Nana Holds-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power
Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…
We really could spend more time on that last symptom talking about how we allow our feelings to drive our emotional cars, and when this becomes a book, I probably will linger in this symptom for a while longer, but for the sake of getting caught up in this exciting season of Nana Holds, we’ll move to the next question to discover if we have this symptom.
“Do you need to have another person around in order for you to feel worthwhile?”
For years and years and years, too many to count, I found my value, my contentment in attachment to others. Because I did, my “attachments” were, more often than not, unhealthy. I remember so vividly when my second husband left me for another woman. It hurt to breathe, let alone think of the next minute without him. I felt like a big blob of failure! I had finally allowed myself to need someone and where did it get me? Hurt and wounded.
I was “bleeding” emotionally for months after that but I honestly can admit that many of His promises came alive in me during that time. I became His patient, and He my doctor. I was on an operating table and our God, my Physician was operating on my heart. There He was, hovering over me, shining His light in my heart all the while looking at me with so much love as He peeled back several layers that had thickened over the years. And after He peeled them back, He cut away those that needed to go that were hindering me from healthy relationships, but that was definitely a slow and tedious process, as any open-heart surgery is.
I had this particular symptom for so many years that when I tell people today that I am an introvert, I don’t know who is more surprised, me or them! It is rather mind-boggling when you think about it and yet, it just proves that He uses all things, including the pain, for our growth and His glory. The truth is I used to need to be around others in order to feel valued as well as to get recharged but He used my longest SOS (season of singleness) to not only treat this symptom, cut it away, but to also teach me about the dangers of needing to have someone around in order to be okay. He has reiterated that through the gift of Bryden. At the time of this workshop, Bryden and I were just beginning to connect on a different level, one that has definitely grown in depth as time keeps moving. It’s like He is using Bryden to show me just how worthwhile I am and yet, I am not dependent upon this little boy for that fulfillment, but his innocence requires that I am okay in this area!
And then there’s the area of my husband and what He has done for me to be married and still be able to answer this question with a “no,” and keep the symptom from entering. As I shared my love for my husband with everyone at the workshop, I was able to confess that while I love him with all I am able to in my heart, if he left me, or God chose to take him, I would be okay. My value would not disappear. Of course, I’d be incredibly sad, but not wounded! Does that make sense? I hope so.
Now, as I write this for you and share this symptom with you, I have to also confess yet another truth when it comes to this symptom. While I don’t need to be around others to be okay, I am coming to realize that because I am a true introvert, I have to resist wanting to be alone in my marriage! See, this trench class we are now doing on relationships has been like a mirror for me in this area, revealing that I tend to desire that “aloneness” when things get tough or my husband ticks me off and sends me from zero to blur in a nanosecond! I can become like a turtle that goes into hiding under her shell. I am so good at tuning out and turning off.
Oh, how thankful I am that He who began a new and good work will be faithful to complete it until the time of Christ!
How about you; do you “need” to be around someone in order to feel worthwhile? Have you come to recognize that you are valuable in His eyes and that you can’t find that in another person?
Join me tomorrow for more.
Transforming,
Evinda
Nana Holds!
P.S. If you would like more information on this “relationship infection,” please, visit our Blog Talk Radio show at www.blogtalkradio.com/Chicklit-Power Go to the archived shows as we began talking on this very subject back in November of 2012! Consider it a free 30-minute counseling session:)
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