Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

It’s a beautiful day and a great time for a coffee break! Grab your coffee and come on in and let me share some poignant realizations that this season of Nana Holds is revealing.
As I rewind this part of the movie of my life, I see some changes, and though they’ve been almost unbearably slow, at least I am able to see them despite all that I am still working through.
In the beginning, when his daddy brought Bryden to live with us, he looked at me as though I were an alien. It’s as if his little child-sized intuition kicked into overdrive and announced to him that I wasn’t so kid-friendly, especially in a living situation.
Now, don’t get me wrong; it’s not that I don’t like kids; I do, but I think I’ve always kept them at a distance, albeit subconsciously, but there definitely seems to be some sort of wall that divides the child in me from other children. I don’t know if the foundation of this wall began to erect after my childhood experiences. Who and what is the builder of this internal silent wall? All I know is it is there, but something tells me that Bryden is going to hurdle that wall and tear it down.

As I confess this, another truth comes to the surface, and that is, this wall doesn’t erect with all children; it only appears with the children in my inner world, like all of my grandchildren, and even with the little ones of my closest friends. It’s not that I turn into some monster; I really don’t. And I’m certainly not saying that I don’t love them with everything I can, because I do and I am. It’s just there, this indescribable something that prevents – I can’t even put my finger on what it prevents, or at least I wasn’t able to in the first few months of this season that we have been talking about.
I’m sharing this with you now because something tells me these realizations are going to be significant in this season of Him entwining the little life of Bryden so tightly into ours, and as He does that, He will change the perception I have of myself as it relates to kids.

If I had to describe another change I see, I’d have to do so like this: For many months, instead of being on my knees in total surrender, picture me on my back with my feet in the air, kicking and screaming like a petulant toddler! See, I didn’t want to be a mommy again; been there, done that, got the hat, mug, T-shirt, bathrobe and slippers. Don’t want to do it again! The kicking and screaming magnified as though on steroids when his daddy made a few more bad choices that changed life for everyone, but that’s for later on in this series.

Now I see someone more surrendered to this season, letting go of most of my resentments as well as my agenda and trading all that for His will. Notice I said “most” of my resentments. Again, I transparently share from my heart so as it changes, He will be given all the glory!
There is so much more to share in this series, but we are going to put Nana Holds on hold for a while, that is until after our next event because there are many significant aspects of this circumstance that I will be sharing in our Living Outside our Circumstances workshop! Join me Monday for a new series called The Adulterous Woman!
Transforming,
Evinda