Wednesday’s Word

Undaunted

Deuteronomy 31:6: “Be strong and of good courage; do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and Wednesday’s Word with Trench Classes United. Oh, how I am in need of perspective that only His Word can provide. Grab your coffee and your Strand of Faith and let’s go tie some knots that our faith would remain intact during those difficult times in life, those times where we dare not try to understand what He’s up to or how He’s going to bring something beautiful out of this tragedy that happened in the midst of a family reunion while we were having the time of our lives.  Come with me to the hospital to visit my mother-in-law before leaving to come home. 

I couldn’t wait to see her and I just knew in my gut she’d be awake and alert, more so than just nine hours before. I couldn’t wait to get her to blow the little ball up to the top and see for myself how much stronger she’d gotten. I needed to see this before we headed home.

I practically ran into her room…and put the brakes on so fast I almost caused myself to wreck, to fall, to collapse.  The bed was raised higher than the days prior, and there were tubes everywhere. As I looked at them, as if in slow motion, and their final destination, I gasped at the realization.

Breathe, I told myself…I looked down at my father-in-law who had been by her bedside all night but was so completely dazed with pain and sorrow. And then I looked at mom again.

un·daunt·ed

Not intimidated or discouraged by difficulty, danger, or disappointment.

This was not me as I stared at my mother-in-law who was not all there with us. The nurse explained that they had just placed her on life support 30 minutes before our arrival. I dared to ask the nurse what the prognosis was. She was much more undaunted than I. Ever so calmly she said that she would have the doctor come in and talk with us, but that they were running tests to determine just what had slowed her heart rate down so drastically, endangering her organs, as it is the heart which carries blood to the main organs, the liver and kidneys. While I understood the mini health lesson, my brain just couldn’t fathom this sudden turn, this twist of life that had us all reeling, threatening to overwhelm us and throw us down.

I don’t know how many hours it was before the head doctor came and found us in the ICU lounge and gathered us all around with the dreadful truth: Because of her heart rate – oh my good God, I can’t even write this…

The doctor was having a hard time sharing what the team of doctors had all just learned, and he even said as much. The test results revealed that her liver was damaged beyond repair; her kidneys would require dialysis if…a big if…she were to be able to breathe on her own again.

I bowed my head in disappointed dismay, beyond shock; then dared myself to look up at the faces surrounding me. What I saw was something I can only describe as sadly undaunted. We all bravely agreed that we wanted the truth and thanked him for his honesty.

He asked how long before more family was to get there and we discussed making mom comfortable in the waiting; there was no guarantee that she would wait the six-plus hours before they were there.

Long story short…she did wait. It was the most difficult eight hours of my life thus far, a different kind of difficult I had never, ever experienced. This was familiar, yet different as far as losing a loved one goes. I had never seen such love for one person all at once confined to one room around one bed. Those final hours were spent teeter-tottering between crying over the impending loss, laughing over recent memories, agonizing over should-of, would-of, could-ofs , and accepting she wouldn’t want to live on life support.

At 2:05 a.m. that Tuesday morning, we all undauntedly agreed to let the nurse unplug life support…and we cheered her on through our tears. She didn’t have far to run…her race was over at 2:25, leaving behind so many who had unabashedly loved her to her finish line as she ran to the One who loves greater than we ever could.

Please pray for my family…I am so honored to be a part of and to have been loved by her.

Evinda