Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks for joining me for Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power. Let’s get back to that first week of adjustment for Bryden and all of us in the absence of his daddy.

Towards the end of the first week, on a Saturday morning, in fact, George and Bryden were on the couch, cuddled up watching cartoons and he called. I heard, “Hi, Son,” and I stopped what I was doing and waited. It was then I realized that we had almost made it through the first week without him even questioning where his daddy was. He had just accepted what Nana had told him; that daddy was at a big job, the most important job of his life.

“Bryden, do you want to talk with daddy?”

Bryden’s face lit up like a birthday cake on fire. “Daddy, daddy,” he exclaimed.

I swallowed my urge to cry, successfully keeping the tears at bay as I listened to Bryden tell his daddy that him and Papa were watching cartoons and he had just eaten his cereal. Their conversation lasted a whole 45 seconds, if that, and just like that, Bryden was done talking with his daddy.

He gave the phone back to his Papa and he seemed perfectly content to continue watching cartoons.
George talked to him for a little bit and then I heard him say, “I want you to tell her,” and he handed me the phone. For the next couple of minutes, I listened as Bryce shared a powerful experience, one that I hope he will remember for the rest of his life because I know I will. He shared that he accepted Jesus into his heart, and that when he did, he felt chills all over his body. “It was pretty trippy,” he said.

“That’s awesome, Bryce. I’m so happy for you. Now He has your attention and the only way to go from this moment is up. He uses all things, Bryce, all things.” I encouraged him to talk with God every day and told him that I loved him and we would see him soon. I handed the phone back to George so he could say good-bye.

As we entertained Bryden that day, the first Saturday of many to come that would be consumed with and centered around this little boy, I couldn’t help but recognize and own the truth; that God was in control and though it wasn’t His will that certain choices had been made, only He could and would bring something amazing out of them. My heart was so much lighter as I realized our son was now one of His and that He was already at work in his life, despite us not being able to see him.

Amazed at His sovereignty,

Evinda

Nana Holds-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thank you for joining me today for a little break. Grab your coffee and come on in, away from the distractions and pulls on you!

The first week was probably the hardest for many reasons but the main one was the overwhelming reality of the responsibility of Bryden, how to protect him from the choices that his parents had made while convincing him everything in his world hadn’t changed. But it had and I consistently reminded myself that our God had brought us to this situation and HE would carry us through with or without our trust so I may as well lean on and in Him so as to gain all the revelations along the way.

Bryden’s world isn’t the only one that had changed. His papa’s world changed dramatically and he had a hard time hiding the sadness. That was probably what weighed heavier on and in my heart then the reality of the responsibility of a toddler and having to start over raising a child. Day after day I watched my husband age with the burden of sadness.

Each morning I’d hear his steps as he walked across the bathroom floor, heavy, heavy, heavy, and it wasn’t until several days later that I realized that something was missing: He was no longer singing in the shower like he used to. That may sound funny in a weird way to you but I can remember the first years of our marriage, how he always sang worship songs in the shower and whenever it stopped, I then would know that he had a heavy heart. Well, this was definitely one of those seasons.
Just a little detour: Ladies, if you are married, pay attention to the little things that your guy does that make you smile and appreciate him for them.

Because George’s world had changed, my world had changed. Watching him wait for the daily phone call from my stepson, his son, was also incredibly painful, but when the call finally came, some of the tension released. The first ray of hope came that first week with that first phone call that I answered and I’ll never, ever forget it. George wasn’t home so I got to talk with him for a couple of minutes and it was in this conversation that my stepson told me something he had never told me in the eight-plus years I’ve been married to his dad: He told me he loved me and how sorry he was; he then went on to acknowledge, “You’ve been like a mom to me and… I’m so sorry. I love you, Kim.”


My heart stopped long enough to soak up those words and I had no idea they would mean so very much, as if I had waited all this time for them. As I hung up the phone, I felt that spark of hope ignite within me again reminding me that He who works all things together for good was and is and always will be sovereign and in control.

Humbly,

Evinda

Nana Holds-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to our Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power. I’m so glad you could come by and take a break with me. Grab your coffee and come on in.

As I look back on that first week of being Mama/Nana, it was definitely one of those footprint times when I know the Author and Finisher of our Faith carried George and me, and all of our pain, sorrow and frustration. There’s no need to go into all the gory details and run the risk of glorifying the evil one but what I would like to do is highlight some of the beautiful moments that shone through more brilliantly than all the pain and sorrow. They are moments that bring so many of the promises of God to life within our home and definitely deeply into this circumstance.

And in the midst of living in those moments, there were lessons learned along the way, again, lessons that bring to life the Holy Spirit inspired Word of God, promises that have led us through the most painful part of this circumstance to victory in many areas of our lives. See, He has warned us that we will have tribulations in this world, but He has already overcome them. I don’t know why I am always so surprised by His creativity, His sovereignty that accomplishes so much with one circumstance, but I am and I continue to be awestruck, captured by His characteristics in a way that ties so many knots in my string of faith along the way that I, by His grace, shall never come unraveled in my faith. I may have trouble finding my joy sometimes, and there may be days where I have to stir really hard to bring it up to the surface that it may come out and splash others, but I know too much to go back and too much of HIS Word, too many of HIS promises have come to fruition in my own life for me to unravel!

In the midst of the pain, sorrow, frustration and confusion, I was preparing for our holiday event “Living outside Your Circumstances.” Wow, did He ever prepare me that I may comfort others with the comfort I’ve been given. And in my research, I found some diamonds, big diamonds, Girls! I think they will sparkle so beautifully in any circumstance you may be going through and I’m excited to share them with you. The first diamond I discovered is within the word tribulation and I have to tell you as I dug for a deeper understanding, it became so much easier to keep an eternal perspective in our current circumstance, aka, tribulation.

Tribulation translates to “thlipsis” in Greek and primarily means “a pressing, pressure, anything which burdens the spirit and is often accompanied by anguish.” Hang on with me here because this gets better. So the root word for tribulation is actually a sort of sifting machine, a machine that goes and sifts the bad from the good by applying pressure!

There it is; the 10-karat diamond that sparkles with truth that shows us that circumstances/tribulations can work for our eternal good by sifting out the bad, separating it from the good, if we let them!
Please join me tomorrow for the beginning of the highlights of the moments that nearly took our breath away and etched in our hearts their revelations and lessons.

Marveling at His handiwork,

Evinda

Nana Holds-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me today. I enjoy sharing this time with you. Grab your coffee and come on in. We’re at the dinner table and the dreaded question is about to be asked.

Since Bryce wasn’t there, I got to help Bryden wash his hands before dinner. I picked him up and carried him to the kitchen sink and proceeded to teach him how to wash his hands, really wash his hands. He is such a good little student and to this day, that little boy doesn’t just skim soap on his hands, but he puts his little hands together and goes round and round, on the inside first and then the outside! That was my first smile of the day. We were going to get through this.

Little kids are incredibly intuitive in an uncanny sort of way. Dinner was a little quiet, and we were running low on the physical and emotional energy required to try and get Bryden to eat. It was almost like he could sense he was about to get some bad news and he lost his appetite. After several attempts to get him to eat, finally he just blurted out what he wanted to know all along, probably since the minute he stepped foot in the door: “Where’s my daddy?”
I didn’t gasp or anything, but I did hesitate. I caught George’s eyes and I swear they looked a bit glassy. He couldn’t do it. I spoke up very matter-of-factly: “Daddy’s at a new job so he won’t be home for a while.”

“A new job?” he asked.

“Yup, Daddy’s at a new job, the biggest job of his life.” I held my breath.
He seemed to accept that and finished his dinner while I exhaled my relief. George and I didn’t have much of an appetite so didn’t finish our dinner but cleaned up while Bryden watched a little T.V. He seemed perfectly content and okay with what I had told him and so bath time was fun as usual, and I played with him as if everything were okay, because in my heart of hearts, I had to believe that it would be, one day, some day.

We went downstairs and played hide-N-seek for a few minutes; then we settled him down with a book or two. Then it was time for bed and – sorry, I’m starting to cry as I remember this one – normally he would say, “Daddy holds” just before me putting him to bed but tonight, the first night of many that daddy was not around to hold his son, Bryden said these words for the very first time: “Nana holds!”

Our bond was beginning to form.

Join me Monday for more of Nana Holds.

Evinda

Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour and thanks so much for having coffee with me! Grab your coffee and come on in for more of this transparent series, Nana Holds! We have just a few hours before Bryden gets home and finds out his daddy won’t be coming home.

I think I understand what the term “auto pilot” means now because that’s what it felt like for the rest of the day. I did what I had to do and didn’t even remember doing it. It was like my body was there, but my mind and heart were looking up and waiting for the next instruction.

The funny thing is, through a series of silent instructions, more of the pieces of the painful puzzle of my step-son’s life appeared in the picture, bringing clarity which brought understanding. And though the pain was intense, especially for my husband, understanding went a long way in soothing it.
And while I did look for some eternal value immediately, I must confess I wasn’t happy. In fact, the more reality settled into my head about all the sacrificing required for this situation, the more I resembled Bryden in one of his fits, on my back, kicking and screaming. Oh, was I ever unlearned with it comes to not acting out of control despite my world feeling out of control!

Daddy Holds!

George came home and my heart broke for him. Not only was he in extreme emotional pain, but he was in a tremendous amount of physical pain as well. Stress has a way of doing that, pinching nerves, and manifesting itself in all kinds of hideous ways and by the time he had come home, he could barely move his head to the left because of a pinched nerve!

We had talked several times throughout the day, so he was aware of the many answers to the many unasked questions, but honestly, he was aging before my eyes. I tried to comfort him as best as I could, reminding him that God definitely had intervened in our son’s life, and the only way to go from this point was up, if he chose to do so. I felt in my gut then, and still do now, that God was going to use this tragedy for Bryce’s triumph in a way that only He could.


My hubby wasn’t able to see that right away though, or maybe he could, but it wasn’t at the forefront of his thoughts. No, his heart ached, longing to pull his son out of the murky waters he had put himself in and protect him from the ramifications from his own choices. Oh, did I ever feel his pain and I so wished I could take it  from him, but I have been through this before and I understand that while it is incredibly painful, that this is/was something we were going to have to walk through together and I was truly thankful he didn’t have to go through it alone.

Shortly after George came home, Suzanne brought Bryden home. It’s a blur, exactly what we did first, but I think we just played with him for a little while before dinner. I think I was still sort of on auto pilot. It wasn’t until we were sitting down for dinner that the question finally came, the one I had been anticipating and trying not to dread . . .

Join me tomorrow for more.

Evinda

Nana Holds-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks for joining me for a little break. I’m excited to be back with this series, Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and come on in!

Just to recap, we left off with me transparently sharing about the perception I have of myself as it relates to children, which has been fairly negative, and I hinted that I thought God would be using little Bryden to change that perception. And then I think I closed the last post in this series with a confession: that my attitude was definitely changing for the better, and I was beginning to be more comfortable with this little two-year-old in our home and not look so much like him when he is throwing a fit!

But then something happened that literally changed all of our worlds. On June 8th, we received a phone call that changed our family dynamic, and was, to put it mildly, a family crisis that left our little grandson Bryden without a daddy for an unknown period of time. I remember feeling a sense of relief because I knew that our Father had brought the truth to the light and that though the days ahead would be tough, this was a new beginning for my stepson.

Daddy Holds!

That relief was short-lived because later that day, a terror-like feeling gripped me, nearly choking me as the gravity of the reality hit: George and I were now to be parents to this little two-year-old. As I stood there in the silence, I began to try and think through all that this meant, but I couldn’t wrap my brain around it in that moment. Though I could see some eternally-valued things, I couldn’t hold on to the eternal perspective. It was just too much for me in my flesh.

My world, as I knew it, was coming to an abrupt stop; everything about it required redirection for now it was really no longer all about me and my agenda, “my ministry,” but all about a two-year-old and his little soul. This was going to require more of me and yet less of me at the same time for there was no way I could do this in my own strength.
Finally, I began to think about someone else besides myself: little Bryden. As I anticipated him looking for his daddy.

Later that evening, around dinner time, I fell to my knees, the tears coming from the depth of my soul. “Whatever am I going to tell him when he asks where his daddy is?” This is what I heard:
“Tell him he’s at a new job, the biggest job of his life.”

With a strength that was not in me or of me, I stood and embraced the rest of the day, rehearsing the words given to me while on my knees.

Join me tomorrow for Bryden’s response.

Evinda

Am I A Stone Thrower-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me today for a little break at Coffee Hour! This is our final WOW, Words of Wisdom and Weapons of Warfare for 2012. My eyes are watering as I write this! Where did the year go? It’s almost time for me to reflect on it all with Him and make goals to press on in the journey that I may be more like Him in my words and actions. Oops, enough about me! Grab your coffee and come on in.

This month’s WOW comes from a series I’ve just wrapped up called The Adulterous Woman and our Words of Wisdom come from John 8:7b. Before I get to the actual WOW, allow me to share a truth within the Word which is singing in my heart and ringing in my ears right now. As I reflect on it, I must confess that it has proven to be true over and over in my life.

Have you ever heard of the scripture that says that the Word is sharper than a two-edged sword? Well, let me tell you these words found in our WOW aim straight to the heart and have the power to explode like the most beautiful array of fireworks you have ever seen. And while the sparks may take years to settle down, they will be leaving an impression that will never leave your mind or your heart. See, a two-edged sword is double the power, cutting in while cutting away!

I can’t help but think of several friends who have some different theological beliefs when it comes to Jesus and how to get to heaven and obviously their beliefs are a mixture of their own life’s experiences as well as others’ opinions which helped formed their own. My heart longs to show and share so many scriptures with them, and yet, the best way to do that is to share how they have come alive in my life, cutting into my heart while cutting away the lies I’ve bought into. That’s when you feel as though you could really tie some super-strong knots in your string of faith!

In our society, we tend to judge a book by its cover or point fingers at others’ indiscretions, lifestyles and/or shortcomings, and basically seduce others with our prideful opinions. In the short story of the adulterous woman found in the book of John, Jesus gives us one of the most powerful and shortest lessons about this very subject to the thousands gathered in the Temple. The Pharisees brought this woman straight to Jesus during the Feast to see how He would punish her.

The crowd watched and waited for Jesus to speak, and I’m sure some even held their breath in anticipation, but what happened next was nothing that they expected. I so wish I could have been a fly on the wall or been in the pocket of one of those Pharisees or religious leaders to see their expression at Jesus’ response to their accusations.

Jesus didn’t say anything at first. Instead, in response to their angry and accusatory words, Jesus simply bent down and began to write on the ground with His finger, almost as if He didn’t even hear them, or maybe He was just tuning them out. I can’t help but wonder what He was writing, but let’s stay in the WOW.

When they continued asking Him, He acknowledged them by standing, ever so slowly. He then looked out to the crowd and spoke confidently the shortest lesson ever taught. Here are the fifteen words that definitely act as a two-edged sword: “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.”

We don’t need to know the beginning or the ending of that true story to get what Jesus said to those gathered at the Temple. His message was pointedly clear then and its powerful meaning has not decreased or changed. His message wasn’t limited to those gathered there that day in the Temple, or just for the people of that generation. No, that is why these Words of Wisdom made it into the Bible, for these words have the power to keep the stone out of our hand and prevent our hearts from turning to stone that we may not be stone-throwers but grace-givers.

Not without sin,

Evinda