Nana Holds-From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me today for a little break. I earnestly hope you enjoyed your CHRISTmas and that you made memories to cherish for years to come. Grab your coffee and come on in.

Something I didn’t mention up until now is the internal struggle I was having about giving up my weekends with my hubby. I mean, I was doing it, but there was definitely a struggle. My social world suddenly shrunk and it was like we were somewhat isolated and while I enjoy isolation I also like to nurture my/our friendships. Marriages are life-sized mirrors and friendships are like mini mirrors that reflect both the good and the not-so-good in us. Anyway, after several weeks of receiving a few invitations to do things and having to decline – I was actually able to laugh a bit about it when I heard myself say “We have to get a babysitter” – we received yet another one from a girlfriend and friend of CPM and she invited us to attend a car show with her and her husband and then back to their house for dinner.

Well, my hubby loves car shows but my first reaction was to decline, yet again. I reminded her and me that we had Bryden now and I was about to enter into my own pity party when her words pulled me out: “Well, bring him. We’ll find something for him to do.”

So that’s what we did and I’ll always treasure her insistence that we get together and her persistence in seeing it through.

We had an amazing time and Bryden was definitely the center of attention and no one seemed to mind! He was absolutely adorable, engaging and endearing.

My two girlfriends and I were outside in Teresa’s little haven she created all within an EZ Up. It was/is so tastefully done with a comfy couch, a couple of chairs, a coffee table, some potted plants and flowers everywhere, soft lighting, and for the background sound effects, she had a garden-sized water fall sculpture. It’s a great place to sit and read, or talk as was our case.

So there we were, in the midst of a passionate conversation about something and here comes

this little man in a toddler’s body with his hand outstretched and wearing an incredible sense of pride as he handed over what had to be the largest rose I’d seen in a long, long, long time! And talk about leaving me speechless! Why in the world and how in the world could he do something so sweet for me? It was something too hard to fathom, though I reveled in the beauty of it for some time that evening, in between the giggles and fits of laughter inspired by Bryden.

Both couples seemed to truly be enjoying him and didn’t act annoyed in the least that we didn’t get a babysitter for him and brought him along. It was an awesome time that evening and for the first time in weeks, I remember thinking, maybe there’s life after all with a two-and-a-half-year-old!

Have an amazing day…

Evinda

Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Welcome to Coffee Hour and thanks so much for having coffee with me! Grab your coffee and come on in for more of this transparent series, Nana Holds! We have just a few hours before Bryden gets home and finds out his daddy won’t be coming home.

I think I understand what the term “auto pilot” means now because that’s what it felt like for the rest of the day. I did what I had to do and didn’t even remember doing it. It was like my body was there, but my mind and heart were looking up and waiting for the next instruction.

The funny thing is, through a series of silent instructions, more of the pieces of the painful puzzle of my step-son’s life appeared in the picture, bringing clarity which brought understanding. And though the pain was intense, especially for my husband, understanding went a long way in soothing it.
And while I did look for some eternal value immediately, I must confess I wasn’t happy. In fact, the more reality settled into my head about all the sacrificing required for this situation, the more I resembled Bryden in one of his fits, on my back, kicking and screaming. Oh, was I ever unlearned with it comes to not acting out of control despite my world feeling out of control!

Daddy Holds!

George came home and my heart broke for him. Not only was he in extreme emotional pain, but he was in a tremendous amount of physical pain as well. Stress has a way of doing that, pinching nerves, and manifesting itself in all kinds of hideous ways and by the time he had come home, he could barely move his head to the left because of a pinched nerve!

We had talked several times throughout the day, so he was aware of the many answers to the many unasked questions, but honestly, he was aging before my eyes. I tried to comfort him as best as I could, reminding him that God definitely had intervened in our son’s life, and the only way to go from this point was up, if he chose to do so. I felt in my gut then, and still do now, that God was going to use this tragedy for Bryce’s triumph in a way that only He could.


My hubby wasn’t able to see that right away though, or maybe he could, but it wasn’t at the forefront of his thoughts. No, his heart ached, longing to pull his son out of the murky waters he had put himself in and protect him from the ramifications from his own choices. Oh, did I ever feel his pain and I so wished I could take it  from him, but I have been through this before and I understand that while it is incredibly painful, that this is/was something we were going to have to walk through together and I was truly thankful he didn’t have to go through it alone.

Shortly after George came home, Suzanne brought Bryden home. It’s a blur, exactly what we did first, but I think we just played with him for a little while before dinner. I think I was still sort of on auto pilot. It wasn’t until we were sitting down for dinner that the question finally came, the one I had been anticipating and trying not to dread . . .

Join me tomorrow for more.

Evinda