Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks for joining me for Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power. Let’s get back to that first week of adjustment for Bryden and all of us in the absence of his daddy.

Towards the end of the first week, on a Saturday morning, in fact, George and Bryden were on the couch, cuddled up watching cartoons and he called. I heard, “Hi, Son,” and I stopped what I was doing and waited. It was then I realized that we had almost made it through the first week without him even questioning where his daddy was. He had just accepted what Nana had told him; that daddy was at a big job, the most important job of his life.

“Bryden, do you want to talk with daddy?”

Bryden’s face lit up like a birthday cake on fire. “Daddy, daddy,” he exclaimed.

I swallowed my urge to cry, successfully keeping the tears at bay as I listened to Bryden tell his daddy that him and Papa were watching cartoons and he had just eaten his cereal. Their conversation lasted a whole 45 seconds, if that, and just like that, Bryden was done talking with his daddy.

He gave the phone back to his Papa and he seemed perfectly content to continue watching cartoons.
George talked to him for a little bit and then I heard him say, “I want you to tell her,” and he handed me the phone. For the next couple of minutes, I listened as Bryce shared a powerful experience, one that I hope he will remember for the rest of his life because I know I will. He shared that he accepted Jesus into his heart, and that when he did, he felt chills all over his body. “It was pretty trippy,” he said.

“That’s awesome, Bryce. I’m so happy for you. Now He has your attention and the only way to go from this moment is up. He uses all things, Bryce, all things.” I encouraged him to talk with God every day and told him that I loved him and we would see him soon. I handed the phone back to George so he could say good-bye.

As we entertained Bryden that day, the first Saturday of many to come that would be consumed with and centered around this little boy, I couldn’t help but recognize and own the truth; that God was in control and though it wasn’t His will that certain choices had been made, only He could and would bring something amazing out of them. My heart was so much lighter as I realized our son was now one of His and that He was already at work in his life, despite us not being able to see him.

Amazed at His sovereignty,

Evinda

Nana Holds-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me today. I enjoy sharing this time with you. Grab your coffee and come on in. We’re at the dinner table and the dreaded question is about to be asked.

Since Bryce wasn’t there, I got to help Bryden wash his hands before dinner. I picked him up and carried him to the kitchen sink and proceeded to teach him how to wash his hands, really wash his hands. He is such a good little student and to this day, that little boy doesn’t just skim soap on his hands, but he puts his little hands together and goes round and round, on the inside first and then the outside! That was my first smile of the day. We were going to get through this.

Little kids are incredibly intuitive in an uncanny sort of way. Dinner was a little quiet, and we were running low on the physical and emotional energy required to try and get Bryden to eat. It was almost like he could sense he was about to get some bad news and he lost his appetite. After several attempts to get him to eat, finally he just blurted out what he wanted to know all along, probably since the minute he stepped foot in the door: “Where’s my daddy?”
I didn’t gasp or anything, but I did hesitate. I caught George’s eyes and I swear they looked a bit glassy. He couldn’t do it. I spoke up very matter-of-factly: “Daddy’s at a new job so he won’t be home for a while.”

“A new job?” he asked.

“Yup, Daddy’s at a new job, the biggest job of his life.” I held my breath.
He seemed to accept that and finished his dinner while I exhaled my relief. George and I didn’t have much of an appetite so didn’t finish our dinner but cleaned up while Bryden watched a little T.V. He seemed perfectly content and okay with what I had told him and so bath time was fun as usual, and I played with him as if everything were okay, because in my heart of hearts, I had to believe that it would be, one day, some day.

We went downstairs and played hide-N-seek for a few minutes; then we settled him down with a book or two. Then it was time for bed and – sorry, I’m starting to cry as I remember this one – normally he would say, “Daddy holds” just before me putting him to bed but tonight, the first night of many that daddy was not around to hold his son, Bryden said these words for the very first time: “Nana holds!”

Our bond was beginning to form.

Join me Monday for more of Nana Holds.

Evinda

Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour and thanks so much for having coffee with me! Grab your coffee and come on in for more of this transparent series, Nana Holds! We have just a few hours before Bryden gets home and finds out his daddy won’t be coming home.

I think I understand what the term “auto pilot” means now because that’s what it felt like for the rest of the day. I did what I had to do and didn’t even remember doing it. It was like my body was there, but my mind and heart were looking up and waiting for the next instruction.

The funny thing is, through a series of silent instructions, more of the pieces of the painful puzzle of my step-son’s life appeared in the picture, bringing clarity which brought understanding. And though the pain was intense, especially for my husband, understanding went a long way in soothing it.
And while I did look for some eternal value immediately, I must confess I wasn’t happy. In fact, the more reality settled into my head about all the sacrificing required for this situation, the more I resembled Bryden in one of his fits, on my back, kicking and screaming. Oh, was I ever unlearned with it comes to not acting out of control despite my world feeling out of control!

Daddy Holds!

George came home and my heart broke for him. Not only was he in extreme emotional pain, but he was in a tremendous amount of physical pain as well. Stress has a way of doing that, pinching nerves, and manifesting itself in all kinds of hideous ways and by the time he had come home, he could barely move his head to the left because of a pinched nerve!

We had talked several times throughout the day, so he was aware of the many answers to the many unasked questions, but honestly, he was aging before my eyes. I tried to comfort him as best as I could, reminding him that God definitely had intervened in our son’s life, and the only way to go from this point was up, if he chose to do so. I felt in my gut then, and still do now, that God was going to use this tragedy for Bryce’s triumph in a way that only He could.


My hubby wasn’t able to see that right away though, or maybe he could, but it wasn’t at the forefront of his thoughts. No, his heart ached, longing to pull his son out of the murky waters he had put himself in and protect him from the ramifications from his own choices. Oh, did I ever feel his pain and I so wished I could take it  from him, but I have been through this before and I understand that while it is incredibly painful, that this is/was something we were going to have to walk through together and I was truly thankful he didn’t have to go through it alone.

Shortly after George came home, Suzanne brought Bryden home. It’s a blur, exactly what we did first, but I think we just played with him for a little while before dinner. I think I was still sort of on auto pilot. It wasn’t until we were sitting down for dinner that the question finally came, the one I had been anticipating and trying not to dread . . .

Join me tomorrow for more.

Evinda

Power Friday-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks for stopping by for Power Friday, especially on Black Friday! Hey, I saw something the other day about a country artist trying to make this Pink Friday! Hmm. Grab your coffee and come on in for a few. I won’t keep you long. I know you may want to go out there and join that crazy frenzy of Black Friday shopping.

So just a bit of an accountability session here regarding last Friday’s power thought, “Don’t turn your back; turn the other cheek”: I am learning to do this much better with my husband; however, I still need the prescription of practice, practice, practice when it comes to others in my life. Oh the desire of my heart is to be assertive and not aggressive with all whom I interact with!

Now for today’s power thought which is helpful with becoming assertive versus aggressive in all relationships and has to do with the definition for boundary integrity, which is: keeping the same boundaries no matter whom I am dealing with or whom I am with!

I hope this thought permeates in your mind and dissipates in your heart as you interact with others today, tomorrow and the tomorrow after that.

Assertively

Evinda

P.S. Happy, happy birthday to my son, Jeff. I thank God for the gift of you, how your testimony has strengthened me, my faith and my desire for our Father. I pray that this year will be a year of consistent forwards and new beginnings that inspire you, strengthen you and encourage you as you continue to become all that He’s called you to be. I love you, Son