Wednesday’s Word

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and Wednesday’s Word with Trench Classes United. I just love Wednesdays and our time together where we can sit in a scripture for a few minutes with real life scenarios that invite us to go deeper. Grab your coffee and your Strand of Faith, because my prayer is you will tie a few knots in it today, making it even more difficult to come apart and unraveled in times of trouble.

I was so proud of my mother-in-law for flexing her brave…overcoming her fear of flying after a horrible experience 54 years prior which kept her off of any airplane…until September 22^nd, 2017!

brave

Adjective: Ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage.

Noun: People who are ready to face and endure danger or pain.

Verb: Endure or face (unpleasant conditions or behavior) without showing fear

I sat in the emergency waiting room waiting…my mind and body completely in shock. Only two at a time were allowed to go and see her and I was having an incredibly hard time waiting for my turn. Since I’m the daughter-in-law, I had a bit of a wait.

I ran through the events that brought us to this moment, over and over and over, like a Ferris wheel that wouldn’t stop, couldn’t stop because of the centrifugal force pulling it around and around and around. And so my thoughts ran: How could a family reunion go so awry in the blink of an eye, with one choice, one action that would affect all of us for as long as we lived, every time we got together in the days to come?  Why did it have to be mom, one of the strongest women I know but physically weakened by age? Why was this happening? I cried out to God!

To help me in the waiting, I opened up my word game app on my phone and as if on auto pilot, I completed the puzzle quickly but for one word…and then in the blink of an eye, the letters danced into their squares, just four of them, but the impact they had as they formed the word is one I’ll never forget: Brave! “You’re going to need to be brave,” I heard Him whisper.

I wanted to yell at God but instead kept my thoughts just between Him and me, not wanting everyone in the emergency room to hear them, nor think I was losing my mind. He knew I was having an incredibly difficult time accepting any fatal outcome as a result of this tragic accident that broke 7 of my mother-in-law’s ribs. I just couldn’t wrap my head around it; that He would allow it to go this way. This was one of those faith-shakers wherein I knew in my soul that the more I struggled to understand, the more my faith would be shaken.

So instead, I waited, asking Him to help me be brave, for my husband, my father-in-law, and for all the family members who, on a dime, could turn and scream at me about my God allowing such a tragedy. It was one of the most difficult times I’ve ever, ever endured in my life.

Hours turned into days and I wish I could say I was on my knees, in His word, or doing some other spiritual thing that made me a better person, but I’d be lying if I said any of that. Instead, by the end of the first day, I had exchanged wrestling for trusting, and oddly enough, she seemed to have turned a corner…until we came back to visit her the second day, after face-timing her and seeing her sweet face with a smile that danced in her eyes. She was literally betting my brother-in-law that the Seattle Seahawks would lose their football game. J

We were so, so encouraged as we headed to the hospital the evening of the second day but who we saw at that time was someone else, or so it seemed. She had become really out of it, but we thought it was just the pain meds. We hung out for several hours, and while she was conscious, she was in and out. The team of doctors assured us they were trying to find a balance of pain medication that would keep her more alert so she’d be able to do her breathing exercises. And just before midnight, I kissed her good-night and reminded her she needed to practice taking deep breaths and move the ball in the machine to the top so we could bring her home. “Okay, Kim,” she said.

The next morning, we wanted to stop by for our last visit before coming home, and selfishly I wanted a better visit. I had to see for myself that she was doing better than the night before. In fact, I was sure I was going to see her wide awake, ready and willing for me to help her breathe into the little machine to keep her lungs free from fluid.

What I saw when we walked in stopped me like a sudden brake in a car during an unexpected traffic jam. Her bed had been lifted quite a bit and out of her mouth was a tube hooked to several hoses attached to a machine. I looked to Dad, who looked dazed by tears and shock, and then to the nurse, questions filling my eyes but somehow staying stuck in my throat. All I could say was “What in the heck is going on?”

The nurse explained that her heart rate had begun dropping just after midnight, so they watched her closely but it wasn’t until several hours later that they realized they needed to place her on life support to help her heart beat and they were running tests to try and determine what had caused the decreased heart rate.

We called the rest of the family and told them they needed to get to the hospital ASAP, and we cancelled our flight. There was no way we were going anywhere. We were in for a very long day…we needed to sit and wait…and be brave, to endure or face this most unpleasant condition without showing fear…which I didn’t quite master, but I clung to faith, choosing to pray for her instead of praying for understanding.

Coffee Hour Friend, have you ever endured such a time where you needed to be brave…trusting that His promises wouldn’t fail you; that He would never leave you or forsake you even in the toughest of life’s circumstances? The only way we could be brave in times of tragedy is by and through our faith; of this I’m certain because I’m living it now. This verse has proven itself over and over:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

Join me next Wednesday for the conclusion to this tragedy that required me to cling to my faith that I could be brave, strong and courageous.

Evinda