Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour and thanks so much for having coffee with me! Grab your coffee and come on in for more of this transparent series, Nana Holds! We have just a few hours before Bryden gets home and finds out his daddy won’t be coming home.

I think I understand what the term “auto pilot” means now because that’s what it felt like for the rest of the day. I did what I had to do and didn’t even remember doing it. It was like my body was there, but my mind and heart were looking up and waiting for the next instruction.

The funny thing is, through a series of silent instructions, more of the pieces of the painful puzzle of my step-son’s life appeared in the picture, bringing clarity which brought understanding. And though the pain was intense, especially for my husband, understanding went a long way in soothing it.
And while I did look for some eternal value immediately, I must confess I wasn’t happy. In fact, the more reality settled into my head about all the sacrificing required for this situation, the more I resembled Bryden in one of his fits, on my back, kicking and screaming. Oh, was I ever unlearned with it comes to not acting out of control despite my world feeling out of control!

Daddy Holds!

George came home and my heart broke for him. Not only was he in extreme emotional pain, but he was in a tremendous amount of physical pain as well. Stress has a way of doing that, pinching nerves, and manifesting itself in all kinds of hideous ways and by the time he had come home, he could barely move his head to the left because of a pinched nerve!

We had talked several times throughout the day, so he was aware of the many answers to the many unasked questions, but honestly, he was aging before my eyes. I tried to comfort him as best as I could, reminding him that God definitely had intervened in our son’s life, and the only way to go from this point was up, if he chose to do so. I felt in my gut then, and still do now, that God was going to use this tragedy for Bryce’s triumph in a way that only He could.


My hubby wasn’t able to see that right away though, or maybe he could, but it wasn’t at the forefront of his thoughts. No, his heart ached, longing to pull his son out of the murky waters he had put himself in and protect him from the ramifications from his own choices. Oh, did I ever feel his pain and I so wished I could take it  from him, but I have been through this before and I understand that while it is incredibly painful, that this is/was something we were going to have to walk through together and I was truly thankful he didn’t have to go through it alone.

Shortly after George came home, Suzanne brought Bryden home. It’s a blur, exactly what we did first, but I think we just played with him for a little while before dinner. I think I was still sort of on auto pilot. It wasn’t until we were sitting down for dinner that the question finally came, the one I had been anticipating and trying not to dread . . .

Join me tomorrow for more.

Evinda