Jenn’s Journey

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Happy Monday! How is everyone? I hope you are all well and ready for a new week. Thanks for coming back to meet with me to share a cup of coffee and some thoughts.

Last week I shared how I can look into myself and see a tight ball, a ball encased in darkness, hesitant to let light in for fear the light won't last. A couple days after I wrote that, I was reading a chapter in a book where the author challenges women to understand who Jesus thinks we are. (Men need this too; it's just that this particular book is written for women.) She mentions how the Bible says we are not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought, but that she has never met a woman who thinks highly of herself…in fact, it's most often the opposite.

I may have mentioned this book before; it's called Becoming Myself by Stasi Eldredge. Here is an excerpt from the chapter I was reading: "God names you 'beloved.’ What does beloved mean? It means greatly loved, dear to the heart. It means admired, adored, cherished, darling. Beloved means dear, dear one, dearest, esteemed, favorite, honey. Beloved means YOU. (emphasis mine) It means who you are to Him."

As I read this, I felt my stomach tighten. When this happens, I know it means I need to stop and listen to myself, and figure out what it is I am feeling. This time it hit me like a freight train! That kind of love scares me and I don't believe that I can be loved like that. I am just being honest. I do not know how to relax into it and just trust. This reminded me of something.

My boyfriend and I knew each other when we were kids. He has told me often that he had a crush on me back then, at age ten. When I hear him say this, my first thought is "He must have me confused with someone else." That's rather sad, really.

Wow. I must admit I am still digesting this. I do not know what to do with it, honestly. I know I have sought love and ran away from it at the same time. I know that the key lies in being able to accept what Jesus says about me, failures, weaknesses, bad choices and all. Stasi points out that our eyes need to be on Jesus...and that 'we move toward what we focus on.'

How about you? Can you rest and trust in who He says you are? Or are you like me, still not quite sure you can believe it? Let's pray that our hearts be opened to this kind of love.

Until next week, be blessed,

Jenn