Nanna Holds -Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me today for a little break. I enjoy having Coffee Hour with you and sharing this powerful series, Nana Holds. Grab your coffee and come on in.

So as we pull into our garage, his sad little voice pulls me out of my emotional tug-of-war: “We’re home.” Those were the sweetest words I’d heard all day, and they went a long way in soothing my troubled soul and pulling me out of and away from these unfamiliar emotions that were bringing a lot of questions to the surface of my mind. At least he still considered this home, I thought.

Sparky was pretty excited to see little Bryden; but the little princess Baraka, now called Baraka-Evinda, was standing back, still not adjusted to having to share our affections, and therefore, not really a fan of little Bryden , yet. We began to make our way into the laundry room, me behind him, but he didn’t want me to hold him; rather, he wanted to walk in all by himself.

I brought in all of his stuff while he sat on the floor with his blanket and his new book, turning the page once in a while, captivated by the voice of the one he just left, the one he had bonded with as though she were mommy.

I busied myself with putting all his stuff away, the stuff he left with and now more new stuff from his Grandma, Papa, and Tauntie Bre! This child wants for nothing; trust me, at least materially speaking! As I put his clothes away and his new toys, and a new hat, and slippers, too, the emotional wrestling match continued on in my mind and traveled into my heart. On one hand I was so grateful that God had surrounded this little guy with many people who love him so much and I was and continue to be amazed at how resilient he is, though I question how long that will last. And that’s not being pessimistic; just realistic.

I was also grateful that just when we needed it most, there was someone to take him for a couple days, or a week, and extend to us a bit of a break. As I write this, the emotional tug-of-war reveals one rope, the rope of guilt for needing a break. His other grandma always says she would take him to live with her; in fact, she wants that very much and cries every time she leaves him, but she knows that his daddy needs to be able to see him and be daddy to him as much as is possible for his recovery and restoration.

Another huge rope in this emotional tug-of-war is coming to the surface, though I can’t quite make out its purpose, its definition and why it keeps wrapping around my heart and mind causing me anguish, bringing questions to the surface more and more consistently so much so that I know I will one day have to answer them after going deeper with Him!
Join me next week for more of this revealing season of Nana Holds!
Evinda