Don’t Chase a Feeling, cont.

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Happy day to you and thanks for joining me for more of this series! Fall is here; thank goodness! I just love this time of year. Grab your coffee, your journal and your strand of faith! My prayer is you will be able to tie knots in your strand of faith and truly remain stronger when it comes to feelings over characteristics. We left off with chasing the characteristic of Christ-like love verses the feeling of being “in love.” Remember, they call it “falling” in love for a reason!

I realize that there are those who don’t really “believe” in God and the reality of the necessity of the love and grace given through His Son, or you may believe but you have lots of questions and doubts and to believe would be like going to the top of a mountain and jumping! Oh, what a feeling! :-)  The funny thing is, is that truly is what accepting His love feels like, especially for those of us who have old wounds, have been abandoned in some way by someone, and/or endured any kind of abuse, whether it was emotional or physical. It is so hard to trust the kind of love we seek, and yet it is an undeniable need. Learning to be willing to be willing to even try and accept the reality of it is like climbing up to the very top of the highest mountain and then jumping. You know that feeling you get when you drop from an incredibly high altitude? It’s like scary and exhilarating all at the same time. :-)

I think to understand where I’m about to jump, it would be good for me to explain the four types of love: phileo, which is brotherly love; this is the kind of love that is based on common interests, common goals, or personalities. Then there is eros which is self-gratifying love. Eros is focused on one's self and what it can get, often in terms of pleasure. It cares nothing for others because it is too busy using others and taking advantage of them--although it may impersonate affection to get what it wants. It often may even fool the person displaying eros into thinking that the eros is actually true love. This type of "love" gives many a very warped view of love, especially when bodies start touching!

Philia or Phileo is friendship and/or brotherly love…and if you think about this type of love, we are exhorted over and over again in His Love Letter to us to love one another with this type of love; however, when we have a friend or family member that we are having a difficult time loving, then we must kick it into high gear and lean on Him to pour Agape love through us that we may love our church family, our friends and our biological family…no matter the circumstance.

So let’s talk about agape love: This love goes beyond natural affection. You were created to literally flow with this kind of love in mighty, flowing streams as you tap into the all-powerful Source of this love. This love is available only through Christ who reconciles us to the almighty God who created all things. The Greek word for the supernatural kind of love is agape. This is why I analogized it to jumping, because it requires faith to receive…as well as faith to give out.

Well, somewhere, sometime in the midst of my jump, His hand caught mine and I came to believe and trust in His love for me. I can’t help but look back and think to myself, I sure wish I would have understood this kind of love so many years ago. Unfortunately, emotional scar tissue blinded me to the junk in my own trunk that had to be unpacked one piece at a time, but I’ll never forget the process.

See, I didn’t really understand that there was only one love that could complete me, make me whole and ready to receive the other types of love from others. Sure, I believed in Him, and I’d even pray quite often, maybe read the Bible every now and then, but I was giving so much attention to this need for love, that everything else was secondary. Put another way, I was running on empty when it came to the familial love, making a mess of every romantic (eros) relationship I ran into so that supply was dry, too. I did have quite a few friends who loved me (phileo), which now I see was His way of reaching out to me, and yet I was too busy chasing the romantic love and the familial love to even recognize His love being poured out to me through others…because I didn’t have it.

How about you; have you ever been chasing love? Do you realize that there is a relentless love that chases you, that will never leave you or forsake you? Feel free to leave your comments and join me next week as we talk about how to STOP chasing love and learn how to receive His love so that we may pour out to others…without feeling drained!

Love,

Evinda

Tuesday’s Trench Lesson

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thanks for joining us for Tuesday’s Trench lesson from Lea! Grab your favorite beverage, a journal and come on in for a very thought-provoking question…

Why Are We Here Part 2

Happy Tuesday, my friends. Thank you for joining me again here in the trenches. Last week, I shared with you my bad day, and my small victories of leaning on the Lord. This week, I want to tell you about my conversation with my 15-year-old son, and what I learned from it.

Our family was reading some scriptures together when “the purpose of life” was brought up. My son asked me why we had to have trials and live this life if God already knows what will happen in the end. I explained that we are here to gain the experiences. We grow and learn as we live this life. Yes, God knows how we choose and He sees everything, but He sent us here for our benefit. We know darkness because we know light. We know pleasure because we know pain. We know joy because we know sorrow. We have to have the yucky experiences to truly know and enjoy the great experiences.

Also, God did not send us down here to have struggles. He is not sitting up on top of some cloud laughing every time we fall and thinking, “Score!” He does not wish for another person to cause us pain, but that can happen because we all have free will. If He made it so that person couldn't harm us, then He would have been taking away their will. He loves all of us (even the “bad guys”) too much to restrict us. He does send the Spirit to be with us though. The Spirit will guide us and help us from receiving more trials than we can handle.

We just need to put our listening ears on, and be aware. Even in the midst of a particularly difficult trial, we can still see happiness if we are open to it. I explained to my son that yes, my husband's car is now broken, but it waited to break until my car was back. That is a miraculous thing. So, yes, we are in the trial of only having one car and extra bills right now, but we are blessed to still have a car that works and the ability to slowly pay our bills. No, we don't get to go to Disneyland yet. Yes, that totally sucks. But, we have a home; we have food, and we are generally taken care of. I also point out that we still do fun things.

The kids play our video games, and get to go online, and can watch Netflix. All of those are privileges that many people don't have. There are such a great number of people in this world that don't even have electricity! So yes, we are blessed. We play board games, and get to see movies every once in a while, and we have been known to go miniature golfing, and even just spend time with friends. We do have fun.

This brought me to the idea of why we are here, and what God wants for us. He wants us to have joy, and to bring joy to others. We can find joy in every single day. In the worst day of your life, if you honestly look for it, you can find joy. When my Grandma passed away, and we were at her viewing, it was a horrible day. My heart was hurting more than I realized that it could. There was a sweet moment that day with my Grandpa that touched my heart, and gave me joy. In that pain, I could still feel joy. That speaks to the love of our Heavenly Father. He sends us things to pull us up to joy when we need it the most. We have to try to be open to that. It is not easy.

Just the other day, I wanted to verbally vomit on someone because I had just reached my limit, but instead of complaining to a friend, I turned to God and just gave it to Him. I was not mad at Him; I was just mad at circumstances. Boy, I just let Him have it, though. I told Him I was so frustrated, and asked why this was happening. It was not accusatory, just asking why, like I would to a friend. As I was ranting, I began to have other thoughts. When I was thinking about how hard I was having it, my thoughts began to turn outward to others. I thought of a friend and her situation, and of other people struggling. Suddenly as my thoughts shifted, so did my heart. As my frustration for my own situation fizzled out, I began to think of little things I could do to make my friends’ lives better, and I began to feel relief.

As I thought how touched people would be when I reach out to them, I found myself smiling, and starting to feel that joy again. I came out of myself, and was caring about others. In my life, I am experiencing knowing why I was sent here: I was sent here to have joy, and to bring joy to others. If I cannot find my joy, I will work on bringing joy to others, and then my joy will find me. Let us all work on being joy-bringers this week, and see what finds us.

Until next week, I love you.

~Lea

Jenn’s Journey

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Happy day to you and thanks for joining our Coffee Hour for some transparent, life-happening, real-time sharing! I have asked Jen to continue with her story as it is reaching a lot of women who have endured and/or are still enduring a relationship with a narcissistic person in hopes that it would bring healing to Jen herself and to all who have some contact with any form of narcissism! She picks up right where she left off last week. :-)

But I have to stay right? For ten years I believed in the ideal of marriage for life. In some ways, I still believe this, though it has tarnished somewhat.

There were enough fun times to keep me hooked. Buying our house and fixing it up was one of those. We got the keys to the house on our third anniversary. I thought we had a great time doing the renovations together, and it was fun to live in our first house as a couple. I had no idea what he really thought but when he left years later, he told me he only worked on the house with me in order to get sex. Furthermore, he said that he had come to view our house as my little museum and he'd always hated it.

Shortly after we bought our house, we bought a fifth wheel. I could hardly wait to decorate the inside of it and go camping! Later, I realized that his excitement over it ended with the purchase. We owned that trailer for seven years and I believe we took it out only five times. The rest of the time it sat in the driveway, though it was a guest room a time or two and that was it. I sold it for $500 when he left since he was not supporting us.

We went on two trips to Hawaii. I had always dreamed of going there with someone I loved so I was ecstatic about it. We genuinely had fun. I was seriously disappointed each time when we got home and things returned to normal.

Normal was not fun. I got home from work before he did most days, and when he got home, he'd greet the cats and head straight to the garage. He rarely asked about my day at work, nor would he share about his. And if I asked, he usually told me I wouldn't understand what he did so it wasn't worth sharing. He told me early on in our marriage that if he was reading, he did not want to be interrupted. I tried to honor that, but he read 80% of the time! If he was not reading he was wearing headphones listening to something on his computer or was out in the garage on his computers. Yes, that is plural for a reason.

Normal was eating alone…if we ate at the table together, he ate as fast as he could and went straight back to what he'd been doing before. In the beginning, I'd ask him to go on walks. If he went he'd either walk fast in front of me, or he'd walk real slow and accuse me of walking too fast to enjoy it. Though he had appeared to get into working out while we were dating, that quickly ended.

I love to cook and bake. Most often he turned up his nose at what I made, so I cooked and baked for others. On more than one occasion he'd come into the kitchen while I was baking something for work and ask why I never made anything for him. Sometimes he'd rave about something I bought, but the next time I had it on hand, he'd let it rot. Normal was trips to see my family alone, or if he happened to join, I had to pacify the pouting.

During these years, I read countless books on marriage and relationships. We went to several counselors, but he'd throw up his hands after a few times saying "It's your problem; you go!" I became more disillusioned and disheartened. Yet, I believed that I could fix it if I just...if only…

 Now, years later, here’s what I am learning: Abusers, controllers and narcissists win victims through the “Idealizing Phase” where they use promises, charm, flattery, sympathy, pity, stories, apologies, attention, generosity, gifts and adoration. Once they've won the person, the “Devaluing Phase” begins with lies, insults, belittling, criticizing, minimizing, silent treatment, guilt and ambiguity.

Now I know the names for it, but back then I was in constant confusion and sadness.

Until next week,

Jenn

Croley’s Corner @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

“Where there are no oxen, the manger is empty, but from the strength of an ox comes an abundant harvest.”  Proverbs 14:4

I’m grateful you could join me for Coffee Hour today. Grab your favorite beverage and journal and let’s get started.

Wow has this week gone by fast! In fact this year is coming quickly to an end and for me I love to reflect. We moved to Yucaipa almost 34 yrs ago from a large rural area and I had no idea what God was up to except I knew He had different plans than I had for myself and my family. And though I couldn’t see His plans in advance, I knew there was something He was going to show me through all this process.

Back then our street ended in a cul-de-sac and our children played for hours in the field next to us. They would come home stinky and sometimes in alarming conditions as kids do exhausted from the hours of playing and creating such fond memories. This playing arena was short lived because within a few years the land was bought and the sight of new homes began to develop. My heart was saddened but as they say “this is progress” but for who?

Day after day we could see the street lined with vehicles always filled with lots of dirt from the many bulldozers to clear the way for the cement trucks to lay a foundation in this phase of building. There were also varied laborers sawing, pounding and pouring, each orchestrating in their own labored ability.  The noise level seemed to grow louder and messier; and our property was littered with lumber and dust. I vacuumed and dusted every day and at times with my schedule it seemed daunting! The houses looked pretty ugly and incomplete, exposing every little thing on the inside. Nothing seemed to look as though it would even come together. Nevertheless this was a necessary process to get to the finished creation.

Sometimes as believers our walk can be much like the process of building a home. Often we must go through a messy period in our lives in which all aspects of it are in disarray and can seem alarming. It certainly can look chaotic and honestly we may even want to throw up our hands and walk away because we can’t see the end results at the beginning. Yet, so often in the mess, we must be reminded of the plans.  Unless this process takes place, we will never see the end or finished results of His power working in us. Romans 8:28. He’s always ready and willing to rebuild and reconstruct our lives when it gets messy, if we allow Him to!

Solomon in his wisdom tells us in Proverbs 14: 4 that it would be impossible to keep oxen in a barn without having to clean up the mess from time to time. It just comes with the territory, but the result of the oxen is an abundant harvest. Labor has its rough, unpleasant side, yet its end is full in profit. God may be allowing a mess in order to ensure a fruitful harvest in your life. Learn from Him so that you might experience the fulfillment of His purposes not only for you but for others as well; even if the process is messy.

Maybe you’re in a place in your life that He’s redesigning some areas and your inner soul can look and feel disarrayed; it may seem unlivable and feel like it’s not a home and, yes, we’re always going to be in need of some repair. But if we are diligent and follow through with the blue print He has specifically designed for us, it’s in that working process we will eventually witness the beauty of completion!

Have great weekend…and keep Him close to your heart.

Love, Deb

Paws for Coffee Hour

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thanks so much for stopping by for our PAWS for Coffee Hour. I just love reading what Jenn pulls out from her life experiences with her four-legged babies. I mean there are so many diamonds we can gain from our dogs! Grab your coffee and yes, even your strand of faith and come on in for a few!

My dog can open doors…… or at least he tries to. I recently had a party.  Logan still acts like a big puppy around new people so I put him in my bathroom.  It is a large bathroom and he sleeps in there at night so I thought he would be comfortable there.  I’m sure that the difference, in his mind, is that at night the door is open and so the closed door became a barrier to conquer.  I am sure, through his acute hearing, he realized that fun was going on without him.  Huskies are known as the Houdini’s of the dog world and I believe it.  He can open his crate mysteriously.  I am sure if I put him in a straight jacket, he would find a way out.  When I let him out after the party was over I noticed something strange about my door handle.  It had teeth marks on it!  I realized that he is smart enough to notice that the handle was the way out.  What he attempted to do took intelligence and determination. 

It is the determination that most struck me.  I have been in situations where I felt barricaded in mentally and emotionally.  While the Lord is my strength, I also know that I need to have the will to move beyond obstacles.  One of the definitions of determination is “a firm or fixed intention to achieve a desired end.”  Jeremiah 29:11 tell us “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” This reminds me that that stuck, pinned in place is not of Him.  It is true that we need to learn from that place but we also must learn how to move past it and not take up residence there.   

The moral of this week’s PAWS for Coffee Hour is: Know that God always provides a way for us to move past closed doors. 

Learning to be more determined,

Jen & Logan

Don’t Chase a Feeling, cont.

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thanks for joining me today for our Coffee Hour! I’m so glad you returned for this series, Don’t Chase a Feeling, which we as women tend to do! Grab your coffee, a journal and your Strand of Faith because it’s my prayer that you will find some reasons to tie some knots in it and learn how to chase a characteristic instead of a feeling!

It’s been said by many a psychologist that feelings aren’t wrong or right; they just are. And I add to that, so don’t let them drive your emotional car…or else you’ll wind up in a wreck! Oh, to learn to chase a characteristic instead of being controlled by a feeling.

So besides chasing the feeling of control and the feeling of happiness, what other feelings do we tend to chase? How about the feeling of being in love? This is actually a God-given need. As a matter of fact, feeling loved and having someone to love is a God-given birthright. This piece is so big that once we understand it, it will bring amazing clarity, color and beauty to your puzzle of life. The easiest route to take is to explore how to chase being loving instead of chasing the feeling of being in love or loved.

Again, as I look back into my old trunk of junk, this was a huge piece that had to be unpacked because I began, from the get-go, to chase the feeling of love, and in all the wrong places! Not only was I looking for it in all the wrong places, but I didn’t have the right understanding of what love was/is!

Did you know that there are actually four types of love?  There’s the love that refers to friends, the love that refers to family and the love that refers to romantic/covenant love. And then there’s His love, what is referred to as agape love. Well, I don’t know about you, but I wanted the first three types of love but because of emotional, physical and sexual abuse, my understanding of love was all messed up. I just know I had to have love and wanted to give love.

The first mention of love in the Bible is found in Genesis and as I looked into the Hebrew definition of it, my pulse raced with excitement. I’m telling you, His basic instructions and love letters to us are found in this amazing book. Anyway, in this verse, God speaks and says, “This is how you can show your love to me…” and the Hebrew definition for that is: “Unfailing love, loyal love, devotion, kindness, often based on a prior relationship, especially a covenant relationship!”

For those of you who do already believe, there’s an amazing knot to tie into your string of faith found within this first definition. The covenant relationship that is spoken of here is the relationship of God and Jesus and us! So because He first loved us, we in turn can share this kind of love with others. We can be His mirrors. But that’s not all. Here is another knot in your string of faith: He considers us friends! We show our love to Him by giving out unfailing and loyal love.

Think about it like this: If you have a BFF, aren’t you protective of them? Do you consider yourself loyal to them? Do you see where that comes from? Because of His unfailing and loyal love in you, you can give it out to others; hence, the chase stops or is reversed because you no longer have to chase the feeling of love for love is within you and you are able to express this type of love which is the characteristic of being loving.

Sounds so simple, huh? We all know it’s not, but here’s something that may make it a bit easier.

I just read something this week in Caroline Barnett’s book: Willing to Walk on Water wherein she was talking about God’s love for us and how much we could accomplish if we really understood His love for us. If His love for us became our motivating factor for all that we attempt, can you imagine how different we would feel, act, live?

Try this little exercise from 1^st Corinthians 13:4-7: Every time you see the word “love,” exchange it for Abba, or God or Jesus, and tell me if that doesn’t sit in your heart a little deeper!

God is patient and kind. Abba is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. He does not demand His own way (He gives us the freedom of choosing His will). He is not irritable or irritated by me, and He keeps no record of being wronged (by me). He does not rejoice about injustice (of any kind, especially those that happen to me) but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. He NEVER gives up, never loses faith, has high hopes for me and endures through every circumstance with me!

Now it’s your turn!

We have so much more to uncover about this feeling of love and the characteristic of loving…

Join me next week for more of this profound subject, chasing being loved, or the characteristic of being loving!

Love,

Evinda

Tuesday’s Trench Lesson

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Welcome to our time today! Have you ever had a rough day and thought you just couldn’t handle another thing? Well, come on in for some transparent sharing; that’s what the journey is all about, being able to share the good and the not-so-good!

You’ve got to be Kidding Me!

I am having a rough morning today my friends! My car has been in the shop for over a month so my whole family is sharing my husband's little Honda car. I am thankful that we have a vehicle that works to get him to work, and get the kids to school; don't get me wrong! I just miss my car. I miss just being able to go about our days without coordinating every single step in everyone's life! But…I received good news yesterday. My car should be ready to come home today. I should be having the best day ever, yet I am not. Let me explain.

I was very tired this morning. I am still recovering from a bad case of bronchitis, and I was running around last night at the high school’s back-to-school night, along with picking my husband up from work afterwards at 10. When I left the house to take the kids to school today, I left in my pajamas, without my phone. This is your first clue that something horrible is about to happen! I dropped off my high school kids; then turned the corner to head over to the elementary school when our faithful little Honda just refused to accelerate…at all. Picture this: Here I am on a busy boulevard, trying to pull to the side of the road with no means of acceleration! I didn't make it all the way, and was about halfway into the lane of traffic. I put my emergency lights on so people could see that I am in trouble, and I look for my phone to call for help.

If you will recall, I left my cell phone sitting comfortably at home today. So, I think to myself, maybe if I turn the car off, then turn it back on, it will just magically work. I am about to say a little prayer when this lady rolls slowly by my car, staring me down, and then lays on her horn, glaring at me the whole way. Well, that was enough to send me bursting into tears wondering what she thought I was doing with my flashers on and in the middle of the street. I must have just wanted to cause a traffic jam to make my day happy! Ha. Then I figured she must be having a pretty bad day herself, and maybe running late to something important.

As I had that thought, I realized that if this had occurred a year ago, I would have been screaming like a mad woman out my window yelling naughty words at her and being in a rage all morning long; but today, it just hurt my feelings, but I was able to show her compassion.

Victory for me! I began to feel better. I tried to restart the car, and it did begin to work. I had to repeat that process two more times to get my “littles” to school and get myself home, but we all made it safely. When I got home, I explained what happened to my husband, and he was calm, and said we will just do our best to figure out what to do next. This is another small victory and for those of you that know my husband, you can attest!

All of this reminded me of a conversation I had with my 15-year-old son, and also a scripture. The scripture is Matthew 11:28-30: “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest unto your souls, for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

I am taking my rest, learning from Him, and leaning on Him. I can’t wait to share with you next week about the conversation with my son which definitely answers the question, why are we here on earth.

Until then,

I love you. ~Lea

Jenn’s Journey

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Good morning! Here's to a beautiful new week! Fall officially begins this week..and I don't know about you but I am ready for it. Grab a pumpkin latte and join me for a few minutes as I share more of my journey.

Last week, I introduced you to some facts about narcissism. I shared that I was married to someone who displayed the signs. I spent many years, both in the marriage and since, trying to understand how I got caught in a relationship like that. While I do not believe it was my fault, per se, I do believe that some of my character difficulties led me to be a prime target for a person like that. Narcissists and pathologically-disordered people look for those they can prey on, so to speak, and who will feed their need for power and adoration; often this is unconsciously!

I share what I have learned about myself in order to help others as well as to be transparent. This is essential for inner healing. I grew up with low self-esteem, and without a strong sense of self.  I believe that the devil capitalized on this by using many people in my life to confirm how I felt. I remember at the age of six, a teacher called me "Jenny." I have always preferred being called "Jenn" and I asked her, nicely, to please call me "Jenn." I have not forgotten the sneer in her voice when she said "I'll call you whatever I feel like calling you." I remember shrinking into myself at that moment with the heat of embarrassment on my face. I learned that standing up for myself meant shame. Later, in my teen years, I had a teacher who regularly called me into his office to make disparaging remarks about my behavior, telling me my mother had asked him to do so. (I later learned this was a lie) One of the things he told me was that my clothing stimulated the boys, and the reason he knew was because he was a boy. Imagine trying to make sense of this at age 13!

Of course, I experienced normal kid things. Mean friends, particularly girls, what felt like horrible rejection from boys, and teenage angst. I often felt alone in these situations, with no real comfort or help in navigating through them. And to top it off, religious teachings of “turn the other cheek,” “think of others as better than yourself,” and throw in a little works-oriented theology, and voila…the uncertain me emerged. Sadly, I also bought into the philosophy of happily ever after marriages, and needing someone to be someone.

In walks the charming person who seems to offer what I've been looking for. Wow! He loves to talk, and writes awesome letters, seems so open and honest. How refreshing! He seems to want to know all about me and what I like…and, oh my word, he likes to work out like I do! Surprise visits from Oregon, with tears on parting after a fun weekend, declarations of love and a huge move to California to be with me. This must be it!

Less than one year after marriage, I was already looking for that person who no longer existed. He no longer enjoyed talking to me; in fact, he tells me he has never liked talking with me and prefers to be left alone. Suddenly, my way with finances is “stupid” and he will have no part of it where before he couldn't sing my praises enough over how well I did with planning and saving. Attempts to stand up for myself resulted in nasty fights…and I got angrier inside. The hurt turned rage simmered constantly, and depression, loneliness, self preservation and defensiveness were now on steroids.

 “Marriage is forever.” “Don't give up on someone.” “Pray harder.” “Honor and respect your husband.” Yet, here was this one I was to honor, love and pray for pointing out my faults and failures. As the years went by, I made a life for myself, of sorts. I had a great group of friends, Bible studies, my church family and my own family. I found joy sometimes while battling the disappointment I lived with at home. I failed often, letting my rage out at him but feeling even smaller inside after. What little sense of self I had began to die. The rage began to show itself more, which led to accusations and feeling small inside. But, I have to stay, right?

Until next week,

Jenn

Croley’s Corner @ Chicklit Power

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Psalm 17:8: “Keep me as the apple of Your eye; Hide me under the shadow of Your wings.”

Did you know you have the right, the authority and power to secure, shut and protect the windows of your soul just as you have the same rights to protect your own home? Grab something cool to drink, your journal and let’s take a look at the things that we should guard. 

Imagine moving into a new home, all your new furnishings are all in place and all your valuables and possessions are finally in order. You stand back; take a big sigh of relief: “Wow what an accomplishment!”

As night begins to settle in you soon discover that in all your busyness you forgot some important items;  you look at the windows and realize there’s an open invitation for all to peek in and you exclaim, “Yikes!” The new coverings over your windows are not up; you feel unguarded and unprotected.

So often in the whirlwind of our lives we can forget to take measures in protecting what is valuable to us. We take for granted that everything is safe when we walk out our doors. Oh what a false sense of security that can be. We voice in the days ahead the need to call for a protection service to come in and wire up the house to add to our protection.

Now if we take this a step further we can apply this as a spiritual lesson of “what and how are we protecting our hearts.” Proverbs 4:23 tells us to “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.”

God is saying to us: Guard, look after, protect your heart, and keep your heart safe in every possible way! It’s obvious that protecting our hearts is very important to God. Jesus tells us we must guard and protect our inner man because it is always under attack! Oh how the enemy LOVES to throw things up in our faces!! Yet we must remind our adversary and his cronies that we are renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created us, new.  Col 3:5-11

So then, how do I guard my heart?” How can I keep my heart with all diligence? How can I guard my heart from being influenced by wrong things? How can I make sure that the issues of life that spring out of my heart are the issues that will bring God's life, into my life? The answer is found in Ephesians 4: 22-24 by replacing negative attitudes with Christ-like positive attitudes, by putting off the old self and putting on the new life of Christ in all of its manifestations; by knowing, believing and practicing these attitudes you will demonstrate that you are more than a conqueror through Jesus who loves you.

Just as we seek out a company to come and protect the valuables in our home regardless of the outward appearance, we want what’s protected, what’s valuable and of interest to us on the inside.  God has given us the ability to protect and guard what is precious in our hearts.  We too should guard God’s word that He has established in us in, in that, so as the enemy cannot steal from us…. and he’s more than eager to do so. By putting on the things of God, you are putting on the presence of God and it is the presence of God that will guard and keep your heart!

Have a great weekend and remember, keep Him close to your heart!

Love, Deb

Paws for Coffee Hour

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Welcome to Coffee Hour!  Glad you could join us!

My husky, Logan, is a terrible watch dog.  It is not a slam against him but a common trait in huskies.  They have a friendly and trusting nature.   If someone were to break into the house he would try to lick them and perhaps lead them straight to my purse.

My golden, on the other hand, is fiercely protective.  It doesn't matter who you are, he will bark and growl until he knows you are safe.  He has a big dog voice and when he feels threatened all the hair along his back bristles.  He resembles a large golden bear.

As I was reading my bible this morning a verse stuck out to me.  1 John 4:17-18, “God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s.” (The Message)

Again, my thoughts turn towards my dogs.  Logan shows love unreservedly, unconditionally.  He doesn't worry.  Worry is a form of fear and the verse goes on to say that “there is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear.” Let us love with abandon not with fear.  Sometimes we forget that our Father is our Great Protector, He banishes fear through His love for us. 

Love,

Jen, Corey & Logan

P.S.

How has an animal or pet brought you happiness?  Has a furry friend done something amazing? 

Please send your stories to cpmnomorebaggage@gmail.com.  We would like to feature these examples of love, comedy or heroic feats in our Wednesday Paws 4 Coffee Hour.  Don’t forget to send photos!

I can’t wait to hear from you!

Chasing the Feeling of Happiness

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thanks for joining me today for our Coffee Hour and more on this topic of chasing a characteristic instead of a feeling. Grab whatever you’re having, your journal and your strand of faith and let’s explore another feeling we tend to chase!

Last week we touched on chasing control; today we will talk about chasing the feeling of happiness! Everyone longs to find happiness and our search for this feeling often blindsides us and takes us to bad places where we spiral toward more bad choices which literally take us away to more bad places until we’re so far away from “happiness,” we wouldn’t recognize it if it came and blew right in our faces. We keep this downward spiraling effect going by convincing ourselves, “If only I was skinnier, then I’d find happiness.” Or, If only I had a boyfriend, then I’d find happiness.” Or, If only I had more money, then I’d find happiness.” I mean, the list goes on and on and on. When you read this, does something come to mind that you think is missing in your own life?

The truth about happiness is it is based upon our circumstances; hence it is equivalent to a “feeling,” something that is neither right nor wrong. Happiness, aka a feeling, is something that waxes and wanes with the wind and just is.

For much of my own life, I was ruled by the desire to capture this feeling. After all, as a young girl, I literally had the rug of happiness literally pulled out from underneath me several times. I could be likened to a little girl chasing a butterfly in a huge open field. I’d come up to it, think I’d captured it within my grasp only to take a peek and see that it was gone! Maybe my mouth would drop open and I’d scratch my head only to dig in my heels and continue the chase! I’m so glad that chase is over!

I’ve learned to chase “being” happy instead of trying to grasp the “feeling” of happiness. Do you see the difference? To chase the characteristic of being happy is actually a state of contentment that no one or no circumstance can take away from you. It won’t be like that butterfly that flies out of your hands the second you open them up to sneak a peek. It is an endless supply within you that keeps pouring out, like a well that never runs dry. 

When we are truly happy within, we are in a state of contentment. Contentment means: abounding and satisfied, which means nothing is missing. If nothing is missing, then there is wholeness, and if there is wholeness, then there is peace. Contentment says, my needs have been or will be met, while happiness only shows up in favorable circumstances. 

This is beyond understanding, unexplainable until you land there. “The one who rests in contentment is not moved by trouble.” We can’t get internal change by seeking external things…..

When we take the X out of external, what do we have? Internal…may you pursue internal contentment and not get caught chasing happiness.

Until next week,

Evinda

Tuesday’s Trench Lesson

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Can You Let Yourself Be Held?

Hello Friends! I hope you are having a terrific Tuesday! I am glad you are back with me today, because I have really been thinking about a topic lately that I would like to share with you. I think this is a day we can really take a look at the trenches, and know if we can jump in there and start doing the work. Sometimes when I think about making a better me, I feel overwhelmed, and think there is not a strong enough shovel to get rid of all my junk. Sometimes I feel like my roots are covered in cement, and I need to rent equipment to break it up before I can even see my dirt!

Our dear, sweet, loving Father in Heaven sent the Holy Spirit down to me this week to help strengthen me. I realize now, that no matter how hard or even downright impossible it seems to improve myself, that it is possible. Yes, it will most likely be painful, but when all is said and done, how free will I feel? I have been thinking of all my friends that I would love to have the courage to get in their trench. Heck, I have some friends that I have been praying that they will even see that they have junk they need to uproot, own, and then throw away!

How can I encourage people to want to be a “better them” when I am such a hot mess? I was trying to discover what the one piece of advice would be to give someone that wants to live a more free happy life. How is it I can prove to you that you can make it through the process of overcoming old wounds and worries? How can you turn your weaknesses into strengths when it is terrifying to think of your life being different?

The answers came to me by song, as it so often does. I so love that I get answers this way, especially from songs that I have heard numerous times.  I hear it just a little bit differently when I am praying for an answer, and poof, there it is. (or “boosh,” there it is, as my son would say)

So I bet you are asking yourself what this magical song is right about now, aren't you! Well, let me tell you. It is a song by Casting Crowns called Just Be Held. On this day where I was praying for my friends, and wanting to be strong and a good example for them, this song plays. The song opens with these words: “Hold it all together, everybody needs you strong.” Okay, this song is talking to me now. I am trying to be strong!

Then the next line is this: “But life hits you out of nowhere and barely leaves you holding on.” Yep, this song is definitely speaking to me. Just about the time I try to be my strongest, I get hit the hardest. Yes, I believe this is by design. I keep telling myself to give up that control. I have been holding on so tight to it for so long, this is still a constant battle. I am sure we will be talking about this for months to come. I know I am making progress though! That is important to me. I am a better me today than I was yesterday.

So, the song continues on to say that when you are tired of fighting there is freedom in letting it go, releasing your tight grip on that control. They sing, “Lay it down and let it go.” And then the beautiful chorus came, telling me, you, that we are not alone, even when we feel like we can't get answers to our prayers in the time that we want them. This line in the middle of the chorus is the one that really just touched my heart, and made me just say WOW: “Your world is not falling apart; it's falling into place.”

When I get in my solitary space and really break into a pity party, I let myself feel like my world is just falling to pieces, and I will never be able to pick them up and put them back together again. In reality, what seems like chaos to us is just a small part of such a big and beautiful plan, that we do not have the perspective to see! But, oh, how I need to be reminded of this on a fairly constant basis! Yes!

 In the song, they sing about where our eyes are focused. If we focus on the storm, and not on the Lord, we will wonder if we are alone, if we are loved, if we will ever find those answers. If we try, with our heart, to keep our eyes toward Heaven, and, as the song title says, “just be held,” we will know He is with us; He loves us, and He will send answers in His time, not ours. So my advice to those out there wanting to have the courage to get into their trench, there it is. Just be held. Let Him hold you, carry you, and get you through your rough times of facing your past, and your undesirable present. Don't just let go of control; accept His hand to scoop you up and hold you tight. Can you let yourself be held?

Until next week, my friends, I love you.

Lea