Foster’s Faith-filled Friday

Welcome to Foster’s Faith-filled Friday. I’m so humbled and excited to have Breanna on our blog team. Today’s blog is so transparent, heartfelt and if you’ve ever lost a loved one, well, grab your tissues…this one’s for you!

I miss my dad.

The grieving of my dad’s passing has its ebbs and flows. Most days I'm coping well but some days I'm completely lost. Today was one of those lost days. 

On the way to work, my car began to display some serious issues beginning with a loud and frightening noise. When I pulled over and got out, I discovered that my wheel well was hanging down and dragging against the road while I was driving. Scary! Scary! Scary!

The first thought that came to my head was "Call your dad. he'll know what to do," and reality hits me like a ton of bricks, I don't have that option anymore. I don't get to call my daddy when I'm scared and don't know what to do! In that moment, I lost it; I cried and cried for him. I needed my dad in that moment so desperately; my heart couldn't bare the pain. I could feel him; I knew he was watching over me. I couldn’t see him, but he was occupying space. There was no question, and again I spoke to him.

How many times had he seen me cry in such pain? How would I ever learn to cope with things life throws at me without my daddy to save the day? The tears came so powerfully I bent down and braced myself against the steering wheel. I watched my tears fall below me, and the pattern they made on my jeans, pulling me out of the hole I was falling into.

I was able to compose myself and told him I loved him, and continued driving to work.

Most of the time I go on as if nothing happened, because I don’t know what else to do, and if you ask me how I am, which many people who care about me do, I would say “ok,” because it seems that way at the time. But things have started cracking. I drive to the bottom of my street and can’t remember if I need to go right or left. I have no idea why I’m here or where I’m going.  I felt so emotionally drained.

When I got home after work, I crawled straight into bed. My spirit was grieving. As soon as my soul was still, I remembered, I'm not alone! The Lord is covering me with his love. He sees my pain and He comforts me.

Ecclesiastes3:1-4 – To everything there is a season, a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal, a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

I remember one thing my pastor told me, "It will always be hard. But it won't always be crushing."

This was a moment I broke down and now I need to build up. I need to continue pushing forward knowing I'm so loved and I have two dads in heaven waiting for me and that brings me so much peace.

The loss of a loved one can be extremely difficult, but we also know that our grief is temporary, limited to this life. In heaven we will no longer experience the sadness associated with lost loved ones. For now, I will let that thought hold me, take me into a deep sleep.

Breanna