Loving the Unlovable
Step 7
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As I was walking through and writing these steps originally, the first person on my list, my mom, was not getting any easier to love! In fact, there were times that the nicer I got, the more unlovable she became! I was able to recognize that her disease of alcoholism didn’t help the situation any, so I was getting better at detaching without an attitude, separating her disease from her diseased heart.
Oh, friend, if that is anywhere near to your experience as you walk through these steps, please hang in there; don’t give up because whether here or in eternity, His blessings will follow. I don’t want to give too much away, but working through these steps do work if you do the work! Remember, this isn’t a quest for their approval, but for your self-improvement!
Getting back to what actually happened that inspired Step 7, we were having a conversation wherein she began to get very nasty and I actually drew a boundary by asking her not to speak to me that way. She seemed a bit surprised, but we actually ended the conversation on a good note, so I thought we were making progress. WRONG!
In a matter of days, I heard her version of our conversation from each of my two brothers, which was so far from my interpretation you would think we had two different conversations! I was so frustrated that I picked up my broom and flew to the phone. It was as if all the frustration I had ever allowed her to cause me came spilling out and I gave her a “What for” and a “How could you,” and a “Furthermore.” Oh, and this was all on her answering machine! I wonder actually if I would have done the same thing if she actually answered.
When the voice mail came on, I assumed it was because she didn’t want to talk to me. I imagined her stewing on her end and I was flying around on mine! I was completely fed up with her not accepting any responsibility for her ugliness that I thought, I’ll fix her; I’m going to pop that delusional balloon of hers!
As soon as I hung up the phone, I found out how wrong I was. I felt worse instead of better. Waves of conviction came rushing at me as if part of a stormy sea. To make me feel worse, which I didn’t think was possible in that moment, Step 4 came back to bite me in the butt and the picture I saw staring back at me was HER!!!! Yikes!
Within minutes, I’m pondering how to eat my words and apologize for losing it. After all, she is the mother and I am the daughter. I shouldn’t have resorted to my old habit of defending myself and I should have considered the source to help me detach. That’s when Step 7 came to life: Let go and let God. If any one of your people is not moving on up and off your list, review each step in loving the unlovable and if you can honestly say you’ve been practicing those steps, then consider the source and let go; let God!
Look at the phrase, “let go,” and ask yourself, when I think of this person, am I holding on to bitterness, resentment, anger? It’s time to let go. For some of us, we may need to repeat this step often. So again, consider what it is that you are holding on to about this person and let go; let God.
Letting go,
Evinda
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