Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power: Loving the Unlovable

Loving the Unlovable-Step 8

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power...

Thank you for coming to Coffee Hour today. I am blessed beyond comprehension sometimes when I sit and think about all this series means to me personally and to the ministry. I truly thank Him for providing this platform to share and learn together ways to extend grace to those unlovable people in our lives. Grab your coffee and come on in.

Before we move to Step 8, I wanted to share with you that I did write my mom that letter of apology for my disrespectful attitude. I made an emotional deposit by practicing Step 7, and I admitted to her in that letter that I needed to get better at accepting her for who she is. It was a huge bite of humble pie to swallow, but I must admit, the aftertaste and effects have been so good to my heart!

I don’t know about you, but I am definitely ready for Step 8, which is simple: Review, Remind and Rewind! It’s time to go back through the steps and make sure we’re not missing anything. For those of us who have more than one person on our list, we get more practice and we can actually multi-task as we go to the next person on our list; therefore, it will be a review for the first person on our list. I hope that was clearer than mud! :)

So let’s review, remind and rewind: Make a list. Keep in mind that the list continues to change as people come in and out of your life. At the time I wrote this series, I felt as though my top two were fairly stationary so this review was extra powerful for me.

For each one on the list, write three adjectives that best describe why that person is difficult and/or unlovable, in your opinion. At this point in these steps, I still had no clue how infected I was with what I term the relationship infection, aka as co-dependency. I think that revelation makes this step even more valuable as it reveals that for years, in trying to have a relationship with her, my focus was on her attitudes and actions instead of my own. Don’t stunt your own

growth by not completing this step; it reveals so much. But remember, only do it for one person at a time!

Share your list with someone you trust and respect. If you are having trouble finding someone, look up! He’d love to be your accountability partner.

Now go back to that first person on your list and look at the three adjectives. Ask yourself: “Have I ever been ____________ or ______________ or _______________? Do you see you staring back at
you when you fill in these blanks and think of your unlovable? Do you believe      My mom whom
that that person is even more unlovable when you’re acting just like them?            I learned to love
Oh, this truth shines as brightly today in my heart as it did all those years ago       with all my heart!
when I wrote this series! Remember, these adjectives we believe describe our
unlovable people are actually symptoms of something deeper, usually something
we can’t see.

Send her, or him, a card with some sort of positive message, with NO expectations. Your gesture will begin the planting process. When you plant a garden, you don’t stand there nonstop and wait for the seeds to grow, right? (At least I hope not!  ) Do go back and water the seed, though, by sending another card, a text message or even a Facebook message. We have so many tools available to us today to put a smile in someone’s day!

Detach from the unlovable . . . without attitude! Separate those adjectives you used to describe them and picture them without those! In other words, in my situation, I had to separate alcoholism, the disease, from my mom, the diseased. Do you realize that Jesus separates our sin from us? When we accept Him into our hearts and lives, and continue to seek Him for that grace, He sees us without our junk! Be sure that you don’t just shut down emotionally when you detach! Keep your whole self in!

Let go and let God. If you are hanging on to anger, frustration or any other negative emotion that rises to the forefront of your mind and heart when you think of this person, let it go. Ask God to take it. Then, and only then, will you be free and able to accept them for who they are. Remember, respect is letting someone be who they are! Accept the truth that it won’t be you who changes them. When we let go and let God, we begin to change.

Did you know that part of our self-worth comes from how we love the unlovable? Remember, the journey is every bit as important as the destination!

That was a lot to think about, and most likely very noteworthy. Spend some time journaling the journey . . .


Evinda