Jenn’s Journey

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Good morning! Welcome to Monday, and my blog for Chicklit Power!  Grab something hot to drink and take a few minutes to join me on my journey.

We've all been subjected to the feeling we somehow don't measure up when we look at the posts on social media.  It's easy to envy people's supposedly perfect lives. Recently, I was told that I look like a Christian woman who has it all together because of the things I share on my page. This comment has haunted me for weeks. I am so far from that! Quotes, Bible verses, thoughts and even pictures that you might find on my page, are all shared because I personally needed the inspiration. Perhaps I was struggling that moment and something spoke to my heart.

I've shared a lot recently about my failed marriage and what I've come to understand about abuse. Sharing in this way was to bring awareness to the ugly truth of abuse…while bringing it out in the open proved to be cathartic for me. It's a little harder to share my own bad habits. But here goes...

Today I was sitting on my bed journaling when all of a sudden my cat pounced on me, digging her claws into my leg. My reaction to the instant pain was anger. It took a minute to calm down, and then it hit me. This is the very same reaction I have to emotional pain, to criticism (constructive or otherwise), when things don't go as planned, and it's a defense mechanism. I've only recently been able to realize that what I am underneath that anger is just plain hurt. Yet, somehow it's easier to lash out than to name the feeling and be vulnerable.

This is something I long to change about myself. I know I've hurt people with angry responses, and I've thrown up walls where they don't need to be.  I've felt guilty and convicted when I read verses concerning the 'quiet and gentle spirit' (1 Peter 3:4) The truth is, I might be a Christian woman, but I am one who regularly recognizes my need for Jesus.

It helps to remember that I can be completely vulnerable to God. When He convicts me of something, it is not with condemnation. He will love me through the process of change!  He says so in Jeremiah 31:3: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness." That is what I am thankful for this week!!!

Until next week, be blessed,

Jenn