- Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...
So as I was wrapping up our last coffee hour about Adam and Eve and reiterating that despite the original sin, God still chose to pursue them, the light bulb went off as far as communication/fellowship becoming a sacrifice and how it does become a sacrifice … all because of the first sacrifice on the part of God who desired fellowship/communication with us! Even after the first sin! He desired communication with us so much that He sacrificed His only Son to be our mediator, to keep the fellowship/communication going. [1ST Corinthians 1:9; 9:23]
When I visualize Adam and Eve running … from God, I can’t help but wonder what was going on inside his head? Had he and Eve talked about their sin? One thing is obvious; Adam was definitely inside his head when it came to even thinking about staying in communication with God! This is another thing that interferes with healthy communication.
How many times do we stay inside our heads and think all kinds of things that turn out to actually be so far from the truth that they appear to be from another planet? That is not communication; in fact, staying in our heads hinders communication because we begin to project what’s inside our head out onto the one(s) involved. Oh, how I’ve been guilty of this dancing in my head … also known as mind-chasing!
A lack of communication breaks fellowship while good communication creates unity. So what’s a good example we can talk about? Ah-ha, let’s use marriage, because that is the greatest communicator builder … or destroyer, depending on us!
I know the more my husband and I communicate, the more connected I feel; the less we communicate, the less emotionally connected I feel. Kind of like a cord plugged into the wall, but not plugged in all the way. And we as women, if we’re not feeling connected, the last thing we want to do is plug in … intimately, if you know what I mean. If faith is to Christianity what Google is to the computer, then communication is the glue for any relationship. In fact, when there is healthy and clear communication, it can be like Super Glue; a little dab will do ya! I keep hearing argument and the word ouch, so I’m going to use a simple example to hopefully paint a clear verbal picture to help us get better in/with communication.
So I’ve mentioned my son and his family moved to Austin, Texas last August – yikes, almost a year ago! Anyway, I have overcome my Skype phobia and have become a fan … actually I’m a bigger fan of Google Hangouts – thank you Jennifer! Well, we had set up our Skype time, and so my visit began. If you’ve ever Skyped with someone, you know that it’s a bit like being on another planet. There is this deeeeeeee-laaaaaaay that makes you have to stop and think, what did they just say? And lip reading becomes a new skill, but the fact is, there they are, on the screen and trust me when I say, I kiss the screen when I see my two grandchildren. I get so excited when I see all their faces … hear their voices, so much so that I work thru the blurry screen that tends to distort their images if they don’t have it just right, and the long drawn-out one syllable words because of the web-space the words travel! Anyway, it’s a great experience and it’s getting better with each space visit.
So my daughter-in-love was beside my grandkids and she kept bringing their attention back to the screen and to Nana. They seemed a bit distracted and just about the time I thought we’d be getting into a fun topic to talk about, something would take their focus. It wasn’t until I started asking my son a couple of questions, and my daughter-in-love revealing that he was playing video games on their screen T.V., that I realized why my favorite little ones couldn’t focus. To make that fifteen-minute conversation short, after I gave kisses and lots of love, I hung up and proceeded to process a truth: My son had distracted the kids while I was on the phone with them. Now, to some of you, that may not be a big deal, but to me it was and the more I thought about it, the more irritated I got. So I stopped thinking about it until my quiet time the next morning.
In my quiet time, I realized first of all that my son had stepped on my emotional foot. Why, or how? I am still struggling with them being gone; that’s my issue, not theirs! When I get to talk to them, I want them all in, as much as possible. That’s my need, not theirs! Second of all, he didn’t realize he had stepped on my foot but to avoid hurting our relationship by me keeping it in, I decided I needed to tell him. So I texted him and asked if we could talk later, to which he responded with a time.
Well fifteen minutes before that time, he called – now that was awesome because he’s rarely on time! He’s like his mom in that we push the clock! Anyway, let me repeat the conversation verbatim so you get the picture of when someone steps on your emotional foot, you say ouch and here’s how: “So I need to tell you that you sort of stepped on my foot yesterday and I’d like to explain how because I know you probably aren’t even aware that you did.” My tone was gentle and calm, by the way. VERY IMPORTANT!
“Okaaaaay,” he replied, curiously.
“I look so forward to Skyping with the kids, especially since I still haven’t gotten used to you being in another state.” (I owned my own feeling) I continued. "So when I am talking with them, I don’t want to compete with video games; I want to connect with them as much as possible but when you are playing video games on the big screen T.V. in the same room that we are trying to have a conversation, it’s incredibly distracting for them, and it’s not fair to me.”
I went on to affirm my daughter-in-love’s attempts to bring their focus back to their Nana.
His apology was immediate and I continued:
“So I just wanted to let you know, you stepped on my foot and it hurt, but I know you didn’t mean to.”
“Mom, I am so sorry, and you know what? You are right; I had no idea. But now it’s making sense because I remember hearing Lauren say to the kids, ‘pay attention,’ but I wasn’t paying attention.”
We both giggled.
“And if you hadn’t brought this to my attention, I would have done it again. I didn’t even think about it.”
We talked for a few more minutes and I have to be honest, considering how much we’ve both grown over the last ten years, that conversation that I just replayed for you was the proof of that growth and the reward at the same time. I don’t know who was more relieved and amazed at the way we each handled it, him or me; all I know is the payoff was a heck of a lot more rewarding than if I had just assumed he knew he stepped on my foot and hadn’t owned my own need!
So when someone steps on your emotional foot, step back before you jump forward … and be honest enough to own what’s yours, including feelings more likely than not are inaccurate!
Join us tomorrow for Faith Filled Fridays, and next week, we will put this series on hold so we can do our April WOW, and have Coffee in Cabo!
Love,
Evinda
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