August 30th, 2013

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Ah, it’s so good to be with you again. Thanks for stopping by. Grab your coffee and let’s get into another symptom of confusion and the relationship infection. I’m so excited to share the breakthroughs from this symptom and how He has used an incredibly special three-year-old to accomplish this!
“Do you think that you sometimes might be crazy?” Hmm, that’s a great question for a woman in menopause! Oh, sorry, we’re talking about co-dependency!
This one actually grabs at my heart and steals my breath away, not because I wondered this about myself as I shared at the event, but something happened a month and a half later that definitely brought that question to the forefront of my heart and mind in the heat of it all. But let me stay on track. That’s for upcoming days in this series!
Yes, I absolutely still have those moments when I wonder if I’m going crazy, where I wonder if I’m just imagining things about others’ behavior or is it my intuition, and if it’s my intuition, is it being hypersensitive? This is why, and I can’t stress this enough, we must meet with Him first thing in the morning to start off on solid ground, to arm ourselves against the thoughts that tend to sneak into the back door of our mind. And that’s not to say that those thoughts won’t sneak up on us and in us throughout the day, because they will. But the more truth we feed our mind, the less space there is for lies!
If we have relied on others for self-esteem, security and overall emotional wellness, as we come to a greater understanding of just how unhealthy that is, we will experience a great level of resistance and that will create a sort of confusion and questioning of what we are learning. Hence, the question of going crazy will probably scream its loudest in the midst of conflict in and with those we have come to depend upon.
For me personally, by the time I stood sharing at the event, I was probably right in the middle of that symptom, learning how to check for an undivided heart, even in the midst of conflict. As I mentioned, it doesn’t mean that question hasn’t haunted me again. When it comes to establishing a boundary or drawing a line, that question no longer screams at me, but there still is a whisper of it… going in one ear and out the other!
Think about this and ask yourself, when it comes to drawing a boundary to establish a healthier you, is it uncomfortable and do you question yourself, wondering about your sanity? If you do, you are right on target!
Finally sane,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Tags: co-dependency

August 29th, 2013

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thank you so very much for taking time out of your busy day to join me for a Coffee Hour and more of Nana Holds. I know in my heart He longs for us to be still and take time to hear the silent lessons He longs to share. I pray that this series is speaking right into your heart because I’m writing it from mine! Grab your coffee and come on in.
Returning to this relationship infection which I was sharing at the February event, Revival for Relationships, we are actually on the last category of symptoms and this one is under the heading of confusion!
The first question asks if we ever wonder what it means to be normal.
For most of my life, I have sought for that sense of normalcy as much as I have chased happiness. I have always wondered what it would be like to be “normal,” especially since I didn’t have what I deem as a “normal” childhood, growing up with a mom and a dad. And in no way do I think that having a mom and dad makes life happily ever after, but I have come to believe and know that normal is a dad to provide the frame while a mom who colors it all in. In other words, Dad helps build the core values and skills necessary to maneuver successfully through life and mom is the one who does the nurturing, both leading by example.
Who has had all of that, really? Is “normal” more than a setting on a washing machine and/or dryer? Is normal a thing to

Nana Holds 2-23-13

be arrived at? I do believe God does have a normal for each of us to reach despite any abnormality we’ve grown up in and under! This season of Nana Holds continues to reveal the truth of normal!
For many, chaotic homes, stressful lifestyles, unhealthy relationships are their normal because they have never experienced anything else. How does one come to understand that what they’re settling for isn’t normal?
As I stood before the friends of CPM on that day, I would have to say that I, up until the recent past, have always wondered what it would be like to be normal, wondered when I was going to get the whole relationship thing right and land in that state of normalcy. So while yes was an answer of the past, I can now emphatically state that it has been in this journey of loving Bryden that I have come to learn about a new normal, both for myself and for him, despite his circumstances!
Join me tomorrow for another symptom of the “confusion” part of the relationship infection!
Love and laughter,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Tags: co-dependency, co-dependent, encoura

Wednesday’s Word-from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks for stopping by today for our Wednesday’s Word, a sort of power thought that I pray will encourage you in and through your day. Grab your coffee and come on in.
This past week, I was out in Twitterverse, (the universe for Twitter!) and I had tweeted that God is the only one who can make two wrongs equal a right and I sent a question out, “What two wrongs has He made right for you?”
Within minutes we got a response sharing that He hadn’t done that for this person because she said that she felt her wrongs were being focused on and not forgiven.
I then followed up with: Focused on by? And, not forgiven by? I wanted to make sure she had forgiven herself, which she tweeted that she had. That is where this power thought comes from because it lines up with this relationship infection and the need for others’ approval and/or forgiveness.

The prisoner trapped in the bondage of bitterness is the one handcuffed to the offense, stuck in un-forgiveness.

The encouragement I was sending her wast the only forgiveness we need to keep going forward is His! I marvel at the ability to communicate with others within a matter of seconds, no matter what part of the universe they’re on! What an amazing tool to encourage others with the comfort we’ve been given!
Forgiven,
Evinda

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ugust 27th, 2013

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for joining me today. Grab your coffee and come on in. Today is a special day for me!
I can’t help but smile because nine years ago today, I entered into the covenant of marriage and began the most insightful journey of my life with my husband. Everything I had been to up to and through that moment led me to him. I can honestly say that I love him in a much deeper way than the day I married him and I truly mean that. But what is even more telling is this truth: Marriage is the silent teacher that brings out the worst or the best in me; it is up to me to decide which one!
Another truth that makes my heart smile is this: Men have wounded me physically and emotionally; yet, He’s used this man to bring deep healing in so many areas of my life! Yes, we are wounded by relationships and we are healed in relationships. Only He has the power to make that possible, because otherwise, we would keep doing the same thing over and over and over again, expecting a different result!
Steve made a statement at our final How We Love group, and I’ll paraphrase it for clarity because many of us looked stumped after he said it: marriage teaches me about myself, and if I get to be happy too, then the lessons are successful for happiness comes in the process!
Now, I was going to share about this next couple, but after searching my heart and for the sake of anonymity, I realized I really couldn’t share too much because the details leading up to this comfort circle make it all the more powerful in its explosion of understanding. I will say that he went first and his two feeling words were quite telling. We all watched the process come to life as he shared small pieces of his childhood which collided with his two feelings that haunted him from within, causing chaos in his home.
And as he shared, some of us gasped, sucked in our breath as we learned how his imprint was affecting his wife. I knew in the core of my being that she was afraid of being honest, but her righteous anger wouldn’t let her be anything but.
As the process continued, I looked to Steve and again, because of their honesty and vulnerability, he was crying. Their process was just as powerful to witness and when they stood and held each other, the class again erupted with applause. What we witnessed together, combined with all the learning we had done bound us together in a way that changed us forever. None of us wanted the night or the class to be over. Everyone said they’d be back for the next one in January and each of them had someone to bring!
Join me Thursday for more of Nana Holds and the last of the symptoms of the relationship infection, which will fast-forward us closer to where I am in this precious season of life.
Joyfully,
Evinda

Loving life!

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August 26th, 2013

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thank you for coming by for our Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and more of this series, Nana Holds, a series that is transforming many areas of my life, but especially the relationships in my life. I hope and pray it will do that for you, too. Grab your coffee and let’s get back to the other side of the comfort circle from his perception taking into account his feelings.
When the tables reversed and it was his turn to express two feelings, we all scooted closer and stretched to hear his soft-spoken expression: one of the feelings he expressed was alone! He also said he felt he was never good enough.
She looked somewhat surprised by his admission, and I know from our past conversations she never in a million years thought of him having those feelings! She sat forward in her chair, willing to listen to why and when he felt these feelings. When I think of all the frustrations she’s expressed in the past to Steve and I during her separation, I am not only incredibly proud of her, but I am also convinced that there is such a great need for getting in the trenches with others to help them sort through these relationship issues which stem from how we were loved in our childhood.
“Have I ever made you feel alone and not good enough?”
I held my breath, praying for his honesty to come forth – I already knew the answer! He looked away and down, paused, and then looked back up and ever so timidly he nodded his head up and down.
Instead of going into what her contribution was to those feelings, Steve switched it up a bit. I sat in my chair amazed as Steve walked him through a couple of childhood memories where he admitted to never being good enough in his dad’s eyes, that the only time they had communication was when his dad was telling him what he was doing wrong.
I just happened to glance quickly at Steve and what I saw took my breath away: his chin was quivering and his eyes were welling up! He was right there with him, empathizing with his childhood but definitely participating in the moments of this comfort circle, allowing his own vulnerability to shine through. I have never, in sixteen years, seen this from him!
As the scene unfolded, it became apparent that that is exactly where they had left off in their marriage; his wife had turned into his dad, and she sat in her chair ever so calmly and acknowledged her part. There was no condemnation, just understanding. It was so powerfully revealing and healing
Steve finished their comfort circle with each of them sharing two things they valued about the other. I watched Steve as he watched them and the tearful expression on his face, his willingness to cry sent me over and when he asked if they wouldn’t mind hugging they did not hesitate one bit. All I could do was cry and clap as they held each other, and I wasn’t the only one. There wasn’t a dry eye in the class.
It was so powerfully freeing to see the imprint play out. It is only when we own it that we can disown it and I treasure every moment that led up to their moments in the comfort circle. As the clapping began to subside, I looked over to the couple I was praying would participate. He caught my eye, and I his, and I mouthed, “Are you going to go?”
He nodded his head yes, tapped his wife on the shoulder, and they made their way to the front.
Join me tomorrow for more of these moments that make Nana Holds even more powerful, for my season of learning, loving and nurturing this precious little boy have prepared me for such a time as this!
Evinda

Nana Holds!

P.S. Join us today at 1:00 Pacific time for more of Breaking Free from Co-Dependency on Blog Talk Radio. If you can’t join us at 1, you can still click on the link and download any of our shows! www.blogtalkradio.com/Chicklit-Power

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August 23rd, 2013

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

It’s great to have coffee with you again and to share more of these powerful truths with you, almost right after they happened! And the point of it all, to share the importance of understanding how you love that you may experience healthy love in your significant relationships! Grab your coffee and come on in.
We heard Steve prompt him to ask her if she had ever felt those feelings as a child. There it was, the whole point of the trench class, the whole heart of the comfort circle, out in the open waiting for validation. Again I caught myself daring to breath! I already knew the answer but to hear it would be incredibly validating as “this” is why Chicklit Power Ministries exists; why we have been called into the trenches with others to dig and grow in our relationships.
You could have heard a pin drop and the silence was deafening and forever long. We all waited in our chairs with bated breath and finally, she answered: “Yes, I did.” I let out my air like a popped balloon.
She went on to explain some painful memories of her roles and responsibilities as a young child and just like that, it became so evident why she still to this day feels the two feelings she had admitted to, especially considering their marital separation. It was as if the answer shed light on so many of their problems and hope became visible, and reconciliation closer within reach to grasp.
Steve asked if they were comfortable hugging each other. They uninhibitedly stood up and held each other, and held each other, and held on to each other. The tears streamed down my face unchecked and I began to clap. The rest of the class followed suit.
After a powerful couple of minutes, they sat down, and Steve said: “That’s it; you’re done.” I interrupted so fast I startled him.
“What about him; doesn’t he get a turn?”
Join me Monday for the completion to this comfort circle, when we get to hear from him.
Ever so encouraged,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Tags: coffee, coffee hour, com

August 22nd, 2013

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for stopping by to have coffee with me and experience more powerful moments that are helping me to actively listen to my favorite three-year-old little boy in the whole wide world! Grab your coffee and come on in.
We left off with that loaded question, whether she had ever experienced these feelings of aloneness and unappreciated by him. I still marvel at how much self-control she was showing and she made it look effortless. Oh, my friends, two months prior, she never, in a million years, could have done this as calmly and with as much honest vulnerability as she did that night. And remember, they are still a separated couple!
You could have heard a pin drop and I already knew the answer, because of our many conversations. But her answer didn’t diminish the power of it. She said yes. She didn’t add anything to her answer; she just said yes.
He nodded his head up and down in agreement, taking it so non-defensively that I found myself internally cheering for him as well. I don’t know him like I know her, but I absolutely gained a whole lot of respect for him as I watched him through the entire exercise.
Then Steve told him what to ask next, which was a question more loaded than the previous one: “What do I do that brings out those feelings of being alone and unimportant?” Wow, talk about an open-ended seemingly never-ending question! I caught myself holding my breath and began to pray for healing after the revealing.
Very calmly, with tears streaming down her face, she gently told him some things that he did on a regular basis before their separation that contributed to her feeling alone and unimportant. I was so proud of her because months ago, before the class, she was ranting and raving about these very things but here she was, calm and cool as a cucumber! I swear if I had pompoms they would have been going up and down nonstop!
Steve then directed him to ask her if she could let him know when she was feeling these feelings, and what she needed from him.
As she explained what she needed, I found myself thinking most of it was very reasonable, and definitely understandable considering how she was loved as a child. And keep in mind, we are in no way bashing parents; they did the best they could with what they had. How they had been loved is how they could love!
Does that make any sense to you as you read this? I hope you see we are in no way trying to cling to our past; but understanding it helps us to let go of it and truly move forward consistently toward a Destination? Joyful! ™
Join me tomorrow for more
Love and laughter,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Tags: childhood, coffee hour, com