Nana Holds from Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power
Coffee Hour @ Chicklit Power…
Thank you for joining me today for a little coffee break and more of this true life-changing story, Nana Holds, a season of change from the inside out! Grab your coffee and join us for our trip home from Vegas.
As the weekend progressed, so did my anxiety and I remember experiencing a sort of level ride the rest of the weekend, though there were times of emotional loop-de-loops and utter hopelessness, only to come back to center and remind ourselves that God was in control. We truly had no idea how to proceed and so by the time we got ready to drive home, my emotions plummeted. My fears were screaming and my faith was whispering but I couldn’t hear much of the whispers!
The closer we got to home, the more anxious I became. There was something feeding that anxiety, though, besides memories from the not too distant past and how we came to this season; and though the beauty by now had far out-weighed the pain, I didn’t want to repeat history. So is it any wonder that my husband’s indecisiveness about just how to handle the situation just about did me in.
I know now that I wasn’t making it any easier for him. I was blinded by my fears and my need for him to assure me he would handle it with me in mind, even though I had no idea what that looked like either! But here’s what I hadn’t learned yet: To let him handle it in the way he thought was best, and if he made a mistake, to still be gentle and kind and forgiving, trusting that he had OUR best interest in mind. In other words, I had to give him room to make mistakes and not smother him with my fears.
As I write that, I just want to puke because this has got to be the toughest lesson I’ve had to learn in marriage, especially considering the control-addict that I used to be. But I’ll stay on track here.
Honestly, at this point, I let my fears overwhelm me like an ocean wave with an undertow. I went under and by the time we were halfway home, I was dying for air, dying to know what he was going to do, dying to know he would protect me, us, but the crazy thing was, I had no idea what that looked like. How in the world could I ask him to do something I didn’t even know how to do?
So I don’t mean to leave you utterly exasperated, which is where I was at this point, but join me Wednesday for more as we trudge through yet another uphill climb in this season of Nana Holds.
Evinda
Nana Holds!
P.S. Join Steve and me for our Blog Talk Radio show on Breaking free from and understanding the faces of co-dependency. www.blogtalkradio.com/Chicklit-Power and we’ll pick up Wednesday with a little bit more of the eternal struggle that will help us so rejoice in the victories that followed.
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