Power Friday @ Chicklit Power

Thanks for joining me for Power Friday at Chicklit Power! Grab your coffee and come on in for just a few.

This week’s power thought came to me while I was out on a run and sort of doing some inventory of my recent interactions with a couple of people. Suddenly it hit me that this “gift” of words that He’s given me can sometimes be a curse if I don’t use them wisely. The reality of that collided with the truth we’ve all heard forever, “Actions speak louder than words.”

So to bring that little quote up to date, here’s my power thought:

 If I couldn’t speak with words, what would my life be saying?

Have an awesome awe-inspiring weekend,

Evinda

Nana Holds

Happy day to you! Thanks for stopping by for a little coffee break at Chicklit Power. Grab your coffee and come on in for some sweet memories we made while waiting for September 24th, the date that would determine guardianship for little Bryden.

Rewinding the memories, I can’t help but smile as I see them outlined in support, the support of friends and especially CPM family. Bryden became more and more outgoing, that is until something happened and then all of a sudden we would watch him hide. And then, out of nowhere the answer of his hiding would come in that distinct odor. Yup, he was beginning to hide every time he pooped his pants!

Just the reminder makes me break out in another hot flash! I couldn’t believe it; in my 50s and God was calling me to potty-train! Really! Never in a million years did I imagine this is what I would be doing at 50-something! But it was time and so I began to get prayed up; after all, he was two-and-a-half. And despite his daddy’s mom telling me that Bryden’s daddy didn’t train until he was three, and George told me this too, I knew if I was ready, then Bryden would get there, too!
So, if you can imagine, there I was hot-flashing and daring to begin the vicarious roller coaster ride of potty-training. I remember thinking to myself that I so wanted this to be a more positive experience than it was the first and only time I did this with my son. I wanted to experience more highs than lows. I didn’t want to get myself so worked up, so instead I prepared myself emotionally for lots and lots of accidents. I wanted to be patient, patient, patient and equally as loving.

Well, it definitely takes more than good intentions! This child had to be the hardest-headed little two-and-a-half and for a couple days, I felt derailed from my good intentions. See, when he would have an accident, I’d ask him, and he’d say no!
My first reaction was that of old coping mechanisms as I inwardly accused him of lying. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why he would lie. But after a couple of those instances, and a few talks with a couple of friends, understanding settled in as I prayed for a mind of a two-and-a-half-year-old. He was just being two-and-a-half and he didn’t understand it as a lie; he just knew from my tone, my attitude, and my body language that this type of accident wasn’t a good thing. I didn’t want him to feel shame and yet my frustration contradicted that.

I was determined not to let frustration win and for there to be no memories that would scar this little guy! It was in this process that the hint of something incredibly important began to surface, but I couldn’t quite put my grasp on it. The mere hint of it pulled me up and away from old behaviors and familiar frustrations and even though I couldn’t quite tell then what it was I can now, but it’s not the right time to share it in the story.

And Bryden’s daddy was focusing on what he was in Teen Challenge for, and as we sat in our chairs waiting for them to call his name for the first phase graduation, we were convinced of that.
Yes, George and I were experiencing all kinds of redemption, amazed at His sovereignty that makes true redemption possible. Join me Monday for more moments of Nana Holds.

Transformed,

Evinda

Nana Holds

Thanks for joining me today for Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power. I know it can be difficult to stop and take a break and tune it all out, but it’s good to feed your soul so you can keep going and wearing all the hats you wear, girlfriend! Grab your coffee and come on in.

The next memorable thing that happened, albeit not necessarily a good one, is the conversation we had with bio mom’s parents after the court hearing. We boldly stated that they were more than welcome to come and visit Bryden in our home but he would not be going on any overnights with them until the Court determined visitation. We explained that their daughter requested this because of his alcoholism and her mom’s struggle with depression, self-medicating and pot smoking.

Okay. I just heard a little warning signal. Please know I’m not bringing all this out to bash them in any way; Lord knows I’ve had my share of junk that He has helped me unpack and is still unpacking. This is part of the story, and part of what we are up against. When people are in their diseases and bondages, they don’t even know they are! It is what it is and being Bry’s temporary guardians, we need to protect him as much as possible from the baggage so he doesn’t wind up packed in it!

I was the one who got to break the news to them, actually him because he kept blowing up my phone. I remember being very matter-of-fact, and as he verbally bashed his daughter, I reminded him it was their fight, not ours. One of the last things I told him was, I believed God could use this to bring healing to their relationship, to build a bridge that had broken down by all their physical confrontations and verbal beatings that would scar for a lifetime if left inside and not surrendered and forgiven.

Well, that conversation went over about as good as a fart in church! Bio mom was happy but her parents were like bees swarming around someone upsetting their nest. About two weeks later, we were served with papers. They had hired an attorney to gain visitation rights that would be appearing for them at our court hearing on September 24th!

Join me tomorrow for more drama . . .

Smiling inside,

Evinda

Invitation Tuesdays

Thank you for joining me for Coffee Hour at Chicklit Power. I won’t be keeping you long today, just long enough to share a thought on relationships and extend an invitation to you for our next event! Grab your coffee and come on in.

Last week I shared the definition of “revival,” which is “preservation of life, hence, sustenance.” Every relationship needs protection and preservation. Unfortunately, there always seems to be a lack of understanding of ourselves and/or the ones we are in relationship with and that interferes with that preservation. You can never over-understand yourself and/or the person you are trying to care for and about, whether that be your wife/husband, sister/brother, or your child/parent. Each of these relationships requires understanding.

That being said, let me invite you to an event that will be full of answers to tough questions about relationships! I hope you’ll mark your calendar today!



Excited to share with you,

Evinda

Nana Holds

Thanks for joining me today for more of this life-changing series, Nana Holds. At least it’s changing my life and I pray that if there are any other nanas out there entrusted to care for their grandchild or grandchildren that they would be greatly encouraged through these words. Grab your coffee and come on in. We were at our first court appearance but we are not alone.

Though the courthouse is anything but unfamiliar to me, the thought of being on the other side of the bench was not a comforting one. Being in the court-reporting chair and being at counsel’s table before the court is definitely two different experiences! But let me tell you what happens before we get there.

I was trying to think of a name to give Bryden’s mom out of respect for her privacy and the first thing I thought of was BM for biological mom, but I better not do that because it could also stand for something else and that wouldn’t be very nice:)  We’ll just call her bio mom.

She came toward us and was very cordial. She seemed a bit anxious, as we all were, but nothing out of the ordinary.

What was somewhat out of the ordinary is the amenable attitude towards us, considering the situation. I mean, we are literally saying we don’t believe she should get custody of her son so I’m sure you can imagine how awkward it was, or at least could have been.

But she seemed to have sanity wrapped around her, at least for the days surrounding this process, and as the Court questioned her, she responded, and quite confidently, that considering the circumstances, and in light of where she was living — she was staying with her grandma who lives in a seniors only apartment complex and no children are allowed — the best place for her son to be was with us. “However, she said, I do have a declaration I’d like to file in rebuttal.”

I could tell the Court was trying to hide her disregard for bio mom’s ignorance of court rules and procedures as she looked up and matter-of-factly replied, “Then I suggest you get it filed according to the rules of Court before the next court date because I can’t look at it until it is.”

I turned my head to hide my internal smirk that I just know was about to bust outward and then looked back again as the Court declared: “This court awards temporary guardianship of Bryden Lepins to George and Kim Lepins. The next court date to establish permanent guardianship is September 24th. Thank you very much.”

I turned to George and he and I smiled at the irony of the court date. We would be appearing before Her Honor on my husband’s birthday!

Join me Wednesday for more of Nana Holds.

Rejoicing,

Evinda



P.S. Join me and Steve today at www.blogtalkradio.com/Chicklit-Power for more on breaking free from co-dependency!

Power Friday at Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me for our Power Friday at Chicklit Power. Grab your coffee and come on in.

This week’s power thought comes from a real-life situation and as my husband and I listened to the details, I think both our hearts squeezed with sorrow. At first we were hopeful hearing that our friend had received a confession and thereby some sort of validation. I held my breath as our friend relayed the details of what had transpired leading up to the confession and then what happened after. It’s what happened right after the so-called confession that hope went out the window. It became very apparent that the reason for the confession was really for the sake of the one confessing. This is definitely another co-dependent trait, symptom, whatever you want to call it!

Don’t get me wrong; none of us have a camera into this person’s heart, but the person receiving this confession didn’t feel the relief and hope that often a confession can bring.

It really made me stop and think: Why do we confess when we do? Is it because we are genuinely sorry for the wrong/hurt it caused, or because we need to get it off our shoulders so we can feel better? That’s where this power thought comes from.

“A confession coming from Godly sorrow has the power to heal both the offended and the offender, but a self-seeking confession doubles the wound.”

Thoughtfully,

Evinda

Nana Holds

Thank you for stopping by Coffee Hour and taking the time to have coffee with me. I love these little breaks we take and I hope you are enjoying them as well. Grab your coffee and come on in. We left off with a sticky situation.

The sticky piece to the puzzle is she and her parents were not on good speaking terms. In fact, she and her dad are very hostile towards each other and there are definitely a lot of unresolved issues in their history. What she was requesting, and she reiterated it in her un-filed declaration is that she did not want her son visiting overnight with her parents.

That presented a problem for her parents’ visitations with this little innocent guy who loved his other Papa and Grammy, as he called his mommy’s mom. All we had to go on was what she told us and it wasn’t good, but was it trustworthy? The questions began coming at us like a tornado. Was she telling us all these things just to get back at her parents? Which person were we dealing with? And were her parents telling us all they were telling us just to get back at her? In the past, they have been known to tell people what they want to hear!

It was an ugly cycle of he-said/she-said and yet, history had proved much of what her parents said about their only daughter. But I was really wanting to have a fresh start; I was believing that there could be a new start and restoration could be woven all over and through this circumstance.

George and I prayed, and we kept Bry’s other Grandma involved as well. Up to this point she’s the one he had spent more than half of his life with, the one he was still calling mommy! She filed a declaration of all she had witnessed, and let me tell you, it was full of facts, painful and factual truths. I think it was like four pages!

The first court date was to grant temporary guardianship until the court could hear the matter. I remember feeling a bit anxious, wondering who would show up and who wouldn’t. I didn’t have long to wait. After finding our name on the calendar, I turned and there she was, Bryden’s biological mommy, all dressed up in a suit and everything! She actually looked somewhat serious.
Join me Monday for more of Nana Holds and the court’s decision for temporary guardianship.

Rewinding the moments,

Evinda