It’s great to share another Coffee Hour with you and more of this season which is definitely changing as I write this for you. Wow, I can’t wait to bring you up to where we actually are. Talk about a wild ride! Grab your coffee and come on in. We are still talking about a few ropes I found myself tangled in within my marriage!
The rope of victim, which I thought was long gone, reared its ugly head in my attitude as I all too often focused on how hard the task of raising a little one truly is more than the rewards of it. Again the cry of my heart was for Him who would lighten my heart, exchange my will for His and continue to transform my heart.
Another rope pulling on my heartstrings was that of weariness. I was consistently continuing to tell myself how tough this season was/is. Our brain only knows what we tell it and I’ll never forget when the light turned on and my complaining turned off, but that’s for me to share a different day.
These ropes and others were definitely thinning by this time, but they were still vying for my emotions, trying to trip me up and hold me captive in co-dependency, my innate tendency to rely on others for my happiness, especially my husband. It’s not easy admitting this, let alone writing this, but oh, how thankful I am that my Redeemer lives and that He’s never done painting on my life’s canvas.
So was it any wonder that I was looking forward, albeit tentatively, to a getaway with my husband? After receiving that phone call, and holding on to each other in our pain, I asked him what he wanted to do, if he wanted to leave. I was so uncomfortable with the thought of Bryce and Jene' and Bryden heading back to our home, all by themselves, as if nothing had happened; it just wasn’t sitting too well in my head and certainly nowhere near my heart. But the other problem was we were concerned for Bryce’s emotional well-being. Once the reality set in of all the possibilities that could take place and how they would, each and any one of them, change his life, we knew he would need some support.
On one hand I knew this situation required grace, but on the other, I was struggling with how do I do life with him in my home? I wanted to know that he was sorry and he would never do this again. Oh, how I wish he could guarantee that he would think of all involved before he made choices that affected us all. I looked at George, questions pouring out of my eyes that I didn’t dare ask but I knew we needed to handle the situation of where he was to go while we were hundreds of miles away.
He calls her Ja, Ja, Jene'!
I shared that with George and he called Jene’s dad, and they both agreed that Bryce should come there and not be alone. That being handled, I remember looking at my husband, smiling in a sort of bewildered kind of way and verbally reminding him of the promise I had made just three hours earlier, that I was going to look at all God was doing in and through this season with this amazing little boy , keep my eyes on Him instead of the difficulties that came with it. I hugged him to me and reminded him and myself that Bryce’s choice did not knock God off of His throne; that in His strength, we would get through whatever this new situation brought. And with that, we went back into the seminar, sort of in a daze, willing ourselves to enjoy the moments and leave the urgency at home where it would be waiting when we returned. And as we did, something strange knocked on my heart . . . I was missing Bryden, really missing him!
Join me Monday for more and have an amazing weekend!
Evinda
- Nana Holds!
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