Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @Chicklit Power

Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks so much for joining me again today for a little break from the hustle and bustle of life. I feel revived and refreshed after seven days on my favorite island of Kauai and I can’t wait to share with you some more life-changing moments that have happened and continue to happen in this season of Nana Holds. Come with me to Vegas.
So it’s Saturday afternoon and we have attended the first half day of the business seminar we came to check out and have had lunch with a super nice guy. We had called Jene and Bryden earlier, a couple of times to check in and say hi, but she didn’t answer so we just left a message and continued on with our day.
I am finally feeling like we are starting to connect just a little bit and it feels like a brand new light bulb is slowly coming to life inside of me. I am beginning to warm up to him and vice versa. We even had a good talk about the challenges, struggles and triumphs of this responsibility for Bryden and the conversation ended on a very good note for two reasons: Like I said I had openly confessed to turning that corner and resolved to focus on the beautiful things coming from this season. But number two was the shock of George’s confession; that this was a difficult time for him as well. I was stunned into silence. Imagine, me without words!
When he confessed how hard it was for him, how tired he was, it was like the rusty old locks all around my heart began to loosen, one by one, and before I knew it, the love I have for him was spilling out and forcing those locks off. It wasn’t that I enjoyed his weakness; rather, I saw his honest vulnerability as a sign of strength, a link that connected us in a way that we hadn’t connected since this whole thing began.
We made our way back to the afternoon session of the business seminar and I right by him. I guess that’s why I was able to detect something was up when he pulled out his vibrating phone with a startled look.
“Hello?” He looked up at me and mouthed the word “Bryce.”
I didn’t think anything of it . . . at first. That is until I heard him say “What in the heck did you do?” My antenna shot up like a sergeant reporting for duty and George was already standing up, heading out of the seminar and out to the foyer. I followed him, because my intuition told me I should, especially as I caught the look on my husband’s face. He was obviously very, very upset.
I’ll pick up from right here when we return to this series. In the meantime, please join me tomorrow for Invitation Tuesdays and some insight into our upcoming event. Also, join us for Blog Talk Radio, our computer radio show that is like free counseling for thirty minutes! www.blogtalkradio.com/Chicklit-Power
Thankful for His redemption,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Aloha from Kauai and thanks so much for joining me for our final coffee hour in Kauai, for 2013, at least. Grab your coffee and come on in. Today is the day that I begin to share another plummet in this true-life plot.
So I mentioned that we were leaving on a business/pleasure trip and shortly after we dropped Bryden off at school, we were on our way. Destination: Vegas. While Vegas is not my favorite place to go, we were both looking forward to the getaway and learning more about a possible business opportunity.
As I rewind the moments in my mind, my heart becomes a bit anxious as the obvious tension in our relationship comes to the surface of the memory. Oh, if only I knew then what I know now. I can’t help but see his apparent unhappiness when I look back to that time and a deep sense of restlessness, but I realize now that part of his unhappiness was the burden I made everything out to be, especially as it pertained to Bryden! Unbeknownst to me, I was in the midst of a deep peeling and healing process in and by the Divine Healer.
Anyway, I have learned much about this gift of a man whom God has blessed me with since then but I learned something pretty helpful about him while on this little getaway, but it wasn’t revealed until a moment of crisis. I’m so thankful for my relationship with my First Husband that kept me hanging on to the covenant of marriage, especially as our next problem came upon us like an unexpected thunder storm.
What is ironic about this timing is just three hours earlier, during a conversation that we were having about the whole guardianship season, I had openly and willingly resolved to quit talking about how hard it is and start focusing on all the beauty it was bringing to so many aspects of my life and our life together. It was like I had turned a huge corner and it felt so exciting. I had no idea that I would be hit with an immediate test of veracity, challenging my actions to align with my words boasting of a new attitude!
Join me next week to find out just how and what our next challenge in this season of Nana Holds came to light.
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Aloha! As I write this for you, we are sitting in our timeshare in Kauai, my most favorite place to be and my most favorite place to write. And it’s raining right now! I love the rain! I remember when I didn’t like the rain because that meant I couldn’t run around like a chicken with my head cut off! Now, I cherish it for it brings me to a quiet place in my soul and from there is easiest to write from my heart to yours! So, come in with me and thanks so much for joining me. Grab your coffee and let’s go see where we are now in this life-changing series.
Sometimes it’s hard not to mix what I know now with where I was at then, which is still in the March/April time frame. Okay. I wrote in my journal that “I am still uncomfortable just “being” with Bryden but the more I do it, the better I’ll get and the easier it will be.” Oh, how thankful I am for the progress in the process that encourages me to continue!
In another entry just a few days later I am thanking Him for getting more comfortable in the learning process of just being with this amazing little guy but I also ask Him to help me not lose the momentum. Why in the world would I – Oh, now I remember: because we were getting ready to go away on a little getaway that was both business and pleasure.
Oh, dear, this is another one of those dips in the journey that just about takes my heart out! Okay, girl, focus, focus so I can keep you with me and not lose you along the way!
By this time, Jene was admitting how startled she was by her attachment to him. She never really saw herself as a “kid” person. As I write that, I am startled by our

He calls her J, J. Jene’!

resemblance in this area! Bryden lit up every time Jene was around and so it made perfect sense to us to ask her to come over and stay with him, and our four-legged kids too, while we were away for the weekend.
I remember taking him to school that day and letting him know Jene’ would be picking him up and take him home and they would get to have so much fun together for a couple of days while Nana and Papa were gone. There was something familiar tugging on the strings of my heart as I kissed him and squeezed him good day and good-bye in his classroom. His return hug squeezed some tears to my eyes and as I made my way out the closing door, my heart opened to the reality that I was going to miss him a whole bunch!
It has stopped raining now so I better let you go and go be in these moments here in Kauai! Join me tomorrow for more life-changing moments in this journey!
Evinda

Nana Holds!

P.S. I’d like to send out a very happy birthday to two very special people in my life: Cheryl and Desiree. Cheryl, all I can say is so many times I wish I could be more like you! Keep on being you for the gift of you is a present in so many lives! Des, you are a breath of honest-to-goodness fresh air! Love you both and may the memories you create today squeeze your heart with love and laughter on days you need the reminder most!

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Invitation Tuesdays-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Thanks for joining me today for our special Invitation Tuesdays! Grab your coffee and let’s go chat a minute about this event.
So in an effort to keep it real with you, I must admit I need your help. See, the warfare flame has gone from low to beyond high, and I’m in desperate need of your prayers. Time and time again – I think this is our tenth event – the warfare has reminded me of the changed lives from events in the past, and He has refined me in and through the flames. I must be in need of some serious refinement because the flames are coming at me from places and people I never imagined. And I am learning in this heat, but I can’t get through it without your prayers. I know that I know that HE uses all things; and I He knows that I desire that His refining process bring Him glory.
So, all I can say is if this warfare is a measurement of the lives we will reach at this event, keep me burning for You, Father, and would you, friend of CPM, keep me in your prayers that I would withstand the process while He burns away all that needs to go that I may stand before you all and share how to live on purpose!
I hope you will plan on joining us! Get your tickets today! www.chicklitpower.com/gift-store
Evinda

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Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Oh, but it’s good to be where my heart beckons me: Kauai! I’ll share pictures and moments next week but for now, I just want to stay in Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and come on in.
So I just read from my journal of March 5th and the memories came flooding back to me, things I felt in the moments that I now, months later, realize were moments that were adding to the change in me.
We had had an incredibly busy Sunday and I realize that though I was longing to rest on the Sabbath, I lived like I didn’t know the meaning of that word. See, Sundays were the days reserved for going to see Bryden’s daddy. Some Sundays were easier than others and some Sundays, well honestly, it felt like an overwhelming chore. That’s not because I didn’t want to see him but because I felt as though I had so many other things I had to do too: Laundry, grocery shopping, writing for all forms of social media for the following week. I mean, come on, let’s face it; we could all sit down with a piece of paper and fill it up with to-do’s in a blur of a minute. How is a girl to juggle it all?
I didn’t want to act like it was a chore because there was a season where we had to do the exact same thing with my son: visit him every Sunday to encourage him in his journey of sobriety. As a matter of fact, there are many memories that we created and shared on those Sundays with Bryden’s daddy that I will treasure forever and draw upon when I need a smile from the inside out.
But my journal entry reflects that the Sunday that had just passed had been one of those long and exhausting Sundays; however, it also reflects some pretty sweet things, like just how well Bryden did in our world as we did a couple of the things we needed to do before going to see Bryce. These words really stop my breath: “I don’t want there to be that hesitation with him, but I long for connection.”
Wow, God has answered the cry of my heart in that area for sure! I wasn’t quite where I am now as far as fitting into his world more than trying to make him fit into mine. Oh, how I value the process and His divine sovereignty in it.
I just now realized, months later, that He answered that particular cry of my heart that I had echoed for a while at that point the night before. See, he had a very rough night and as I was in my quiet time on Monday morning, I reflected on it but didn’t quite get what I just got: He woke up three times during the night, crying, not just tears but he used one word, just one word: Nana!
I shot up out of bed each and every time, holding him to me, rocking him like only mothers do, kissing his tears away and telling him everything was going to be okay. The first time I asked him if he had a bad dream and he said, “Yeah,” and put his head on my shoulder and sucked in a sob or two. But something else was obvious; he was coming down with another infection of some sort because he sounded awfully congested. When I laid him down, I stayed for a few minutes and rubbed his back until all was calm again. Then I tip-toed back to my bed and it seemed just minutes later, though it had been about an hour, and I heard him cry again. This went on for a total of three times and on the third time I put him in bed with us – to heck with what others say about form of bonding – and he slept the rest of the night.
I was connecting without hesitation! I didn’t realize it then but I do now! Duh!
As I finish the journal entry for that day, I’m writing about listening to the birds singing as he’s sleeping, realizing that I’ll need to keep him home from school and all my stuff on my to-do list has to get set aside. I wrote: “Teach me how to do this, Father, to fit into his world and still make time for mine. Help me seek you in all things, Lord. I am a mess; clean me up!”
Wow, I’m still a mess, but it’s easier to look at now, sort of, than it was back then. How beautiful He makes all things . . .
Join me Wednesday for more of Nana Holds, and tomorrow for more tips and tidbits in our Invitation Tuesday series!
Praising Him for His sovereignty,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…

Happy day to you! I’m so glad you could stop by and share this time with me. We are now in the month of March of this year, so we are beginning to fast-forward, hopefully! Grab your coffee and come on in.
Life went back to its routine for us all: Me with CPM and the uphill climb in obtaining the non-profit status, as well as every other aspect necessary in learning how to navigate in ministry as well as court-reporting — because it’s expensive to be me — Papa went back to the routine of work, albeit not so happy, and Bryden was back in school, growing in more ways than one.
In the hum-drum of life, the routine of it all, something happened that was out of my routine, something that awakened the eyes of my heart to a whole new level of love for this little boy. It was a Sunday after church and after our breakfast/lunch and our grocery shopping. It was naptime and normally Bryden naps in his bed but today was different. He wanted to “sweep” in Nana and Papa’s bed. But that wasn’t all he wanted. “Way wif me, Papa.” Well, Papa had no problem with that at all because he’s a big believer in naptime, especially Sundays! But when that sweet little voice beckoned to me, asking me to “come way wif” him, despite all the things I felt I had to do, I tossed all my prior reasoning to the wind and I did just that.
This is what I wrote in my journal: “Cuddling with Bryden brought my ‘something’ down and all I wanted to do was just lie down and stay there!”
I remember it now as if it were yesterday. I may have even shared this moment with you but this is the time in the journey that it happened. I hope you won’t mind as I rewind and re-live one of the sweetest moments with him. He was real squirmy, and he kept wanting to talk. After several shushes Papa got a bit firm and told Bryden to close his eyes or he was going to put him in his bed.
Bryden turned to look at me, his eyes wide open, and totally not ready for sleep! He began to whisper to me: “Nana, you know what?”
“What?”
“I wuv you.”
“I love you too, Bryden, all the way to heaven and back.”
He continued to whisper silly nonsensical things and I put my finger over my mouth to signal him to be quiet. Then I pointed to my eye, then my heart, then to him. He did the same. Then I leaned over and very gently and ever so slowly, I kissed each eye, kissed my finger and put it to his cute little lips and motioned for him to close his eyes.
What he did next is probably what brought that ‘something’ down: He mirrored my actions to the T! Then he whispered, “Do it again, Nana.”
I did, and then when he did it again, this time there were tears running down my face, happy tears, tears that only the love of a child could bring out to wash my face and heart.
Thanks for letting me share again. Join me Monday for more moments of Nana Holds, from . . . Kauai!
Love from above,
Evinda

Nana Holds!

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