Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for coming back for more of these life-changing moments in this season of Nana Holds.

By now, we are six, almost seven months into this season of parenting/grand-parenting Bryden, and none of us are the same! It’s almost Christmastime; he’s just about potty-trained, both number one and two. Consequently, his piggy-bank is getting full and ours is emptying! Clean pants and a full bank, what a winning combination!

George and I are learning the skill of teamwork – and until this circumstance, I had no idea that we weren’t really functioning as a team and that we had so much to learn in this area. I can’t help but shake my head and chuckle at His sense of humor and how He uses all things for all things! Talk about multi-tasking!

By this time, I definitely am getting used to all the changes that have occurred and I am not harboring any resentment or holding on to bitter waiting for things to get better. I am, as has been the case since the beginning, growing in my circumstance, learning to live outside it instead of it consuming me. But I still had a long way to go in the area of relating instead of just functioning — of course I didn’t realize it; I thought I was doing pretty well but I’ll explain that one later! 

I know I’ve already mentioned in prior coffee hours that Bryden wanted a backpack and a lunch pail for big-boy school, which is the key we used to turn on his little switch from pants to potty. So we knew we were going to get him his

Papa, Bryden and his bawoon!

backpack and lunch pail for Christmas. We kept talking up big boy school, especially after receiving word that we were no longer on the waiting list and he was now officially registered and would begin big boy school January 4th!

So there was that countdown. Thinking about his enthusiasm squeezes my heart with such joy for two reasons: the first being that I can finally recognize his childlike enthusiasm and revel in it, be part of it and appreciate it; and two, I loved and still do love knowing that George and I are part of his enthusiasm; that God chose us to help build his little foundation into something big and strong for his later years moves me so far from myself and to a person I know He is transforming into His likeness every day I share with Bryden.

It has been so many years since I have experienced such a special Christmas. It was like Abba was bringing out the little girl in me by bringing this little boy to us to love and nurture as parents. One of my fondest memories about the whole Christmas season was watching him watch the commercials. Have you ever noticed all the toy commercials they play on T.V. around the holiday season? Actually, the season gets earlier and earlier, but that’s a different blog for a different coffee hour.

I could be in the kitchen preparing dinner or in the laundry room folding clothes and all of a sudden I’d hear the sweetest voice ever say: “Nana, I get one of those for Christmas? Nana, can I have one of those for my birthday?”

Yes, he was already asking for gifts for his birthday because he knew it was shortly after Christmas! No matter where my head was , what I was thinking or feeling, what kind of a day I had had, that innocent voice pleading for a new toy could and would always pull me to him!

Embracing the revelations filled with His love,

Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Nana Holds

Thank you for stopping by Coffee Hour and taking the time to have coffee with me. I love these little breaks we take and I hope you are enjoying them as well. Grab your coffee and come on in. We left off with a sticky situation.

The sticky piece to the puzzle is she and her parents were not on good speaking terms. In fact, she and her dad are very hostile towards each other and there are definitely a lot of unresolved issues in their history. What she was requesting, and she reiterated it in her un-filed declaration is that she did not want her son visiting overnight with her parents.

That presented a problem for her parents’ visitations with this little innocent guy who loved his other Papa and Grammy, as he called his mommy’s mom. All we had to go on was what she told us and it wasn’t good, but was it trustworthy? The questions began coming at us like a tornado. Was she telling us all these things just to get back at her parents? Which person were we dealing with? And were her parents telling us all they were telling us just to get back at her? In the past, they have been known to tell people what they want to hear!

It was an ugly cycle of he-said/she-said and yet, history had proved much of what her parents said about their only daughter. But I was really wanting to have a fresh start; I was believing that there could be a new start and restoration could be woven all over and through this circumstance.

George and I prayed, and we kept Bry’s other Grandma involved as well. Up to this point she’s the one he had spent more than half of his life with, the one he was still calling mommy! She filed a declaration of all she had witnessed, and let me tell you, it was full of facts, painful and factual truths. I think it was like four pages!

The first court date was to grant temporary guardianship until the court could hear the matter. I remember feeling a bit anxious, wondering who would show up and who wouldn’t. I didn’t have long to wait. After finding our name on the calendar, I turned and there she was, Bryden’s biological mommy, all dressed up in a suit and everything! She actually looked somewhat serious.
Join me Monday for more of Nana Holds and the court’s decision for temporary guardianship.

Rewinding the moments,

Evinda

Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for coming by today for a little break from it all. I’m so happy there is you to share this life-changing series with. Grab your coffee and come on in!
You know, the more people I talk with, the more I realize that George and I are so not alone. There are so many parents out there whose adult children are moving back home, and something even more startling is the truth that many grandparents are raising their adult children’s children! Many parents wonder where they went wrong but I am coming to learn that is not necessarily a cut-and-dry answer to this puzzling reality, a phenomenon that seems to be spreading like an epidemic.
The truth is our kids have their own tapestry that God is painting with the choices they make and only He has the power to turn some of those ugly colors splashed into the tapestry by their bad choices into something awe-inspiring and beautiful. How do we not resent them, though, is the million dollar question and reality that faced me day in and day out, especially in the beginning of our Bryden adventure!

Bryden loves to dance!

As the weeks turned into months, I was able to push my resentments away and for the most part, put my agenda on the back burner. After all, He had allowed this circumstance; I knew this with my whole being. Just because I didn’t know why He had allowed it didn’t disqualify me from showing up for duty. So showing up and shutting up became easier as did some of our responsibilities. What was incredibly important to me was structure for Bryden, some sense of stability for this little guy who had been uprooted like a root-bound plant without ever having rooted, or sprouted for that matter.

Happy and goofy boy!

I was incredibly mindful of that and I while I pitied him for what he has had to endure, I also wanted and continue to want to protect him from having to bounce around again. That was absolutely first and foremost in our hearts; that Bryden be in the best place for him with the least amount of chaos and confusion.
Getting to know him after getting over the shock of living with him is like going to school all over again, and yet, I have been in this class before so I have a little advantage. But oh, am I ever in need of a refresher course! And talk about all the gadgets and toys! TMI! And don’t you just love those car seats? I think I need to go to Car Seat University to not only learn how to put the blasted thing in my car, but all the does and don’ts, too!

happy and goofy boy!

Changing a diaper was a bit slow in the beginning, but that changed real quick-like! Besides, who wants to act like an AARP candidate while trying to change a poopy diaper?
Yes, routine and structure went a long way in easing much of the tension I felt in the beginning, especially the tension created from not really knowing what role I play in this little guy’s life, but as I struggled to work through all of that, there were many sweet moments and memories that we all made that I wouldn’t trade for anything, not my own agenda, my own space, a cleaner house, nothing.
Join me tomorrow for more of Nana Holds.
Evinda