Seven Sacrifices to Joy

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Happy day to you! It’s so good to have you to write for and to share all these beautiful facets of joy. I’ve been thinking that this will definitely be a series in my next book in the Destination? Joyful! ™ series, A Cup of Joy for the Day! Grab your coffee and your Red Strand of Faith and let’s get to the third sacrifice, communication!
As I wrote that word, I did a mental uh-oh, something tells me we may be on this one for a while as well, but, hey, that’s okay. There’s no law that says we have to get through a series in a New York minute, right? Let’s enjoy the ride.
So before we get to the actual sacrifice of communication and why it is deemed one of the Seven Sacrifices to Joy, let’s go and explore the word “communicate.” Now this word, and all its forms, shows up in the Promises of God, the instructions by God, and the Love Letters from God a total of 14 times and that’s significant enough to be a bit intriguing to me. So before I go on to the actual “sacrifice” of communication, I want to research this word a little bit. Why? Well, because as I look at the Greek Concordance under communicate, communicated and communication, beside each context is a different number which means a slightly different meaning so my curiosity is getting the best of me.
So many of us don’t like this subject; in fact, many shirk away from it which is usually because of a lack of understanding and/or a bad experience with it, but please, stay with me and let’s have some fun with this word. Who knows, it may stir up our joy and make the actual “sacrifice of communication” a bit easier to process.
Okay, so I got the chills because this Greek translation sounds like a word I’ve heard in the church for quite some time, especially Calvary Chapels: “koinoneo,” pronounced “koy-no-neh-o,” and means to share with others, to distribute, to be partakers! Look at that word again because if I were to swap that last “eo” for an “ia,” which is the word I hear so often with Calvary Chapel, the translation would mean fellowship, communion, distribution and contribution!
In English, that says communication is a two-way street with giving and receiving involved!
Have you ever participated in a conversation where one person was doing all the talking and pretty soon your ears were just overflowing and needing a break because the person was talking non-stop, and usually about themselves, and offering no break for you to distribute or contribute to the conversation? Well, that is not true “koinoneo”!
True communication does however require that I wait to speak until I truly understand what the other person is trying to say. Oftentimes, that may require me to have to ask questions along the way to understand their perception, their point of view, and that’s okay. Here’s the key: truly listening to the other person does not mean that you agree with him. That reminds me of something that happened while sitting down in the airport a couple of months ago waiting to be called to board the plane to Austin, Texas. It was an incredibly awkward but insightful moment involving this young couple that I couldn’t help but overhear. I really wasn’t intentionally eaves dropping! :) Their tones revealed that they were in the midst of a “moment” and several times I heard her say: “I just need you to understand my perspective”; and “I just want you to look at it from my point of view.” She must have pleaded this request in all its possible ways – at least seven times – and the guy was growing increasingly frustrated but remaining pretty calm.
Do you know how hard it was for me to sit there, drink my water and eat my bag of Chex mix – my lunch since the lines for any and all nutritious foods were almost out to the entrance of security—and not say a word? I wanted so very badly to lean into the young guy, whom I was sitting right next to because of there being more people than seats, and just whisper, “It is really okay to give yourself permission to see it from her perspective. It doesn’t mean you agree; but oh the value you will give to her and the quicker you will resolve your apparent conflict.” When we validate, there’s room to negotiate!
True listening doesn’t require that you agree but it is part of good communication! And the more we listen, the more we learn.
A very good friend and fellow board member calls this, with a sweet smile on his face, the big ears/little lips syndrome! God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason: He wanted us to truly embrace, endure and enjoy koinoneo!
Paul speaks about this very thing in Galatians 6:6: Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches. We can’t learn if we’re not listening, and we don’t have to limit this to being taught the word, but the principle is the same and we see that true koinoneo in the “share in all good things.”
Join me tomorrow for more diamonds behind communication that will illuminate in our understanding of a Sacrifice of Communication.
Listening …
Evinda

Seven Sacrifices to Joy

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Happy day, Coffee Hour Friend! Thanks for joining me today for more of Seven Sacrifices to Joy! Grab your coffee and your Red Strand of Faith and let’s go back about 2000 years to Jesus and His Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5, and then we’ll do a fast-forward to apply His words to our lives.
Matthew 5:39 He says: “But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.”
Now let me share another life-lived experience that brought this scripture dancing to life within me!
As I got out of my car, armed with prayer for this conflict resolution meeting, I was confident that He was with me and would speak through me, after I kept my mouth shut and listened. Yes, that was the plan; to sit and listen as He had been teaching me to do so I could teach others, but I had never engaged in such a listening exercise; only read and taught about it. I greeted her with a hug, as if there were no problems to resolve, and I remember genuinely feeling the love which I offered. We got our drinks and went outside and sat down. I began the conversation by asking her permission to take notes, confessing this would help me to keep my mouth shut and truly listen to her. And then I shared that I wanted to show her more respect.
If eyeballs could pop out, hers would have and here’s why I say that: everything leading up to this conversation was problematic, putting it mildly, and I just don’t think she was prepared for me to show her kindness and respect. Trust me; it was Him in me, every bit of it, for when I am a vessel full of myself, nothing good happens, but when I got out of my car that day, I left pride in the passenger’s seat, assuring it I’d be back for it afterwards!
I don’t need to glorify the enemy and I won’t by repeating our conversation. However, and this is a big however, because I kept my mouth shut and my ears opened as she spewed out her hurtful comments and opinions, I was able to detect that much of her present was mixed with painful moments in her past of which she wasn’t even aware! She was/is so focused on others’ behavior that she was totally unaware of her own, and I don’t say that to be demeaning. Quite the contrary because it shed light and gave me compassion. It was as though there was this invisible connect-the-dots picture and each comment laced with hurt and anger equipped me to visibly connect the dots internally. It was this incredibly out-of-body experience where He equipped me to listen, and because I really listened, I was able to validate all of her misperceptions! It was the most freeing hour of my life!
Now let’s return to the words spoken by Jesus Himself in Matthew 5. I wouldn’t call this person who had been keeping this silent scorecard of wrongs evil, although her words and opinions felt evil. But maybe, just maybe there’s something to this verse that applies to these types of in-the-heat-of-the-moment situations. At least this verse is speaking to me ever so loudly in a soft kind of way. See, as I sat there and truly listened to this person spewing all of her misperceptions about situations we had been involved in, I listened, one insult after another … turning one cheek, then the other, and then turning back and repeating the cycle. This went on for over an hour and I have to tell you, because I chose to turn the other cheek, in other words, keep my mouth shut and truly listen, I was able to pick up some very enlightening information and understand why/how she had connected the dots the way she did.
Guess what? Her venom and bitterness really had nothing to do with me – she thinks it did and that’s okay -- but had I not turned the cheek … over and over again, I wouldn’t have recognized that powerful truth and my anger would have erupted and spoiled the victory!
Could it be that actively listening was accounted as an act of righteousness for me that day? Oh, please know that I take no credit for anything but showing up and shutting up … Oh, to continue seeking to offer a sacrifice of righteousness!
Please join us tomorrow for our Faith Filled Fridays with Debbie Croley!

Love,

Evinda