Nana Holds

Thanks so much for joining me for a little break today at Chicklit Power! It’s so good to be sharing coffee and memories with you! Grab your coffee and come on in. We left off about our discussion of a backpack and matching lunch pail for big boy school!

So that’s how we’d start the day, discussing which backpack and matching lunc pail he was going to get when he was all potty trained and ready for big boy school. Then I’d put a pull-up on him, get him dressed and give him kisses with a reminder to tell Nana when he had to go potty so we could begin to prepare for big boy school.

And we were also using one other bribery tool: coins! He loves coins. Every time he made bubbles, he would get to take two coins out of the little glass jar that I set on the tank of the toilet. Then he would run into his room to add his two coins to his piggy bank. But the real bribe was for him to go number 2 in the potty! We told him he could have a whole handful of coins out of Papa’s bank when he pooped in the potty.

It’s funny how that started, too, now that I think about it. He used to see Papa’s change in his bank and he’d just stick his hand in it and take some change without asking. Well, rather than scold him, we told him every time he went poo-poo in the potty, we’d let him come into Papa’s closet and take a big handful of coin out of his bank. (That way he earned the money and wasn’t just taking it!)

It took what felt like a long time – a few weeks but I’ll never forget the first time he did it. He was acting like he had the urge so I set him on the potty and told him I’d be right back. I ran upstairs for something – I don’t even remember now – and I had just made it into my bathroom and I heard: NAAAAAAAAANA! I did it. I went poo-poo in the potty! I ran downstairs so fast I just know I missed every second step and flew into the bathroom to verify his announcement!

Sure enough, there it was! Holy cow! It really worked and it continued to work. I love rewinding the memories of when he would get to go into papa’s closet and reach for his bank and take a handful of coins.

We’d pick up Papa’s bank together, put it on the floor, and Bryden would kneel down on his knees and get as comfortable as he could stand it. Then he would stick his whole hand in there, and dig ever so deeply into at least eight inches of coins – I’ve had to fill it three times – and he’d bring his hand up ever so slowly so as not to lose any of his hard-earned coins.

Before they began to spill, I’d say, “Use both hands so you don’t lose any.”

He’d put his other hand right next to the coin-packed one and let a few spill into his empty hand and they we would scurry into his room to transfer the coins into his very own piggy bank!

Oh, I treasure those moments of turning potty-training into praise! I marvel at the gift of second chances, of unexpected opportunities for do-overs! We serve a loving and creative God!

Join me tomorrow for our Power Friday!

Evinda

Nana Holds!

Thanks so much for joining me for a little break today at Coffee Hour. Grab your coffee and come on in.

As the days passed and we got into “our” routine again, I began to relax a bit with him, and he with me. I realized that God would reveal whatever the “something keeping me from something” was, but it would come easier if I didn’t let it rent so much space in my head as that would take me away from what He’s actually trying to accomplish in me and through me as I learn to put into action all the things I’ve learned and put to rest all that I’ve unlearned!

See, with the visits to others, potty-training was sort of put on hold so with no immediate visit away from home for at least three weeks, I began to give this chore a lot more dedication and yet, I was learning not to be so serious at the same time.

I’m not sure how the subject came up, but I’m pretty sure it was in the midst of another accident, and this one was a poopy one and George was the lucky one on cleanup at that moment! In his frustration, he brought up big boy school came and told him, “How am I going to take you to big boy school if you keep pooping your pants?”

Well that little seed must have resonated in Bryden’s head and it didn’t take long to root. He kept talking about big boy school. I mean the concept totally got his attention and let me tell you, we took that tool and ran with it as if it were the last football to touch the 100 yard line! Although we did look a bit dorky as we still weren’t quite so sure what we were doing and how we were doing it!

I’d tell him each morning, Bryden’s gonna go to big boy school and Nana and Papa are going to get you a big-boy backpack and a big boy lunch pail. His eyes would get real wide — and he has the most expressive and big brown eyes! And I just love the way he’d repeat it, his pronunciation of “big” incredibly heart-warming as he emphasized his the “b,” nearly sputtering every time because he said it so hard.

And then we’d have a discussion on what type of backpack he wanted for big boy school, and the lunch pail had to match. He was torn between Spiderman, Superman and Sponge Bob and I assured him that when the time came and he was going potty in the toilet all by himself, we’d go and get that backpack and matching lunch pail.

Join me more potty-training praises tomorrow!

Joyfully

Evinda

Invitation Tuesdays-From Chicklit Power Ministries

Thanks so much for joining me today for Invitation Tuesday. Grab your coffee and come on in. I’ve got something exciting to share with you about the workshop!

For those of you who have been to past events, you know that there are usually two speakers, one for each half. Well, we still have two speakers, but the second half of this workshop is going to be different, and let me tell you, I believe it will be ever so powerful.

Many of us are captivated by the various T.V. talk shows, especially those that deal with real life issues. Well, for the second half of our event, we are going to be doing just that, a T.V. talk show.

Steve and I will be addressing real relationship issues live! We have already received several emails from friends of CPM explaining their relationship challenges, and let me tell you, one size does not fit all, but the challenges, hurts and hang-ups mirror those in many relationships. So come looking for revival, because I know it can happen for all of us!



Revived,

Evinda



P.S. If you have a relationship question, challenge, struggle or hurt, PLEASE, email me at evinda@chicklitpower.com or Steve Atkinson at shrinkhead@aol.com We’d love to have you share.

Nana Holds!

Welcome back to more of Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and come on in.

So these emotional tug-of-wars with various ropes would last a few days each time he came back from his grandma who he calls mommy and while struggling to understand some of what I was feeling and why I was feeling it, I showed up sort of on automatic. It’s not that I didn’t want to care for him; I’ve moved way beyond that and I have surrendered to Him in this season. But there was something keeping me from something, and that’s all I knew. I wondered why he and I were bonding so differently and so slowly, and why he didn’t love me the way he loved her! Is it because we are not blood-related? Talk about feeling like a bull in a china cabinet bucked to and fro by my frustrations!

And please don’t misunderstand these mixed emotions for jealousy because I truly am not jealous; rather I am a bit envious of what they share. Incidentally, I happen to really love this woman, Bryden’s fraternal grandmother, and we are truly becoming good friends who are, I believe, learning from each other!

It was in these short periods that I would catch myself dwelling on the cost of the sacrifice in this season but deep down in my soul, I acknowledged that He allowed it. I could choose to be bitter or choose to be better. Paul tells us in 1st Thessalonians 5:17 to give thanks in all circumstances for this is His will for us.

See, I don’t believe it was/is His perfect will for a child to be born out of wedlock, or in the midst of so much dysfunction – we could discuss the painful situations all day that are endless and happening all around us — but what I know that I know that I know is I can praise Him for what He can do while I’m in this circumstance, in this season of being mama-nana to this wonderfully-engaging and gregarious little boy. So although there are times I just humanly cannot praise Him for this circumstance as I’m in it, I can praise Him for His sovereignty as I’m in it!

Join me Wednesday for some fun memories that we created in this process.

Thoughtfully,

Evinda

Power Friday @ Coffee Hour with Chicklit Power

Thanks for coming by for Power Friday at Coffee Hour with Chicklit Power! Grab your coffee and come on in.

So I’ve had a couple of opportunities to put all that I am learning about co-dependency into practice, and let me tell you, I have some mixed emotions about how I did this past week as it relates to this incredibly unlovable person that will always be in my life! And I can’t help but smile as I realize He gave me a do-over, in other words, not one chance, but two!

When I think of the first conversation, I shake my head in frustration with myself, but then He nudged me toward a second conversation and that one went much better! I so get that I can’t fix her, change her; however, my desire is to go beyond just tolerating her! I had to get my focus off of all that annoys me about her!

That’s where this power thought comes from: Freedom from co-dependency frees us from fault-finding, taking us beyond the limit of merely tolerating the unlovable/difficult people in our life!
 

Have a freeing weekend!

Thoughtfully,

Evinda

Nanna Holds -Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me today for a little break. I enjoy having Coffee Hour with you and sharing this powerful series, Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and come on in.

So as we pull into our garage, his sad little voice pulls me out of my emotional tug-of-war: “We’re home.” Those were the sweetest words I’d heard all day, and they went a long way in soothing my troubled soul and pulling me out of and away from these unfamiliar emotions that were bringing a lot of questions to the surface of my mind. At least he still considered this home, I thought.

Sparky was pretty excited to see little Bryden; but the little princess Baraka, now called Baraka-Evinda, was standing back, still not adjusted to having to share our affections, and therefore, not really a fan of little Bryden , yet. We began to make our way into the laundry room, me behind him, but he didn’t want me to hold him; rather, he wanted to walk in all by himself.

I brought in all of his stuff while he sat on the floor with his blanket and his new book, turning the page once in a while, captivated by the voice of the one he just left, the one he had bonded with as though she were mommy.

I busied myself with putting all his stuff away, the stuff he left with and now more new stuff from his Grandma, Papa, and Tauntie Bre! This child wants for nothing; trust me, at least materially speaking! As I put his clothes away and his new toys, and a new hat, and slippers, too, the emotional wrestling match continued on in my mind and traveled into my heart. On one hand I was so grateful that God had surrounded this little guy with many people who love him so much and I was and continue to be amazed at how resilient he is, though I question how long that will last. And that’s not being pessimistic; just realistic.

I was also grateful that just when we needed it most, there was someone to take him for a couple days, or a week, and extend to us a bit of a break. As I write this, the emotional tug-of-war reveals one rope, the rope of guilt for needing a break. His other grandma always says she would take him to live with her; in fact, she wants that very much and cries every time she leaves him, but she knows that his daddy needs to be able to see him and be daddy to him as much as is possible for his recovery and restoration.

Another huge rope in this emotional tug-of-war is coming to the surface, though I can’t quite make out its purpose, its definition and why it keeps wrapping around my heart and mind causing me anguish, bringing questions to the surface more and more consistently so much so that I know I will one day have to answer them after going deeper with Him!
Join me next week for more of this revealing season of Nana Holds!
Evinda

Nanna Holds -Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thank you so much for joining me for more of Nana Holds! Grab your coffee and come on in for more life-changing revelations in this season of parenting our grandson.

Something that was beginning to ring more true is that while we may not create our circumstance, we do create our environment in our circumstances! George and I were adjusting to our new season, and it amazed us how well Bryden seemed to be adjusting, especially each time we would go visit his daddy at his “job,” and when they would say good-bye, Bryce would kiss him, tell him he loved him and had to go back to work. Bryden seemed to understand that and it was rare that he would be sad as we would drive away.

As I talk about good-byes, it reminds me of someone he had a very, very hard time saying good-bye to, and that’s his Grandma , his daddy’s mom, whom he called Mommy and to this day, there is still some confusion for him, though not near as much.

See, she was like a mommy to him and they bonded in the way mommies and children bond. Grandma filled that void for him, and so their relationship is incredibly special. Anytime we would get him back from her, it was a little heart-wrenching, but this one time, the wrench kept turning and tweaking my heart and I begged it to stop. She put him in his
car seat in my car, talked with him for a few and she did a good job not letting him see her cry, but he wasn’t holding his tears back. It about ripped my heart out, but it stirred up something else, too, and it wasn’t jealousy. First, I recognized the emotional pain of this circumstance that put this little boy in a different kind of nurturing situation, that of being nurtured and parented by his grandparents — all of us — his confusion of one of them being his grandma instead of his mommy. I mean all of that is easy to see, feel and even understand.

But getting back to this particular instance, she had given him one of those books you create yourself with pictures and pre-recordings to tell you own story. As we began to leave the parking lot, he held on to it, clutching it as if it were her. He was so incredibly sad that it overwhelmed me with many unfamiliar emotions. As I pulled onto the freeway to begin the drive home, I looked at him through my rear-view mirror and the sadness I saw take up residence on his face just did something to me. Today was a sad, sad day.

And while I was sad for him, I also became internally angry and frustrated, and I wrestled with varying emotions the whole drive home as I listened to the love pouring out of this homemade story book made just for Bryden. Over and over he’d play a couple of pages, obviously his favorite ones, and they definitely soothed his little soul because by the time we made it to our off-ramp, he was fast asleep!

Join me for more tomorrow,

Evinda