Nana Holds-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me today. I enjoy sharing this time with you. Grab your coffee and come on in. We’re at the dinner table and the dreaded question is about to be asked.

Since Bryce wasn’t there, I got to help Bryden wash his hands before dinner. I picked him up and carried him to the kitchen sink and proceeded to teach him how to wash his hands, really wash his hands. He is such a good little student and to this day, that little boy doesn’t just skim soap on his hands, but he puts his little hands together and goes round and round, on the inside first and then the outside! That was my first smile of the day. We were going to get through this.

Little kids are incredibly intuitive in an uncanny sort of way. Dinner was a little quiet, and we were running low on the physical and emotional energy required to try and get Bryden to eat. It was almost like he could sense he was about to get some bad news and he lost his appetite. After several attempts to get him to eat, finally he just blurted out what he wanted to know all along, probably since the minute he stepped foot in the door: “Where’s my daddy?”
I didn’t gasp or anything, but I did hesitate. I caught George’s eyes and I swear they looked a bit glassy. He couldn’t do it. I spoke up very matter-of-factly: “Daddy’s at a new job so he won’t be home for a while.”

“A new job?” he asked.

“Yup, Daddy’s at a new job, the biggest job of his life.” I held my breath.
He seemed to accept that and finished his dinner while I exhaled my relief. George and I didn’t have much of an appetite so didn’t finish our dinner but cleaned up while Bryden watched a little T.V. He seemed perfectly content and okay with what I had told him and so bath time was fun as usual, and I played with him as if everything were okay, because in my heart of hearts, I had to believe that it would be, one day, some day.

We went downstairs and played hide-N-seek for a few minutes; then we settled him down with a book or two. Then it was time for bed and – sorry, I’m starting to cry as I remember this one – normally he would say, “Daddy holds” just before me putting him to bed but tonight, the first night of many that daddy was not around to hold his son, Bryden said these words for the very first time: “Nana holds!”

Our bond was beginning to form.

Join me Monday for more of Nana Holds.

Evinda

Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour and thanks so much for having coffee with me! Grab your coffee and come on in for more of this transparent series, Nana Holds! We have just a few hours before Bryden gets home and finds out his daddy won’t be coming home.

I think I understand what the term “auto pilot” means now because that’s what it felt like for the rest of the day. I did what I had to do and didn’t even remember doing it. It was like my body was there, but my mind and heart were looking up and waiting for the next instruction.

The funny thing is, through a series of silent instructions, more of the pieces of the painful puzzle of my step-son’s life appeared in the picture, bringing clarity which brought understanding. And though the pain was intense, especially for my husband, understanding went a long way in soothing it.
And while I did look for some eternal value immediately, I must confess I wasn’t happy. In fact, the more reality settled into my head about all the sacrificing required for this situation, the more I resembled Bryden in one of his fits, on my back, kicking and screaming. Oh, was I ever unlearned with it comes to not acting out of control despite my world feeling out of control!

Daddy Holds!

George came home and my heart broke for him. Not only was he in extreme emotional pain, but he was in a tremendous amount of physical pain as well. Stress has a way of doing that, pinching nerves, and manifesting itself in all kinds of hideous ways and by the time he had come home, he could barely move his head to the left because of a pinched nerve!

We had talked several times throughout the day, so he was aware of the many answers to the many unasked questions, but honestly, he was aging before my eyes. I tried to comfort him as best as I could, reminding him that God definitely had intervened in our son’s life, and the only way to go from this point was up, if he chose to do so. I felt in my gut then, and still do now, that God was going to use this tragedy for Bryce’s triumph in a way that only He could.


My hubby wasn’t able to see that right away though, or maybe he could, but it wasn’t at the forefront of his thoughts. No, his heart ached, longing to pull his son out of the murky waters he had put himself in and protect him from the ramifications from his own choices. Oh, did I ever feel his pain and I so wished I could take it  from him, but I have been through this before and I understand that while it is incredibly painful, that this is/was something we were going to have to walk through together and I was truly thankful he didn’t have to go through it alone.

Shortly after George came home, Suzanne brought Bryden home. It’s a blur, exactly what we did first, but I think we just played with him for a little while before dinner. I think I was still sort of on auto pilot. It wasn’t until we were sitting down for dinner that the question finally came, the one I had been anticipating and trying not to dread . . .

Join me tomorrow for more.

Evinda

Nana Holds-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and thanks for joining me for a little break. I’m excited to be back with this series, Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and come on in!

Just to recap, we left off with me transparently sharing about the perception I have of myself as it relates to children, which has been fairly negative, and I hinted that I thought God would be using little Bryden to change that perception. And then I think I closed the last post in this series with a confession: that my attitude was definitely changing for the better, and I was beginning to be more comfortable with this little two-year-old in our home and not look so much like him when he is throwing a fit!

But then something happened that literally changed all of our worlds. On June 8th, we received a phone call that changed our family dynamic, and was, to put it mildly, a family crisis that left our little grandson Bryden without a daddy for an unknown period of time. I remember feeling a sense of relief because I knew that our Father had brought the truth to the light and that though the days ahead would be tough, this was a new beginning for my stepson.

Daddy Holds!

That relief was short-lived because later that day, a terror-like feeling gripped me, nearly choking me as the gravity of the reality hit: George and I were now to be parents to this little two-year-old. As I stood there in the silence, I began to try and think through all that this meant, but I couldn’t wrap my brain around it in that moment. Though I could see some eternally-valued things, I couldn’t hold on to the eternal perspective. It was just too much for me in my flesh.

My world, as I knew it, was coming to an abrupt stop; everything about it required redirection for now it was really no longer all about me and my agenda, “my ministry,” but all about a two-year-old and his little soul. This was going to require more of me and yet less of me at the same time for there was no way I could do this in my own strength.
Finally, I began to think about someone else besides myself: little Bryden. As I anticipated him looking for his daddy.

Later that evening, around dinner time, I fell to my knees, the tears coming from the depth of my soul. “Whatever am I going to tell him when he asks where his daddy is?” This is what I heard:
“Tell him he’s at a new job, the biggest job of his life.”

With a strength that was not in me or of me, I stood and embraced the rest of the day, rehearsing the words given to me while on my knees.

Join me tomorrow for Bryden’s response.

Evinda

Am I A Stone Thrower-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me today for a little break at Coffee Hour! This is our final WOW, Words of Wisdom and Weapons of Warfare for 2012. My eyes are watering as I write this! Where did the year go? It’s almost time for me to reflect on it all with Him and make goals to press on in the journey that I may be more like Him in my words and actions. Oops, enough about me! Grab your coffee and come on in.

This month’s WOW comes from a series I’ve just wrapped up called The Adulterous Woman and our Words of Wisdom come from John 8:7b. Before I get to the actual WOW, allow me to share a truth within the Word which is singing in my heart and ringing in my ears right now. As I reflect on it, I must confess that it has proven to be true over and over in my life.

Have you ever heard of the scripture that says that the Word is sharper than a two-edged sword? Well, let me tell you these words found in our WOW aim straight to the heart and have the power to explode like the most beautiful array of fireworks you have ever seen. And while the sparks may take years to settle down, they will be leaving an impression that will never leave your mind or your heart. See, a two-edged sword is double the power, cutting in while cutting away!

I can’t help but think of several friends who have some different theological beliefs when it comes to Jesus and how to get to heaven and obviously their beliefs are a mixture of their own life’s experiences as well as others’ opinions which helped formed their own. My heart longs to show and share so many scriptures with them, and yet, the best way to do that is to share how they have come alive in my life, cutting into my heart while cutting away the lies I’ve bought into. That’s when you feel as though you could really tie some super-strong knots in your string of faith!

In our society, we tend to judge a book by its cover or point fingers at others’ indiscretions, lifestyles and/or shortcomings, and basically seduce others with our prideful opinions. In the short story of the adulterous woman found in the book of John, Jesus gives us one of the most powerful and shortest lessons about this very subject to the thousands gathered in the Temple. The Pharisees brought this woman straight to Jesus during the Feast to see how He would punish her.

The crowd watched and waited for Jesus to speak, and I’m sure some even held their breath in anticipation, but what happened next was nothing that they expected. I so wish I could have been a fly on the wall or been in the pocket of one of those Pharisees or religious leaders to see their expression at Jesus’ response to their accusations.

Jesus didn’t say anything at first. Instead, in response to their angry and accusatory words, Jesus simply bent down and began to write on the ground with His finger, almost as if He didn’t even hear them, or maybe He was just tuning them out. I can’t help but wonder what He was writing, but let’s stay in the WOW.

When they continued asking Him, He acknowledged them by standing, ever so slowly. He then looked out to the crowd and spoke confidently the shortest lesson ever taught. Here are the fifteen words that definitely act as a two-edged sword: “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.”

We don’t need to know the beginning or the ending of that true story to get what Jesus said to those gathered at the Temple. His message was pointedly clear then and its powerful meaning has not decreased or changed. His message wasn’t limited to those gathered there that day in the Temple, or just for the people of that generation. No, that is why these Words of Wisdom made it into the Bible, for these words have the power to keep the stone out of our hand and prevent our hearts from turning to stone that we may not be stone-throwers but grace-givers.

Not without sin,

Evinda

Power Friday From Chicklit Power

Thanks for joining me for Power Friday @ Chicklit Power. Grab your coffee and come on in.

I was listening to a song called Undone by Mercy Me the other day and the words drew me in so deeply, I had to press replay twice! It starts out: “No apologies for whom I meant to be. The only thing that matters is I am meant to be free. When I am overwhelmed, holding pieces of my heart, when I feel my world start to fall apart, to the Cross I run, holding high my chains undone. Now I am finally free, free to be what I’ve become, undone!”

See, I’m realizing that the more undone from co-dependency I become, the more the walls of conflict seem to rise before me, and one by one, I must take the Father’s hand and allow Him to lead me to them and either through them or up and over them. In the meantime, the chaos that freedom seems to be causing can be incredibly overwhelming, threatening to take my peace but I must press on, ultimately co-dependent with no one but my Heavenly Father, the one who has freed me from the tangled traps that the ropes of co-dependency tie.

Join me in celebrating becoming “Undone.”

Free to be what I’ve become,

Evinda

Dancing with the Butterfly-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me today for a little break. I have a fun story to share with you so grab your coffee and come on in for a bit.

Just a couple of weeks ago, my assistant and I were in Texas at the C.S. Lewis Writers’ retreat and when I got a chance to take a break, we went exploring the sights around the camp in search of nature’s beauty so she could capture it with her camera. Walking up the hill was invigorating and calming at the same time. It was such a peaceful place full of woodsy-type smells, the sound of whispering branches as the wind rustled through them, birds talking off in the distance, and other creatures, too. At one point we even saw a deer saunter across the road and take off in the forest of trees.

Suddenly something sort of whimsical caught my attention, its colors dancing before my eyes, teasing me and taunting me to follow it in flight. It was a beautiful butterfly. As I watched it traverse the air just in front of us, almost as if it was showing off, I was mesmerized. The little beauty pulled me out of my trance when it landed on the ground just in front of us.

I started to move toward it ever so slowly and motioned for Jocelyn to join me so she could capture this beautiful butterfly who had its wings wide open, in all its glory, as if he was showing off. She got one picture but as she crouched down beside me and  got the camera focused, the little bugger shut his wings and then after a pause, took flight again.

We stood and watched it, expecting it to just fly away, but instead, it flew around us and around us and toward us and then away from us and then back toward us. This went on for a couple of minutes and suddenly, in my gut, I realized this butterfly was wanting to dance and if it had a voice, I could only imagine the joyful laughter we may have heard coming from this beautiful creature and the pleas for us to join him for some playful dancing.

I lost count of how many times we danced with the butterfly, stopping when he did, bending down to try and capture him with his wings wide open displaying his colorful splendor and each time we would get just right, and Jocelyn would get ready to click and smack! Wings shut, he would sit there for a pause, probably laughing at us, and then he’d get up and take flight again.

It made me think of the pursuit of happiness, how just when we think we’ve arrived, bam! Here comes heartache, trouble, trials and our happiness takes flight again. And then unannounced, it returns, flittering and fluttering, tempting and teasing us to reach out and grasp at it just one more time because for sure this time we’ll catch it only to have it intercepted with life’s disappointments and troubles.

This happened enough to where we thought we’d never get the shot so we began to walk the way we came and as I turned around, my mouth came open in disbelief; he was following us! At one point he came so close to my face I jerked backwards in my reflexes. We were back in the dance, falling for his tricks when he would land on the ground with his wings wide open only to shut them when we were ready to take a picture.

Suddenly I got an idea and picked up a leaf. I stood up and held my arm straight out with the leaf in between my index finger and my thumb. “Be still and see if he comes,” I told Jocelyn. It wasn’t thirty seconds and suddenly, there he was, perched on the leaf in my hand looking right at me. Happiness bubbled up inside me and I could barely contain myself, but I did. I stayed right there, in the happiness of the moment before he took flight again!

Oh that we would stay in the moments filled with happiness, soaking up the laughter they bring, not worrying about it going away, or about tomorrow for that moment is what we have here and now.

Joyfully,

Evinda
 

The Adulterous Woman-Conclusion! From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thank you for joining me for your coffee break today at Chicklit Power. Grab your coffee and let’s get back to you, me and The Adulterous Woman.
Jesus has just spoken fifteen words that create one of the most important lessons we as Christians desperately need to learn. Basically, He’s beat the prideful Pharisees and religious leaders at their attempt to have Him arrested, but no trickery was involved on His part.

Now, at this point, the adulterous woman is sitting on the ground, “in the midst” the scriptures say and I found this painting of her online that I must share with you that captures her so beautifully.



Though there is nothing in the book of John suggesting that her hand was outstretched, all I have to do is close my eyes and put myself in The Adulterous Woman’s place, and this is exactly what I would do, especially after hearing such words of conviction! I would reach my hand out just like this and I probably wouldn’t be able to keep my conviction quiet, either as I begged for mercy and tears stream down my face!

After Jesus spoke, He stooped back down and the Scriptures go on to confirm that those who heard Him, indeed their conscience convicted them and they left the Temple one by one. No one remained except Jesus and The Adulterous Woman. But wait! How interesting is this? Now she’s standing. Can you imagine the disbelief she stood in, mixed with relief? Something tells me her recognition has fully dawned and she realizes she’s looking at her Savior.

Then Jesus raises Himself back up and said to her: “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?” And she replies, “No one, Lord.” Jesus thereafter voices His forgiveness of her sins and encourages her to go and sin no more.

Wow! All I can say is HE is the only one with that power and authority to forgive the adulterous woman, aka, you and me. Only He has the videotape of my heart and yours, or any other adulterous woman’s for that matter, and He is who we all will answer to. May we learn to be less and less like the Pharisees and more and more like the forgiven adulterous woman clothed now in humility!

Thanks so much for sticking with me in this series. I hope you can join me tomorrow for a new mini-series called Dancing with a Butterfly.

Humbly,

Evinda