Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power
Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…
So I just read from my journal of March 5th and the memories came flooding back to me, things I felt in the moments that I now, months later, realize were moments that were adding to the change in me.
We had had an incredibly busy Sunday and I realize that though I was longing to rest on the Sabbath, I lived like I didn’t know the meaning of that word. See, Sundays were the days reserved for going to see Bryden’s daddy. Some Sundays were easier than others and some Sundays, well honestly, it felt like an overwhelming chore. That’s not because I didn’t want to see him but because I felt as though I had so many other things I had to do too: Laundry, grocery shopping, writing for all forms of social media for the following week. I mean, come on, let’s face it; we could all sit down with a piece of paper and fill it up with to-do’s in a blur of a minute. How is a girl to juggle it all?
I didn’t want to act like it was a chore because there was a season where we had to do the exact same thing with my son: visit him every Sunday to encourage him in his journey of sobriety. As a matter of fact, there are many memories that we created and shared on those Sundays with Bryden’s daddy that I will treasure forever and draw upon when I need a smile from the inside out.
But my journal entry reflects that the Sunday that had just passed had been one of those long and exhausting Sundays; however, it also reflects some pretty sweet things, like just how well Bryden did in our world as we did a couple of the things we needed to do before going to see Bryce. These words really stop my breath: “I don’t want there to be that hesitation with him, but I long for connection.”
Wow, God has answered the cry of my heart in that area for sure! I wasn’t quite where I am now as far as fitting into his world more than trying to make him fit into mine. Oh, how I value the process and His divine sovereignty in it.
I just now realized, months later, that He answered that particular cry of my heart that I had echoed for a while at that point the night before. See, he had a very rough night and as I was in my quiet time on Monday morning, I reflected on it but didn’t quite get what I just got: He woke up three times during the night, crying, not just tears but he used one word, just one word: Nana!
I shot up out of bed each and every time, holding him to me, rocking him like only mothers do, kissing his tears away and telling him everything was going to be okay. The first time I asked him if he had a bad dream and he said, “Yeah,” and put his head on my shoulder and sucked in a sob or two. But something else was obvious; he was coming down with another infection of some sort because he sounded awfully congested. When I laid him down, I stayed for a few minutes and rubbed his back until all was calm again. Then I tip-toed back to my bed and it seemed just minutes later, though it had been about an hour, and I heard him cry again. This went on for a total of three times and on the third time I put him in bed with us – to heck with what others say about form of bonding – and he slept the rest of the night.
I was connecting without hesitation! I didn’t realize it then but I do now! Duh!
As I finish the journal entry for that day, I’m writing about listening to the birds singing as he’s sleeping, realizing that I’ll need to keep him home from school and all my stuff on my to-do list has to get set aside. I wrote: “Teach me how to do this, Father, to fit into his world and still make time for mine. Help me seek you in all things, Lord. I am a mess; clean me up!”
Wow, I’m still a mess, but it’s easier to look at now, sort of, than it was back then. How beautiful He makes all things . . .
Join me Wednesday for more of Nana Holds, and tomorrow for more tips and tidbits in our Invitation Tuesday series!
Praising Him for His sovereignty,
Evinda
- Nana Holds!
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