Nana Holds!

Welcome back to more of Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and come on in.

So these emotional tug-of-wars with various ropes would last a few days each time he came back from his grandma who he calls mommy and while struggling to understand some of what I was feeling and why I was feeling it, I showed up sort of on automatic. It’s not that I didn’t want to care for him; I’ve moved way beyond that and I have surrendered to Him in this season. But there was something keeping me from something, and that’s all I knew. I wondered why he and I were bonding so differently and so slowly, and why he didn’t love me the way he loved her! Is it because we are not blood-related? Talk about feeling like a bull in a china cabinet bucked to and fro by my frustrations!

And please don’t misunderstand these mixed emotions for jealousy because I truly am not jealous; rather I am a bit envious of what they share. Incidentally, I happen to really love this woman, Bryden’s fraternal grandmother, and we are truly becoming good friends who are, I believe, learning from each other!

It was in these short periods that I would catch myself dwelling on the cost of the sacrifice in this season but deep down in my soul, I acknowledged that He allowed it. I could choose to be bitter or choose to be better. Paul tells us in 1st Thessalonians 5:17 to give thanks in all circumstances for this is His will for us.

See, I don’t believe it was/is His perfect will for a child to be born out of wedlock, or in the midst of so much dysfunction – we could discuss the painful situations all day that are endless and happening all around us — but what I know that I know that I know is I can praise Him for what He can do while I’m in this circumstance, in this season of being mama-nana to this wonderfully-engaging and gregarious little boy. So although there are times I just humanly cannot praise Him for this circumstance as I’m in it, I can praise Him for His sovereignty as I’m in it!

Join me Wednesday for some fun memories that we created in this process.

Thoughtfully,

Evinda