Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks for coming to share your coffee break with me and more of this sweet series. I still can’t help but be amazed with the changes in my heart since I wrote the very first blog of Nana Holds. God is so good, so faithful, working all things to our good and His glory. Grab your coffee and come on in.

I began to look forward to our Sundays which began with church, breakfast, maybe a quick grocery shopping trip before heading off to spend a few hours with Bryce at the Castle in Riverside and in between all of that were many special moments.

We normally park in the same place for church – my husband is such a creature of habit! He likes to park in a place that he won’t get door-dinged so he usually parks on the street. I can hear Bryden’s words as soon as he touches the concrete sidewalk: “Wet’s run, Nana; Wet’s run,” and off we’d go, running down the sidewalk and onto the church property, in the back door and down the hall, right to his little class. And he wouldn’t even stop to collect a hug or a kiss, let alone $200!  He went right in and would always begin to play with the other children.

After church, if we go to breakfast, it’s usually the same place, Gus’s in Redlands. Lo’ and behold, we’d always order the same thing: Bryden loves their pancakes and while we still couldn’t get him to eat eggs, this is where Bryden tried something else besides pancakes: bacon, and he liked it, or as he says, “I wike it!”

Bryden in sugar heaven!

After breakfast, we’d head for Stater Brothers for our weekly grocery shopping. Herein lay some habits that make me smile, like running through the parking lot to the entrance. Part of my maternal instinct is screaming at the child in me raring to join him; and I finally, I quiet the screaming mama and throw caution, not completely to the wind, but enough to enable myself to join him. Don’t panic; of course I stay somewhat ahead of him to protect him from unseen cars.

Once inside, he and papa go to the same place to look for the car shopping cart. He’d much rather ride in a car than in the top little shelf inside the grocery shopping cart. Usually we score, and shopping is a bit easier with him safe and sound in the cab. Don’t tell him, but I like this because he doesn’t seem to see as many things that he has to have, cookies, candy, toys, et cetera.  Speaking of cookies, that’s also become one of our habits; we buy Oreo cookies, yep, uh-huh, a pack every two weeks. I know; someone call the sugar police on me, please!  But, in my defense, I’ve learned to use them to not just our advantage, but his as well.

I hear you thinking, so let me answer your questions before you ask. “Bryden, when” – and I try not to say if – “you eat your dinner, you get two cookies.” Guess who more often than not eats all his dinner, including his veggies? Give up?

Join me Thursday for a journal entry which includes more memories with all three of our grandchildren that make me smile and squeeze my heart.

Evinda

Nana Holds!

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for coming back for more of these life-changing moments in this season of Nana Holds.

By now, we are six, almost seven months into this season of parenting/grand-parenting Bryden, and none of us are the same! It’s almost Christmastime; he’s just about potty-trained, both number one and two. Consequently, his piggy-bank is getting full and ours is emptying! Clean pants and a full bank, what a winning combination!

George and I are learning the skill of teamwork – and until this circumstance, I had no idea that we weren’t really functioning as a team and that we had so much to learn in this area. I can’t help but shake my head and chuckle at His sense of humor and how He uses all things for all things! Talk about multi-tasking!

By this time, I definitely am getting used to all the changes that have occurred and I am not harboring any resentment or holding on to bitter waiting for things to get better. I am, as has been the case since the beginning, growing in my circumstance, learning to live outside it instead of it consuming me. But I still had a long way to go in the area of relating instead of just functioning — of course I didn’t realize it; I thought I was doing pretty well but I’ll explain that one later! 

I know I’ve already mentioned in prior coffee hours that Bryden wanted a backpack and a lunch pail for big-boy school, which is the key we used to turn on his little switch from pants to potty. So we knew we were going to get him his

Papa, Bryden and his bawoon!

backpack and lunch pail for Christmas. We kept talking up big boy school, especially after receiving word that we were no longer on the waiting list and he was now officially registered and would begin big boy school January 4th!

So there was that countdown. Thinking about his enthusiasm squeezes my heart with such joy for two reasons: the first being that I can finally recognize his childlike enthusiasm and revel in it, be part of it and appreciate it; and two, I loved and still do love knowing that George and I are part of his enthusiasm; that God chose us to help build his little foundation into something big and strong for his later years moves me so far from myself and to a person I know He is transforming into His likeness every day I share with Bryden.

It has been so many years since I have experienced such a special Christmas. It was like Abba was bringing out the little girl in me by bringing this little boy to us to love and nurture as parents. One of my fondest memories about the whole Christmas season was watching him watch the commercials. Have you ever noticed all the toy commercials they play on T.V. around the holiday season? Actually, the season gets earlier and earlier, but that’s a different blog for a different coffee hour.

I could be in the kitchen preparing dinner or in the laundry room folding clothes and all of a sudden I’d hear the sweetest voice ever say: “Nana, I get one of those for Christmas? Nana, can I have one of those for my birthday?”

Yes, he was already asking for gifts for his birthday because he knew it was shortly after Christmas! No matter where my head was , what I was thinking or feeling, what kind of a day I had had, that innocent voice pleading for a new toy could and would always pull me to him!

Embracing the revelations filled with His love,

Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks so much for taking time to come have coffee with me. Grab your coffee and come on in.
Before I get back to where we left off, let me ask you a question; it’s one that I answered one way in the beginning months of becoming Mama/Nana, and now can honestly answer it another way: Who is more “blessed,” the woman/man who has much, struggles little and has no need for a relationship with Christ, or the woman/man who has less in the way of monetary things, struggles quite often but has this consistent joy, this untouchable peace?

See, in the first few months, I was asking “why” every bit as much as I was seeking Him for the “how.” One of those times I asked why and how came the second week. We were taking a walk around the neighborhood, one of the ways we were learning how to help Bryden spend some of that energy that I so wish I could bottle for George and me, because if I could, I’d be downing a big drink of it toward the end of the day. It’s like about 5:00 or thereafter, my energy has taken flight and it doesn’t return until the next morning! (Now, at about 3:00, I pray for strength for the next shift, the final shift of the day!) Anyway, we had all three of our four-legged kids – both of ours and Bryce’s big four-legged child – and we would attempt to let Bryden take one of the leashes and off we’d go.

We would go down our street, left at the end and head up that street which dead-ends at the golf-course. The first time we did this as we got closer and closer to the golf course, Bryden became more antsy and unsettled and then as we began to pass it, suddenly, out of nowhere, he stopped and began to cry with everything in him. George and I stopped in our confusion and his word collided with my realization of where his sorrow was coming from simultaneously.

See, he and his daddy used to always take a walk with the little red wagon. Bryden would be in the wagon and daddy would pull him; that is until they got to the golf course. Then Bryden would get out and they would both down into the ravine, looking for the golf balls that had erroneously disappeared from a golfer’s view and had gathered down in the wash/ravine. It was like a gold mine down there.

For Bryden, it was ball heaven because his very favorite thing is balls, golf balls, soccer balls, basketballs, baseballs, and let me tell you, he has a God-given talent when it comes to hitting and/or kicking them. Then they would gather them all up and put them in the wagon and make their way back home. A successful hunt was five to ten and an okay night was one to three, but no matter how many they found, Bryden was super thrilled. And we had to keep every one of them. Some went in his toy box in the family room, some in a glass container on the counter in his bathroom, some upstairs in his room, and of course, a few got left in the wagon.

Well, there we were trying to pass the golf course but stopped dead in our tracks. I bent down to reach for him just as he cried out “Daaaaa-deeee. I want my daddy.” I hurried to scoop him into my arms. As I felt my heart break, my mind asked why. Why does a little one have to endure so much sorrow? How does a little one endure so much sorrow and how do I do this, God? How? Somebody show me how.

We began to walk again with me holding him while he cried for a couple of minutes. And as we got away from the place that reminded him of his daddy, he calmed down, and he wanted down. As if it had never happened, he took Sparky’s leash and scurried down the sidewalk and it was all we could do to keep up with him. Inwardly, I was marveling at the new insight I had just received: God had made this little guy tough, resiliently tough and somehow, some way, we were all going to get through this circumstance.

Join me Monday for more of Nana holds, and we’ll return to that question I began our time with today.

Confidently,

Evinda

Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks for joining me for Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power. Let’s get back to that first week of adjustment for Bryden and all of us in the absence of his daddy.

Towards the end of the first week, on a Saturday morning, in fact, George and Bryden were on the couch, cuddled up watching cartoons and he called. I heard, “Hi, Son,” and I stopped what I was doing and waited. It was then I realized that we had almost made it through the first week without him even questioning where his daddy was. He had just accepted what Nana had told him; that daddy was at a big job, the most important job of his life.

“Bryden, do you want to talk with daddy?”

Bryden’s face lit up like a birthday cake on fire. “Daddy, daddy,” he exclaimed.

I swallowed my urge to cry, successfully keeping the tears at bay as I listened to Bryden tell his daddy that him and Papa were watching cartoons and he had just eaten his cereal. Their conversation lasted a whole 45 seconds, if that, and just like that, Bryden was done talking with his daddy.

He gave the phone back to his Papa and he seemed perfectly content to continue watching cartoons.
George talked to him for a little bit and then I heard him say, “I want you to tell her,” and he handed me the phone. For the next couple of minutes, I listened as Bryce shared a powerful experience, one that I hope he will remember for the rest of his life because I know I will. He shared that he accepted Jesus into his heart, and that when he did, he felt chills all over his body. “It was pretty trippy,” he said.

“That’s awesome, Bryce. I’m so happy for you. Now He has your attention and the only way to go from this moment is up. He uses all things, Bryce, all things.” I encouraged him to talk with God every day and told him that I loved him and we would see him soon. I handed the phone back to George so he could say good-bye.

As we entertained Bryden that day, the first Saturday of many to come that would be consumed with and centered around this little boy, I couldn’t help but recognize and own the truth; that God was in control and though it wasn’t His will that certain choices had been made, only He could and would bring something amazing out of them. My heart was so much lighter as I realized our son was now one of His and that He was already at work in his life, despite us not being able to see him.

Amazed at His sovereignty,

Evinda

Nana Holds-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me today. I enjoy sharing this time with you. Grab your coffee and come on in. We’re at the dinner table and the dreaded question is about to be asked.

Since Bryce wasn’t there, I got to help Bryden wash his hands before dinner. I picked him up and carried him to the kitchen sink and proceeded to teach him how to wash his hands, really wash his hands. He is such a good little student and to this day, that little boy doesn’t just skim soap on his hands, but he puts his little hands together and goes round and round, on the inside first and then the outside! That was my first smile of the day. We were going to get through this.

Little kids are incredibly intuitive in an uncanny sort of way. Dinner was a little quiet, and we were running low on the physical and emotional energy required to try and get Bryden to eat. It was almost like he could sense he was about to get some bad news and he lost his appetite. After several attempts to get him to eat, finally he just blurted out what he wanted to know all along, probably since the minute he stepped foot in the door: “Where’s my daddy?”
I didn’t gasp or anything, but I did hesitate. I caught George’s eyes and I swear they looked a bit glassy. He couldn’t do it. I spoke up very matter-of-factly: “Daddy’s at a new job so he won’t be home for a while.”

“A new job?” he asked.

“Yup, Daddy’s at a new job, the biggest job of his life.” I held my breath.
He seemed to accept that and finished his dinner while I exhaled my relief. George and I didn’t have much of an appetite so didn’t finish our dinner but cleaned up while Bryden watched a little T.V. He seemed perfectly content and okay with what I had told him and so bath time was fun as usual, and I played with him as if everything were okay, because in my heart of hearts, I had to believe that it would be, one day, some day.

We went downstairs and played hide-N-seek for a few minutes; then we settled him down with a book or two. Then it was time for bed and – sorry, I’m starting to cry as I remember this one – normally he would say, “Daddy holds” just before me putting him to bed but tonight, the first night of many that daddy was not around to hold his son, Bryden said these words for the very first time: “Nana holds!”

Our bond was beginning to form.

Join me Monday for more of Nana Holds.

Evinda

Nana Holds-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks for joining me for a little break. I’m excited to be back with this series, Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and come on in!

Just to recap, we left off with me transparently sharing about the perception I have of myself as it relates to children, which has been fairly negative, and I hinted that I thought God would be using little Bryden to change that perception. And then I think I closed the last post in this series with a confession: that my attitude was definitely changing for the better, and I was beginning to be more comfortable with this little two-year-old in our home and not look so much like him when he is throwing a fit!

But then something happened that literally changed all of our worlds. On June 8th, we received a phone call that changed our family dynamic, and was, to put it mildly, a family crisis that left our little grandson Bryden without a daddy for an unknown period of time. I remember feeling a sense of relief because I knew that our Father had brought the truth to the light and that though the days ahead would be tough, this was a new beginning for my stepson.

Daddy Holds!

That relief was short-lived because later that day, a terror-like feeling gripped me, nearly choking me as the gravity of the reality hit: George and I were now to be parents to this little two-year-old. As I stood there in the silence, I began to try and think through all that this meant, but I couldn’t wrap my brain around it in that moment. Though I could see some eternally-valued things, I couldn’t hold on to the eternal perspective. It was just too much for me in my flesh.

My world, as I knew it, was coming to an abrupt stop; everything about it required redirection for now it was really no longer all about me and my agenda, “my ministry,” but all about a two-year-old and his little soul. This was going to require more of me and yet less of me at the same time for there was no way I could do this in my own strength.
Finally, I began to think about someone else besides myself: little Bryden. As I anticipated him looking for his daddy.

Later that evening, around dinner time, I fell to my knees, the tears coming from the depth of my soul. “Whatever am I going to tell him when he asks where his daddy is?” This is what I heard:
“Tell him he’s at a new job, the biggest job of his life.”

With a strength that was not in me or of me, I stood and embraced the rest of the day, rehearsing the words given to me while on my knees.

Join me tomorrow for Bryden’s response.

Evinda

Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for stopping by today for a little break. I’m really happy you could. Grab your coffee and come on in and get comfy while I open my heart and share more of this series which is transforming all of us who love Bryden. Despite the unspoken chaos, the breaking of many unspoken rules and my emotional feet getting clumsier and clumsier, I was beginning to learn how to have fun with Bryden. I've never seen a child wash his hands so well until Bryden! He's quite the hand-washer.
I’ve already mentioned that bath time was a favorite time of mine because I played like a child with him, splashing water and tossing toys with him before getting him all cleaned up. So my bath time role was Nanna, then Mama.
And of course, after his bath, it was time to brush his teeth – speaking of which, it’s been so long since I brushed my own son’s teeth, I forgot about the no fluoride thing. Holy moly, I could have really hurt him if I had innocently said, Oh, let’s use Nana’s toothpaste! Ugh, ignorance is not bliss! Anyway, I taught him how to open up wide and say “ah” so I could get in the back, both upper and lower. Now the routine goes something like this: “Say ahh.” Bryden: Uhh. Nana: Oh no, I can see some beans in your teeth. Hurry and open wide so I can get them out of there. Bingo! It worked and still works. Now he really lets me get in there.
And then I say: Say “eeeee.” Well, that’s no problem; it’s almost like saying “cheeeese” and he’s a ham for the camera! And then last but not least, I’d say, “Now give me your tongue,” and he thought that was really funny, so we’d brush his tongue a few times, and the toothpaste was swallowed by his giggles.

Play Time!

The more consistently we did that, the more I was able to extend that playtime outside of the bath time. Like his favorite way to come downstairs is on my back, so we had our little routine of coming downstairs after bath time and me taking him around the house for a piggy-back ride that pressed his giggle button. Those giggles were not just music to my ears but began to melt my heart in ways I didn’t know needed melting.

Giddy-up Nana!

Hide-N-Seek was another favorite of both of ours back in those early months and helped to break down some walls to begin forming a bond. I’d tell him to go hide, and then when I’d find him, we would both break out in a fit of screaming giggles, and then he’d say, “Your turn.” And off I’d go to hide behind a door, practically putting my hand over my mouth to keep him from hearing me break out in a fit of laughter as I watched him set out to go find me! Talk about stinking cute! Oh, how thankful I am for those moments that soothed the unspoken pain and frustration of the other issues. I know, looking back on it now, that the way I was loving his son, our grandson, was speaking volumes of love into his daddy’s heart.
Join me Wednesday for more of Nana Holds.
Rejoicing,
Evinda

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