Thursday’s Trench Truth

Welcome to Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power and Tam’s Trench Truth with Trench Classes United. I must say, today’s blog is a bit raw…but maybe, just maybe it will touch someone out there who also suffers with chronic health issues. That’s our prayer! Come on in for some heart to heart from John Tam.

I’ve been sick for over two weeks now! These long-term sicknesses can be so hard. Coughing for weeks and weeks brings so much pain to my ribs and abs. Tonight it all kind of came to a head as I had maybe the longest coughing fit of my life. I started feeling as if I was going to pass out. But the pain seemed to keep me in it somehow. 

My coughing literally pulled me out of my bed and had me holding the foot board. When I eventually stopped I ended up sitting on the floor. I leaned my head back against the bed and started thinking. I leaned my head back, exhausted, and the thought came to mind just how complex life can be. Isn't it weird to think about how pain can even have its place?

Sure it is incredibly hard to live with. For years I have dealt with panic attacks as the pain overwhelms me and leaves me feeling trapped like I am in someone else's body. 

It's not as if I think God wants us physically hurting or for that matter, emotionally hurting but I can't help but wonder if even pain can be used by Him. To be honest, for so many years I can see how it has literally destroyed parts of my life and if I am honest maybe even the best parts of who I am. I have literally screamed at God and asked him why he can't help relieve me more. But maybe He is relieving me from a pain that was far worse? I keep asking and telling God that I am already humble enough. I even tell friends and family to please work on their health so that they don't end up like me. I have not been able to find my way out but I must say tonight that it was nice that my pain kept me from falling over and probably bustin' my head open.

Weird to think I thanked God for that tonight...

Yesterday found me begging the VA for a walker. That is so hard for me to ask for that as it was hard just getting on a cane. But my goal with the walker is to alleviate the pain a bit so maybe I can walk further. The further I can walk, the better it will be for my health. I know the "No Pain No Gain" plays into all of this. But I just have to take it in bits and pieces and manage my way through it somehow. I could use your prayers everyone, and so can the many people around the world who live with pain. 

Much love everyone,

~John