Nanna Holds -Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thank you so much for joining me for more of Nana Holds! Grab your coffee and come on in for more life-changing revelations in this season of parenting our grandson.

Something that was beginning to ring more true is that while we may not create our circumstance, we do create our environment in our circumstances! George and I were adjusting to our new season, and it amazed us how well Bryden seemed to be adjusting, especially each time we would go visit his daddy at his “job,” and when they would say good-bye, Bryce would kiss him, tell him he loved him and had to go back to work. Bryden seemed to understand that and it was rare that he would be sad as we would drive away.

As I talk about good-byes, it reminds me of someone he had a very, very hard time saying good-bye to, and that’s his Grandma , his daddy’s mom, whom he called Mommy and to this day, there is still some confusion for him, though not near as much.

See, she was like a mommy to him and they bonded in the way mommies and children bond. Grandma filled that void for him, and so their relationship is incredibly special. Anytime we would get him back from her, it was a little heart-wrenching, but this one time, the wrench kept turning and tweaking my heart and I begged it to stop. She put him in his
car seat in my car, talked with him for a few and she did a good job not letting him see her cry, but he wasn’t holding his tears back. It about ripped my heart out, but it stirred up something else, too, and it wasn’t jealousy. First, I recognized the emotional pain of this circumstance that put this little boy in a different kind of nurturing situation, that of being nurtured and parented by his grandparents — all of us — his confusion of one of them being his grandma instead of his mommy. I mean all of that is easy to see, feel and even understand.

But getting back to this particular instance, she had given him one of those books you create yourself with pictures and pre-recordings to tell you own story. As we began to leave the parking lot, he held on to it, clutching it as if it were her. He was so incredibly sad that it overwhelmed me with many unfamiliar emotions. As I pulled onto the freeway to begin the drive home, I looked at him through my rear-view mirror and the sadness I saw take up residence on his face just did something to me. Today was a sad, sad day.

And while I was sad for him, I also became internally angry and frustrated, and I wrestled with varying emotions the whole drive home as I listened to the love pouring out of this homemade story book made just for Bryden. Over and over he’d play a couple of pages, obviously his favorite ones, and they definitely soothed his little soul because by the time we made it to our off-ramp, he was fast asleep!

Join me for more tomorrow,

Evinda