s coming home.”
Silence.
“Did you hear me? Are you there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.” The relief I thought I would feel when this day came was nowhere to be found and its absence rendered me confused and speechless.
But George didn’t pick up on it. “We have to go back and get his things and then we’ll be on our way home. Do you want to meet for lunch?”
I looked at the clock; it was only 9:45 and time seemed to stand still right then. I couldn’t think two hours ahead, let alone about eating; I was stuck on what the future would now hold with John coming home.
George repeated his question.
I mumbled a question back at him. “What time?”
“We’ll give you a call when we’ve gotten all his stuff and we are on our way home,” emphasis on home.
We said our good-byes and hung up.
I decided that going to the office wasn’t a strong enough distraction, and that staying in auto-pilot mode, or survival mode, wouldn’t accomplish anything. I completed a couple of errands and then went for a quick workout at the gym after calling a friend and asking her to meet me later for coffee and conversation.
My workout was intense and I was done in thirty minutes. I didn’t even bother to go home and change; besides the fact there wasn’t enough time. I knew I didn’t have to and I could be myself with her.
I pulled up to the Starbucks and parked right beside her and walked in to get a small coffee. She took one look at me and knew something was wrong. I despise myself for that! Why can’t I just keep my emotions to myself? Ugh! (Heavy sigh.)
“What’s going on?”
“Let’s get our coffee and go outside.”
We sat down at our table outside and she asked me if I was okay. When I changed the subject, she
didn’t push and for the first half hour, we talked about her stuff, but then she came back to mine.
I relayed the turn of events with tears streaming down my face as I informed her that John was coming home . . . today!
“Well, isn’t that a good thing?”
At first, I was dumbfounded by this question because all I could see was my own reasons for why it didn’t “feel” like a good thing and my silence prompted her to ask the question again.
“I guess it can be,” I admitted, but not quite convinced.
She broke my silence. “But now that he’s home, won’t it make things easier for you?”
This time I looked at her like she was a foreigner speaking to me in a language she thought I had learned, like French or something crazy hard like that. “Easier in what way?”
“With little Johnny.”
I about fell out of my chair, doubled over with more anguish, as I imagined little Johnny and the upcoming change. “I hadn’t even thought of that, but --” I sipped my coffee nervously while she patiently waited for me to finish my response.
“But what?” she encouraged.
Memories of the distant past filled all my senses, flooding out into the open sky and forming clouds that hung over me ominously. “I am so afraid for my marriage, afraid that George won’t protect me if John falls. I’m scared that history will once again repeat itself because we haven’t had a chance to prepare for this. I mean we had that thirty-day trial run, but there were no rules to live by put in place for a permanent situation and George and I were in our own corners most of those thirty days.”
The memory of the marital pain thickened my fears, trying to choke back my tears, but emotion won and I let the tears come.
My friend just listened so I continued.
“I’m just getting the hang of this with little Johnny and “-- I choked down another sob. “—and I don’t want anyone to interfere with this incredible new bond we have.”
The confession was like a hot air balloon that popped. Once out on the table, I was able to look at everything, and faith intervened and filled my senses. I knew that this new turn of events hadn’t knocked Him off of His throne, and though I wasn’t happy about the change, and more scared than anything, I reminded myself of a truth that has been proven over and over and over again in my life: that the plans He has for me are not to harm me, but to lift me up, to give me a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Join me tomorrow for more.
Faith-ing through the changes,
Evinda
- Nana holds . . . in her heart
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