Nana Holds-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks for joining me for a little break at Coffee Hour with Chicklit Power. I know, especially during this time of year, taking a break is not always an easy thing to do! Grab your coffee and come on in.

Some things got a little easier going into the third week. For example, we were getting into some sort of a routine despite many arrows from others who unknowingly brought chaos to the structure and stability we were trying desperately to give little Bryden. But God is so good and He provided great support with friends, and especially with daycare. By this time, he had been with them for a little over six months and not only did he love his “Shuzanne,” as he calls her, and Donald, but he was totally attached to his two little playmates, their two children, and he almost always embraced going off to play for the day with them. Some mornings I would watch him walk to her car and marvel at just how tough God had created him and how well he was adapting.

And while there were a few cries for “daddy” that were answered with reminders that he was at a big job, the most important job of his life, there were many moments of giggles and playfulness. Unbeknownst to us, God was using this little guy to bring out the child in both of us, to get us to play again, laugh again despite the painful circumstance.

My heart smiles every time I rewind back to the early weeks and how He used Bryden to ease my husband’s sorrow. Watching them play always chased the sorrow away, pushed back all the questions of what-if, how, why, and every other question that threatened to steal those happy moments. Day by day, we were settling into our roles of Mama/Dada and praying for the day when we would be able to be Nana/Papa again, and yet, we were also realizing that in our new roles there would be opportunities to be both; that God would redeem all that the locusts had stolen.

And then a few weeks later, our Heavenly Father did just that when we found out that our son would be changing jobs and going to a new job that would allow for visitors!

Join me tomorrow for more moments and memories of this life-changing season and Nana Holds.

Evinda

Merry Christmas from Bryden and Nana!

Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks for joining me today for our Coffee Hour and this life-changing series Nana Holds. It encourages my heart knowing there is you to share it with. As I go out into the world and hear story after story of life happening, my heart hurts over the number of people walking in our very shoes, these shoes that were so uncomfortable at first and needed some serious stretching and breaking in.
Oh, to comfort others with the comfort we’ve been given! Grab your coffee and come on in.

The second week was a bit easier as far as getting into a routine with Bryden, but tougher emotionally as I realized how fragile my husband was. As I look to my journal for a recordation of what was happening, I am shocked at how raw my own emotions were and just how fragile George was, his fragility stretching me beyond my capabilities, causing me to rely on our God more than ever. As I rewind to that period of time, I certainly wouldn’t give me an A in the area of compassion and patience, but I did get a “passing” grade, at least.

We were dealing with raw emotions from all sides and I’m not sure whether it’s fortunate or unfortunate at this point – it felt and still feels unfortunate to us – but Bryden has a lot of family that loves him, including his biological mother, as much as she is capable, and her parents. Talk about issues! So since there isn’t a whole lot that would edify, I’m not going to let anything fly out of my mouth. Maybe someday I’ll have a huge testimony to share when it comes to all of them, but our struggle felt more like major interference as they wanted a piece of little Bry, too! So while we were trying to create some sort of stable environment for him, they were tugging on us, demanding they get to see him too.

As I think about it, all of that struggling led to many good things but the first apparent one was that we realized we were going to have to do something legal in order to protect him and by doing so, we would bring some sort of security to this tough little guy and shield him from others’ craziness and selfishness.

Yes, looking through the second week’s journal entries, the eyes of my heart opened to the reality of the constant threat upon our home and marriage and the cry of my heart was unto Him. I prayed for understanding, strength and a love beyond myself, and His answer often came through this little boy who was now in the habit of saying: “Nana holds,” and soothing my ever-aching soul.

Join me tomorrow for more of this life-changing series,

Evinda

Merry Christmas from our house to yours!

P.S. Join us today for more of breaking free from co-dependency on Blog Talk Radio! www.blogtalkradio.com/Chicklit-Power

Power Friday From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome and thanks for stopping by Coffee Hour for Power Friday. Grab your coffee and come on in.

So if you’re new to our Power Fridays, let me just share with you, these “power” thoughts are actually revelations that I’m receiving as I break free from co-dependency, which is happening at a slow, slow rate, but nevertheless it is happening! To God be the glory for the tools and people He is using to help me in this process, namely Steve Atkinson, my co-host on Blog Talk Radio.

Anyway, this power thought came to me just last week and is a great reminder that co-dependency is rooted in fear and anxiety and when we learn to recognize that, we can gain a bit of momentum in fighting this viral infection off. I hope it helps you and feel free to pass this on to your friends . . .

Is someone or something pushing your anxiety button? Answer it with prayer!

Less anxious,

Evinda

Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks so much for taking time to come have coffee with me. Grab your coffee and come on in.
Before I get back to where we left off, let me ask you a question; it’s one that I answered one way in the beginning months of becoming Mama/Nana, and now can honestly answer it another way: Who is more “blessed,” the woman/man who has much, struggles little and has no need for a relationship with Christ, or the woman/man who has less in the way of monetary things, struggles quite often but has this consistent joy, this untouchable peace?

See, in the first few months, I was asking “why” every bit as much as I was seeking Him for the “how.” One of those times I asked why and how came the second week. We were taking a walk around the neighborhood, one of the ways we were learning how to help Bryden spend some of that energy that I so wish I could bottle for George and me, because if I could, I’d be downing a big drink of it toward the end of the day. It’s like about 5:00 or thereafter, my energy has taken flight and it doesn’t return until the next morning! (Now, at about 3:00, I pray for strength for the next shift, the final shift of the day!) Anyway, we had all three of our four-legged kids – both of ours and Bryce’s big four-legged child – and we would attempt to let Bryden take one of the leashes and off we’d go.

We would go down our street, left at the end and head up that street which dead-ends at the golf-course. The first time we did this as we got closer and closer to the golf course, Bryden became more antsy and unsettled and then as we began to pass it, suddenly, out of nowhere, he stopped and began to cry with everything in him. George and I stopped in our confusion and his word collided with my realization of where his sorrow was coming from simultaneously.

See, he and his daddy used to always take a walk with the little red wagon. Bryden would be in the wagon and daddy would pull him; that is until they got to the golf course. Then Bryden would get out and they would both down into the ravine, looking for the golf balls that had erroneously disappeared from a golfer’s view and had gathered down in the wash/ravine. It was like a gold mine down there.

For Bryden, it was ball heaven because his very favorite thing is balls, golf balls, soccer balls, basketballs, baseballs, and let me tell you, he has a God-given talent when it comes to hitting and/or kicking them. Then they would gather them all up and put them in the wagon and make their way back home. A successful hunt was five to ten and an okay night was one to three, but no matter how many they found, Bryden was super thrilled. And we had to keep every one of them. Some went in his toy box in the family room, some in a glass container on the counter in his bathroom, some upstairs in his room, and of course, a few got left in the wagon.

Well, there we were trying to pass the golf course but stopped dead in our tracks. I bent down to reach for him just as he cried out “Daaaaa-deeee. I want my daddy.” I hurried to scoop him into my arms. As I felt my heart break, my mind asked why. Why does a little one have to endure so much sorrow? How does a little one endure so much sorrow and how do I do this, God? How? Somebody show me how.

We began to walk again with me holding him while he cried for a couple of minutes. And as we got away from the place that reminded him of his daddy, he calmed down, and he wanted down. As if it had never happened, he took Sparky’s leash and scurried down the sidewalk and it was all we could do to keep up with him. Inwardly, I was marveling at the new insight I had just received: God had made this little guy tough, resiliently tough and somehow, some way, we were all going to get through this circumstance.

Join me Monday for more of Nana holds, and we’ll return to that question I began our time with today.

Confidently,

Evinda

Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks for joining me for Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power. Let’s get back to that first week of adjustment for Bryden and all of us in the absence of his daddy.

Towards the end of the first week, on a Saturday morning, in fact, George and Bryden were on the couch, cuddled up watching cartoons and he called. I heard, “Hi, Son,” and I stopped what I was doing and waited. It was then I realized that we had almost made it through the first week without him even questioning where his daddy was. He had just accepted what Nana had told him; that daddy was at a big job, the most important job of his life.

“Bryden, do you want to talk with daddy?”

Bryden’s face lit up like a birthday cake on fire. “Daddy, daddy,” he exclaimed.

I swallowed my urge to cry, successfully keeping the tears at bay as I listened to Bryden tell his daddy that him and Papa were watching cartoons and he had just eaten his cereal. Their conversation lasted a whole 45 seconds, if that, and just like that, Bryden was done talking with his daddy.

He gave the phone back to his Papa and he seemed perfectly content to continue watching cartoons.
George talked to him for a little bit and then I heard him say, “I want you to tell her,” and he handed me the phone. For the next couple of minutes, I listened as Bryce shared a powerful experience, one that I hope he will remember for the rest of his life because I know I will. He shared that he accepted Jesus into his heart, and that when he did, he felt chills all over his body. “It was pretty trippy,” he said.

“That’s awesome, Bryce. I’m so happy for you. Now He has your attention and the only way to go from this moment is up. He uses all things, Bryce, all things.” I encouraged him to talk with God every day and told him that I loved him and we would see him soon. I handed the phone back to George so he could say good-bye.

As we entertained Bryden that day, the first Saturday of many to come that would be consumed with and centered around this little boy, I couldn’t help but recognize and own the truth; that God was in control and though it wasn’t His will that certain choices had been made, only He could and would bring something amazing out of them. My heart was so much lighter as I realized our son was now one of His and that He was already at work in his life, despite us not being able to see him.

Amazed at His sovereignty,

Evinda

Nana Holds-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thank you for joining me today for a little break. Grab your coffee and come on in, away from the distractions and pulls on you!

The first week was probably the hardest for many reasons but the main one was the overwhelming reality of the responsibility of Bryden, how to protect him from the choices that his parents had made while convincing him everything in his world hadn’t changed. But it had and I consistently reminded myself that our God had brought us to this situation and HE would carry us through with or without our trust so I may as well lean on and in Him so as to gain all the revelations along the way.

Bryden’s world isn’t the only one that had changed. His papa’s world changed dramatically and he had a hard time hiding the sadness. That was probably what weighed heavier on and in my heart then the reality of the responsibility of a toddler and having to start over raising a child. Day after day I watched my husband age with the burden of sadness.

Each morning I’d hear his steps as he walked across the bathroom floor, heavy, heavy, heavy, and it wasn’t until several days later that I realized that something was missing: He was no longer singing in the shower like he used to. That may sound funny in a weird way to you but I can remember the first years of our marriage, how he always sang worship songs in the shower and whenever it stopped, I then would know that he had a heavy heart. Well, this was definitely one of those seasons.
Just a little detour: Ladies, if you are married, pay attention to the little things that your guy does that make you smile and appreciate him for them.

Because George’s world had changed, my world had changed. Watching him wait for the daily phone call from my stepson, his son, was also incredibly painful, but when the call finally came, some of the tension released. The first ray of hope came that first week with that first phone call that I answered and I’ll never, ever forget it. George wasn’t home so I got to talk with him for a couple of minutes and it was in this conversation that my stepson told me something he had never told me in the eight-plus years I’ve been married to his dad: He told me he loved me and how sorry he was; he then went on to acknowledge, “You’ve been like a mom to me and… I’m so sorry. I love you, Kim.”


My heart stopped long enough to soak up those words and I had no idea they would mean so very much, as if I had waited all this time for them. As I hung up the phone, I felt that spark of hope ignite within me again reminding me that He who works all things together for good was and is and always will be sovereign and in control.

Humbly,

Evinda

Nana Holds-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to our Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power. I’m so glad you could come by and take a break with me. Grab your coffee and come on in.

As I look back on that first week of being Mama/Nana, it was definitely one of those footprint times when I know the Author and Finisher of our Faith carried George and me, and all of our pain, sorrow and frustration. There’s no need to go into all the gory details and run the risk of glorifying the evil one but what I would like to do is highlight some of the beautiful moments that shone through more brilliantly than all the pain and sorrow. They are moments that bring so many of the promises of God to life within our home and definitely deeply into this circumstance.

And in the midst of living in those moments, there were lessons learned along the way, again, lessons that bring to life the Holy Spirit inspired Word of God, promises that have led us through the most painful part of this circumstance to victory in many areas of our lives. See, He has warned us that we will have tribulations in this world, but He has already overcome them. I don’t know why I am always so surprised by His creativity, His sovereignty that accomplishes so much with one circumstance, but I am and I continue to be awestruck, captured by His characteristics in a way that ties so many knots in my string of faith along the way that I, by His grace, shall never come unraveled in my faith. I may have trouble finding my joy sometimes, and there may be days where I have to stir really hard to bring it up to the surface that it may come out and splash others, but I know too much to go back and too much of HIS Word, too many of HIS promises have come to fruition in my own life for me to unravel!

In the midst of the pain, sorrow, frustration and confusion, I was preparing for our holiday event “Living outside Your Circumstances.” Wow, did He ever prepare me that I may comfort others with the comfort I’ve been given. And in my research, I found some diamonds, big diamonds, Girls! I think they will sparkle so beautifully in any circumstance you may be going through and I’m excited to share them with you. The first diamond I discovered is within the word tribulation and I have to tell you as I dug for a deeper understanding, it became so much easier to keep an eternal perspective in our current circumstance, aka, tribulation.

Tribulation translates to “thlipsis” in Greek and primarily means “a pressing, pressure, anything which burdens the spirit and is often accompanied by anguish.” Hang on with me here because this gets better. So the root word for tribulation is actually a sort of sifting machine, a machine that goes and sifts the bad from the good by applying pressure!

There it is; the 10-karat diamond that sparkles with truth that shows us that circumstances/tribulations can work for our eternal good by sifting out the bad, separating it from the good, if we let them!
Please join me tomorrow for the beginning of the highlights of the moments that nearly took our breath away and etched in our hearts their revelations and lessons.

Marveling at His handiwork,

Evinda