Jenn’s Journey from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Good morning everyone! Happy Monday once again. Thank you for stopping by and having a few moments with me. I hope this new week holds some good adventures for you!

Speaking of adventures, I had one this past week. I've talked often here in my blog of being a recovering perfectionist. Life is full of opportunities for improving upon this aspect of my life. I've slowly but surely been practicing letting go of my high expectations, trying to give myself credit for the things I do right.

Back to my adventure. I promised to check on my parents’ home while they are out of town, to water their indoor plants and make sure all is in order. They live about 45 miles away, so it's a bit of a drive. I planned out my week; notice how I say, 'planned,’ figuring that Tuesday was the best day for this trip. I prepared my daughter for the excursion, promising a treat for both of us and charged up her DVD player. She let it be known this was not how she wanted to spend her day…but I assured her we'd have fun and make some memories along the way.

For once, we sailed right up the hill with no traffic and pulled into the driveway. I stepped out of the car, and with a sudden sinking feeling, realized I had the wrong set of keys with me. The house key to my parents’ house dangled safely from its hook 45 minutes away. Normally, this would really set me off, either I'd be mad, or be in tears. Instead, I laughed.

If you know me, you probably have your chin on the floor right now. My daughter asked me "Mom, what is so funny?" I told her the situation and she just looked at me, standing there, in the driveway, laughing. I explained that we would go to the backyard, pick the plums as promised and then we'd go get some lunch and take go to the park.

We did just that. You know what? We had fun!  I didn't spend time beating myself up for this mistake. I was able to stay in the moment, and make some memories with my girl.

To some, this would seem a small thing. To me, it is huge.  The still small voice of God says "Jenn, slow down; enjoy what is around you. I will help you handle whatever the day throws at you" Oh, may I count on Him more.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13

Until next week, be blessed.

Jenn

Paws for Coffee Hour: Lessons I’ve learned from my dogs

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Welcome to Paws for Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power! I’m so excited about this new series and we truly hope you will enjoy it. I say we because a very special friend of CPM, in fact our Director of Development will be co-authoring this series with me. She and I share a common love for our four-legged children and have compared some stories that rendered us in fits of laughter. Laughter, that’s why we are doing this, to lighten it up a bit here at our blog because being in the trenches can tend to make one a bit too serious, if you know what I mean. I need to put the teacher hat away for a bit and put on my student hat…and remember to laugh. Oh, and believe it or not, you will need to bring your Strand of Faith with you to this new series, because after all, you never know what you might learn from a dog! For the first few weeks, it will be on Wednesdays and then as interest peaks, we’ll increase it to two days a week! Grab your coffee and come on in.

There are so many lessons I’ve learned from our four-legged children that it’s hard to pick a starting point. I mean from A to Z, these dogs have mirrored the one thing I know we humans have a hard time giving: unconditional love! Everything I’ve learned from them has been wrapped in the gift of unconditional love.  But before I tell you the lessons I’ve learned from our little four-legged fur children, let me start from the beginning and introduce you to them, one at a time.

During my SOS (Season of singleness) I prayed for my little dog, and I mean I prayed about everything I wanted in a dog. Approximately four months after praying for a dog, He answered and gave me everything I asked for. Not to detour, but it’s kind of funny so I’ll just tell you that He answered my prayer for a dog through a guy that I was dating whose neighbor had both the mom and dad of the litter; mom was a Shih Tzu and the dad was a Lhasa Apso. If you know anything about either one of these breeds, they are extreme opposite so I prayed that she would be the best of both! I wanted her to be cute, and she was and still is beyond adorable.

I wanted her to be smart, and that she is – look, she wanted to learn how to play piano -- but now she can be a little too smart for her little dresses. Yes, I dress her!
Oh, and she needed to be a lap dog and cuddle and let me tell you she is such a little cuddle bug. At night, she comes up – yes, she sleeps with us – gives me a kiss, turns around and around and around, and then with a big humph, plops down either right against my backside or my tummy.
I’ll never forget bringing my little Baraka home -- and no, I did not name my dog after the president. She’s almost 12 years old! However, when someone asked my husband if we had named her after him, he said absolutely not and changed her name to my middle name: Evinda! And she answers to it! – She was just three or four pounds and fit in my purse. She was so tiny and so…dependent upon me. It was love at first sight; was it because she came during an incredible void? Oh, I’m sure it was and I still smile when I think of God’s timing.
It was pivotal and perfect. See, I was going through a serious life change, a career change. I was on the spiritual operating table, so to speak, for some intensive open-heart surgery, spiritually speaking and in the midst of that season, he brought me the first dog I’ve ever really loved. If you are not a dog lover, it’s hard to describe, this sort of bond we have. We’ve come through so much together, and that’s no exaggeration. I know we dog-lovers can be guilty of ascribing feelings onto our four-legged kids, but when it comes down to it, I know she was sent to teach me many things, first and foremost, unconditional love. There were many times during this first season with her that she caught me crying…and she would lick my tears and just look right at me…into my eyes.

And at the risk of ascribing words onto her from her, it was during those times I felt like her act of love was like she was saying, I’m here for you and I love you. It’s going to be okay…There is a constant companion in me, His Spirit, and God’s Spirit within me confirms those very words I ascribed to my little Baraka.

Have you ever felt that from your pet? Be sure and leave a comment or two, and share this with other dog-lovers in your world. We just may start a Facebook page where you can share your pictures and stories of lessons you’ve learned from your dog!

Join me next Wednesday for more … and tomorrow for a special invitation!

Evinda & Baraka

Seven Sacrifices to Joy

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

It’s great to have our Coffee Hour and to write from my heart to yours. I know we’ve finally picked up speed and are moving through this series at a much quicker pace. In case you’re wondering why, well, the whole communication piece took the longest because it is the key to all the other sacrifices! So as we turn the corner and head to the finish line of this series with only three more sacrifices to go, I am excited to hint at a new series coming after this one. It involves four-legged children who steal our hearts … yup, dogs! I’ll be co-writing it with our Director of Development who taught her dog how to say “I love you” and of course she passed that lesson on to me and we, in turn, passed it on to our four-legged kiddos! Anyway, I’m looking forward to that fun series and the laughter and joy it will bring! Let’s get back to The Seven Sacrifices to Joy. Grab your coffee and your Strand of Faith and let’s go talk about the fifth sacrifice, joy!

So how could joy be one of the sacrifices to joy? Well, hopefully I’ll be able to paint the answer to that question in this blog.

It seems strange that offering joy before the Lord is considered a sacrifice. However, when we look around and see how many Christians do not exhibit joy we may begin to understand. When we offer up joy, we tell God that we are rejoicing because we have Him and know Him. Joy takes on many forms which actually involve all the senses: hearing, seeing, touching, smelling, feeling. Various things that we listen to can cause the joy within to rise up, for example, in the midst of a noisy day, to stop and take a little worship break and break forth with songs and praise to the Lord. Or how about the calmness that touches our soul when we sit still before the crashing waves from His glories oceans? Or what about the sweet sound of life coming from singing birds; doesn’t that sound squeeze our hearts with joy?

Oh, and His creation beckons and stirs our joy when we take in a glorious sunrise or sunset as the Creator whispers good morning or sweet dreams. The fragrance of flowers, their vibrant colors, their quiet ability to captivate…. Joy!

But how would we know joy if we hadn’t experienced sadness or unhappiness? It is the experiences of the antonyms of joy that increase our joy! It is through those times of the stretching of our faith and increasing our trust boundaries that our joy is not just stirred but increased!

Our joy can be active because of God not just for the good times, but also in the painful circumstances. Joy is based on our internal hope of our eternal destination!

This joy enables us to rejoice in and thru all circumstances, but it doesn’t mean we are joyous for those circumstances while we are in those circumstances! How is that possible? Because of our faith and trust in His faithfulness. And here’s something that can seem a bit unfathomable: Even when we are faithless, He is faithful. Now that’s something to offer up a sacrifice of joy for!

And when life’s difficult situations come crashing upon you like a giant wave, pray for strength to lay aside the innate tendency to worry, to exhibit fear and anxiety and instead, to offer up the sacrifice of joy. God will be well pleased!

Until tomorrow …

Evin

Seven Sacrifices to Joy

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thanks so much for taking time out of your busy day to join me for a few words, or more, from my heart to yours! We are finally on the fourth sacrifice in the Seven Sacrifices to Joy, a contrite heart. Oh, there is beauty in Godly sorrow! Grab your coffee and your Red Strand of Faith and let’s go ties some more knots in this series.

Have you ever let some words come flying out of your mouth in a burst of anger and then immediately, as soon as they left your tongue, been sorry? Or hit someone and only after you did, were you wishing you could scamper into a hole like a lizard? Or how about those messages from the pulpit where you just know the Pastor is looking right at you because he was at your house the day before sorting through your “dirty laundry” and saw your sin? Oh how beautiful are the quiet crashes of conviction against the soul that bring a contrite heart. A contrite heart is a requirement for change!

Now we want to be careful and not confuse contrite with depressed! To avoid that crash, let’s check out a couple of definitions for contrite.

Hmmm, I just discovered something interesting: contrite is only in the Old Testament! The first occurrence is in Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart and saves such as have a contrite spirit.”

Wow, the word translates to “daka,” pronounced daw-kaw, and means “to crumble; to dash into pieces or crush.”

That’s a lot of sorrow but look at the promise: The Lord is near … to pick up the pieces! I don’t know about you, but there have been many times where I’ve felt that my world was in pieces and mostly because I had made such a mess of it, but EVERY single time, He was there to turn tragedy into triumph, trash into a testimony for He knew in my heart I was broken and sorrowful.

I hear another question echoing in the hallways of my heart: what about those that have sinned against us and don’t have a “contrite” heart for hurting us? I guess the simplistic answer to such a difficult but honest question is to truly have a contrite heart means we experience remorse over sin … not just our own, but those committed against us! In other words, our heart will break for what breaks His!

A contrite heart experiences repentance and true repentance is seen by a turning away from that which we are repenting from. Let’s sit here for just a minute… without a gavel in our hands!

There are two types of repentance that exist: genuine repentance and false repentance. Genuine repentance occurs when we come clean before God and confess sin out of a true sense of remorse at having offended God.

False repentance occurs when an individual says, "I am sorry" because someone else discovers him in sin and points it out. The apology does not bring change to the one who is falsely repenting, but that’s not for us to decide!

God wants us to be honest with Him, contrite before Him and not wait until we are discovered by others to repent.

A contrite heart will keep us in our own lane and in our own car so we don’t cause emotional wrecks in others’ lives! A contrite heart forgives without being asked for forgiveness!

One of the greatest prayers we could pray for ourselves and those who have hurt us is to have a contrite heart, which is a humble heart that truly desires to walk with God and be what He wants.

A “contrite heart” is considered a sacrifice because it sets aside selfish desires and wants and waits for God's will.

Oh, to offer up a contrite heart, to walk in this journey with the broken in a way that makes Him smile …

Join me tomorrow for the fifth sacrifice in this series!

Evind

Seven Sacrifices to Joy

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thanks for joining me today for our Coffee Hour! Grab your coffee and your Red SOF and let’s go tie some more knots in this delicate subject of conflict resolution in the Sacrifice of Communication!

So far we’ve been able to come up with a few diamonds in our digging through some scriptures about communication, which actually translates to fellowship. We’ve learned much from one of the most prolific communicators in the Word of God, Paul.  Come with me to discover another huge benefit of fellowship/communication and how we can best utilize it as a sacrifice in our daily walk with our Keynote Speaker.

God knew we would have difficulty in this area of communication and fellowship that brings unity, so He sent us a Helper, his Holy Spirit. He longs for us to communicate with Him; that’s without a doubt!  But He doesn’t leave us without help and that humbles me, knowing He loves us enough to not let us figure this stuff out on our own. What a loving God we have!

We are told in Romans 8:26 that when we do not know what to do or what to say, the Spirit will intercede for us! That goes for anything, anytime, anyhow, anywhere! And that’s not just for His benefit, but for ours. It’s to help us stay in fellowship with Him, first and foremost, and then when we step outside of our personal relationship with Christ, and seek that fellowship with like-minded followers of Christ, we are told in 2^nd Corinthians 13:14 that we also share together a fellowship with the Holy Spirit!

The Holy Spirit is the Super Glue for unity in the church. If we relied more on His Spirit to guide us in our interactions, there would be more unity among the diversity creating harmony that is ever so pleasing to His ears. Whew was that ever a mouthful but let’s sit here in unity for a bit!

Paul tells us in Philippians 2:1-4 that without the Helper, aka the Spirit, unity in the church would not be possible! Now, I don’t know about you, but I like that name, “Helper,” because that’s exactly what He is for us, to us and why He was sent for us, to help us! We are to lean on the Helper and not our own understanding, for all things, and this includes in the area of communication.

I don’t know about you, but I used to lean on the side of forgetfulness when someone hurt or offended me, especially when it was done by someone in the church. It used to be so disillusioning to run into conflict in a place I thought was for perfect people. Obviously I’ve learned that the church is not a place for perfect people – I couldn’t go if it was – but a hospital, if you will, for all of us to go for our sicknesses and symptoms, our deficits and diseases.

What about you; do you let your flesh speak before consulting our Helper when someone pushes your “ouch” button? It is a natural thing to do and consulting the Helper goes against the flesh. Oh, to dare to be different! I think if more of us relied on the Helper in times of conflict we would have more unity within the Bride of Christ, which would be a really good thing for the Groom is waiting and watching!

Until tomorrow …

Evinda

Seven Sacrifices to Joy

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

It’s a great day! At least I hope it is for you. You just made mine better by stopping by to have Coffee Hour with me! Grab your coffee, and your red Strand of Faith and let’s get back to this gift/sacrifice of communication and where I left off, which was without a planned talk, no notes, no nada, just an idea still trying to form as I made my way up front to talk to ladies who appeared eager to hear what I had to say! Talk about conflicted emotions!
What happened next was nothing short of an out-of-body experience as I began to share transparently about relationships, our biggest gift, and sometimes our biggest thorn. Somehow the subject wound its way right to conflict as a character developer and before you know it, I was inviting these moms to share some recent conflicts, giving them the four ways to work through any conflict. Sheesh, as I’m sitting here writing from my heart to yours, I can’t remember the order of them! :)
Okay; so we have talked about one: make a deposit before you make a withdrawal, and be sure not to join the deposit and withdrawal with a “but”! But actually the first step to allowing conflict to develop character is to check your motive, aka, your integrity. Are you exposing the conflict to work through it or to rub their noses in their “bad” ways? Is your motive to help them or hurt them? When you have done a heart-check and can proceed forward, then you begin by making that deposit before making a withdrawal.
Another great conflict character builder, one that is completely and utterly non-negotiable is integrity; use integrity! Recently I had conversations with a husband who was completely outraged by something his wife did and he wanted the world to know it. As I assimilated all the pieces of the puzzle he gave me, as well as the ones he didn’t, I had to ask him: Why is it you want these people told about this? Is it for restoration? Is it with the hope to reconcile? Or are you trying to hurt her because she hurt you? Of course, he didn’t have an answer! Many times we want to go to the person who hurt/offended us and prove our case; rub their noses in it, per say, or simply be understood. These are all conflict enhancers, not conflict erasers!
So step number two to resolving conflict while developing Christ-like character is to ask: What is my motive for trying to resolve the conflict? If you have a divided heart of any size, then you must wait until there is no division and love is the motive, restoration.
Step number three to allowing conflict to build your character is to get your facts straight. Well, since it is virtually impossible to know the other person’s heart, the only facts you can really bank on are those that involve you, your feelings, the way their actions made you feel. See, things are never as they seem, and we may think we have all the pieces to the puzzle of the conflict, but we more than likely do not. And even if we do, we don’t compound a wrong with a wrong. How we approach a wrong could make the whole thing right! Remember, there are always two sides of the story! Proverbs 18:13 tells us that he/she who answers a matter -- in other words, tries to solve a conflict -- before he hears it – which means to get both sides – it is folly to him/her!
Oh, how many times have I given a what-for and a how-could-you only to have a huge piece of humble pie smashed in my face!
And finally, speak words that lift up, not tear down; in other words validate so you can negotiate … through the painful, muddy waters of conflict. Jesus never condemned the sinner … only the sin!


Oh, and by the way, that situation that I got notified of before speaking, well, all four of these steps were brought to life and not only was my character developed, a bit stretched, but my heart was actually filled up with love for the one involved! These steps really work in resolving conflict while developing character!
Well, that’s a wrap on our character-building through conflict segment of this Sacrifice of Communication … a subject we could probably spend hours on, but we should wrap it up next week with some Good News about the Helper who was sent to help us with healthy communication.
Thanking Him for you,

Evinda

Seven Sacrifices to Joy

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Happy day to you and thanks so much for stopping by for what apparently is my longest series ever … The Seven Sacrifices to Joy. We are still on the Sacrifice of Communication, and we probably will be for a few more Coffee Hours, but hey, what’s the rush, right? We have so much to learn in this area of communication! Grab your coffee and your red Strand of Faith, and let’s get to it.
You know, I often wonder why I get so much practice in this conflict-resolving character-building gift of communication! Why do I have to have so much stock in Spandex … in the department of communication? Can I get an Amen … from anyone?
Oh, that’s right; I was going to tell you about something that happened to me that’s never, ever happened to me before and as it turns out, it was all about conflict!
Last week I was invited to the Loma Linda Seventh Day Adventist MOPS group to speak. It was my second invitation back and I was looking forward to seeing some familiar faces, especially my friend who had set it all up who happens to be on my LIT (Leaders in Training) group for the ministry.
I had spent a couple of hours preparing what I thought He wanted me to speak about, “Our brokenness from His Perspective,” and printed it all out, got my car all packed with my books, and my notes, and was about to head out the door when I got a phone call from someone who is like a mentor to me, someone that I respect very much. While I was surprised to hear from this person, I was in no way prepared for what was shared with me. The news rocked my emotional balance and the tears began to fall after I hung up. And while it served as confirmation and an answer to a decision I had been praying over, I was livid and saddened all at the same time!
I knew who I needed to call especially considering what this involved so I made the call as soon as I got in my car. We talked all the way to Loma Linda – rather I vented; she listened, offered some sound advice, and then prayed for/with me after I assured her I wouldn’t close my eyes since I was driving! What a mess that would have been!
Anyway, by the time I made it to the church, I was definitely calmer, and I tucked the unexpected news away for later. After all, it wasn’t going to go anywhere until I dealt with it and I was there that day for who knows who, but I knew I had to not let what I had just learned interfere with my assignment for that morning.
We set up my book table and I got myself situated, and then went around to offer a “hello” to a few of the familiar faces, and Jenn introduced me to the ones that weren’t familiar. As the meeting got started, and the leader introduced the ice breaker, I felt this sort of ice breaker go down my spine as I heard Him tell me “You won’t be talking about what you prepared!”
I looked around me almost hoping to see someone smiling at me and ready to say, “Just kidding.” But that didn’t happen. As the leader finished her instructions for the ice breaker, He confirmed once again that I would not be talking about what I had prepared.
That ice breaker feeling turned into a hot flash that slowly dripped down my back, drip, drop, drip, drop and I sat up nice and straight hoping it would just drop! I listened to each lady participate in the ice breaker, which was to share what she felt was her love language – aka, the way we receive love -- and if she was married, the love language of her spouse. When it came my turn, I shared my love language, and I shared a funny story about how I learned my husband’s.
I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking okay; I’m supposed to talk about relationships. I can do this! He echoed, “We can do this.” I began to relax, just a little, trying to steer my mind away from when they would call me up there and I would have to go … WITHOUT MY NOTES!
Before I knew it, Jenn was getting up to introduce me and my insides began to feel like someone was in there twisting and turning them as if they were made of Gumby-like material while giant-sized moths were flying all around the twisted mess. A familiar voice, though not a constant familiar, let me know that what I was going to be talking about would prepare me for the conflict that was waiting for me when I was finished there that day; that the person that really needed to hear what I was about to say was ME!
Join me tomorrow for more of this story all about a sacrifice of communication!

Seven Sacrifices to Joy

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Welcome to Coffee Hour with Chicklit Power … and me! I’m so delighted you could make the time to take the time to stop by for more of this series. Grab your coffee and your red Strand of Faith and let’s go tie some knots in our strand of faith about communication and learn how to handle conflict instead of run from it!
Let’s face it; whenever we hear the word conflict, most of us run for cover … or just ignore it, or even make it worse by adding to it. What if I told you that God desires to use conflict as a character builder? Seriously! There are so many scriptures to back this up, directives to tell us how, and many promises that confirm the reward! All we need to do is to consciously choose to practice a few practical steps when faced with a conflict. You know what would happen? We would be changed! The conflict may still remain, but its power over us lessens its negative effect in us and over us, no longer able to suck the joy out of us, let alone precious life. Practicing these steps will build our Christ-like character. Let’s talk about as many as we can today.
My favorite one is incredibly effective, and it’s the one I try the most: make a deposit before you make a withdrawal! In other words, find something good to affirm before proceeding to the core of the conflict. And for heaven’s sake, don’t make that deposit and then erase it with a “but”!
Granted, it’s much easier to resolve conflict with like-minded people than with someone who just insists on being unlovable; however, that unlovable only became unlovable when they began to feel unloved!
See, Ephesians 4:26 says that God knows we’re going to get angry; it’s what we do in our anger that separates us from this world! Making a deposit before making a withdrawal is seasoning the speech with salt as Colossians 4:6 tells us to do. Now, what does this look like? Well, I think the most generic one could go something like this: “I really value you as a ____________ (you fill in the blank: friend/husband/sibling) and I need to share something with you that sort of stepped on my emotional foot. I know you didn’t do it on purpose; I just wanted to bring it to your attention and let you know why it hurt because if I don’t, it will happen again and I don’t want anything to interfere with my relationship with you.”
See, that’s not too hard, is it? Now, here’s the deal, though: You won’t be able to control their response or how they receive it, but you can pray before you make that deposit and before you take that withdrawal!
The other day, a friend was sharing a story on Facebook of how he just got sick and tired of being given the runaround and being talked to in such a way that even a dog would cringe. Well, it pushed his button and he let them have it, and while he may have felt momentarily better after the explosion, he was completely exasperated and exhausted after the dust settled! See, that’s not how we’re supposed to feel in and through a conflict. There can be victory when we draw that line. He had a right to draw his line, as many of us feel we do when we reach that point. The difference is: how we draw our boundary line in times of conflict should give us a sense of victory, wrapped up with peace, not an exasperated exhaustion.
Well, practice makes perfect, and while I don’t wish you any conflict today, I do pray that you will be able to put into practice this first conflict solver in the gift/sacrifice of communication!
Join me tomorrow for an experience that has never happened to me before, but I lived through it to tell it, so I’m going to!
Love,

Evinda

Seven Sacrifices to Joy

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thank you for sharing this Coffee Hour with me as I write from my heart to yours about this subject of communication that literally thousands of books have been written about! Grab your coffee and your red Strand of Faith and let’s go tie the final knots in this relevant subject.
Proverbs 15:2 says that the tongue of the wise uses knowledge, in other words, we step back emotionally and mentally before jumping forward with a reaction. This is the difference between responding vs. reacting. In fact, we are supposed to take this time to step back and sort of season our talk with some salt … salt ads flavor, the flavor of kindness, gentleness, peace, patience … and self-control! The ESV of the Bible translates Colossians 4:6 this way: “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
Well, this tells us that each person, each situation, each disagreement needs a different response, but no matter what the response, we’ve got to step back before we jump forward. See this is the biggest challenge when someone has challenged us, right? How can we pour salt on our words so as to not inflict wounds or add to an already-existing wound? The first and only thing that comes to mind is to do a heart check! I remember an angry husband coming to me one time, sharing all kinds of ugly stuff about his wife. He demanded that I talk with the Pastor of our church and the Associate Pastor, and fill them both in on all her dirty laundry. He demanded a whole host of other things, but … anyway, after reading through his email twice, and some time in prayer, I responded with a question: What’s your motive? If your motive is for restoration, to help in the healing process, that’s great; but if your motive is to bring her harm, to hurt her because she’s hurt you, then you will have to take that up with God because I cannot participate in that. So check your heart, your motive.”
He didn’t respond!
In times of conflict, sometimes we must say nothing at all but let our actions speak for us. In 1^st Peter 3:1, Peter tells us that many can be won over not by our words but by our conduct. This isn’t for just the spouse married to an unbeliever, although it’s a great piece of wisdom for those in that situation. There’s no point in climbing the mountain of change, getting to the top or peak of a change and shouting, “I’ve changed; can’t you see I’ve changed?” We must allow our lives to be the voice.
Can you think of someone who has influenced you with their lives, not just their words? Paul is gifted in this area of communication and points out this truth: how would we even have faith without the knowledge imparted through good communication? We take that leap of faith because someone communicates to us in a way that grabs at our heart and squeezes it and causes us to recognize the necessity of the reality of Christ. Do you see what I mean?
Have you ever been listening to a message from a pastor, or someone on the radio, or even someone face to face and wondered, how in the world did they get such a clear picture of my dirty laundry? Do they have a camera or X-ray vision that goes straight to my mind and down to my heart?
So who or what communicated to you your need for a Savior?
That’s almost a wrap on this sacrifice! Next week, we will cover the final part in this sacrifice of communication, because without it, we would most certainly continuously fail in this area of communication and in this sacrificial journey!
Love,

Evinda

Seven Sacrifices to Joy

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Oh, happy day to you and thanks so, so much for stopping by to have coffee with me! We are tying the final knots in this sacrifice of communication, and I’m hoping to be done with this sacrifice after our Coffee Hour tomorrow, and yet, if He leads me to communicate more to you from my heart to yours … so be it! Grab your coffee, and your red Strand of Faith (SOF), and let’s get back to some Biblical ingredients for good communication.
Oh, this next reminder is a good one! It sort of has a sharp edge of conviction to it, at least to me. Ephesians 4:29 reminds us to not let any corrupt communication come out of our mouths but use language that lifts up, not tears down for this blesses God in Heaven.
Now, the first thing I thought of is cussing, or a “slip of the tongue". When I think of the truth that one minute I can have a potty mouth and the next minute be praising Him, I am a bit convicted of talking out of two different sides of my mouth! See one slip of the tongue leads to another, and another, and another … before you know it, our tongue’s totally slipped and we’re falling all over ourselves! But does corrupt just mean, for example, cuss words, or foul language? I’m not sure. Something tells me there might be more to this word than meets the eye. Let’s go check in my handy-dandy Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance.
Wow, first of all, this double r word is in the Word over 50 times and it has about 12 translations between the Old and New Testament! Let’s go right to the context of Ephesians and see what we find: “Defiling speech,” which makes sense because defiling speech tears down and certainly doesn’t lift up. Let’s see what else it says: “it is said of a tree and its fruit”!
So you might not see the symbolism, but I actually got goose bumps. See, if we are abiding in Him, our Tree of Life, then our fruit will not be – as this translation goes on to say – “of poor quality, unfit for use, putrid”!
And one more definition under this context: “rotten, worthless or morally bad.” Oh, ouch; oh, ouch! What falls under this category of rotten, worthless or morally bad? Hmmm, a harsh tone is definitely a culprit, but so is gossip, so are lies, so are words spoken with an angry heart! Remember, out of the mouth comes what’s in the heart. I mean, it’s almost as if the words form the picture of all that’s in the heart, and if there’s a bunch of stuff you don’t want others to see … then maybe we should harness that tongue and do some heart-cleaning before we speak so we will not be found guilty of committing this offense of corrupt communication.
When we began this particular sacrifice, I was ministering to, or trying to, a new believer who had stepped outside of the nest and rather than clip her little wings, I truly wanted to hold her hands, join hearts and pray for restoration, for her good and God’s glory. I know in my heart that this blessed Him, for I wasn’t harsh, wasn’t trying to take her by the gruff of the neck and lead her to her stinky pooh, per say; I simply wanted to love her back into the nest so she could experience the restorative power that forgiveness brings, and break some more chains. Well, since speaking to her and asking to meet with her, she seems to have flown away, and all I can do is ask God to watch over her, to use the seeds that we planted in her life in a way that would bring her back to us … or to another nest that she would continue her process of undoing all that’s been done to her, to break cycles that have held her in bondage, seen and unseen bondage.
I know when someone has an issue with me, when they make a deposit first before taking a withdrawal, in other words, lift me up before knocking me down, I am more apt to not get knocked down but continue soaring on wings of eagles as I yearn to become more like Him who has loved me into change!
Join me tomorrow for a final Biblical principle for the Sacrifice of Communication,

Evinda

Seven Sacrifices to Joy

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Happy day to you and thanks so much for stopping by for our Coffee Hour! I don’t know about you but I’m learning that the more I give out, the more often I need to stop to refuel! This is a must for good communication! Grab your coffee and your red SOF (Strand of Faith) and let’s go tie what I hope to be the final knots in the Sacrifice of Communication!
Communication isn’t some new-fad, something that has evolved, per say. As a matter of fact, communication was/is one of the main building blocks to the early church. I mean, it’s not like the Bible was put together by a bunch of people spreading rumors! Think about it; God communicated through His Holy Spirit through every author of every book and thereafter it was translated. Without communication, how would the Bible have been translated as accurately as it has? How would we learn about the things of God, about His character, discover His promises without effective communication? Where would our relationship with our Keynote Speaker and Mediator be without this form of written, Holy-Spirit inspired, communication? Oops, I know; too many questions. Let me get back on track here. :)
So while it’s not a “new” thing, it seems the more technologically available we are, the less we use this gift/virtue; communication is fading into the backdrop of life! See, the faster we move through life, the less we stop to communicate. In many ways, the generations to follow will need to understand the value of communication even more than you or me because everything seems to be going automated and decreasing and demeaning the need for healthy communication; however, the value of good communication remains highly relevant.
I just thought of something that really hits this one home. My guy and I were out having dinner one night – although this has happened more than once – and he nudged me, indicating with his head which direction to look and there was a couple, both of them on their “smart” phones! Instead of taking the time to be with each other, they were available for others. Or maybe they were playing a game. Who knows? Any way you look at it, those smart phones interfere with communication. Or how about the single dad taking his kids to dinner; same thing, he’s on his phone and the kids are left to their own devices, i.e., running around the restaurant, picking a fight with the other sibling, or maybe they have phones too! Don’t get me wrong; I am on my phone just as much as the next person, if not more, but after a certain hour, my phone is off. When I go out with my guy, it’s at home or in the car. Smart phones cannot take the place of meaningful communication! That could be an entire week’s blog, but I’ll stay on track, here and get off my soap box! :)
I would be really missing the mark if I didn’t spend some time on some Biblical ingredients of good communication… and bad, because when we put all the ingredients that go into good, or bad, communication, our Keynote Speaker has definitely given us many ingredients as well as vivid how-to’s and explanatory don’t do’s. He used all kinds of personalities to make each example clear, people who succeeded as well as people who failed.
In other words, Jesus made a huge deal about communication!
In Proverbs 15:1 we read that a soft answer is a must in the recipe for good communication. Ouch! In other words, when someone bites our head off, do we bite back? Oh, how often I have been accused of having a “tone,” or speaking too loud, something that I am consistently working on, because let’s face it, our tone can truly be a camera into our hearts. You’ve heard it said before, “It is not what you say, but how you say it”? A soft answer decreases the fire. When someone says something to us that is hurtful, in other words, lights a match, do we throw water on the fire, or another log?
Oh, my goodness, I used to be such a yeller … and it would shut my guy down faster than pressing the off button on the television. To me, it was normal to yell; after all, I’d often wake from my sleep to screaming, yelling and fighting in the background. That was the way my biological family communicated … so hurtful. Now I know better. But just as speaking loudly can sound angry, I’ve also learned that being too intense is also detrimentally harmful to healthy communication.
I remember when our families first blended and I was trying desperately to have a relationship with my step-son and step-daughter. It wasn’t until I had been married for SEVEN years that I realized part of their problem with me was my problem with intensity! So I’ve learned to bring it down a notch – well several, actually! Oftentimes, our intensity is driven by a need to be heard and/or a need to be understood. So memorizing this verse in Proverbs, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh wound stirs up anger” is a must for it has a good ingredient and a what-not-to-do instruction!
Oh, to remember to speak sloooooowly, and softly … not matter how I’m spoken to!
Join me tomorrow for more on communication

Evinda

Seven Sacrifices to Joy

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Oh, it’s a great day to write from my heart to yours, to have this sort of fellowship/communication that I don’t take lightly but cherish knowing we spend this time together! Grab your coffee and come on in for some more foundation of communication.
Hebrews 13:16 says: "But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased." The word “communicate” means to share what you have. But why am I trying to spiritualize communication, you ask? Well, the simple answer is: This is a spiritual matter but let me explain a bit more, and thanks in advance for hearing me. :)
I don’t know about you, but my flesh can be incredibly greedy and stingy and unwilling to part with my acquired pride which drives my opinions and my need to be heard and/or understood! This becomes a fleshly hindrance to a spiritual gift but also a key to the ultimate way that communication is a sacrifice. See, the Spirit in us is quick to share, to give, to communicate. And not that we want to compare sacrifices or level of sacrificing, per se, but God is pleased when we sacrifice that which hinders the type of communication that edifies and builds up. This sacrifice pleases God because God is a living God and desires for His children to be like Him, pursuing relationships, healthy relationships.
Did you know that information is giving out while communication is pouring in? I just heard that in class the other night and thought I’d share it with you! :) So communicating is a type of sharing of ourselves, especially when it leads us to helping others or to consistent fellowship. This of course requires that we share our time, thoughts, resources, and our prayers with others. Sometimes the greatest gift you can share with someone else, especially with God, is yourself. And when people you love the most communicate the least, isn’t that infuriating? No communication is like being in a big dark room with someone and you know you’re eventually going to bump into them, but you’re not sure when! You’re left with all kinds of suppositions, predispositions and crazy expectations.
Just the other day, my husband and I were walking to our car and he communicated something to me that brought me out of what feels like that dark room and I stopped as he spoke. He said, “You know how when you’re asked, ‘how’s your day,’ or ‘how is this,’ or how is that going,’ and you don’t even think and you just say fine?”
I wasn’t quite tracking what he was saying so I said, “Sort of.”
And then he gave me a sweet example where he replayed a typical conversation we’d have at the dinner table with little Bryden and asking about his day and his one-word answers were either good or fine and we’d have to get a little bit more specific to help him use some different words. I smiled at the memories and nodded my head.
He suddenly indicated to his head by pointing to it and saying, “Well, I have so much in here, but when you ask me stuff, all I can say is the same thing.”
I was stunned into silence, my heart falling more in love with him. I didn’t know what to say. Imagine me, speechless! :)
He went on: “I know it’s a guy thing, but I don’t want to be that way with you.”
My darkroom suddenly went white with bright light and all I could do was hug him to me and suggest that maybe I could slow down, and be a safer place for his thoughts, as jumbled as they may be to lands.
Oh, you talk about a huge dose of sweet humility! Coffee Hour Friend, things are never as they seem, even in the darkroom of no communication. Continue to pray, seek to speak words that edify and build up that you and those you desire to communicate with can rise above the darkroom of no communication or painful conflict!
Love,

Evinda