Evinda Lepins

June 10th, 2013

Nana Holds From Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

Thanks so much for joining me today for a little break from it all and some life-changing revelations, moments that now take my breath away. Grab your coffee and come on in.
The New Year started off somewhat quietly – though it’s rarely really quiet with our vivacious

Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power

and engaging little guy around, and his gift of resilience continued to amaze me. However quiet it began, it was not without the need for prayer.
As I look back in my journal to recall exactly where I was at emotionally and spiritually, humility embraces me. I see a partially-divided heart, almost as if in pieces. In just a small section was awe-inspired contentment brought about by all He had brought us through up to that point and how He was using this special little boy to unpack other pieces of emotional junk I didn’t even know existed.
Comparing now to then is like taking an aerial photograph of what I see. What I am able to see now is that there was a struggle still going on within a large part of my heart with various ropes in varying sizes still holding me captive while pulling on all sorts of my emotions.
Resentment was still tugging on me, especially every time I thought of the future. I often wondered when I’d get my life back, oblivious of the truth: that my life as I knew it was gone and God was replacing it with abundant life free from all the dysfunctional chains that hindered me in all of my relationships.

Bry with his hero, his daddy!

Sadness and bitterness entwined and often threatened to pull me into depression as I watched my husband growing older every day. Don’t get me wrong; we all are doing that but his aging was visible from the inside out. He was no longer singing worship songs in the shower and I yearned to hear him sing in his joyful unabashed way as if no one was listening because he would sing to the Lord. The other sign of his internal struggle was his heavy steps. I remember one morning listening to him walk across the bathroom tiled floor. My heart cried as I could literally hear the heaviness with which he walked. Yes his heavy steps were a witness of a heavy heart. I remember the pain I felt as cried out to God these words: “Oh that my husband’s steps wouldn’t be so heavy anymore. Cause him to dance with joy again.”
You might be wondering why I’m sharing all of this with you. It’s because all of this is part of the story. Just as the Old Testament points us to the need for a savior, the pain and suffering of a situation do the same thing. You cannot have the new without living through the old. I am convinced that looking back can be a beautiful thing as long as we don’t fall back!
Spend some time thinking about these questions: Do you believe that looking back is important? Why or why not?
Join me tomorrow for more of this true-to-life story of redemption.
Evinda

Nana Holds!

Jon Steve and me for Blog Talk Radio at 1:00 Pacific time. We are breaking free from that relationship infection: Co-dependency! Want to know how, why? Join us!

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